A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Lateley in my life, I have felt very lonely. I got through a divorce from a very mentally abusing man and I have always sort of been that nice girl finishing up last. Many girls sees me as a threat because of how I am as person ( I always stand my ground but consider everyone a lot, and then there is this thing about my looks) I feel girls are very jelous of how I look and this is why I rarely make any good female friends. Even relatives are this way towards me.I feel very lonely in life, and this is effecting me almost every day. I have a good job that I love and I am new at my work, so I haven´t been making friends yet, but my work place is dominating with girls and same thing I can sense even there - girly dramas that I´ve avoided all my life..I really wish I could just have one or two amazing friends just like myself and not feel like people are all ignorant and mean, because that´s what it feels like right now. I have been very hurt by some people ( incl my ex husband but he is not in my life, whereas these other people are) and I just want to be stronger and not allow anyone tear my down mentally. Mostly, my sister can be very dramatic and our mutual "friends" are very like her, which is why I can honestly say that I don´t have that many friends. My only good friend, at least I thought so of her, has stopped contacting me ever since I started to get good results in my career and she has basically avoided my calls and text messages. I confronted her but she ignored my message and I haven´t contacted her since that day. I don´t know what to do, but I feel most girls 98/100 are so dramatic and full of complexes that as soon as they see a girl like me, they bring it all on. I am very calm in nature, and I know people say I am extremely beautiful which is maybe why some girls find me as a threat, but I don´t know what to do with all this. It feels lonely. Really lonely. I live at my parents right now until I buy my own place pretty soon and I am very limited right now socially to my "childhood circle of family and friends".. But I am afraid even when I move out, that I won´t make any good friends..I look around and see how everyone is talking behind each others backs, and all I can think about is: aren´t there any descent people left? It feels very awkward and lonely in this world right now for a girl like me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2014): OP, I can really relate to your bewilderment about this situation - I've been in a similar situation but it took me years and years to figure out what was going on and your case is probably not identical to mine but could be a variation of it.So, I'm going to just say a few things that may help.First off, I had a terrible relationship with my mother, who was abusive and neglectful when I was growing up. She was not at all nurturing, either in a practical or emotional sense - this meant that I had extremely low self esteem and couldn't join in with the other girls from a young age - not only could I not do the things they did, like going shopping together (my Mum wouldn't give me money for clothes and I could only have stuff from charity shops), but there was absolutely no reassurance or emotional bonding coming from my Mum. Years later, I think this sets something in motion for the rest of our lives; in short, it makes it much harder to just get on with the "drama" that other girls and women share - we stand outside of it, and it feels strange to us and even frightening sometimes - in may case you may as well have asked me to start speaking in giraffe language. I desparately wanted friends but felt locked out of this type of 'femininity'.Secondly, I had no idea how pretty I was because my Mum never, ever, not once, told me this and I was totally discouraged from considering my appearance. It was almost like growing up with a puritanical or Amish person with no sexuality whatsoever. People would tell me I could be a model and that I was beautiful but it was as if it just didn't 'register' at all. I really mean that - it was as if they were talking about someone else. So, I totally failed to see just how much of a threat I represented to other women; yes, I totally believe that other women are placed in a competitive mode almost from birth, to gain the attentions of a man - it becomes so totally ingrained that it seems normal to them. It does seem to me that, whilst you are just used to the way you look and you are aware that it may be causing problems, you a. haven't learned how to take this into account when negotiating friendships b. you also are frustrated and resentful that you may have to do this (and I am honestly not judging you here) - this is not just a problem that relates to you and other women, but actually a worldwide problem, in which a woman's object status/what she looks like are prized over and above everything else. If you've gone into the modelling business you are probably used to just taking your looks for granted and are used to them - but other women will see them as a threat over and above everything else that you do. The other respondent who boasted about being "very very beautiful" and having loads of friends frankly sounds so self centred and nasty that I certainly wouldn't want her as a friend.Another issue is that, if you've been divorced at a young age and have mainly male friends, women will without doubt feel threatened by this - women are often massively insecure underneath everything, even underneath their seeming confidence. I once went to a women's group for a while, just in my local community and when I was much younger. As I say, I was totally oblivious to how my looks were affecting the other women. When the group leader asked us for ideas about what we;d like to do as a group, we all suggested things and one thing that