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This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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My boyfriend isn't bothered by keeping me waiting.
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend does not see anything wrong with keeping me waiting. I will say "I can be to your house at 7, does that sound good"?He will say yes and a lot of the time when I get there he is just getting in the shower. He ...
A. 15 December 2014: If talking to him hasn't worked, do as BimBim suggests. Don't go until an hour or so AFTER you have told him you'd be there. Or call in advance and tell him he should start getting ready. Or take it to the next level, if that doesn't work either: if ... (read in full...)
I can't believe I cheated
Q. Hi everyone, What I am about to say right now will shock you, it's shocked me much more as I can not believe this has happened, and I am willing to take all the grief I could potentially get from you guys on here but please I beg you to und...
A. 15 December 2014: It is NOT your job to protect her. She is an adult. If her life is full of stress, then SHE needs to get her life sorted out if this amount of stress is so unbearable. That is not your job. You should end things with her and tell her the truth about ... (read in full...)
I can't believe I cheated
Q. Hi everyone, What I am about to say right now will shock you, it's shocked me much more as I can not believe this has happened, and I am willing to take all the grief I could potentially get from you guys on here but please I beg you to und...
A. 14 December 2014: Take it as a sign you dont actually want to ve in a relationship with this girl. Things are too rocky, and your subconsciousness is screaming at you to get away from her. You kissed someone else. Maybe to draw the line clearly to yourself. Now you ... (read in full...)
Boyriend locked me out all night -- am I in the wrong or is he?
Q. Sorry it's really long.The other day I was at my boyfriends place and he was being really grumpy and unreasonable with me but I held my tongue as I didn't want a big row,however just as I left his house to go home he said something really nasty to ...
A. 14 December 2014: Please read your own post. I got to about half before giving up. Is this the sort of person you want to be? Mean and hurtful, passive aggressive and full of entitlement? Is this the sort of relationsjip uou want, with no respect for one another, ... (read in full...)
I am married with a child but oh so lonely!
Q. I am so stressed and confused.. I don't even know where to start. My husband works 11 hours a day but has one day off a week. We have a 14 month old son who I am a stay at home mum for. Lately, my husband and I can't seem to agree on anything. He ...
A. 14 December 2014: Look for a part time job for yourself, so that you can get out of the house, and your husband can cut back on these extreme hours. I don't see how the current arrangement can last long term, it must be something short term or else he will get ... (read in full...)
She said she will always chose her kids father over me!
Q. I've known my girlfriend for about ten years in total, I've known her family longer than that. Four months ago we got back in contact for the first time in eight years and things went from friendship to more quite quickly because of the history we ...
A. 14 December 2014: I was about to say it sounds like she's got some mental problem going on. And there, bam, at the very end you mention this IMPORTANT fact: she is mentally unstable, she's got a personality disorder for which she OCCASIONALLY takes her medication.
... (read in full...)
I don't know which to choose but I do want one of them
Q. I don't know what to do , there's 2 guys that like me and I like them they are both very different from each other with their personalities. If they were moulded together they'd be perfect for me. Ok so ill call them a + b . A is older quieter n ...
A. 14 December 2014: But WHY do you absolutely want one of these guys? You say yourself neither are ideal, and you're not sure... Maybe you just need more time to get to know both guys and see which one you can see yourself with? You don't sound invested in either right ... (read in full...)
There's something about me that makes it hard to make friends
Q. Lateley in my life, I have felt very lonely. I got through a divorce from a very mentally abusing man and I have always sort of been that nice girl finishing up last. Many girls sees me as a threat because of how I am as person ( I always st...
A. 14 December 2014: There are decent people left, people with the confidence to not aleays compare themselves with others. You will find these people eventually. Just right now you are going through a hard time, and everything feels worse than it really is. You see a ... (read in full...)
My period was late and it's lasted longer since I gave up my virginity
Q. I Have a question. i usually get my period for 4-5 days and i lost my virgnity one day before my period. it was late by 2 days and now im on my 7th day of my period. What can this be?...
