A
female
age
51-59,
*evazoe31
writes:Hi I'm a fourth eight year old woman with two marriages behind me.I am currently living with a man who's six years younger who has also came out of a marriage 5years ago but through his years being single or married he watched a lot of hard-core porn.I didn't discover this until I was 3 months into the relationship,I was very angry.When we both go down town together he looks at every woman.I started losing weight to make myself look good but it didn't change his ways I feel very insecure I don't no were to go with this problem. please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): Life is too short to stay with someone who makes you feel insecure. Let me guess, he says "all men do it". Well, there's a little thing called self control. Especially in front of your significant other, no matter which gender you are, it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to ogle at other people. A glance is one thing, he has the choice to turn away.
There are men out there who don't do this, trust me. I am a 26 year old woman who is married to one. I don't know if he looks when I'm not around, but he certainly doesn't do it in front of me.
A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Yep, talk to him first and find out what is going on. I personally think porn has got a lot to do with this, so thank you for mentioning it. This has to do with objectification and my husband had this problem, or indeed WE had this problem in our relationship. I persevered because in every other sense, he is PERFECT for me. He used to swing round to look if he heard high heels, despite whether the lady was good looking or not. He actually said "it might be someTHING" interesting, not someONE but someTHING. Porn had totally taught him to objectify women, so they were no longer a person, but a walking pair of tits and arse. He recognises it now but it has taken him years. If he hadn't of changed, I wouldn't be with him because quite frankly it is CRASS behaviour. I posted before about this very subject in which Psychology Today had said that for any man to do this in front of his partner, shows a complete lack of respect. Don't put up with this shoddy behaviour, it will eat away at your soul if you do. Make him aware of his behaviour, tell him not to do it in front of you otherwise there will be consequences, ie, you will LEAVE him. Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Stop going out with him. He's got a wandering eye, this will not change no matter how you look. Because it's not about you. Its him and who he is. Can't stand it? Then don't! Just stop going out with him or spending time with him when there will be other women around, OR, exit the relationship. Why settle? You came out of marriages that didn't work, so why stay in a relationship where you are unhappy?
Better to be single, than to be with the wrong man.
Or, if he's otherwise an amazing guy who's the dream man, then see if you can't look past this and let him have his flaws without it affecting your relationship.
BTW, what does his porn have to do with this? I don't see the connection, but sounds like there's several things about him you don't like, which makes me wonder if he's actually worth the bother.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (14 October 2014):
You don't say whether you have talked to him about it... That'd be a good place to start.
If you have, well... You'll probably have to accept that the guy you're with is flawed and learn to accept it.
As you found out when you list weight, it's less about you than his lack of sensitivity.
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