came up was getting in a beautician to do make-overs. Me, desperate for female bonding, added that we could even go further and do the kind of 'transformation' type experiences that you see on TV, ie. give one another clothing advice to suit our body shape and so on. One of the women simply never spoke to me again. Another woman said "we don't all have your confidence". I had no confidence at all and was heartbroken as I simply couldn't see that they saw me as beautiful. Relatedly, if women don't know you all they think is "gorgeous, strong woman, been through husband number one, only has male friends - RED ALERT" - in their eyes they will be starting to think that you may steal their boyfriends and husbands - believe me, I divorced young but also had a child and, in retrospect, it now seems hilarious that the other mums that I tried to bond with were all intent on protecting their husbands from me - again, it took me years and years to figure this out.You can carry on being friends with men only - nothing wrong with that in itself - but it won't ever allow you to address the issue with other women. When you say that other relatives treat you like this, I do really wonder whether it's your Mum that sets the standard by which they treat you. It took me decades to realise that my Mum was actually very threatened by me, intellectually and in terms of my looks, so she was trying to 'bring me down' by neglect. She managed to turn my two sisters against me in the cruellest way. When you say that your friend suddenly stopped speaking to you - a similar thing happened with me, in fact I've had lots of instances of this or similar behaviour. I scrimped and saved to buy my own property when I was still quite young and, whilst my friend had believed I never had a hope in hell of buying a place because I'd never inherit anything and my ex husband never paid me maintenance, she was happy to be my friend because it allowed her to feel that someone was suffering along with her (she was ten years older than me and in a lot of debt). As soon as I bought my own place, she was nowhere to be seen - sheer jealousy, and, weirdly, I found out later that she felt I'd done it 'to spite' her ie. that I'd gone and bought a flat just to feel superior to her - well that was frankly nuts, but she was so insecure that she was projecting her insecurities on to me. It's so obvious that this is what your friend has been doing.Finally, another thing that helped me was studying to a high level at university. I was in jobs with very 'dramatic' woman, like you say and very, very unhappy - I found I just couldn't fit in because I wanted more intellectual conversations - now, this may not be you, but it could also be the case that, if your work place is the main place where you have opportunity to make female friends then yes, it will seem like the problem is yours when it may not be. The 98% that another respondent referred to is only a 98% from ONE walk of life and a very narrow one. I'd strongly urge you to do what another reader said and find other areas of life to make friends. Please don't make the mistake that I did for years, which was to be so desperate for friendships that I became a doormat - I got used and it took a long time for me to redress that balance.What also helped me was going to counselling - I wish I'd done it years before - in regard to my mother. Really, this is the person that we learn the pattern from re. how to form all our friendships. I'd urge you to maybe look into the possibility of counselling re. this relationship as everything indicates something's not right but also so familiar to you that you haven't really wondered if it could be wrong.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 December 2014):
I think what really helps is to adjust your attitude a bit. This combination of self protection and craving a no-nonsense friend who doesn't get caught up in drama makes you very unapproachable. You are intimidating because you've built a fortress around yourself for protection and only the best people will be allowed in your inner circle. Add a successful career to that and you might as well be on the moon.
Now don't get me wrong, those qualities aren't bad at all. On the contrary. But they make it hard to make friends. I know you think a lot of people are annoying and dramatic, believe me, I know exactly where you're coming from. But there's more to most of these people than meets the eye. Try to get through that superficial layer and see if there's anything underneath that interests you. People could surprise you.
I think a lot of people make the mistake of looking for friends who are, in essence, just like themselves. And sure, if you happen to stumble upon such a person and you hit it off, that's great. But don't write off everyone else.
Jealousy over beauty, a better career, etc. etc. is just skin deep and will vanish if you allow people to get to know you. Women are raised to compete with each other. This is especially easy if you don't really know one another because you can make judgments based on a cardboard cutout version you've constructed of each other in your heads. You gotta see that for what it is: a social construct.
I have a very beautiful and successful friend. She looks like Natalie Portman and she studied medicine and she basically has a great career ahead of her. Comparing these surface facts about her to mine, I'm a shadow. When I first met her, I disliked her on principle. I got to know her though and though we are very different people, we get along great. I don't care that she's prettier than me by a mile anymore and I also don't care that her academic achievements are greater than mine. Friendship shows you the human side of a person and that's when all this stuff society tells us we should pay attention to, falls away. But you got to give it a shot.