A. 13 December 2014: Your period is not permanently changed, but I guess that it is affected by you recently having sex for the first time. The menstruation is easily influenced by hormonal changes, or stress. My take on this is that having sex for the first time caused ... (read in full...)
He told me about his past to try to seem "more desirable"
Q. I have been seeing a guy for 5 weeks. He already tells me he thinks I am the one and that he is falling in love with me. He has a female co worker who he sits next to. However after a drunken work party he came to visit me, he was drunk andsta...
A. 12 December 2014: He was drunk and made a stupid mistake. Be angry enough to let him know you do NOT find him more attractive when he brags about women he slept with. But then let it pass, because I am quite sure he has now got the message and wont try this again. He ... (read in full...)
I kissed his friend years ago ..... should I tell my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months and we have a great relationship, he's 23 and I'm 22. We have not yet had sex because we want to wait a few more months as we are both virgins but this is a pretty irrelevant detail. Four years ago...
A. 10 December 2014: Relax. Really, this is a trivial matter. Dont bother mentioning it unless directly asked or it naturally comes up in conversation. Youve committed no crime, and its not like its any if your boyfriends business to keep a track record on you. It ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants MMF threesome... With one of his best friends?
Q. So here's the backstory... My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We've always had an adventurous and hot sex life. We are in our mid-twenties, no kids, and no rush. But he's the one, I knew it three months into our ...
A. 8 December 2014: Then don't do it. You're nervous and have a lot of "what if" thoughts. So why push it? If he's "the one" (I hate that idea, because there's no such thing, but anyways...), then I guess you mean you will be with him for the rest of your life? In that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't back me up when someone attacked me verbally. Is he not right for me?
Q. My boyfriend and I flatted with another couple and a guy this year. We moved out of the flat a couple of weeks ago but I still have to finish collecting my stuff and do a clean. I have planned to do this in two weeks time. Our lease runs out in mid ...
A. 8 December 2014: Ugh. How is him not fighting your battles for you supposed to me he isn't "right" for you? No, he's not right for you, if you want a gorilla who will fight your battles for you, without having the brains to think for himself or act as an ... (read in full...)
I think this is disprespectful -- am I right?
Q. Girlfriend told me that another guy has been touching her butt in school and she basically just lets him smack it! I feel so betrayed by this. Dnt I have the right? Is this not super disrespectful? ...
A. 8 December 2014: Yepp, it's disrespectful both to you and to her. I would talk to her CALMLY (without pointing fingers) that she needs to put a stop to this, and not accept it to continue. She's young, she doesn't know what's ok and what isn't. Once you have found ... (read in full...)
Breaking the girl code?
Q. Okay so at first this question sounds super cliché but it's more than how it first sounds, so please bare with me. My friend and I like the same guy. Cheesy, I know. My friend has dated this guy for about a week and they broke up in early October. ...
A. 7 December 2014: Dont break the girl code. Seriously. There will be other boys, and you have plenty of time, no rush. If he asks you out, tell him that you cant, because he used to date your friend. At your age, girls are very territorial. Which means you will end ... (read in full...)
Is he an alcoholic, or just a heavy drinker? What steps should I take?
Q. I'm trying to convince my boyfriend of three years to seek help for his drinking issues, but he refuses to accept he has a problem and his family aren't helping when they tell me to back off. His father is a heavy drinker, he always has been ...
A. 7 December 2014: He is an alcoholic. He uses all his time and money getting drunk, he doesnt care that his relationship goes down the drain. He will just drown his sorrows with another drink.
My advice, my strongest recommendation in fact, is that you leave. Y... (read in full...)
Why are the men in porn so average whereas the women are usually very attractive?
Q. Why are the men in porn so average whereas the women are usually very attractive? My SO and I watch some porn and it seems that in the vast majority the women are outstandingly attractive whereas the men are, very often, borderline ugly. This leav...
