A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years, we live together, have a baby, mortgage. I stay at home in the day with our child then go to work in the evenings. I work for very low pay, he makes £40,000 a year our mortgage is very low, I cant afford to get my hair done or buy anything for myself, he see's his money as his, he quizzes me on what I spend and he makes me nervous about spending money even if I buy shoes for our daughter. He has 12,000 in his bank account and I have £30 :( I've been accepted into nursing school (so I can have a better career and make more money) but he's telling me to pay all of the childcare with my student loans and bursary basically leaving me with nothing. He says I cant complain as he pays for bills and food but he's mean with money!!!WHat should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 December 2014):
 oh yes I like Chigirl's Idea.
there are usually set guidelines based on income.
My bff was divorced from her kid's dad. she was getting a decent amount of child support and didn't need much more but she did want him to pay for half of the kid's braces.
He refused.
She told him it would cost him less to pay half the braces than for her to take him back to court to up his child support to the state standards (he paid less than the state standard which is acceptable if both parties agree)
he said "take me to court"
she did. The kids were already like 13 and 15.
His child support was DOUBLED. she didn't need it but the court said "this is what you should be paying"
had he paid half the braces he would have saved a lot of money.
Do you guys keep OTHER things separate?
You are living as a married couple... to me it should be fiscally the same...what's mine is yours what's yours is mine... all incomes are pooled in a household account to care for the home and the family in the home.
if he does not agree, you may not be compatible to run a home together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014):
I go with chigirl, stand your ground . a marriage isn't about what you pay for or he pays for its about pulling all money together paying all the bills etc and you getting your hair makeup clothes and baby getting clothes and shoes and whatever its called a monthly budget.
Im in your position work part time due to having children . my husband is the main breadwinner and he wouldn't even suggest to question what I spend money on. we do talk it over but he never says no as he knows the purchases are needed.. kids need clothes .. you need to feel and look good .
chigirl rocks give him some food for thought .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 December 2014):
 Perhaps inform him of what the court would order him to pay if you walked away with custody? Just to get some perspective.
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