You're writing off other women because you secretly feel you're superior. You're prettier than them, you're tough and you're successful. You don't get caught up in drama and trivialities of everyday life. A lot of women who think like you do are very proud of the bonds they form with men, because to them it shows they're not 'petty' and 'weak' like 'other women'. You gotta realize that these other women may not possess any of your desired qualities but that doesn't make them less than you are.
Like I said, women are trained to tear each other down because that's where we're taught to get our self esteem. But try to talk to them. Be attentive. Listen to their drama and maybe offer an insightful comment. For someone who gets easily derailed by insignificant stuff, it's nice to have a friend who can cut through the BS like a sharkfin through water. Also, consider a lot of people vent about the small stuff to cope with the bigger stuff.
What also works, and this seems backwards, is asking for a favor. Simple things like looking something up, etc. Because you trust that person with a task you'd otherwise do yourself, you create a small bond. Of course if you abuse this tactic you're gonna be known as that person that delegates everything, but if a control freak perfectionist asks me if I could please help her complete a task, it makes me feel valued and good because they came to me for help.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): OP firstly understand your frustration but this site is here for opinions and by posting it goes with the territory you won't like all the answers. Personally I completely get where you're at. I often feel I need another 'me' as a friend. My closest friends are not near me geographically. I have found it helpful to stop looking for friends but look for things that I love doing and that support my values. That way other people that attend may share similar values and interests and friendships can develop from there. If they don't then you have at the very worst human interaction with like minded souls and hopefully no 'drama'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): I find the best way to make/keep friends, is to be a good friend.
personally I have a hard time making initial overtures to new poeple. I am a shy person, so I do have to make a conscious effort to do the initiating sometimes, but I still try to do this whenever I get the chance, and I do have several very long lasting, good friendships with women from all different backgrounds.
What sorts of things would you like a friend to do for you? Do you want her to call & invite you out every so often? then do that. Do you want her to start a class or activity with you? then try to find another girl interested in that same activity as you & get to know her.
Ask questions and listen to the answers so you can get to know the person, and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Basically, just try to treat the person you want to be friends with as you want her to treat you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 December 2014):
 OP I understand your frustration. Text can be a hard medium to get your point across.
IF i had a dog that bit everyone I would assume it was the dog.
If I had a dog that bit 98% of the people he met I'd still assume it was the dog.
IF I had a dog that only bit 2% of the people he met, I would assume it was more about the 2% than the dog.
The key to figuring out what the problem is, means looking at each situation and figuring out the one thing that is always the same. It's you. YOU are always the one with these 98 people. THEY are all different people.... they will all have different feelings, different facial expressions and different ways to interact with you. THE ONLY thing that remains the same IS YOU.
hence why everyone is making the suggestions they are.
best of luck working this out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): Hmm, maybe try making some lgbt friends... they won't be threatened by your beauty and may even appreciate it. You don't need to be gay or bi (this bit is obvious) to make a friend who is in that community and through them you'll meet more friends. Don't worry just keep going, at least you have your sister.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me make some things clear... I sense that I am being judged here simply because I am directing ya´ll towards a chance to understand me rather than ranting about things that is not the case for me.1. I don´t mean to "brag" about my beauty or career etc.. And again, it´s such a shame that some of you here on this thread find it difficult to hear me explain my looks and personality, while simultaneously failing to understand that I only explain these traits to make you guys have an insight to what the deal is about.. It is NOT to brag, nor nag.2. I don´t talk in certain rejecting way with anyone. I am very humble as person and basically treat people the same regardless of who they are, I treat people good and with a kind heart. I am the kind of girl who can easily have a good conversation with a homeless person and give charity without mentioning it to anyone.. I am the kind of person who does good without even letting anyone know about it. 3. You two anonymous girls " I can tell you that if I met someone who felt that 'most girls 98/100 are so dramatic " and "I don't know you but the way you are answering explains a lot.Men just go MIA" aren´t even trying to understand what I am saying when explaining why the previous answers are irrelevant. I say irrelevant, not to reject or be rude, but to simply move on and make you all understand what IS and is NOT the case. If you want to believe according to your own assumptions than let it be, because no it won´t help me considering the fact that it is not how the reality is.4. I have tons of male friends, but I could never sit and talk to