A. 6 December 2014: Because porn is made mainly for guys. The other factor is that a good male porn star needs to always have an erection, and be able to keep it hard while being filmed and watched by other people... Unfortunately the men who can keep it up arent ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and have questions about sex help??
Q. Hello all, I would like some (kind please!) advice for my situation. Starting off, I have been with my boyfriend for a little less than a year and we're saving ourselves for marriage (yes we do intend to marry each other in the future). I am still a ...
A. 5 December 2014: It is reasonable that you ask him to get tested, and he should actually already have gotten tested. The longer you carry an STI without getting treatment, the worse they usually get. So common procedure is to get tested.
But, offer to get test... (read in full...)
Is having a really intense and perverted makeout session as good as sex?
Q. Is having a really intense and perverted makeout session as good as sex? Soo....Let's say me and a guy had a makeout session...with me in panties and him only in boxers.....and he ejaculated through them and onto my stomach....and then he grinded ...
A. 5 December 2014: Sweetie, that IS sex. What you are thinking about is intercourse. You did not have intercourse, but you did have sex. As yes, sex is quite satisfactory. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend’s Past Sex Life Bothers Me
Q. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me, things are pretty good between us. We are like perfect together and I trust him with all my heart which is really hard since I've been hurt really bad by my ex. We both agreed not to talk about his sexual ...
A. 4 December 2014: My guess is, and of course I could be wrong on this as it's so dependent on personalities, is that you are more than necessary upset because you are a virgin. Don't get me wrong, but not having any sexual experience is bound to mean you WILL read ... (read in full...)
How to hide teen hard-ons?
Q. Quick note: I have searched the site A TON already, and can't find anything useful on this, and desperately need help. Hello DC, I'm in a bit of a pickle... I'm 15, and "well endowed" so to speak, at 7 inches. In my gym class, we have to wea...
A. 4 December 2014: Tight boxers underneath? You're absolutely normal, btw, all teenage boys get uncontrollable erections, and your penis size is well within whats normal as well, not extremely big (unless, like someone said, it's 7 inches when flaccid). There are ... (read in full...)
This doesn't seem like a very fair arrangement
Q. Hi I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years, we live together, have a baby, mortgage. I stay at home in the day with our child then go to work in the evenings. I work for very low pay, he makes £40,000 a year our mortgage is very low, I cant ...
A. 4 December 2014: Perhaps inform him of what the court would order him to pay if you walked away with custody? Just to get some perspective. ... (read in full...)
I think I'm bisexual and I hate myself for it
Q. I recently discovered that I am bisexual. I'm a 16 year old male. I feel like I am a straight guy trapped in a bisexual guy's body. I don't think I was meant to be this way and it makes me sad because I don't accept myself at all. I hate myself ...
A. 3 December 2014: Maybe it helps you if I tell you that just because you are attracted to guys as well as girls, doesn't mean you HAVE to be with guys. It's up to you to choose who you want to be with, regardless of your sexuality. I am also bisexual, and I can tell ... (read in full...)
Does herpes rule out a successful relationship?
Q. I've just been diagnosed with herpes. I'm aware that the presence of this virus in my body is going to complicate my dating life greatly, but is it still possible for me to have a successful relationship with someone? Also, what's the best way of ...
A. 3 December 2014: Herpes is not the end of your dating life, so do not despair. What you could do is date like normal, but during the first or second/third date or so, you tell them about it. Ofcourse you need to tell them before anything sexual takes place though. ... (read in full...)
How do I find someone to help fulfill my fiance's fantasy?
Q. My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years. We are very secure and loving toward each other and I don't see that changing at all. However, he's got a fantasy that he kind of wants to fulfill before we get married and has told me that he wants me ...
A. 3 December 2014: I agree with the others, sorry. This is something he wants, and you dont. He should respect that, rather than pressure you into this and emotionally blackmail you (oh, just this one fantasy before we marry...). Unless this is something you BOTH ... (read in full...)
