A
female
age
30-35,
*avendar19
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months and we have a great relationship, he's 23 and I'm 22. We have not yet had sex because we want to wait a few more months as we are both virgins but this is a pretty irrelevant detail. Four years ago when I lived on campus, I went to a school dance and danced/made out with one of the guys there who was in a few of my classes that year. He talked to me occasionally and think he may have had a thing for me but I was in a long term relationship at the time and never acted on it. When my boyfriend at the time and I broke up (it was a really bad break up and as an 18 year old I pretty much had no self esteem after the relationship) and in a moment of vulnerability at the dance, I started dancing with him and we made out as well. I avoided him completely after this because I felt so ashamed as I'd never done anything like that before with someone who wasn't my boyfriend and someone I had no feelings for. Fast forward to now, it turns out that this guy and my current boyfriend know each other. They are not friends but know of each other as I see them liking each other's posts/commenting under each other's links occasionally. I know he hasn't told my boyfriend that we kissed years ago and I don't think it's relevant for me to share either since he's never talked about this friend and I've never seen him when we've gone out together, (yet, thankfully). But my worry is that one day I will see him when I'm with my boyfriend and of course at that point will need to say "so and so and I kissed at a dance years ago" but I'm terrified my boyfriend will be upset by this and judge me for it as this was very out of character for me to do.....I guess I don't even have a fully formed question right now, I know that I shouldn't bring this up now because my boyfriend may think there were feelings involved since I'm bringing it up when he hasn't even mentioned this person to me, but at the same time I'm afraid one day we will run into him and I will be forced to tell at that point and I'm scared he will be upset with me :(
View related questions:
both virgins, broke up, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 December 2014):
 Relax. Really, this is a trivial matter. Dont bother mentioning it unless directly asked or it naturally comes up in conversation. Youve committed no crime, and its not like its any if your boyfriends business to keep a track record on you. It doesnt even sound like a friend, more like a guy he vaguely knows. You worry so much because you are ashamed by it. But really, no one will/has a right to judge you for kissing a guy at a party. Dont kiss and tell, is the general rule. I say stick to that rule. There is no point in over-sharing just because you feel embarrassed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): Your history with this other guy would become your BF's business if he ever becomes better friends with this guy in the future. But as long as they never become close then I don't think your BF needs to hear it.
...............................
A
female
reader, lavendar19 +, writes (9 December 2014):
lavendar19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all of your replies...you're all right I am over thinking this. All of this has made me realize that it is my anxiety that I need to work on instead of these non issues that I keep making for myself and triggering my anxiety for no reason.
Thanks again..you are all amazing, please never underestimate how big of an influence you have when you take your time to respond to other people's questions. It meant the world to me and I know it means the world to other people as well. Thank you :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 December 2014):
 I don't think it's relevant to share this tidbit. Whether you were ashamed of kissing some almost random dude or not doesn't matter and it doesn't MAKE you a bad person for kissing a guy you had NO intentions of dating or getting to know. IT WAS A SNOG. That is all.
NOW if you BF bring it up, don't go into details of how ashamed you were, you aren't that kind of girl, blah, blah, blah - just tell him it's not something you really think back on.
Kissing a GUY is not the end of the world. YOU were single at the time and WELL within your "right" to DO as you pleased.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (9 December 2014):
The past is the past. If your now boyfriend gets upset because you kissed some guy way before you met him, then you need to a new boyfriend. That level of insecurity is not something you would want long term.
As for you...If that guy brings it up, you say
"Yeah so? That was nothing special, I am surprise you even remember that. I didn't until you brought it up."
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 December 2014):
In my opinion, this is something that he has absolutely no reason to know. This is such a non issue that it's not worth worrying about for another minute.
...............................
|