them about these things because they are guys and we all know guys already feel us girls can be a bit of dramatic, with our girly issues. I have in fact only had guy-friends when I was younger simply because they treated me with more respect than any other girls in school. I was bullied for being tall ( I am one of the shortest models among my friends abroad), for having too big eyes and my hair was not the "right" color but all that turned around when I too, just like another female anonymous girl on this thread, started to do modelling abroad. I look a lot like Miranda Kerr, but that is too irrelevant and not the point, right girls?.. Jeez! It feels like I have to explain my intentions instead of actually trusting that some of ya´ll should already know that I would never sign up on this site, and ask questions simply to what, brag?!.. Seriously?...!Just because I direct you back to my situation doesn´t mean I haven´t read what you guys have written or that I haven´t reflected on it. But the truth of the matter is that the things you write is not true about me, and I have to re-explain and re-direct back to my reality and original post and frankly that is taking some energy from me. But honestly though, I can´t make some of you here understand and if you feel to answer the way you are than just know that it is not helping my situation at all. And aren´t you here to help?If I tell you these girls are treating me very badly, please don´t say: well maybe you have an attitude. Understand that if I knew I had an attitude, I would explain that too, I have nothing to hide and the things I have said are emotionally hard and private enough so don´t be disrespecting me that way please. And yes.. I just did say that. Anonymous girl, I do wish to get in touch, but how?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Hi, I am the female anon who gave that ranting speech about friendship. Well you proved my point exactly. I can imagine you view every person who's tried to be your friend and give you advice in the same light, a self serving person like all the rest who just doesn't understand you.
I think you have extreme narcissistic qualities. No matter what anyone says or does you want to skew their words and intentions, even calculatedly highlighting certain things while ignoring other words of advice, so that they're wrong and you're right. So that you can defend what has become your reality.
I brought up the influence your ex may have had on you because you said he was very abusive. I also asked you if you've always felt this way about people, to see if this has nothing to do with him and it is something within you. And by your response you answered my question.
It seems like you have all the answers and nobody in this world has the beauty, success or good nature to understand what you understand. We're just catty, dramatic, shallow women with low insight.
I'm not going to try to prove you otherwise, and write about great qualities I believe I have or other people believe I have, to try to add some height to my words, cause I could care less what you think of me. I choose who I want myself to be judged by. And having that sort of control over my life is awesome. And it sounds like most people around you for that matter have taken a similar stance. For the mere fact that you put people in categories merely based on their gender and your own skewed views of people's intentions and "lack" of insight.
People have been avoiding you your whole life and its too difficult for you to accept that you have all the fault in this. So instead you've created an alternate deluded reality where the world is one big jerk off who is threatened by your perfection. Im not going to lie to you to stroke your ego. I think you are wrong. You've isolated yourself from the world for this immense fear you have of shattering this false persona and this false reality that you have created. And deep down you know that accepting friendship would require you to face your true self and a more objective reality. The one you've been hiding. And that terrifies you because you don't like who you are. So instead you avoid social relationships so that you can keep convincing yourself that you are special, different and better than everybody else. Adjusting to life like everybody else does would make you average, in your mind. And you don't want that. But that is the nature of narcissism, unfortunately.
So if you want to go about your life with this attitude that you are so beautiful, successful and good natured that its too much for others to handle and people hate you for it, then by all means, go for it. But you're in for a very lonely life. That is why I suggest you see a therapist.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): I can tell you that if I met someone who felt that 'most girls 98/100 are so dramatic and full of complexes' I would not stick around long enough to become friends with them. If the problem is as you say, you can't be friends with women since they have issues, then why do you not have male friends instead? You will probably come up with a litany of issues with men like they think you are too beautiful or are intimidated by you etc. But at some point, you have to stop and ask what the common denominator is; you.
If you truly feel'feel like people are all ignorant and mean' you won't be pleasant company for anyone - male or female. When you don't see any good in the world, you do not offer much good to the world because you become resentful. And then people are not good to you as a result and so it becomes a vicious cycle.
Commit to being genuinely kind to other people. Start with your family. It can be compliments or small actions but be kind to others and they can't help but return it. I'm not saying you are unkind, but I am saying be proactive about starting that cycle of positivity.
Be the good that you want to see in the world.
