A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry it's really long.The other day I was at my boyfriends place and he was being really grumpy and unreasonable with me but I held my tongue as I didn't want a big row,however just as I left his house to go home he said something really nasty to me for no reason,so when he phoned me later on,I rejected the call and turned my phone off.The next morning I decided to just text him and say sorry my battery went dead as I had an assignment to get done for university and didn't need an argument but I was actually fuming.Anyway he was fine about it and kept calling me as usual over the next 3 days then invited me down there again.I was busy and didn't feel like making the 60 mile journey when he'd been nasty last time but I thought well maybe he realized I was upset the other day and he'll make an effort this time.So I spent all evening getting ready and travelling down there with him calling to nag me about how long I was taking and when I got to the main train station for his city the trains to his area weren't running.I had to get a cab as the buses round there you cant pay cash and it cost me £13.The train ticket was £30.I then bought a Chinese takeaway for both of us and realized I was completely out of cash and didn't have my card on me but didn't think it was a big deal as all I needed was a 50p can drink and then a banana or something in the morning.I phoned him to let him know I'd arrived in his area (he was at a friend's) and explained about the cab and asked could he please pick me up a pepsi on his way up as I was out of cash and to my disbelief he grumpily said I aint got no money for that (not a week before he'd been given £3000 in backdated benefit money) bear in mind I was stressed from the journey and still angry from the other day and I never ask him for money other than the odd drink or whatever so I lost my temper and said I thought you had 3 grand so he started shouting at me about it was his money and I'm not entitled to any of it and that he deserved it for being disabled (he grossly exaggerated his health problems to get it,claiming he can't wash or dress himself which is rubbish but I didn't say any of that)so I just said right,so you've got 3 grand but you won't spend a pound on me,okay then and hung up the phone.I thought maybe he thought I was going to start asking him to pay for everything and it was a misunderstanding,so I phoned back and said do you really think I'm after your money,I'm not like that I just can't believe you won't buy me one drink when you have all that money and he claimed he'd sent it all abroad to which I replied bs and then he said he won't even be buying his son a Christmas present so I started shouting at him about how he'd demanded I get him an £80 watch when he was not buying anyone else anything and said I was going home,which was dumb when the trains weren't running but I wasn't thinking straight.I then sent him a text saying I'd been fed up from the other day and that it was over and when he phoned me I just screamed and swore at him and hung up.I got back to the station and found that trains were running the other way but that my ticket wasn't valid from there,only the main city station,I must've bought the wrong one cos I was rushing and the guy told me to go to the police station and ask for a letter to travel so I text my bf telling him I hated him and he'd wasted my whole night,cost me 40 pounds and now I might not be able to get back.I walked all the way to the local police station but it was shut and the nearest open one wasn't walking distance so I text him and told him and he phoned and said he was going to spend the night at his friends house cos he didn't like the way I'd spoken to him so I screamed at him and after he hung up,I texted to say I never wanted to see him again.I was angry and not thinking straight.I walked back to the station while sending him various abusive texts but not saying anything personal,other than that he was selfish,just swear words.I didn't threaten him or anything like that.He phoned me again and said that I was out of order and he was not coming back but as I was fuming and could hear a woman laughing in the background,rather than calmly explain I couldn't get home I screamed that he was the most selfish evil person I'd ever met and that his companion was a whore.Then I text to say that if I couldn't get back on the train I would find a man to go home with (I wouldn't ever do that,I just wanted to hurt him cos he seemed to be with a woman)I found the station barriers were now open so I went down to the platform but the trains were badly delayed due to the problem earlier and it got to 11.30 and none came and I'd missed the last train back to my town from the main station anyway,so I texted him to explain and ask if he could please book me a room at the local hotel and I would pay his precious money back into the bank tomorrow.The text got delivered ok so his phone was on at that point,the hotel was only £70 and argument or no argument surely he wouldn't leave me on the street if he cared right? This is England in December and his area isn't the safest.we've been together 4 years.I swore at him but nothing too personal and he'd know it was because I was angry and feezing cold,the worst thing I said was about the one night stand thing but he'd know I wasn't serious or I wouldn't have asked about the hotel.He's said some horrific things to me during arguments and I forgave him.Anyway,I went up to the hotel and phoned him from there but his phone was off so I went round to his house and hung around outside till 1am when his lodger came back and explained what happened and asked if he could let me in.My bf obviously hadn't told him to look out for me or let me in as he seemed really surprised to see me and said he'd have to phone him first.I told him the phone was off and promised I'd be out before he came back and wouldn't tell him that he'd let me in so he agreed.At 2 am my text got delivered so my bf had switched his phone on and got my voicemail crying saying I couldn't get home and I was freezing and he didn't even call me to see if I was ok.The next morning his friend asked me if he'd come back in the night so he obviously hadn't phoned him to check if I was there either.My mother said she got a call at 6am on a private number but I think that was a nasty prank rather than him checking if I'd got home as they hung up before she even spoke.Oddly enough she didn't wake up when I was phoning her to ask if she could come and pick me up lollast night he text me saying he was changing his number then he sent another one saying I was jealous of his money.So he appears to have dumped me (even though I technically dumped him first)which has got me wondering if it's me that was in the wrong? He did start the argument and he was unreasonable and I only kept texting because I was cold and he'd wasted my night.Maybe he did ask his friend to let me in and the friend just pretended not to know about the row cos he didn't want to be involved? I just cant believe he'd carry on the argument like that and then turn his phone off if he ever gave a damn about me-I don't even leave my cat outside overnight in this weather.I wouldn't do that to him no matter what he'd done-even if I didn't want him in the house I'd have phoned and booked a hotel for him.His friend offered me bus fare the next day and he dosent even know me and my so called boyfriend of 4 years acts like this.
