A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have always known I was bisexual since my early teens, and I have had two relationship with women. My parent's and I fell out due to this, so I haven't spoken to them in five year's. I'm currently seeing a really nice guy who I'm falling for heavily. It's only been a few months but we are pretty serious. He want's me to meet his family soon as we are attending his cousin's wedding in November, so I can get to know them first. I agreed but once I learnt that his family have refused to allow the partner of the my boyfriend's uncle because they would be embarrassed in front of their friend's, I told a white lie, saying I couldn't book it off work. Although my boyfriend is aware I have dated women, I mean, he finds it sexy! He isn't homophobic or anything but his mum's family are. I mean it's her own brother she calls an embarrassment. I want to make a good impression but I can't stand homophobic people. I would love to meet his family but I can't get past this. I think he knows the real reason I don't want to go but hasn't ask me upfront. Am I being silly? I know I wouldn't just say I'm bisexual but if anything was said, I wouldn't want to upset my boyfriend or his family.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (10 September 2013):
 You're understandably so sensitive to homophobia because of your experiences with your parents. That's so sad that you have lost your relationship with them. Have you, or them, tried to rebuild bridges at all?
Your parents reaction to your sexuality was/ is extreme. I would hope that your boyfriends parents aren't that bad, though it would seem they're pretty ignorant since gay uncle's partner has been excluded.
I think you should start by telling your BF the real reason for not going to the wedding, and if you haven't already, about your homophobic parents. A healthy relationship requires honest, open communication.
So I don't think you're being silly at all, you're understandably scared of being rejected due to your sexuality. On a positive note, people like your parents are in the minority with such extreme homophobia - most people couldn't care less, or at least that's what I like to think.
All the best x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): I would just go to meet them, I hid the fact that I was bi for over a year at work, then simething snapped and I told them, if people cannot accept you for who you are then its there loss not yours, your bf accepts you that's all that matters you have noone else to impress and nothing else too proe your daitin your bf not his family
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 September 2013):
 Why is your sexual preference ANY of his family's business? Do you think it will be a topic at the dinner table at the wedding?
You will met homophobs everywhere, but there are fewer of them these days. What you do, is ignore them and their opinions.
You do know what they say about opinions and a-holes right?
Don't fret.
He is dating YOU for you, not for the fact that you like both males and females? right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): Your sexual orientation is a private matter, and it is information to be shared only with only those you love, know well, and trust.
You don't notify the parents of guys you are just getting to know; because they don't know you well enough to judge you negatively, or positively.
You get to know them and allow them get to know you. Not how you like to have sex. That shouldn't even be a topic of casual conversation over dinner. If asked, it's your option to answer truthfully, or ignore the inquisitor.
Your boyfriend is the only one who really has to know at this point. His parents need to work on their ignorance and intolerance toward their own blood-relatives and in-laws; before they judge a girl they've never met before.
No need to hide from them. Don't mirror their intolerance.
They'll start to wonder why they've never met you. They're aware that you're dating their son. They may as well get to meet you. Unless you have "bisexual" tattooed on your forehead; the subject may never come up. Maybe you'll get to meet the gay uncle first!
You might offer him an invitation they don't have the decency to extend. That is at the discretion of your boyfriend, of course.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (9 September 2013):
 There's no rule that says you HAVE to tell them your sexuality.
It's none of their business. Most people will assume that you're straight because you're with a man now. Let them.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 You're judging his family without ever having met them. You lied to your boyfriend instead of discussing the real issue.
Why are you making him jump through hoops to get to the concern you have about his family members being homophobic? Do you have a history of confrontation with homophobic people?
Just discuss it with him and be honest about your concerns.
If you sincerely want to make a good impression, accept the invitation, show up on time when needed, dress the part and support your boyfriend.
If you are not able to be courteous and polite then don't bother going. You are not going to change a homophobe's stance at a wedding reception anyway.
I think you've already made up your mind anyway about his family, based on what your boyfriend has told you.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 September 2013):
 so what happens if you and the boyfriend marry? will you never meet his family because they disapprove of your lifestyle?
ask your boyfriend how he feels about it and tell him the truth and let him make the choice what to do... it's his family.. if he wants to offend them it's on him.
and i'm sorry your parents are so rigid and stupid and have cut you off.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Do you suppose that you will be required to wear a T-short or baseball hat that sez: "I'm bisexual" when you meet his family???????
WHAT business is it of theirs' if you are bi-sexual, tri-sexual or anything-else-sexual???????? Do you and "B/F" think you have to trumpet to the world every detail of your intimate lives?????
Get some comfort... meet his family... and - I'm sure - you will find that one or more of THEM has some freaky details of THEIR life that they would rather that YOU not learn!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): Firstly i couldn't resist, but plurals don't have apostrophes-"My parent's and I fell out'.
'he want's me' is an awful awful typo for such a young mature lady. Anyway to your question, I doubt it will come up, these type of conversations don't usually come up on first meetings and the parents won't ask you who you have dated before. Just go and enjoy yourself lady.
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