I have had many friendship groups with people who are sometimes more sometimes less good looking, wealthy or successful than I am. There was none of the nastiness that you seem to think has taken over the world. If you respect every individual and not boast insensitively about your own luck (in success and beauty) there is no reason why people would actively avoid you like they are doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Hi, I can totally relate to you in everything you say. I am very similar and had a long term abusive relationship, and no we have not picked ulp the abusers traits at all because if that was the case then we would also be doing cruel horrible nasty things to others and im certainly not like that at all.
I also have the same problem and women do become jealous of me and possibly feeling threatned around me particularly if they have their partners with them. I dont do anything to provoke these reactions either and I am just myself everywhere I go, I dont need to pretend or be fake or anything. Neither am I any kind of attention seeker or anything like that. I dont have facebook account, in fact I dont want to talk to anyone on there I would prefer to meet people in person. And I have also been told on numerous occasions I am very different to other women. I can totally relate to what you are saying and I dont believe it is us with the problem. I think we should become friends! And I have noticed over the years people are becoming selfish and only care about themselves and money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): I don't know you but the way you are answering explains a lot.Men just go MIA when they meet girls like you.They are too polite to say it to the face where as women act differently with women like you.
Take the whole post,take all of the posts that you wrote to a psychological counselor.You are not willing to believe or listen to any of us.It seems a waste of time.
I am very very beautiful.I am pretty successful as well.I am very very intelligent.My dad is very very rich.I have equally rich,successful,beautiful friends who are girls who would do anything for me.I have never had any of the problems that you have had.
I am not buying anything that you say.Your attitude speaks volumes.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (14 December 2014):
OP I have had experience with the type of things you talk about. Some (now former) friends have started acting differently when I've started to do better at school or work, and others have judged me because of how I look too (I used to do a bit of modelling) so I do know how you feel. However, it's not ALL people that have done this. Only the insecure ones in my experience. So either you are, for whatever reason, drawn towards incredibly insecure people or it's something else altogether that's causing them to act this way.
Reading your responses, it doesn't sound like you are very willing to listen to others opinions or consider them. If this is something you do a lot in life too, then perhaps people don't feel listened to when they are with you? You also talk a lot about how successful and beautiful you are. Again, this may just be you trying to explain your situation to us, but it's worth looking at your actions and asking yourself if you perhaps brag too much to people?
I'm not trying to upset you, and I do know there are a lot of bitchy drama queens out there, but it's certainly not all people. Perhaps you are expecting perfection from others? I know you said you don't want anyone to point out things you may need to work on, but the fact is that's the only thing you have any control over so it's worth looking at. Plus, all people have things they could/should work on to improve themselves so it's not going to do you any harm.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): For some reason my post first shiw that it's me the original person who is posting but I am sure you guys will come back and see this comment and the previous one too :-)
Anyways.. In regards to me being affected by my ex to such degree that his bad behavior has rubbed off on me us not true. Yes I was in an extremely bad relationship but me and him are over and he has apologized, even wished to have me back but it's a closed chapter.
It's interesting how you answer as if you actually have an absolute insight whereas the truth is you keep reflecting from your own perspective. I know a teye friend would pick up tag phone eventually, text back least to say and not go cold Turkey for no apparent reason. That's a truth and has nothing to do with my ex and how he treated me. I understand were you come from and your intention might be to make me consider other options but both you and the previous girl fail to actually understand that what I am saying is exactly the exact case.
Next time if you wish to give advice try not to be do sucks you've and give an entire speech about "your understanding of friendships". That's you. It has nothing to do with me and what I wrote. I frankly don't agree with you, if a friend is not doing good career wise I wouldn't see that as a means that pulls me down. I have always treated people with respect regardless of their social qoe.
We disagree but I would appreciate if you tried to understand what I am saying instead of ranting an advice that is irrelevant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): I understand you may say I read too much into it. That's a natural and fast respond when not really understanding the situation. The situation is pretty much as I lay out and I feel there are a handful if people who can honestly appreciate me for who I am whereas the rest and majority try to say like you do " maybe you are lacking this or that".. Nah.. I am being very honest. If trash talking and being dramatic is a quality I need to have to "communicate" then I guess I have consciously avoided it.
On the other hand, those few who are descent and honest to treat me well are the ones who keep mentioning what I am saying: that I am different from those other girls, that I am very descent and calm in nature etc. however, I know that already and it still feels lonely.
