| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Will it hurt with my new Bf? My ex was much smaller
Q. I had sex with my ex bf few times 4 years back, he is slim and had a below average penis, some time still hurt me, even having a lot of foreplay and use lube. I think may be I am have a small vagina. I am ready to have sex with my new bf soon, ...
A. 6 February 2015: I don't know how it will be, but I think the best thing is if you tell your new boyfriend about your concern. Do not mention your ex (men do not like to be compared to an ex, especially when it comes to the penis, no matter what). But you should say ... (read in full...)
Do you think I was rude and attacking? And what should I do
Q. My boyfriend is super upset at me right now, and I think he is overreacting. Last week he was helping me update my macbook, as he knows more about technology than I do, and helping me make things faster. He kept wanting to download mack...
A. 6 February 2015: Here's the thing. You're right, but I understand why he feels the way he feels. It's time you put on your big girl shoes and be the bigger person here. Because this needs to get fixed ASAP, and you're doing all the wrong things. My guess is because ... (read in full...)
Was he turned off or did he not like my text?
Q. B.f. and I haven't been able to have much sex lately due to living situations. Today we texted how we wanted to be alone together somewhere and how he wanted to pleasure me. ..I then said come give it to me. He then sent me a dirty text saying he ...
A. 6 February 2015: Ehhh, it doesnt mean anything. Probably someone came in and he had to put his phone away.... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my best friend's girlfriend -- again
Q. I believe that I am in love with my best friends girlfriend. His fiancé to be exact... I've been in love with one of his ex's before while they were dating and I went down a dark road of betraying his trust in order to break them up. I used to ...
A. 5 February 2015: It is not at all strange to fall for the girlfriend of ones best friend. It happens all the time, for us women too. We fall for the boyfriends of our best friends, or heck, some even fall for the best friend of their boyfriend. I had a guy I was ... (read in full...)
Crushes. What can I do? Did she ask me this question just to see if I would say yes?
Q. She and I have been friends for going on to seven months now. Ever since we met, I always though she was beautiful but I never felt a real attraction to her. I thought this would be my first platonic relationship with a girl without either o...
A. 4 February 2015: Doesnt take a genious to understand that she likes you. As more than a friend. You did the right thing, told her the truth. But now that you know she likes you, do not encourage more physical contact. If she takes your hand, be sure to not hold on ... (read in full...)
A male virgin is not something to proud of.
Q. Hello I am a young college aged guy who is between universities and degrees. Unlike most men my age and social status, I'm a male virgin who's never even kissed a girl. I've also never even been on a date either. Up until recently, I was morbi...
A. 3 February 2015: Who says you are never going to have a normal sex life? It is not so unusual to be a virgin in your 20-ties, so far your sex life is normal.
Focus on getting healthy and losing weight. This will help.... (read in full...)
If I'm going to be treated this way should I not be honest?
Q. Some weeks ago i found a wallet, there was no identification inside the wallet but there was £110. I handed the wallet in to my manager with the contents. Several weeks later my manager called me into his office and gave me the wallet saying it was ...
A. 2 February 2015: The manager who gave you the money, told you it was yours, is the one who should be paying. He told you to keep it, that it was yours, and that was HIS decision and he uses HIS authority to do this. If he did not have a right to give it away, then ... (read in full...)
Lately I have no desire for sex -- how do I get around this?
Q. Hey aunts and uncles. I'm 18 and in my first year of uni. My question is to do with sex... I don't like it! I lost my virginity last Summer, and it was good, great, fine. I have also had a one night stand since I have been at uni. Obviousl...
A. 1 February 2015: You want things to progress with the boy you like? Then let things progress... this doesn't meant having sex!
If you didn't like having one night stands, which I can tell from your post you didn't, then just don't have them. Keep sex to relation... (read in full...)
Guys and sex with some they don't like (or even despise) and the intimacy of that sex!
Q. Is it possible for a 24-26 year-old guy (who gets horny pretty frequently and easily) to get it up and have casual sex with someone he doesn't like, nor finds attractive, AND most importantly someone he finds extremely annoying? If he doesn't ...