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christmas, disabled, jealous, money, one night stand, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): I'm not sure why you want to be with him? I presume there is something in your history that makes you tolerate all of this up until now. He is defrauding the government to get disability payments according to you and he has borrowed money from you which he has failed to pay back. Yet he won't give you a dollar to get a drink or pay or a cab for you and was quite happy to leave you outside all night in danger. Even without the above he is a horrible person- he sounds completely horrible and this needs to be the last straw for you with him. Just end it and save your sanity.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): I think you've learned a lot of valuable lessons.
Your boyfriend is a fraud and a jerk. You both behaved in a very immature way. Never leave the house without "mad-money."
Before walking out the door; check your purse to be sure you have your keys, enough cash, and a credit-card with ample room on it. Just in-case. Especially, when you're traveling a long way from home!!!
Check train schedules (coming and going) before setting out; to determine if there are any delays. Always have a fully-charged phone. Always have an emergency-plan. Have a friend AND a relative ready, willing, and able to help you in a crisis. Let your mother know when you're going to travel; so she'll pick-up a distress call! Don't scream and swear at someone you want help from. If you had a big fight with someone who lives a long-distance away from you, and you think they want to apologize. Let them come to you!
If you're on your way to see someone miles away from home; and they start verbally-abusing you along the way. Turn around. Go home!
If you know someone fraudulently takes money, disassociate yourself with a criminal! Don't ask them for their dirty money; then get insulted if they say no! If you didn't say anything about it when you knew how and when he got it; don't wait for a fight to throw it in his face! If you call home, and nobody picks up; keep calling everyone you know until somebody does!
It doesn't matter who dumped who first. You both dumped each other. He's out of your life, don't look back.
Focus on school and get your life together. Biggest lesson of all, DON'T DATE LOSERS!!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 December 2014):
 WHY would you spend even another MINUTE with a guy who behaves (and treats you) like this???????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): I know it was the wrong thing to do to swear and send texts but it was just so unreasonable of him and I can't have a sensible discussion with him when he's acting like that-it's like trying to have an argument with a drunk person. I text because when we argue he never lets me get a word in edgeways. Part of the reason I didn't swallow my pride and apologize was I thought it might not even be a good idea to go to his house in case he got violent. I did put a plastic bag in front of the bedroom door so I'd wake up if he came back in in the night. Besides the fact I felt disrespected, like he thinks I'm not worth 50p.I can't believe he did this I would never do this to anyone I once met a girl who was stranded in the night and I got us a taxi to a hotel and paid for a room for her. The worst thing is I stupidly miss him I didn't want us to break up before Christmas I just wanted him to respect me ;(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): I think it's weird that your boyfriends friend doesn't know you or know of you, since you've been in the picture four years. That's not a good sign.
Look clearly this guy is a massive loser. Stop putting yourself through this. And your poor mother is involved in this drama too getting prank calls, or having to pick you up at odd hours of the night cause your loser boyfriend leaves you to fend for yourself.
I mean seriously, grow up. Just kick this loser to the curb and move on. He sucks. Your relationship sucks. Your life is full of sucky scenarios. Be done with him and go be happy, instead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Also bear in mind this is in inner city London
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): I don't see how I was full of entitlement by asking for a 50p drink? I didn't ask him to buy the meal.I never ask him for anything,he's never even taken me out.He's "borrowed" thousands of pounds off me that I've never had back. He was horrible to me the other day and I said nothing your talking like I deserved to freeze to death for calling him a b-stard?He's the one full of entitlement,with a council house he sublets and benefit money he's not entitled to-it's personal independence allowance which is supposed to be to pay a carer and for special equipment in the home,neither of which he needs-he rides his bike for miles and lifts heavy furniture I can't lift
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 December 2014):
 Please read your own post. I got to about half before giving up. Is this the sort of person you want to be? Mean and hurtful, passive aggressive and full of entitlement? Is this the sort of relationsjip uou want, with no respect for one another, daily screaming matches and fights? Read your own post as if someone else wrote it. What advice would you give?
My advice is: end this toxic relationship and spend time thinking about what sort of person you want to be, and what sort of relationship you want to have. Its all about how we choose to behave, really. How we choose to treat others is how we will be treated in return.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): He is in the wrong. Block his number go no contact. He has problems that you cannot solve. He has no future. Your life has so much more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): You both are wrong and are not treating each other right. Hear me out, I read it all and I understand your frustration, but you did bring it on yourself. I am sorry you had to go through a hard night like that. Would you believe me if I said that I went through something similar, and I never cussed or sent him text messages and he was the one doing all the yelling, abusive words etc? Well, that is the honest truth I promise you and despite that hell of a night, I forgave him but got hurt even more down the road.Don´t do that to yourself. Don´t settle for less. I would have told him the same if he was the one writing but the same advice goes to both of you - leave each other alone. Next time you are with a guy and he treats you badly, (even if he starts or you start) never stay around to see what happens because the chances are it will escalate into something very bad. You could have ended up being very hurt that night and not just emotionally. Don´t allow anyone to treat you bad, but don´t sink that low to actually talk back that way to anyone. If you two can´t hold up an descent argument or fight, cussing and name callings won´t make the situation any more clear or serious. Hope you will come to a better understanding next time.
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