A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just started dating a guy who's in his early 20's as well. He has a best friend whom he befriended for just over a year, who's a girl, who's his ex-housemate and someone who he was attracted to. The girl and I happen to stay in the same town. He came over the other day to hang out with her the entire day and didn't bother to drop by. He was having dinner with her family and well I frankly wouldn't be bothered if it were a guy or if it was a childhood friend. If she was a childhood friend, it makes so much more sense why he would want to spend the entire day with her. And he has a picture of the two of them in his room, which puts me off a bit considering well, he has guy best friends who are his childhood friends and if he doesn't bother having their pictures up then why would he be bothered having a couple picture of the girl and her in his room? I am not controlling by all means, nor am I being insecure but I don't understand if any girlfriend would find this appropriate. I see him being potentially my life partner considering there are so many things we share in common and it feels like a very sensible, practical relationship, since we both have similar dreams and similar lifestyles. As much as I love him, I would not want to eventually get hurt in the end. And as much as I love him, if one day he's going to prioritise her over me or to tell me she's the one he truly loves then I am pretty much at fault for not withdrawing in the very beginning. I spoke to him and he is aware that I am upset over this. He assured me that he wouldn't let anything to put our relationship at risk. I am still bothered. Would appreciate if any of you would give your two cents from your past experiences or unbiased judgements on whether their relationship means something and if I should just let this go, because when it comes to love, I do not fight for it. If someone else is in the picture, I rather not meddle in it.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 October 2014):
 You just started dating? Yet you claim you love him already? Sounds like you are rushing things. I dont find it odd at all that he visits his friend for the whole day and not see you while hes at hers. Did you and him have plans? No. So why should he see you as well, when his plan was to hang out with his friend on that particular day.
Look, its fine if you find their friendship too much, and dont approve. But if so, he obviously is the wrong guy for you, and you should pull out. Then again, I think you are jumping way to fast ahead. If you and him had been dating a while, and were getting serious, and if by then this friendship is a problem, then you pull out. Not now, when you barely know him, and you are basing your hypothesis on assumptions. Get to know him first and SEE how he prioritizes, rather than asdume he will choose her over you. Just because he didnt ser you when you and him had no agreement to see each other that day.
I do not see anything wrong with their friendship. He liked her at first, but you need to ask yourself why he isnt with her then, if hes supposedly in love with her... Why start something with you then? Makes no sense.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2014): I empathise with you :( I feel that having his and her couple photo in his room and him spending more time with her and not dropping by for a quick visit for you despite being in the same town reflects on his insensitivity to your feelings. Let him know how you feel (although talk it out calmly and not in an accusatory tone) I do not think your feelings are irrational. At the end of the day, he should know what actions make you feel uncomfortable and on your part, try to get to know the girl better since she is (clearly) important to your bf. If she is genuinely happy for his relationship, she would be more than happy to befriend you too.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 October 2014):
 My judgment will be biased, but that doesn't mean it's not valid. Friendships like these bother me to the core, and I would not meddle in it at all. So I don't have an experience like this.
It will be the umpteenth story I see here about two childhood friends who grow up and they have similar themes. They have a special affinity. Never wanted to go beyond the physical for fear of ruining the friendship. So here they are keeping the friendship alive but still wondering if there's something there. On the outside, they act like they are cool if one wants to date. On the inside they secretly feel jealous. The real girlfriends or boyfriends find it hard to deal with this. They request, "spend more time with me." But the loyalty of course goes to the friend. Some leave, some stay and the friend often becomes back up. Some try out relationships with the friend, then didn't work out then they try relationships with other people again. Back and forth they go the friend still act as support system. Out of respect for you he should hide the picture when you visit him. More often than not, the girlfriend or boyfriend's role is to fill in the sexual part that's missing in the friendship. They don't want to ruin the friendship. Okay but don't let them ruin any romantic relationships outside that friendship either.
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