A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I would like some (kind please!) advice for my situation. Starting off, I have been with my boyfriend for a little less than a year and we're saving ourselves for marriage (yes we do intend to marry each other in the future). I am still a virgin and he slept with one girlfriend before me, was remorseful and has been abstinent ever since. A few things have popped up in my mind lately:1) Is it reasonable for me to ask him to be tested when we won't be sexually active until we're married and he used condoms every time with her?2) Would it be much harder for him than me to withhold from sex because he "knows what he's missing?" He says it wasn't good with her but...3) Will my wedding night be very painful? I'm sorry I know it's strange to ask, but I don't even use tampons and it's a little unsettling to consider my entire honeymoon being spent in pain...
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condom, still a virgin, tampon, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 December 2014):
 Chigirl is a true champ on this one. I just wanted to chime in and say how much I respect a young lady like you approaching this very delicate subject in such a mature and thoughtfull way. You can likely look forward to a very successful and rewarding life as you obviously care for yourself and your boyfriend in a very loving manner. Great Job young lady, and good luck to you in all your endevors in the future. Great to hear storis like this one!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2014):
 I can't improve on Chigirl's answer... therefore I suggest you read it again and pretend it's from me. too.
well done Chigirl!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 December 2014):
 It is reasonable that you ask him to get tested, and he should actually already have gotten tested. The longer you carry an STI without getting treatment, the worse they usually get. So common procedure is to get tested.
But, offer to get tested yourself. Not all STI's are transferred through sexual acts alone. Most transfer just as easily through blood, which you could have gotten in contact with and get infected by even without having sex. If someone in your family has an STI of this kind, for example.
2. No, it will not be harder for him to abstain than it is for you. Sexual drive (amount of lust) is something you either have or don't have. It is not something offset by intercourse. You're either a horny person, or you're not, to put it that way.
3. Probably it will be painful if you don't even feel comfortable wearing tampons. In which case I would advice you to see your doctor to get checked and see if you are alright. There's such a thing as vaginismus, and for the women who have this, sex is very painful, and tampons too. For most women, tampons are NOT painful. Even if you are a virgin. I used tampons when I was a virgin. It hurt the first time I used one because it wasn't inserted properly. But once I got the hang of it (it needs to go pretty far in), I didn't notice it at all. In fact, there are many women who forget about having a tampon in because you really do not feel it there.
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