A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently moved to a nee city and a new country. Since I don't know many people here, I decided to give online dating a try. I didn't have a lot of success at first but about 10 days ago I came across the profile of an absolutely gorgeous girl who seemed incredibly interesting and funny to boot. Thinking I had nothing to lose (especially since her profile indicated she rarely replied and she herself says she only responds to people she believes she may have a genuine connection with) I sent her a message. To my surprise, she sent one back.Since then we've spoken multiple times a day. There's just one issue, I don't feel like she's really all that interested in me. She rarely responds with more than a single sentence, regardless of how hard I try to bring a response out of her. The way she responds to me says she's not interested, but save for nights she always responds instantly. And then, if she wasn't interested, she could easily just stop talk. She has told me she's visiting family right now so maybe that's why her messages are short. I dunno. She's exactly my type and we *have* had fun talking about stuff and joking around, but I can't help feeling like she's not all that into it. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 October 2014):
 I would just ask her out. Spending time online and text/chatting doesn't get anyone anywhere real or fast. Because it's still "fantasy" - it's not a real live and flesh person (yet) till you met in person.
Since she is visiting family, maybe ask her when she will be available for a meet up for coffee or lunch. I say coffee or lunch because there is a LOt let pressure on a date like that compared to dinner, movie, theater and so forth.
I would also try not to make TOO many assumptions as to why she isn't communicating with long replies. Could be that she is being careful, new to online dating or simply NOt a big texter/online chatter.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2014): She is probably keeping a little black-book of handsome male suitors and admirers that she can get back to when she feels like it. That's what online dating is all about! You might try asking her out about now. That might give you some degree of certainty. If she makes too many excuses, just back-off. Keep reviewing responses from other interested ladies. Good-looks are in high-demand.
Maybe it strokes her ego knowing that she's so fine, she can line them up. You are probably one of several guys who are interested, and she cherry-picks according to her type. When she gets around to you, you'll be the flavor of the week. She may not write lengthy responses; because people who text a lot are very brief. That, and the notion she may have; that you're heard from her at all. She has plenty of guys to choose from. Don't forget, the ladies are turning the tables and flipping the script on men. What goes around comes around.
If you're in a hurry, she did post the disclaimer she "rarely replies." That means she does not have a shortage of men interested in her. Nor is she desperate. So step in-line. Meeting for coffee in a public location assures her safety, and she can duck out if she doesn't like what she sees. That's the usual elimination process I hear.
There is also the strategy of building a network of good prospects; because if she is an attractive woman, she's getting several hits a day. The highest percentage might be creeps and trolls. Most of them fall away by self-elimination. Those types tend to be overeager, and too aggressive in their approach. They can be really hot too!
The women quickest to respond to you and ready to meet you in a millisecond; either don't match their profile picture or they're psychos desperately on a manhunt; and don't have time for messing around. They'll offer you sex on the first date, but will turn pyscho on you if think you're going to just hit and run. The stories my single buddies and co-workers have told me!!!
I think you can safely conclude she likes you enough, if she jokes around; and you've had some fun. Playfulness is always a good sign. It's online, so safety is always a major factor. Women must be cautious. Guys these days can fixate and become stalkers at the drop of a hat.
She should take her time. She may have learned a lesson from past mistakes with men. She can't rush to meet everyone who contacts her. You also have to weed through the weirdos, and there will be some guys with fake profiles and doctored profile pics. The most charming of them all could be Hannibal Lecter. She's a female, and if she's smart she better be careful chitchatting and meeting-up with strange men.
With a casual person like her; just be casual and relaxed. Some people do want to get to know you, but how eager can you be about someone you hardly know? For goodness sake, you met on online. You can send me all the messages you like, for all I know you could be an eager serial killer.
There is nothing official between you. Checkout all your available options. If there is a sure connection, she'll make herself available. Don't sweat it. Have patience, confidence, and charm at all times, no matter how you meet women.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 October 2014):
 Oh, and don't wait until she gets back to ask her out. When I was online dating I was going away for a week. I had met with a guy two times prior to going away. I heard nothing from him at all during the week I was in another city, and then I just got bored with never hearing from him, so I told him it seems interest wasn't high, and that I like more activity when trying to get to know someone. His excuse was that he was waiting for me to come back and he'd ask me out again then. But guess what... that was too late. In the meantime while he was quiet, I had three or five other guys actively messaging me and showing interest. I ended up going for the guy who kept texting me every day, even during my going away, because he just seemed way more curious about getting to know me, so felt more genuine.
It all comes down to what sort of relationship you want, sure. If you LIKE a girl who takes things slow and barely replies etc, then just stick to it. But if you want more action then.. uh... go for more action. Either ask her out or find someone else.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 October 2014):
You ask her out! We girls get very quickly booooored by guys online who take forever to ask us out. It's like, what are you waiting for?? She already responded, which she says she rarely does unless she actually thinks there might be something there, you have corresponded several times a day.. What exactly are you waiting for? Ask he rout already. Sounds like, to me, that she's just getting tired of waiting for you to make a move, hence why she wont put more effort into the messages... because you're not going anywhere with it.
There needs to be a date, any "connection" will be ruined if it's all talk and never a meeting. Real connection only appears when you meet face to face. I'm all for talking a bit prior to meeting, so as to not waste time on a faker. But you can't sit and talk and talk and NEVER ask her to meet. She'll just assume YOU aren't all that interested.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 October 2014):
 You say you've spoken multiple times a day. So you speak to her on the phone? Or is this all via texting or social media messaging?
Have you met her in person yet? Have you asked her out on a date? It sounds like she may be polite enough to respond to a message but not actually interested in more.
I would say that you should keep on looking. You've been aware of her presence on the planet for 10 days. There are a lot of other women on the planet, you know. You are getting a bit out ahead of things--she may be your type but you may not be hers. You haven't met her yet. Cool your jets.
Ask her out when she gets back. If she turns you down, at least you'll know you tried and took the risk of rejection.
And I would also lay off the daily messaging. Wait for her to initiate a couple of days. If she doesn't, well, again, that will be a strong indication that your sense that she's not all that into you is correct.
Keep on looking, don't put all your dating eggs in this 10 day old basket.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 October 2014):
 You've been talking for 10 days. That should be enough time to venture on a date. I never stay on a dating site for more than a week. I know there are profiles that are forever there, but I feel people are missing it's purpose by not actively dating but just sitting and pondering then disappointing oneself. For all that time that goes by she could be dating other guys. She can't be visiting family all day. You have to strike it when it's hot. If she's not into it it could be she's not into messaging back and forth as there are better things to do in life. She may feel that her time is too precious for a guy who has to wait for signals and enough interest to ask her out. Maybe she feels if you have enough interest you would have asked her out already. Women always underestimate how anxious and nervous men could be. They take it for granted that men just do the work in the initiating. What you put on the profile and how you present yourself on the phone can never be compared to how you are in person. At this time, there is no "you" she can be interested in. People only take it seriously when they take the effort to go meet someone.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 October 2014):
Small talk will only get you so far and not everyone communicates in the same way. Try asking her out, maybe something innocent at first.
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