A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am friends with a guy with whom I have a strong attraction. He feels the same but the problem is that he is already in a relationship for more than 7 years. He confesses that sometimes he gets bored and needs something new in his life now and then... and yet he says that he loves his girlfriend although he has no intentions of getting married to her. Apparently they rarely argue as he says that she is a very quite girl.. and feels comfortable 'enough' with her. He tells me that I am the first female friend that he was ever this close, as he feels comfortable to talk with me about any subject. The problem is here: there is a strong sexual / emotional attraction between us, as we both love the thrill of excitement, and he wants to be a close friend with 'benefits'. I clearly said no for obvious reasons.. however it seems that he is not able to remain just close friends without having the temptation to flirt into sexual conversations. He says that he think of me frequently it is impossible for him to not indulge into such conversations sometimes. Why does he stay in his relationship if he is not fully satisfied? He thinks that it is normal for him to feel this way after so many years with the same person.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 October 2014):
 Block him, delete his number.
He was hoping you liked him "enough" that he could MANIPULATE you into a FWB thing. Because he CAN NOT really have a "relationship" with you, while he is still with his GF - at least you seem smart enough to see the bigger picture.
The guy is an asshat who sees women as there for HIS sexual and emotional pleasure and need/wants.
I feel bad for his GF, I hope she wakes up and smells the coffee. No one deserves a guy like that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses and opinions. He has asked me for a date several times but in secret. At the back of my mind I always knew that he is not the type of man who is faithful and good for me. However I remained friends with him as he is a good companion for a laugh and a moment's thrill..
However I realized that we were getting closer than I really wanted to in the beginning. I now understand that he is quite confused as he says that 'we' have a bond with each other and that it is not just sexual excitement.
In any case I feel that I am better off without him entirely, as online conversations can get me closer to him. I told him clearly what I want and told him to stay away from my life as I want a stable relationship and not the one that he is seeking.
I agree with you all, however sometimes when we are involved in strong physical / emotional attraction it is easy to be blinded and fall a bit short of good reasoning.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014): Thank you all for your responses and opinions. He has asked me several times for dating. He wants to date me ... in secret. I honestly could not understand how he can be so daring with other women and yet he was shocked when I told him that I would tell his girlfriend if he continues to 'disturb' my peace in this way.
He does not take no for an answer apparently and now I am starting to really dislike him.. and it is best to not talk to him anymore. Sometimes although we know what is right and what is wrong for us, we might just be 'blinded' for the time being by the strong attraction that we feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014): My advice is to end it with him. He is a cheater/cake eater and he has told you he wants to use your for sex. He's also using his gf, 7 years, but he won't marry her. Stop wasting time on him, he isn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 October 2014):
 Oh he is fully satisfied. He can get the best of both worlds, he can have his cake and eat it too.
For having lasted 7 years , they must have some basic compatibility, and have developped a mutual attachmenet and affection. She is quiet and undemanding, and obviously he does not need to be to cautious if he also wants some short term distraction.
Basically what he is saying it's that he cares about this woman, but he gets a bit bored some times. Occasionally he misses passion, lust, novelty, entertainment, the thrill of the chase, being naughty , variety, whatnot. And he can get that, because his gf does not know or she knows and turns a blind eye. And because apparently he can find women who are eager to provide entertainment then to be discarded when he has enough.
Anyway, as Honeypie suggests, surely he will have his own motivations, and I am not sure you have to worry about them. What about YOUR motivations ? What 's in it for you ? Do you get something out of such an arrangement of sexual conversations ?....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 October 2014):
 Because he is satisfied enough, like he told you. But let me make a few things clear to you: he is NOT your friend. He wants to use you for sex. Use him for an ego boost, if you want, but do not be naive. He is not your friend. Also, he is a cheater. The "problem" is not that he is in a relationship. The "problem" is that he is a cheater. Cheaters are cowards who betray and use and only think of themselves. If he was not a cheater, and had genuine feelings for you, he would have simply left this girlfriend. Easy enough. But hes not a genuine guy, he is a cheater, and this is how cheaters behave.. They have a steady girlfriend to fall back on when they cant bang whatever other girl stupid enough to get involved with them.
For your own sake and dignity, do stay away from this cheater. If he can fuck other girls after 7 years with his girlfriend, are you really so naive you think he isnt lying to you as well about this "close friendship"?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 October 2014):
He is staying because he gets something OUT of that relationship. Either a sense of security (financially, sexually and/or emotionally) or familiarity. He's been with her so long she feel like an extension of himself.
By making friends with you and suggesting FWB he is telling YOU with his ACTIONS that he doesn't see you as someone he could date. JUST like he has been telling you with words, that his GF isn't someone he could marry.
YOU have a choice here, if you want a BF/fiance/husband - this guy isn't it for you.
He might use you for sex and conversations, but nothing further.
WHY are YOU so worried about HIS motivations instead of your own?
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