Should I Care About My Lack of Title With Special Guy?
Q. I am a single mom who is on disability due to my advanced rheumatoid arthritis. After some bad experiences dating several years ago, I decided to focus on my kids since dating was a hassle. Despite my R.A., I am quite attractive, and am able to ...
A. 1 December 2014: The way I read it, it's been 5 months, not two (5 months ago, started to date him). Don't know if that changes your answer, YouWish?
Anyway, I think there's no time frame for when you should or shouldn't say "I love you". That's either somethin... (read in full...)
I told him I was a virgin, but left out lots of details
Q. Thanks in advance for your advice. 4 months ago I met an incredible man and we have been dating since. He is 23 and I'm 22. We have a great relationship and I can feel that he truly loves me. Both of us know we share something special and I don't ...
A. 28 November 2014: Virginity doesn't mean one is STI free... STI's can get caught in so many other ways than intercourse, and for most part is NOT transferred through intercourse, but through blood or from the genitalias touching. That means humping and fingering, ... (read in full...)
I told him I was a virgin, but left out lots of details
Q. Thanks in advance for your advice. 4 months ago I met an incredible man and we have been dating since. He is 23 and I'm 22. We have a great relationship and I can feel that he truly loves me. Both of us know we share something special and I don't ...
A. 28 November 2014: No, its not necessary to tell him these things. You consider yourself a virgin, and these days that doesnt mean fully inexperienced. It means you havent had intercourse, which you havent. Whether or not you have tried with exes, or masturbate, is ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being blindsided by being told stuff I've done wrong
Q. I have no clue how to respond or handle my girlfriend. She has this habit of blindsiding me when I least expect it. We will spend a few days in a row together and I will think everything is great and amazing. Next thing I know, I'm waking up to a 10 ...
A. 28 November 2014: Your girlfriend sounds like a person who would drive me insane. If I were you Id tell her point blank that this crap needs to end. If she cant tell you then and there what is up and how she feels, then she does not get to have a go at you for it ... (read in full...)
We're back together but "not labeled"
Q. Hey all so me and my ex or whatever you wanna call him broke up 5 months ago. And we decided that we wanted to work things out so he moved back in with me and here it is 5 months later and he still lives with me we do everything we did when we was ...
A. 27 November 2014: OMG, male anon, Im tired of accusations like yours. If you would read what I wrote and actually process it, you'd see that I no where blame MEN for putting pressure on women to want marriage. Why so defensive? I was talking about her friends who ... (read in full...)
His ex deliberately messed with our vacation plans
Q. Right now my partners ex girlfriend is causing a massive family row that for whatever reason she is blaming completely on me, and I don't know how to respond or what to do and I hope someone can offer some advice. So next summer we are planning ...
A. 27 November 2014: But she is going away with her new boyfriend, right? So you can say that you will watch the step-son for the extra days while she is away, then you can both have your vacations.
And yes, do keep things in writing. It makes it easier to hold tra... (read in full...)
We're back together but "not labeled"
Q. Hey all so me and my ex or whatever you wanna call him broke up 5 months ago. And we decided that we wanted to work things out so he moved back in with me and here it is 5 months later and he still lives with me we do everything we did when we was ...
A. 26 November 2014: I really hate it when people judge. And they do judge. I believe HE doesn't get judged, because there's a double standard here. Girls are supposed to get a guy to commit and preferably marry us, or else we're somehow "giving milk away for free" etc. ... (read in full...)
How important is 'the spark' in a relationship?
Q. How important is 'the spark' in a relationship? I ask because I've had a few relationships, but only had the spark with 2 guys - one was my first love and the second was another ex. He was no different really from any of my other relationships bu...
A. 26 November 2014: Spark, to me, equals intelligence to hold a witty conversation, ability to tell a good joke (and laugh at mine), and personal charisma. The spark isnt necessary, its just extremely attractive. But it arises not because of compatibility, but of ... (read in full...)
