A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Good day everyone!! Im in need of some advice. Im a healthy 36 yr old woman who is engaged to a 32 yr old man that I of course love to death. We have been together for just over 2 years now. And sad to say already having problems in the bedroom.When we first started dating we used to have sex each time we saw each other, it was great..I loved it!! We had the perfect relationship. Until something happened that I cant explain. He hit the "sexual denial wall" he would reject me every time I wanted to get intimate. But then I found out he turned to looking at porn and getting himself off. Nothing like killing my confidence and self esteem. Then found out he was talking to other woman. INCLUDING his ex who I despise bigtime. My love for him kept me with him and I've seen him change for the better from changing from being a "man wh*re". My problem is since he's changed from going around talking to other woman and stuff he has also changed in bed. I get sex on an average of once a week. I cant handle this saying Id love to have it once a day. Ive spoke my feelings to him but he just gets upset at me and an argument begins due to it. Sex only happens it seems when HE wants it. Ive stopped going down on him and pleasing him orally due to the fact that he has only gone down on me MAYBE 5 times in 2 YEARS. Pretty sad I know. I wont lie that I LOVE sex.. borderline nympho. I finally tonight asked him why he honestly doesn't have sex with me that much anymore and he said "because I don't want it. I don't think about it." That being said from a man that told me before that he could do it everyday. Through the 2 years I've heard MANY different "reasons" ( excuses ) on why he hardly sleeps with me anymore. It's not like I don't keep myself clean.. I don't smell.. I even keep it shaved down there. ( not to be graphic ) I'm just in desperate need of answers on why he's being like this. Please be brutally honest with me. I need help to understand this all.
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confidence, engaged, his ex, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer your comment Person12345:
Its very hard to say it without people looking at me like im stupid for staying with him still.. but he didn't cheat on me three times...it was a total of nine things he did that a person in a relationship shouldn't of done. While I stayed true to him from the very beginning of our relationship. Even though I have all the temptations of many men hitting on me at work. I haven't done a "revenge screw" due to not feeling right to lower myself to that level. I know that if you want to be in a relationship it should be with ONLY that person...not from bed to bed. I fell in love with this man from the very first sight of him. I guess all the heartache that was dealt to me comes with being with a man that is absolutely gorgeous.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 October 2014):
 Wait he cheated on you three times? This guy is never going to change or be trustworthy. He is a player. Just stating the obvious that he is stupid doesn't let him off the hook at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your point of views on this situation. Ive been very confused about it all. Its good to hear that its not my fault in this situation. To answer some of your responses:
*He may be used to a long term relationship since he was with someone for 7 yrs & married her. But he did tell me it was an on & off relationship due to her always wanting to argue.
*Just because I said I like sex once a day doesn't mean that I make him do it that much. I know its a lot to ask of someone. Im just stating how much I like it so everyone can understand why once a week does stink.
*As for his ex... He messed up a couple times with her just out of plain stupidity as he states. While he was supposed to be at work, he drove over her house & they ended up having sex. I asked how many times this happened. And he said "almost 3 times" I said " ALMOST 3 times. How was it ALMOST??" He said " cuz I stopped it knowing what I was doing was wrong." I said " if you knew it was wrong then why the hell did you allow it to happen all the other times?" Like I said PLAIN stupidity. To be clear his ex is a whore that bounces from one guys bed to another who also just LOVES drama. Im not just saying that due to me being with him now. Im saying that due to her track record. When you have to have a paternity test due to sleeping around with 5 different guys at the time of being knocked up... you know you gotta problem. Another prob is not knowing if he "brought something home to me" after hooking up with her those few times. I didn't find out the truth until months after. So if he did catch something, by the time I found out it was too late to demand he go get blood tests done.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 October 2014):
I have to disagree with the other aunts that turning down sex while still masturbating regularly IS a problem. Masturbation on top of regular sex is normal and healthy, but instead of sex could mean he's developing/developed an addiction to porn. I have a lot of articles about this on my profile, it might help you to check them out.
http://www.dearcupid.org/people/person12345
As for talking to the ex, not ok to lie about, but the nature of the conversations is important. Was it friendly chit chat or sexual? If the former, I'd consider that a pretty small breach in trust, if the latter, I would be concerned about the possibility of cheating, especially since you describe him as a former "man whore."
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your input. You all have different views on this problem. Same as a lot of different reasons that are going thru my head about it all. I was hoping it wasn't myself that was causing the problem. I do like it once a day but wasn't asking him for it everyday. At least twice maybe three times a week would be nice though. I have had to turn to pleasuring myself to try to keep faithful. But its just not the same. We constantly fight about the lack of physical attention. Im just sick and tired of it only happening when HE wants it. If I turn him down once to show him how it feels to be rejected he flips the heck out and thinks i'm cheating on him because I tell him no to sex. We had a heart to heart talk this morning and told him it's bull how he puts himself first with things. I always put my needs last with things and make sure I do all I can to make him happy. His mess ups in the past he states was due to not knowing what kind of woman he had and was confused about his feelings for me since hes never felt something so strong before. He has changed for the better in that aspect. He has stopped being retarded with talking to other women. He says he will have to work on having sex with me more than once a week. But he always says that and nothing changes. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man because I love him to bits. Just the sex needs a little tuning up that's all.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 October 2014):
 End it now. This is pattern perfect set up for a low drive partner. BTW many couples have sex every day for decades not just months.
Brutal honesty is he gave you everything you asked for until he got you hooked. Now he is trying to condition you to what he wants. Bait and switch.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): Sex every day is too much and no one can keep up that pace for two years. but what concerns me is that he is looking at porn and looking for other women.I don't think a guy would look at porn or masturbate or seek other women if he is in a loving relationship.He could be already bored with you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 October 2014):
 He is honest with you. He just doesnt want sex that much. Its got nothing to do with you.. Its different sex drives. You said he was a man whore before, so maybe he never experienced a long term relationship before, and didnt even know himself that he had such and such a sex drive. Yours is higher, thats all. Maybe you had sex so often before was because everything was new then, and exciting. Or maybe as he gets older, his sex drive just drops. What do I know? But clearly, this is not about you. Its a difference in sex drives. Masturbation is not the same as sex with a partner, remind you. You can have a low sex drive, yet still masturbate.
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