A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, on my birthday my boyfriend (of about 9 months) bought me chocolates, along with taking me out for dinner and dessert. I enjoyed it, afterwards we spent some time together on the beach and I acknowledge he did spend a fair amount of money on me... but I can't help but feel a little hurt. I went to the effort to buy him something he would really like for his birthday, along with taking him to dinner and the movies.I feel like a box of chocolates was very last minute. I know he's bad with gifts, he often doesn't buy anything for his brothers birthdays. He sometimes will spoil me with flowers and chocolates, which I love! But I have never gotten a gift from him which I can keep, which makes me a little sad. How should I handle this? I don't want to seem ungrateful, because I appreciate him and what he does. Am I expecting too much? Should I hint that I would love to have a piece of jewelry to think of him with? Please help! Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2014): I had the same issue with one of my boyfriends. I don't know whether he was cheap or simply bad with gifts, but gifts he gave me were just ridiculous. Once he gave me Godiva chocolates, the tiniest box there is (4 pieces), some hideous pink tank top with rhinestones, I never wore anything even close to it, and a rubber massager for $5 for Christmas. I had to return to him the pink thingy because I felt bad that he just wasted money on it, and I wood never wear it. The rest I ate and rubber thingy never used. When it happened several times I just stopped buying expensive presents for him also. Nice colone was replaced with a 20$ t- shirt. But you know what he didn't care. He was always appreciative no matter what I gave him. And everyone were happy. I kept on secretly laughing about his presents and stopped spending lots of money on a present for him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 October 2014):
 I understand you want something permanent but I do not think the only option is Jewelery. In fact, I think Jewelery this early in the relationship (other than some good costume jewelery that is not a ring) would be a bit much as you are not dating even a year yet.
Are there other things he could give you that would be a token... perhaps a cute coffee mug that expresses how he feels..
or a game you two could play together...
and by all means letting him know you want something that lasts to remind you of him is perfectly fine...
I am a terrible gift giver and love when folks tell me what they want. I often will send my husband links to my amazon wish list too..
speaking your mind is critical in a relationship... but I think your hesitation to say something may be a subtle feeling that asking for jewelery is not quite right...l and I agree... but asking for something permanent and non-fattening is fine.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (30 October 2014):
 If your wish is to keep a sentimental token from him, then why not suggest exchanging gifts this Christmas and tell him the theme of the gift must be something you can carry around with you.Guys can't read our minds and are often not as attentive as girls are. They will try to 'surprise' you with something they think will make you happy, whether they succeed or not is another story lol! I've learnt that whether what he plans actually makes me happy or not, I need to remind myself the effort he put into it.I'm in my late late 20's and believe me when I tell you I was not happy when my boyfriend sent a live, singing, dancing Hello Kitty to greet me while we were having a drink at a Boba Milk Tea place! It was a man in a Hello Kitty costume singing in a high pitched voice! I was definitely not as happy as he imagined I'd be! But when he told me the hours he spent planning it, I was touched!Best of luck to you!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2014): I don't think its ungrateful to feel the way you do. You can't help but feel disappointed if you feel like you put more effort into your birthday gifts than him. You can't change anything about the gifts now however -try not to dwell on it too much like you said his bad at gifts just remind your self his trying and as long as his trying that means he cares which is what really is important here. If you want something more of a keep sake let him know. It's ok to actually talk to him... Just tell him that for Christmas or your next birthday ect you'd really like something you could keep from him -something special. You can then go on to ask if there is anything he really wants from you. Your still just getting the hang of being with each other and learning each other's expectations so just help him out a little to get it right as I'm sure he'd like to make you feel happy on your birthday not disappointed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2014): On the contrary, I think you can specify what you want without sounding ungrateful. 'Thank you so much babe. Those chocolates were absolutely divine. I could have eaten a whole factory. Although that might not be so good for my waistline. It was such a naughty treat. Maybe next time you can get me something like jewellery that I can wear all the time and that will remind me of you. What do you think?'And there you go. You've been gracious about your present and made suggestions for next time. I find it extremely tacky to set an amount that you're spending on each other. If it were about the price you might as well give each other x amount of money. It's the sentiment and meaning behind the gift more than the cost.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 October 2014):
 Uh, I'm not sure there's a way to tell someone that is giving you a gift that you'd rather have jewls instead without making him think you are ungratefull and self absorbed but I guess you could try by saying something like, "Gee mr X, I appreciate the thought but I'm really not into candy and stuff, maybe you could go out and find me a pair of earrings that i may or may not like."Good luck with that.
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A
female
reader, TJ14  +, writes (29 October 2014):
hi i know that feeling. its alright. just slowly and very casually discuss this topic wd him. he will understand. nd if u said that he is bad at biying gifts probably thats what stopping him from buying a gift. tell him after some time if ur bday was recent. give it some time before u open this tppic.do notmake it sound like he doesnt buy GOOD gifts. and we are human beings so saying that not to expect from others is a bit saintly. be cautious thats about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 October 2014):
 Have a chat about how much you both think is fair to spend, first of all. If you spend a BUNCH of money on him that is kind of YOUR CHOICE. He didn't MAKE you do that, so don't EXPECT him to spend the same amount back, unless you two set a spending limit.
Sage is right, there IS no way to tell someone that their gift wasn't "good enough" or "what you wanted" without sounding ungrateful.
You already know he isn't GOOD at the gift thing, so you really have two choices.
1. give him a wish list (or let him be able to access your - like Amazon.com's Wish list - he doesn't HAVE to use Amazon to buy the present/wished for thing but it can give him an idea of what you like)
2. suck it up and tone down your expectations. (and spend less on him, so you don't feel "cheated")
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 October 2014):
 Ungrateful. Give him a wishing list, if you are so specific about what you want. Dont assume his gift was last minute, just because its not what you would get him/choose for yourself.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (29 October 2014):
Probably the best way to start is to begin dropping hints ahead of time. OHMYGODLOOKATTHISNECKLACE hint hint kinda stuff. That way he might actually think he came about the idea all by himself.
I will say however that nothing worked with my ex husband. I'd drop hints, and in later years flat out mention several things I would like. And for instance, I am really sensitive to fragrance and don't like wearing them, but he bought me perfume one year. Not just perfume, but Chanel Number Five a'la your great grandma. And he'd always say "well, I have no idea what to get you", lol, in his case it was because he didn't listen to a thing I said, pretty much ever. Hopefully that isn't your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (29 October 2014):
Probably the best way to start is to begin dropping hints ahead of time. OHMYGODLOOKATTHISNECKLACE hint hint kinda stuff. That way he might actually think he came about the idea all by himself.
I will say however that nothing worked with my ex husband. I'd drop hints, and in later years flat out mention several things I would like. And for instance, I am really sensitive to fragrance and don't like wearing them, but he bought me perfume one year. Not just perfume, but Chanel Number Five a'la your great grandma. And he'd always say "well, I have no idea what to get you", lol, in his case it was because he didn't listen to a thing I said, pretty much ever. Hopefully that isn't your boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 October 2014):
 You "sound" 'way too interested in the GIFT instead of the THOUGHT behind it.......
Good luck....
P.S. There's NO WAY to "criticize" a gift without sounding ungrateful.....
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A
male
reader, Athz +, writes (29 October 2014):
 The way in which you're thinking is sweet. You can simply tell him that "I currently don't have anything with which i can remember you or think of you when you're not with me. Something that'll stay with me and make me think about you when I'll look at it." I guess this much is enough to hint that you want something that'll stay with you.
Girl you're wrong nowhere niether you're expecting too much from him.
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