Have you ever felt drawn to someone you wouldnt usually find attractive?
Q. iam not a shallow person in any way but have you ever felt drawn to someone you wouldnt usually find attractive? there not usually your type but something about them makes you feel all warm and happy? my friends cant believe im going on a date with ...
A. 26 November 2014: It happens all the time. Not all the qualities we look for in a man are on the surface anyway, so this guy might very well be what you usually go for, just in a different wrapping.... (read in full...)
Is it inappropriate to ask a guy to take an STD and HIV test before we date?
Q. Dear Cupid, I haven't dated in a long time but I decided if I should date again would I be wrong to bring up front about taking STD and HIV test.My health is in great condition and I want the same for the new guy.Thanks ...
A. 26 November 2014: Before dating = inappropriate. After dating a while, before moving on to sex = a natural thing to ask for.
And you both get tested, not just him. Even if you "feel fine", if you havent been tested, then you dont know.... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm in limbo since he doesn't think I'm ready for marriage
Q. Boyfriend wants to get married in the future. But he's a big believer in being happy in yourself. He thinks that I believe that getting married will make me happy. But he says that getting married won't change anything and that I have to be happy ...
A. 26 November 2014: I do not think it is fair of him to think he should be the judge of your level of happiness. You are the one who knows if you are ready or not. If he keeps putting it off, then what it comes down to is that he himself isnt ready. But it is easier ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my new partner I want to be tested for STI's?
Q. Hello, I have recently entered a new relationship after being in a previous relationship lasting roughly a year. My last relationship ended because of lots of trust issues. Anyway I want to go to a sexual health clinic and get tested for STIs. I ...
A. 25 November 2014: I do not see why you think you need to talk to him about it? Its a health check... You simply go do it. If you are told you have an STI, then you talk to your bf about it. You dont need to hide that you are going, but there is no need to discuss ... (read in full...)
Am I too tight?!
Q. Hello, I'm a complete virgin, never been fingered or touched at all.. Whenever I've got Into situations (being alone with a guy etc) I've always completely freaked out and sometimes started crying.. I don't want to let the guy down. I'm scared of ...
A. 24 November 2014: I think it is normal. You just aren't ready for sex, and by the sounds of it you are trying to force yourself into it. You talk about not wanting to let the guy down.. but you are not some sex toy! Your purpose is NOT to have guys hump you. You are ... (read in full...)
He always wants sex and has to push the boundaries every time
Q. PLEASE someone help me.. My husband is sex OBSESSED! We have been together 10 years and don't have any children. We have always had a very adventurous sex life and there isn't much we haven't tried. The problem I have is for the last 5 or 6 years, e...
A. 23 November 2014: Get him to his doctor and talk about it? It's one thing to still find one another attractive and have a healthy sex life, but it's gone beyond that it seems. It's not healthy any longer if he NEEDS it, like an addiction, and gets in a grumpy mood if ... (read in full...)
Am I moving on too quickly, rebounding, or what?
Q. Hi, it's been three long years since I've been here, but last time I was here I was talking about possibly getting with my lab partners let's call her "Vicki". We were in a relationship for the past 3 years and it just ended 3 months ago. We e...
A. 23 November 2014: Eh, dont overthink, just go for it. If it feels right then it is all good. Forget about what other people think is right, you are the one living your life. But do not count on your ex still wanting to be friends and civil after you have just proved ... (read in full...)
Were they accusing my mother?
Q. So basically, we went to my aunt's house up in Dallas for a holiday get together. We were all having fun, but during the process, my aunt lost the diamond on her wedding ring. A few days later, when we came back to Houston, and after they searc...
A. 23 November 2014: Who talkef to your aunt on the phone? Just calling to hear how things went ans rant about a mission diamond isnt an accusation. I thinl your mom probably is thinking too far ahead. If it was jer who picked up the phone, so they asked her about it. ... (read in full...)
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