A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My question is for guys. When you're in a serious relationship do you look at girls and think in your head if you could get with them, or not, if you were single? My fiance and I have a baby together and we went out to lunch near his work and he said something like, ''There's a lot of girls around here, (that he) would be interested in, if he was single,'' and i got upset. I said I dont see a good looking guy and wonder if i could see him, or not, if i was single. He said, ''its a guy thing''Do guys really do that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): What a rude and disrespectful statement your fiancé said to you!
No, it's not a guy thing for a man to walk around wondering if he could get with a particular woman if he were single. He is excusing his insensitive statement regarding his thoughts by saying, "it's a guy thing."
People don't go blind when they enter into a relationship, both men AND women will notice someone who is attractive, or shall I say one who fits their ideal of beauty. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I digress……..However, to ogle another, or for goodness sake, to wonder if they could get with them if they were single is crossing a line.
You mentioned he is your fiancé. Is this what you want in a future husband? Tell him when he says that it makes you very uncomfortable. If he doesn't respect your feelings, rethink marrying this man. Sorry if that hurt your feelings; however, I think you deserve a man who makes you feel secure and happy.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 October 2014):
 That's not a "guy" thing. That is a RED FLAG in your relationship...one you cannot ignore. Truly, I'm not abusive, but any time a guy dismisses misogynistic behavior as a "guy thing", I wish a big fuzzy bumblebee would come and sting him in the ass.
Of COURSE guys (and we girls too, if we're being honest!) notice beautiful people! But noticing and shopping around while in a relationship are two different things! And communicating that to YOU...his girlfriend that he'd be with them if he wasn't with you is actually a power grab in the relationship, basically meaning he could have anyone he wants. You don't do that to the one you love. That is not a guy thing.
I'd tell him that he has his chance...right now. And then I'd leave. I'm fine with my husband saying "She's attractive" or looking at an exquisite woman (he has a thing for Carrie Underwood) because I'm not insecure, but I'd get pissed if he would say something so stupid like "I'd totally get with her if I wasn't married" as if I was his regret, and I'd REALLY get pissed if he started objectifying other women sexually around me, refering to their body parts or making lewd comments.
Trust me, your relationship is not secure in the least bit. Take that little boy to task...don't forget, he's lucky to have YOU too. You have options as well...in fact, we women tend to have MORE options.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2014):
 No one goes blind when they get a partner. We all still NOTICE good looking/fit/attractive people.
BUT there is a line in the sand, when you HAVE a partner that you DO not OGLE, and you DO not bring it up, unless you are INTENTIONALLY trying to hurt your partner. It is disrespectful.
Is it a guy thing? Maybe - but again, there is no need for him to tell you so, unless he wants you on your toes. So you will KNOw how replaceable you are and how "lucky" you are to have this guy. Both being rather pathetic.
He sounds a tad ignorant and immature.
The whole "boys will be boys" is the age old excuse for moronic behavior. Not all men ARE that stupid or primitive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): Going off my own experience, the majority of guys do. However, there are some that genuinely don't. To lump all men or women together and say they are this or that, is an unfair generalization. Granted anyone who isn't blind will recognize when someone is attractive, but not all start thinking "what if".
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Some men think like that, and some don't. Those that do should not talk about it to their girlfriends though, as that's very disrespectful.
If he has a roving eye, he may be more likely to cheat on you in the future. Beware.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): I'll be completely honest with you. It may be hardwired into us men to be sexually interested in most women we see, but if i'm with someone i really love more than anybody else in the world, i wouldn't even look twice at other women, because I know it would upset somebody I would be petrified of losing.
But then again, sometimes we may just be messing with you for some reason, maybe even feeling insecure ourselves.
P.S. I was with someone like that that i was head over heals in love with. Love transcends basic human instinct in my opinion. Also I would have to agree with the female responder.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Its not a guy-thing, it's a thing HE does. There are women who do the same. But not all guys do this, and not all women do this. Anyway, poor manners can't be excused as acceptable just because he knows someone else who also shows poor manners...
That's like saying hitting women is okay because it's a "guy thing".
This is really offensive and disrespectful of him. Don't accept such treatment, let him know this is NOT okay by you. He needs to keep such thoughts in his head, if he has them, because they are hurtful and disrespectful to you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 October 2014):
 Yep, we do... It may be integrated with our hardwired evolutionary survival instincts OR, it could be because we think about sex most of the time and a pretty woman walking by reminds us of that. Who knows, those of us(men that is) keep our thoughts to ourselves so as not to upset our better halves but occasionaly there is some idiot that omits to being an idiot. He gets the rest of us in trouble.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2014):
 You can say it's a guy thing to be insensitive as well. I think he's trying to get you to feel insecure, or to test you if you act concerned and worried. There is no good way to respond to this. You flipped it back to him and said you wouldn't do it to which replied it's a guy thing. Some guys like to tease. He only said it's a guy thing after he knew he messed up and had a slip of the tongue. He was expecting you to get angry. I would be upset too because this should be a time to enjoy your family, not to fantasize about being single again or to make jokes. I would be upset that he finds it funny to say this. Even when people are stressed with the demands and think back on what they used to do when single, they do not say it out loud because no good would come out of it. It's a guy thing to want to detach from time to time, to want freedom, variety. As a new dad you don't get those. I would just straight out ask him if he's happy with what he has, because you don't want to get married if he is not doing this out of love, but out of obligation. That's just not something a man says to his beloved. I won't be surprised it's a guy thing, a jerk thing to say this but surely not a man in love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2014): He is an idiot for saying such a thing to his partner.
Men and women in relationships are aware that there are other attractive people beside their spouses. That's normal.
However it is incredibly disrespectful to tell the woman you love, the mother of your child that if she didn't exist he'd be off with specific other women.
He needs to apologise.
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