A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm a complete virgin, never been fingered or touched at all.. Whenever I've got Into situations (being alone with a guy etc) I've always completely freaked out and sometimes started crying.. I don't want to let the guy down.I'm scared of not being good at it.. But most of all I'm scared that the guy won't fit.. It hurts when I put a tampon in for godness sake! It used to hurt with just one finger! But because of this whole sex thing I've been trying to prepare myself and just trying to get a little less tight.. It's been a few months, one finger can get in with a little push but there's no way I can get two..Is this normal or do I need help? Thankyou!!
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 November 2014):
 You're my son's age! I really don't mean to sound condescending to you by saying this, but you're a KID! Yes, I know, you're 14 and just into puberty and probably all lanky arms, legs, and hormones ripping your brain and body a new one.
You're not ready for sex because your body has not fully matured! Of course you're having a hard time with a tampon because you have a hymen (or, you should!). They recommend girls start off with pads anyways because of the not-fully-grown thing going on.
Listen very carefully, you know you're not ready for sex. That's why you're freaking out about it. Do NOT override that feeling! 14 year olds fumbling around with sex (especially 14 year old guys!) is like giving a toddler a chainsaw. These guys aren't shooting blanks anymore...50% of all 14 year olds admit to beginning their masturbatory journey, wrecking socks and hiding sheets due to wet dreams and such.
And seriously? If the guy(s) you're thinking about are OLDER than your age, especially going on 17-20 years old, then that's predatory, and they want to use your innocence to crack open the "shrink wrap" on your virginity, so to speak.
Do not have sex now, or you will totally regret it. There is no hurry, and if you are interested in sensations and feelings, take one lesson from the guys, and take some time for yourself to explore your body without a guy present! In short, find out what feels good on your own if you haven't already! No chance of disease, pregnancy, extreme regret, getting used, all of that!
And no, I'm not saying that you need to be some sort of virginal priss-bag who must imitate the Virgin Mary in all of her chastity. I'm saying that your hormones will read way too much into things. Guys your age want to screw anything that moves or doesn't move! Girls your age want to connect emotionally, fall in love, be a girlfriend, all that stuff. You can do THAT without sexual intercourse, or you could be trading in your dreams and your childhood because guys your age don't know self-control, nor are they equipped to do anything but bolt at the sign of sex actually performing its primary function - reproduction.
The fact that the reason you want sex is to not "let the guy down" is exactly the reason I'm giving you The Lecture. That is NO reason to have sex.
There's also another thing - you're practicing for sex by putting fingers inside your vagina?? You're missing the entire point of sex if that is the way you train for it. Work on sensations, not whether or not a penis will or won't fit. Like I said - your body is not the body of a grown-up or even a late-adolescent teenager.
If you wait until your intellect catches up with your hormones, and you start being a lot more cautious about whose penis you consider as a candidate for copulation, trust me, there is a *LOT* of time to learn how to have GOOD sex. We're not talking about "Hey! Let's stick it in the hole and call it sex". Seriously, Mr Plug and Mrs. Electrical socket have been doing that for 100 years.
If you fancy Mr. "I don't want to let him down", then do outercourse, not intercourse. If you can't talk to your parents or guardian about getting on birth control or even informing them that you are considering going sexually active, then you're not ready for sex. Your actions don't just affect you. If you get pregnant, you'll change more than just your own life. Your parents will be grandparents, even if you make the decision not to keep the baby. You cannot merely consider just yourself when you consider the risk of sex.
We haven't even talked about K-Y jelly or condoms. Just slow down, and if this guy is pressuring you, then drop him. Love isn't about sex. You do not have to have sex with him to keep him, and if he makes you feel that way, then he's not interested in you anyways.
Like someone else said - you being 14 is illegal since you're under the age of consent. If the guy is 16 or older, he's raping you.
A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (25 November 2014):
enjoy being 13-15 before starting to get into this .
also dont give a crap if you will let the lad down, if that is all they give a crap about .. this is not the lad you want to have sex with.
Dont get on the band waggin and be like most kids ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2014): You're 13-15 NO ONE deserves to have you in that way. Firstly it's illegal here in the uk but also you as a person deserve to experience someone who truly loves you treating you with respect and love. With the right person it will all be so much easier and although you'll be nervous you will trust them to listen to you, and stop if you want to.
Don't do anything until you're ready, and don't try and pretend you're ready if you're not. In time you will find someone who makes you laugh, makes you happy and wants you for you. Don't spend loads of time worrying about it now it is way too soon.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 November 2014):
At your age if your body isn't ready there's no reason to rush things. You may be too tight because you're not mentally ready, you're too tense.
You have the rest of your life to have sex. Yes, it can be enjoyable, but it can also be a nightmare.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 November 2014):
 I think it is normal. You just aren't ready for sex, and by the sounds of it you are trying to force yourself into it. You talk about not wanting to let the guy down.. but you are not some sex toy! Your purpose is NOT to have guys hump you. You are a human being, not a toy good only for a guy to stick his penis into. I think you owe it to yourself to see yourself as more. Instead of trying to force sex, by forcing fingers in, or forcing yourself to be in unpleasant situations (if these situations make you cry then they are unpleasant), how about you STOP doing this to yourself?
What is the worst that can happen if you stop trying to force yourself into having sex? That guys wont like you? The truth is, a guy who likes YOU does not need sex from you until you are way, way older and have been in a relationship for way, way longer. If they are trying for sex with you now, then they're not interested in you, but in having sex. And such guys are not to be trusted, and they are certainly not wort all this trouble and all these tears.
Guys will take a fancy to you and like you, WITHOUT you having sex with them. It only means that right now, you need to wait a bit longer for the guys to grow up and for you to find the right guy for you. At your age, boys think with their penises. It is not at all unusual to NOT have a boyfriend at 13-15. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 18, and we didn't even have sex. My first proper boyfriend was at 19. Getting a boyfriend is not something you should force yourself into, and trust me, sleeping with a guy will NOT make him like you. When I was a teenager my friends who slept with guys thought that if she sleeps with a guy he will like her, or it must mean that he likes her. For some guys, sex = love. But for many, many guys, at that age, sex = something they saw in porn and want to brag to their friends about.
Don't force it. Stop pushing fingers up there. It hurts because your body doesn't want it there. When you actually are ready for sex, and you WANT IT for your own reasons, your body will adjust and it will be easy. In the odd case that it isn't easy, even if you really really want sex and are head over heels in love with the guy... then you can talk to your doctor about it to get checked. You might even want to ask your doctor about it now, if you are worried. You can simply say that tampons hurt, and you worry if there is something wrong and would like a check up. You don't even have to mention sex, just ask and say it is because tampons hurt. Or if you are brave enough, you can say that you have tried to masturbate and it hurt.
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