A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me, things are pretty good between us. We are like perfect together and I trust him with all my heart which is really hard since I've been hurt really bad by my ex. We both agreed not to talk about his sexual past. I'm still a virgin and I don't think I need to hear about his sexual past because it will bug me and I don't want to wreck this relationship. Anyways, last night I was with my boyfriend and his best friend. My bf friend last night told me that he known my bf for 7 years and he would never hurt or cheat on me, but then he started talking about how he used to be a man whore and slept with countless number of girls and most of them were one night stands, and he has done just about everything including threesomes. Then he started saying he still has the opportunity to sleep with his ex gf, and so many girls talk about how "big" my boyfriend is and how all these girls want him. I got extremely hurt by this and my bf told him to stop but his friend didn't know it would bug me. I left his house and my bf texted me trying to cheer me up and it made me sick to my stomach to know he's slept with so many girls and girls still want him and talk about how "big" he is. My bf felt really bad and told his friend how I felt and it was wrong and he apologized but it's still bugging me really bad when I think about it. I believe everything he says but I still can't help feeling sick about the whole situation. My bf said it was along time ago and he's a completely different person and he loves me, but I still can't get the thought out of my head. I really do want to get over this.
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best friend, ex girlfriend, his ex, my ex, one night stand, sex life, sexual past, still a virgin, text, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2014): Very different sexual histories is a bad indicator for a couple's compatibility in general. It may or may not be a deal breaker but its definitely something to consider. It takes very different personalities and sexual values to produce those different track records.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 December 2014):
 My oput is tht Chigirl has more common sense than most others and if I were you i'd read her response two or three times then take a deep breath and rethink the entire issue. Take a look at the one with the problem(you) and figure out why there's a problem before building a mountain out of a molehill. Good luck and good on you for hanging in there when the world around you was off in some backseat.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 December 2014):
 I believe that your B/F's "hot" past bothers you 'way more than you are letting on.......
You need to make a serious decision.... are you willing to let go of YOUR concerns about his past? .... convinced that he really HAS left his past behind him? .... and that he can be (and IS) as dedicated to you and the "relationship" that you and he have.... as YOU ARE????
Face those questions... and answer this question by and for yourself....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 December 2014):
 My guess is, and of course I could be wrong on this as it's so dependent on personalities, is that you are more than necessary upset because you are a virgin. Don't get me wrong, but not having any sexual experience is bound to mean you WILL read MORE into it, than what's necessarily there. To YOU sex is something, I dunno, precious and sacred. You kept your virginity out of purpose, I presume, and not because of lack of opportunity to lose it. So it means more to you, waaaaay more, than it does to him, and most other people your age. Not that he values YOUR sexuality as less, but you value HIS sexuality as something completely different from his values. You are putting your values on to him. Which isn't fair. It's his body, after all, he gets to do what he wants with it without someone coming along shaming him for it.
Im not saying you intend to shame him. But it's what you're doing none the less. Why would it bother you so much, unless you thought it was something he should be ashamed of, something disgusting even, perhaps? I mean, why be bothered by it if you saw sex as something natural and wonderful?
It's one thing that no one wants to know details of their partners past. Really, no one wants that. But to be deeply disturbed by hearing some bits of information is an over reaction. At least, in my book, the type of information you received would have made me say "You know what -insert friends name-, it's really tacky to hand out such information about my boyfriend. What sort of reaction are you looking for by telling me that his exes still talk about how big he is? That I should be impressed, or what?". I would just confront this friend, and leave the boyfriend out of it. The bf can't be held accountable for what his dumb ass friend says. In all probability, the friend was trying to make you impressed, or something. Different people, different strokes. I, personally, LOVE hearing about how other women want my boyfriend, because I know he's mine and no one else can get him, in a childish way I like to think "nya nya nya nya", and mentally stick out my tongue to these other women, haha! But yeah, that's just weird me. I realize not all people are like this. But I think that's what his friend was aiming for, anyways. I don't think he said it to cause you distress or make you upset.
Your boyfriend isn't a virgin. Not all people know to kiss and shut up about it. Some talk. Your boyfriend has had a few talking exes and talking buddies. Not really his fault that his friend stuck the foot in his mouth. How to get past it? Take a deep breath and remind yourself that life isn't a Disney movie, and reality can not be changed, no matter how unpleasant it is to hear about it. It is what it is. What can you do? Nothing. So worrying about it is a complete waste of time and energy. It is what it is.
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