A
male
age
30-35,
*ere2HelpU
writes:Hi everyone,What I am about to say right now will shock you, it's shocked me much more as I can not believe this has happened, and I am willing to take all the grief I could potentially get from you guys on here but please I beg you to understand my story. I am in a relationship. Once upon a time 4 years ago I was in a different Relationship and I was cheated on I took my girlfriend back after being so badly heartbroken, in addition girls would come up to me to try and get with me but I would turn them away cause I am loyal. And I have always been loyal. I am in a new relationship right now and it hasn't gone well through out, we started off really well but even when I asked her to be my girlfriend we we're both unsure because we we're arguing a bit. We have had very happy times and very sad times we broke up twice through our 5 month relationship, we had known each other previous for 4 months. We had happy times indeed and sad, so anyway we broke up 2 months ago because she told me she doesn't like me anymore and doesn't feel the same. Please note that I was a nightmare always being paranoid about her boy mates and when she went out, but all of a sudden changed. The last month hasn't been good at all, she would hardly text me back for hours n reply with 2 word messages she would get moody at me when I was with her and make no effort at all when I made lots of effort to try and make it work. Recently I was wth her and we we're very happy she explained she wanted to be with me and try which made me sort of happy, but then again the other night she was swearing at me, she basically takes her anger and stress out on me which her family have put on her for so long. Her dad puts a lot of stress on her which upsets her so much and has done for so long.And now she is saying how she really wants to try again and really wanting this relationship to work. Tonight I cheated. Yes your reading that correct and I can not believe I'm typing this, I'm the boy who over the years has so much loyalty and care and would do so much for his girlfriend. Buy her expensive gifts for her bday take her out to lovely places and really be passionate about his relationship, but I've done to me the unthinkable which is kiss another girl, in the middle of it I grabbed my stuff and ran out my friends house n began to cry as I couldn't believe what I had just done, I've felt so sick and feel so ashamed and so stupid why did I just do that, has she pushed me to the point of doing that? Cause when ever a girl come up to me I reject them straight away n turn them away. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): You seem like the sweetest guy and I am sorry your girlfriend is not able to wake up fully to grasp the wonderful luck she had to be with you. I am sure a guy like you must have seen very good qualities in her too, prior to those 5 weeks. But I understand you feel tired for constantly having to work in your relationship. How old is she? And you? Age matters but more importantly experience matters even more and I think a short break between you two can fix that devastating thought of "dead-end". Wow I am just happy a guy like you even exists!! My ex was just like you but I sort of took him for granted and ended up in a relationship were my ex husband treated me so badly (hot one day abs ice cold next) that it left me scarred. I am still trying to heal but my point is, I realized how good I had it after my ex and though I was the happiest with my ex boyfriend, I was too naive and inexperienced. I think communication us the key - talk to get, always always be honest. Never ever walk around feeling you have thoughts that's burdening you because those thoughts will eat your soul bit by bit. Same for her. If you stay your ground and respect yourself and her she will know where you stand, what your standards are and she will have a chance to listen to what she wants. A break might be the alternative treatment for you two.. I sincerely hope you will be good! You seem like a great guy!
A
male
reader, Here2HelpU +, writes (16 December 2014):
Here2HelpU is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear all,Thank you for comments and responses, I told my girlfriend tonight that I cheated and she is distraught. I tried to end it with her but she kept coming back with how much she is going to change and she doesn't want to loose me and how much she wants to fight for the relationship, however please understand she's made me feel like crap for the last 5 weeks, she won't even see me because she works long hours and is too tired, it's now been 10 days, the old her would let me come and pick her up and drop her home she hasn't put effort into us for 5 weeks. I feel like crap, I was the boy would never cheat and I've become something I swore I would never become after I rejected so many girls for her and my previous partner. Please just help me what do I do now. I feel like crap and I'm a monster
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 December 2014):
 It is NOT your job to protect her. She is an adult. If her life is full of stress, then SHE needs to get her life sorted out if this amount of stress is so unbearable. That is not your job. You should end things with her and tell her the truth about not wanting a relationship with her. You don't need to tell her you kissed someone else, it'll not result in anything good. But to me, when a person cheats/is with someone else, that is a clear signal that they do not want to be in a relationship. If you wanted her, you'd be thinking only of her, and wanting to be with her. Not be full of doubt, kiss someone else, and then it sounds like the only reason you have for going back to her is because you are afraid of adding stress to her daily life... It's not your job to protect her from stress, she's not a child you need to govern.