I am not reading too much into it. If you honestly want to understand and give me advice accordingly I can reassure you that I am not "exaggerating", I am simply trying to mentally be strong to not let these people rule over me and I am yet to figure out how.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): I think chi girl brings up some good points. You might not be seeing things for what they really are. I especially noticed that to probably be true based on your analysis of why your only good friend now avoids you. You say she stopped taking your calls when your career took off. I don't think her reasons are that cut and dry and I find that reason in particular to be hard to believe. Most people wouldn't avoid their friends just because they are doing well for themselves. People, on the contrary, usually are happy when their friends are doing well. It often means more perks for the friend! When one of my friends is doing well, they are more likely to pick up the tab or be able to be more generous. And vice versa. Not only that but when your friend is doing well, she'll be happier and funner to be around. She'll be able to take that trip to Jamaica you and the girls wanted to go to but she couldn't afford before. If the friend gets laid off, the successful friend will be in a position to help her get a job or something. People want friends that they feel proud of. I love to brag about my friends who are successful. The lawyer, the engineer, the filmmaker. Because they are successful and happy they always have fun stuff to talk about and add to the conversation. I get to do fun stuff like go to a movie premiere and meet interesting people because of their success in their line of work. It feels good to roll with successful people. It's better than saying, "my friend pumps gas at the Shell. My other friend is unemployed and sleeps all day. I can never go out and have fun with them cause they are always broke. So if I want to hang with them I always have to pick up the tab." See what I am getting at? Therefore, I just find it very hard to believe that you becoming successful is the reason this girl stopped talking to you.
You seem to be quick to place this line of reasoning that if someone avoids you or doesn't want your friendship it must be because you are successful and beautiful and therefore they are jealous. It just doesn't make sense, especially given that we live in a society where both beauty and success are highly admirable qualities. People won't stop being your friend for either of these reasons. On the contrary, people will like you and respect you more for these reasons. There is something else going on in your dynamics with these people that you are failing to see.
You were in a mentally abusive relationship so you might still be in a fight or flight mode when it comes to your social interactions, a defense mechanism you adjusted to in response to the abuse you endured. You have severe trust issues because of it and maybe even ptsd. Abusers usually have a very narcissistic view of themselves in relation to the world. They think they are better than others and they usually hate people and find flaws with everybody. I think you picked up some of your exes mentality in terms of how he views others and their intentions. Remember abusers project their persona onto others. They see in others only themselves and their evil intentions. People are cruel, jealous, malicious. When they find these flaws in others, it is actually flaws they see in themselves and simply project onto others. Because they have a superiority complex they think everyone is jealous of them.
I think you have picked up this guys bad habits. His view of the world is still very alive and pervasive in your mind. I feel like when you explain why friendships aren't working out for you and give it the reasoning that its because people are jealous, it's really your ex talking. Your ex would most certainly avoid people who are successful and beautiful because HE is a jealous, competitive, evil person, with zero confidence or self esteem, who sees everybody as a threat. You spent so much time with this guy that you are attributing to others mentalities and ways of thinking that your abusive ex had. You have to understand, your ex is the minority. He is the anomaly. He is an abberation.
Either through therapy or whatever treatment you choose to your liking, it is important that you shake off this guys influence on you. As unfortunately, even though he is physically out of the picture, his damage is still very present and still having a negative impact on your life.
Now I am totally blaming your ex in all this and at the same time wondering how big of a roll he played in all this. What was your life like before him? Did you have these same problems before he came in the picture? These are things you should really consider. I think you'd really benefit from therapy.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 December 2014):
 There are decent people left, people with the confidence to not aleays compare themselves with others. You will find these people eventually. Just right now you are going through a hard time, and everything feels worse than it really is. You see a lot of drama everywhere, but maybe its not true. Maybe you are being conflict shy because of your recent divorce, and will read anything as drama/conflict. Things just seem overwhelming now, with a new job and all. But give it time, and you will find good friends. And be patient with those around you, even if you feel like there is too much drama. Like I said, you could be reading too much into it. Most probably it is not all drama, but a communication style you are unfamiliar with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Well you sound like a perfect girl I'd like to get to know - hopefully I'd be minus all the drama you mention as I'm not a fan of that either. So there are nice ppl out there!
Perhap try joining a sports club or something to meet ppl with similar interests. Try meetup.com
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