A. 1 February 2015: Yes yes and yes. Some guys have no problem with this.
Howcome? Because some guys can separate sex from feelings. They just use the girl for the body, for the pleasure. Kissing is pleasurable, as is intercourse, as is giving and receiving oral sex... (read in full...)
Why are single men generally more bitter than single women?
Q. I find it bizarre. All my male acquaintances seem to be so bleak about their dating lives. I don't really understand why they are like this. I don't find that most long term single women display man-hating attributes. Yet, long term single men ...
A. 31 January 2015: The answer is simple:
Women are told they can't "hold on to a man". In other words, its our fault we are single. We're not good looking enough, or we don't cook well enough, or we don't dress right, or generally we failed somehow. So we "can't g... (read in full...)
I feel like I need to choose between my boyfriend and my family
Q. Ok so i am 21 years old, a junior in college. i have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now. my boyfriend is also in college, and is a senior. he also has a job and pays for his whatever he needs. in the beginning, we were still in high school, ...
A. 31 January 2015: What exactly do they want you to do? This: put on nappies and become a little baby again.
You've got overprotective parents, and what they want is always the same: for their children (although most of all their daughters) to stay little and help... (read in full...)
Should I agree that it's OK? My Girlfriend wants to wear transparent clothing that will allow her breasts to be seen to others in public.
Q. Should I let my girlfriend to go braless in public? Will it be okay to allow her? she wants to wear very short dresses, and dresses that allow her breasts to be seen through the fabric and be transparent and be viewable in public. She says she wan...
A. 30 January 2015: Yeah, stop thinking you have the right to "allow" her to do anything. You're not her dad, and she's not under age. She doesn't need you to allow anything.
On the other hand, if you disapprove of this then you have the right to tell her how you ... (read in full...)
Is marriage really as bad as it looks?
Q. I've noticed that when married people talk about marriage, they rarely sound happy. It's usually described as hard work, a battle, or a series of ups and downs. It's a land of expanding waistlines, pointless arguments, sweatpants, crying babies, and ...
A. 30 January 2015: You have some really sad friends around you! If they all live such miserable lives, I'd look more into what sort of society/circle of friends you keep, as I find it hard to imagine they are all beat down and miserable just because of marriage.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want sex anymore, and I want it more than ever. What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend works a lot, and is often very tired when he gets home from work. He used to want sex every time we spent time together, but since he has moved in with me, he has become apathetic. I am currently unemployed, and I know that is stressing ...
A. 30 January 2015: Maybe think about what he said, there could be some truth to it. What if you aren't right for each other? For how long will you continue to stay together if you're not happy and he's not happy?
You want sex, I totally get that. But he doesn't.... (read in full...)
My mom has cancelled plans to come see me but expects my husband and I to travel to see her?
Q. I've been living abroad, half way across the world for 5 years now. I only have my mum pretty much left family wise, and we get along great, even if it is mostly on skype (i have been back twice, she's been to my new country once). Recent...
A. 30 January 2015: I think you gave yourself the answer on this one. You already told her, and she already knows, that you can not afford to go to Singapore. She knows this already. And you already know she doesn't much like the city you live in. You know she loves ... (read in full...)
How do I handle my g/f going silent?
Q. Thanks for reading I'm a bit on tender hooks today and need an outside opinion Been with my gf for a year - she's 21 and I'm the first guy she's slept with. We've had such a good time and all was great. Aside from when her nan died she went ...
A. 29 January 2015: You lost sleep over this little bagatelle? In time you will learn to sweep such nonsense under the rug. Now here's what you'll do. Don't go running around her house. You called. She was in bed. You can try to call again, but if she's still not ... (read in full...)
All my friends have said to ditch him but I'm genuinely in love with him. I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, so there's this boy. We started off as friends, but one night we got very drunk and slept together. We carried on sleeping together every time we got drunk. But then we started doing more, so he'd ask me if i wanted to go for lunch or to the ...
A. 29 January 2015: Tell him what you want. Enough with this game-playing . Just be honest. And decide beforehand what you will do if he says yes, and what you will do if he says no. Simple as that.
If he is a jerk, then believe me, your infatuation will stop sho... (read in full...)
