A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I don't normally do this , but I'm in bits ... I'm 36 I'm seeing my GF on and off for about 6 years, we've broken up and made up numerous times, the latest event we got back together in June after a split of 8 months, everything was going well until Friday last (6th sept) she unlocked my phone and read texts from past and recently , I was casually texting a girl (old friend) and flirting with her recently, some stuff was erotic, I do know I fucked up, but nothing was ever gonna happen between us, it was just txt !! I REALY love my GF and want to make us work , I've put in so much time and effort, I rang and text her Friday evening but she hasn't replied .. Should I ring /txt her again ... What can I do to make this work ??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): Sorry, but it's very hard to read the regret you express as genuine. Your words of regret and your actions of emotional infidelity don't match. Like so many people who go behind their partners' backs and do things they KNOW are not acceptable in the relationship (physical cheating or not), you aren't actually sorry about what you did. You're just sorry you got caught. If your GF hadn't found out, I'm sure you'd never have told her, so this wasn't exactly eating you up inside now was it? But now that she has and there are actual consequences to you, i.e. she realizes she deserves better than how you've treated her and you no longer have a GF, suddenly you're "in bits" about it?Consider this: your GF is feeling all the pain you are over the end of the relationship, with the added pain of knowing that she alone wasn't good enough for you to stay faithful, AND she did nothing wrong here. My sympathies lie with her, not you, but kudos to her for being strong enough to walk away from a partner who clearly doesn't respect her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): You're 36, not 16.
You know better.
If you can still sext another woman behind your GF's back, why on earth would she trust you?
All choices have consequences and you are now paying the price for the selfish ego stroking you SOUGHT OUT from a woman who was not your partner.
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Well, not much you can do. IF YOU think it's OK to sext another woman and your now EX-GF didn't - there is nothing to "fix" it means you aren't compatible.
If you ACT single and yea, flirting and sexting is ACTING single - it's NOT harmless, then things like this happen. IT is NOT jsut a text and you know it. Don't put this on your ex-gf like it's something minor or something you can't control.
If you ex GF is smart she stays away from you, no more on/off again. YOU two are wasting each other's time.
YOU made your bed, now as much as that suck, you lie in it.
If you were in your teens then maybe this is something that you learn from, but my guess is.. you have done this before and will do it again. TRY and learn from this. SEXY texts are NOT OK in a relationship.
How would YOU feel if she was getting steamy with another dude? Yea, not so cool is it?
You need to grow up. And own your own actions. You FUCKED up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): I think you should just let her be. If it was me, you'd look dumb trying to get me back after you played that game with another girl who meant nothing to you. It just shows that you could be like that towards many other girls.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 September 2013):
 if you think that texting a friend erotic texts while dating another woman is acceptable then I'm not sure we here can help you.
In addition if you and the GF are on and off over and over it sounds to me like two broken souls who can't bear to be alone finding each other as the default setting.
maybe it's better you two are not together.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Sorry to be blunt but people who really love their partners DO NOT send erotic texts to other people!!
I think you have love confused with habit and you are quite literally pulling the wool over your own eyes!!
You won't see this of course because you have been playing the on of game for 6 years and it has become NORMAL for you!!
You only got back together in JUNE and it's now mid September (that's less than 3 and a half months) and you have been engaging with someone else in a sexual manner???...Can you not see how disasterous this is??
Shake your head at my words, tell me you will not do it any more and you really want things to work this time and how can you make that happen.
My answer would be, it's not your call...it's hers and all you can do is wait...maybe it was abridge too far this time, people do have their limits you know!!
Maybe she's sick of the transient nature of this thing you share and maybe, just maybe, she will never be able to trust you again...
Life sucks, but sometimes you get what you deserve...deal with it!!
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