If it will "ruin" her, then so be it. Her emotions are HER responsibility. You can not be with her just because you are afraid of hurting her feelings otherwise. She will get over it. Trust me on that one. And if it really ruins her, then maybe that will be the push she needs to go get help, because if she's so mentally and emotionally fragile she can't handle a rejection without being "ruined", then she needs help from a professional. It's beyond what you can help her with.
Tell her you care for her, but that you and her are not good together in a relationship. You have broken up and gotten back together enough times in these few shorts months to prove that.
Best of luck to you!
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A
male
reader, Here2HelpU +, writes (15 December 2014):
Here2HelpU is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses everyone. The worst thug is at the moment she's begging me for me to make this relationship work, but she's done that before and the next minute snapped at me calling every swear word. I'm confused wether to tell her what I did or not. She's going through a hard time at work at the moment which gets her down she has major family stresses, if I drop this on her it will destroy her. I want to protect her and not tell and break up cause of our rocky relationship. I want to really stay wth her till after Christmas because her family can't really afford one this year and my family have all bought her presents but they don't no what our relationship actually is like. Do I say anything I'm afraid it will destroy her
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): You're ALL the same (turns rouged cheek & swishes out of room) - Men. Grrrr
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): In all honesty I think you need to take a break from relationships and just focus on healing yourself from the hurt you've had before. All this drama won't em have your current relationship, it's very rocky anyway.
You've made a mistake with this kiss, she takes her anger out on you, you have previously been quite paranoid and controlling...and this is in less than a year of a relationship!
It's just not healthy for either of you, we all have our off days or weeks but the person you're in a relationship with should be someone who is a support throughout. Your job isn't to be her verbal punch bag or to fix her problems. Just like she can't repair your misplaced trust from a previous girlfriend.
If you've given into tempatition after time and time again of not ever doing this before I would say deep down you know you and your gf aren't working. You need to learn to be comfortable with yourself and find happiness with yourself and it then follows you. Relationships are happier etc...
Don't beat yourself up, you made a nasty mistake but you stopped yourself and left and now you've got to forgive yourself for it. Who knows if your gf will, but maybe it's best as I've mentioned for you both to take a break and focus on yourselves before having to worry about someone else too! Xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Be upfront with her.We all have made mistakes. Believe me. I too thought I would be the last person on earth that would ever cheat, but I broke up with my ex boyfriend 13 years ago and kissed a guy two weeks after. I told him right away and he got devastated, he too kissed another girl and we both hurt each other, but we got back and then eventually broke up 3 years later.. The worst part was that the guy was my relatives boyfriend. I am still very shaken by it, and though things are ok between me and my relative, what hurt me the most was to know that a descent girl like myself sank that low. I don´t think I have recovered yet, because it does hurt a lot to know that I made such a mistake, but we all make mistakes. It happened once, and I have never done it again. I will not do such thing again. And something tells me you have learned from your mistake too.I know what you are going through. But be strong.You will be fine. You are a honest and descent guy, and you have character enough to know that what you did was wrong. When you are honest with her, you are foremost being honest with yourself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 December 2014):
Take it as a sign you dont actually want to ve in a relationship with this girl. Things are too rocky, and your subconsciousness is screaming at you to get away from her. You kissed someone else. Maybe to draw the line clearly to yourself. Now you have to end things with the girl you have been on and off with. No going back. Sounds like you gave yourself just tge push you needed. End things. Tell her honestly you do not want her. Which is true, why else would you kiss another woman?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): It was one mistake,calm down-youre human.When there are problems in a relationship and you have a moment of weakness,things do happen-at least you didn't sleep with her.Obviously you wont make a habit of cheating.The best thing to do if there were people that know her in the house is tell her,quickly-before someone else does-then if you admit afterwards it looks like you weren't planning to tell her.She will be upset but if you play your cards right things will calm down eventually and you can try again.If however,you are positive that no one in that house will tell her then keep quiet-why spoil your relationship for one kiss,just make sure it dosent happen again.Good luck
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