Sex has become a no go!
Q. Been with my boyf a year and a half. Everything is great. I love him dearly we live together after recently buying out first home and plan to get married next year. Our only issue ... Sex! For approx the first year of our relationship we ...
A. 29 January 2015: Yes, some men have a lower sex drive than women. It varies a lot, really, there's no such thing as guy's generally wanting more sex than women, that's a myth. Guys want just the same amount of sex as women, some want more, some want less, just like ... (read in full...)
We haven't had sex since our baby was born 6 months ago! Is my husband getting sex somewhere else?
Q. My husband and I have not had sex since our 2nd child was born... Almost 6 months ago! Once we were in the clear 6 weeks after I gave birth I was ready. He said he wanted to make sure I was healed before we try. Funny how he didn't seem to be so ...
A. 28 January 2015: Why don't you feel sexy? Has your body changed drastically? Or is it just mentally that you don't find yourself sex?
I think your husband is probably waiting for you to initiate. Maybe he worries you do not want him any longer. Often things b... (read in full...)
Sex has become a no go!
Q. Been with my boyf a year and a half. Everything is great. I love him dearly we live together after recently buying out first home and plan to get married next year. Our only issue ... Sex! For approx the first year of our relationship we ...
A. 28 January 2015: What does he say when you talk about it? Sounds like you need another discussion about this to get to the bottom of it.
Could be he's having trouble getting an erection. Men often do not want to talk about it if they have this problem, as they ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to remove myself and "give her up" as a close friend?
Q. So I'm in the situation where I've told one of my good friends that I don't want to see her for a while... The story goes like this: I was good friends with her in high school but she did these little things like made out with a guy I was interested ...
A. 28 January 2015: That's good, just continue doing what is best for you. Toxic people are no good for you, no matter what.... (read in full...)
I am seriously thinking about putting my 2 year old up for adoption! Advice?
Q. Hi please don't judge me for this : I am seriously thinking about putting my 2 year old up for adoption. I love her but I am not the mother I hoped to be or she deserves. I cry on a daily basis, find myself snapping at her. The burst into tea...
A. 27 January 2015: Have you talked to the social service office about this?
Do you have any friends to talk to about this?
I think you could talk to the adoption agencies and just have a conversation, just to get more information and have something to thi... (read in full...)
Does he not appreciate my virginity?
Q. My boyfriend and I have very different sexual backgrounds: he has had many partners but I have never had sex with any of the people I have dated. I'm 23 and I have always wanted to have sex with "the one" aka the person who loves me to death and I ...
A. 27 January 2015: Here, read this article, I found it to be quite enlightening, and it might be an eye opener to you.
http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge... (read in full...)
Does he not appreciate my virginity?
Q. My boyfriend and I have very different sexual backgrounds: he has had many partners but I have never had sex with any of the people I have dated. I'm 23 and I have always wanted to have sex with "the one" aka the person who loves me to death and I ...
A. 27 January 2015: Haha, what an odd question. No really, it is very odd! You are upset because he doesn't admire your virginity, but LOVES you instead?
You need to ask yourself why this matters so much to you, because to me it sounds like you've places waaaay t... (read in full...)
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me but I'm afraid it will scare her away
Q. It's a long story so be patient with me. I met C when she was 17 and I was 25. I had no idea how old she was because she moved in the same friendship circles I did. We went on a few dates and there was this spark. I fell for her instantly. She was ...
A. 27 January 2015: I suggest you talk to her about marriage first, before popping the questions. Don't surprise attack her, as it probably will scare her away. Test the waters first by talking about marriage, just to hear her view on it in general. You can start the ... (read in full...)
Why is it hard to meet somebody you fancy and get on with
Q. This is something that I cant shake . I can not seem to meet a girl of which I both find attractive and also get on with. I tend to meet a girl now and then and maybe think this one is one I like , but then something will put me off and I will ...
A. 27 January 2015: The problem lies with you. Not that I am an expert in the area, but through observation I have seen that those who are open to love, generally accepting of people, and who see "beauty within" often have a very easy time finding people to love and be ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand that clinginess turns me off!
Q. Hey, so, I've been having doubts about my current relationship. We met on a dating website 5 months ago, and started dating 3 days after we met... In all honesty, I only accepted going out with him because we had sex, and I then felt obligated to. ...
A. 26 January 2015: I don't think you should lie to him at all! No BS excuses about being too busy, or having other goals in life etc. Just tell him the truth: you do not want to have a relationship with him, he's not the right guy for you!!!
So what, you promised... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand that clinginess turns me off!
Q. Hey, so, I've been having doubts about my current relationship. We met on a dating website 5 months ago, and started dating 3 days after we met... In all honesty, I only accepted going out with him because we had sex, and I then felt obligated to. ...
A. 26 January 2015: Dont lie. And dont drag it out. Just tell him you have been thinking, and he is not the right guy for you. Nuff said.... (read in full...)
I'm scared I'm dating this guy for security but nothing else!
Q. I am not sure if I ever want to get married or not. I hear a lot of people say single people are lonely and also that marriage is not for everyone. I can be very erratic in my decision making and change my mind many times before I get to where am ...
A. 26 January 2015: This sucks. You don't like him, you don't love him, you can't even kiss him, and your text your friend nasty things about him. Obviously this man has no backbone, no dignity, no pride in himself, or he's just too much in love to realize he's dating ... (read in full...)
She had oral sex before we got married and I just found this out! Was she a virgin?
Q. I am 30 years old and been married for 9 years. I was a virgin when we got married and she told me she was the same. Till after 8 years of marriage and 3 kids later she tells me that she gave out 20 or 30 blowjobs to two guys before me and she said ...
A. 26 January 2015: Have you considered talking to a therapist? You mention you do not have anyone to talk to about this, and yet talking about it is exactly what you should do. A therapist wont necessarily cost a lot of money, and you won't need to go often either, ... (read in full...)
I found out my b/f was watching anal sex pornography and told him it was deal breaker. I still think he's watching it and lying about it!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year and I've known vaguely that he watches porn for most of our relationship. However, it's only been recently that I've really started to have an issue with it as I've never really looked it up (so ...
A. 26 January 2015: Didn't see your follow-up (it wasn't marked with yellow) before now. The only way I can see this actually WORKING, and not just being a procrastination of a breakup, is if you agree on a compromise.
My suggestion is that you NEVER EVER EVER sno... (read in full...)
I found out my b/f was watching anal sex pornography and told him it was deal breaker. I still think he's watching it and lying about it!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year and I've known vaguely that he watches porn for most of our relationship. However, it's only been recently that I've really started to have an issue with it as I've never really looked it up (so ...
A. 26 January 2015: He is a porn watcher, probably has been for years. Then you decide it is a deal breaker AFTER being in a relationship with him for a year. That's not fair on him, really. If it was a dealbreaker for you then he might have chosen to NOT enter a ... (read in full...)
I can't give girlfriend a vaginal orgasm and it upsets me!
Q. hi, my girlfriend of 8 months has had 15 previous 'lovers' compared to my 2, and she slipped up to day when we were talking about orgasms, she said she has had a vaginal orgasm but not with me, i can make her orgasm through the clitoris no problem ...
A. 26 January 2015: This is such a luxury problem. You can make her orgasm by clitoral stimulation? Congratulations, you're a part of the 10% of human male population that can do that..!
Who needs vaginal orgasm? That thing is so rare and unheard of that Im beginnin... (read in full...)
Is marriage really as bad as it looks?
Q. I've noticed that when married people talk about marriage, they rarely sound happy. It's usually described as hard work, a battle, or a series of ups and downs. It's a land of expanding waistlines, pointless arguments, sweatpants, crying babies, and ...
A. 24 January 2015: "And yet a whopping 90% of the human race still gets married, making singles always the odd ones out."
What can I say, we're full of hope!
Personally, I know the statistics, and I've heard of the pitfalls. But what are your options? In the ... (read in full...)
Its a very delicate subject ......
Q. I have a problem with my mother in law who likes to sit on my husbands lap for photos - not every time but just when she feels like it that is what she does. She just gets up off a chair and sits on their lap and this seems 'normal' to them but not ...
A. 24 January 2015: I should be careful to suggest this might have something to do with a history of sexual abuse? Maybe you're feeling like a victim here, but I do not think I should be "careful" in mentioning aspects that could be crucial to understanding the topic. ... (read in full...)
She had oral sex before we got married and I just found this out! Was she a virgin?
Q. I am 30 years old and been married for 9 years. I was a virgin when we got married and she told me she was the same. Till after 8 years of marriage and 3 kids later she tells me that she gave out 20 or 30 blowjobs to two guys before me and she said ...
A. 24 January 2015: Sounds like you just talked about the actual intercourse, which is what is typically used as the line between "virgin" and not. Yes hadn't had intercourse, so yes she was a virgin. But she did have sex. However, not all people, your wife including, ... (read in full...)
My sister in law is cheating because I showed her how to use the internet! How do I stop this?
Q. Let me start out by saying a love my little nephews and brother to death and would do anything for them.I a very sensitive person and consistently asking people are they mad at me. I feel so bad and it's totally my fault that their mom is che...
A. 24 January 2015: How can you delete her page? I don't get this. If she's on facebook and doing all this, then it's in the wide open for her husband to see it himself. If it's on some page you control, and this is why you can see all she does, then either you've ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and the father wants a termination.
Q. Im pregnant. When I found out my instinct was to become a mother not to have an abortion. The father wants nothing to do with a baby right now because he wants to move and continue to find himself as he will be 25 in May. He’s called me selfish, ...
A. 24 January 2015: Look, you got to do what is right for you. It is YOUR choice now, not his. He was not careful with protection, so he landed himself in this situation on his own. I always say, and I mean it, that those who are not prepared for an accidental ... (read in full...)
How can I appear more approachable?
Q. How do you make yourself appear more approachable? I hear all the time that sometimes people don't get dates because they seem unapproachable. But what necessarily gives off that impression? I've heard the whole spiel about smiling and making e...
A. 24 January 2015: You say you are too scared to leave your comfort zone. Well then what do you want us to say? If you dont want to leave your comfort zone then stay where you are. If you're unhappy where you are then you HAVE to LEAVE your comfort zone. Really, make ... (read in full...)
Its a very delicate subject ......
Q. I have a problem with my mother in law who likes to sit on my husbands lap for photos - not every time but just when she feels like it that is what she does. She just gets up off a chair and sits on their lap and this seems 'normal' to them but not ...
A. 24 January 2015: There's nothing sexual about this. If you're so uncomfortable about something so harmless, then maybe you married the wrong man. Oh well, now you're already married to him, so my best advice to you is to let this pass. It is NOT a big problem, it is ... (read in full...)
I feel like I might be doing something wrong but I'm not sure. I need perspective.
Q. Two weekends ago my buddy and I were out at bar having drinks, we are both police officers and were off duty at he time, when we decided to leave we took a short cut around back and saw two guys trying get a very drunk young girl in their car she ...
A. 24 January 2015: You're in a small town and recently just moved there? Then back off this girl. Small town people do nothing but talk and gossip, and it will NOT be in your advantage to be seen with her, or to have people gossiping about it, because people will most ... (read in full...)
I feel like I might be doing something wrong but I'm not sure. I need perspective.
Q. Two weekends ago my buddy and I were out at bar having drinks, we are both police officers and were off duty at he time, when we decided to leave we took a short cut around back and saw two guys trying get a very drunk young girl in their car she ...
A. 23 January 2015: I think it's normal for you to feel off about this. I wouldn't say guilt, necessarily, but there's a 10 year difference at an age where it still matters. If she was 40 and you 50, I don't think it'd be the same.
You know how the equation goes, ri... (read in full...)
Is it okay to remove myself and "give her up" as a close friend?
Q. So I'm in the situation where I've told one of my good friends that I don't want to see her for a while... The story goes like this: I was good friends with her in high school but she did these little things like made out with a guy I was interested ...
A. 19 January 2015: It's always okay to remove yourself from a situation you feel is negative. I say keep the door open for her to come back if she can put her ex/abusive relationship behind her, and if she's matured and found confidence then she can be your friend ... (read in full...)
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