A
male
age
36-40,
*harliesdad2012
writes:im in a new relationship with someone who has a past of abuse from an ex, she also has ocd quite bad with a short temper but refuses to get help as she says shes okay. shes now asked me to come off a social network site that i only use to contact friends im not a strong user of it, i feel uncomfortable now ive came off as i may lose out on friends which i find hard to make anyway. the question im asking is this a doomed relationship that i should end?, is it she has more deeper troubles? and is their any advice on how to approach these issues? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, charliesdad2012 +, writes (10 September 2013):
charliesdad2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan i thank everyone who has replied to my question ive found it all helpful and has made me look at everything being said carefully. I have approached the person im seeing about it she still feels she don't need help but replies with her case files of her abusive ex to change the subject i don't know made me feel ill listening to it i don't if it was the information or the ignorance of her that caused it ...... I think theres no helping this person
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 September 2013):
 If her attitude is "accept me as I am or leave"
I vote for LEAVE.... especially if you have a child and she has a short fuse... IF you stay with her EVENTUALLY your child will have to come in contact with her to make it a complete relationship.
Parents of small children owe their children something... SAFETY and happiness... an OCD woman with Anger issues is not going to keep your child safe or happy in the long run.
AND folks that refuse to seek treatment when it's available are folks that don't WANT to get better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): Yes this is doomed and yes you should end it.When you're in a bad relationship, isolating yourself from your friends is the last thing you should be doing yet it is the first thing an abusive partner wants you to do. She wants to isolate you from your support network so she can have total control over you. She can't control you as well if there's people who care about you and who are sane and have common sense and are in touch with you. You need to end this because the only way this relationship can continue is for you to become as twisted as she wants you to be. It will never be a positive force in your life as long as she believes she doesn't need a psychiatrist. Even if she were to see one today the change won't happen overnight it would still be a long difficult journey so what more if she doesn't even believe there's anything wrong with her. Yikes. The best lesson you can teach her is to break up because if you continue to stay with her you're reinforcing her belief that there's nothing wrong with her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2013):
 She doesn't think she needs help, so not only is she OCD, but she was in an abusive relationship and her answer it to try and CONTROL everything (including you) in her life.
There isn't anything you can do, this isn't healthy at all.
Short temper and OCD is not a common thing from what I know. Most people I know with OCD (myself included) do not have anger issues towards others and I think SVC is guessing right that the anger could be from a kind of PTSD that survivor of domestic violence/abuse can suffer.
Without help, nothing will change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): You know that obsessive compulsive disorder includes a wide range of symptoms that can include paranoia, and violent behavior, or repetitive compulsive actions that may not be safe around children, if she goes untreated.
You also know this anxiety disorder coupled with a short-temper is a powder-keg in a relationship.
The truth is, you don't have to sacrifice friends or anything else to accommodate any relationship.
Any person who has untreated OCD could prove harmful not only to themselves; but you and your child. Others unfamiliar with her personality would be seriously put off, and what kind of social-life would you have?
If she comes from an abusive relationship, spontaneous flashbacks may also occur. You know that OCD, in combination any residual post traumatic stress
disorder may force her into treatment anyway. There are a number of triggers that could set her off, her temper being the main fuse.
If she was actively under treatment, you'd know that her behavior and potentially harmful compulsions are under management. You would also know what she may be capable of.
She isn't a family member, so you don't know every issue her condition may include. She refuses help! She may have no sense of judgment or control.
You can't afford surprises where children are involved. If this were an entirely adult situation, you could take chances. You don't lose friends or give up your support-system at anyone's request. Suspicion and distrust are issues characterized by her anxiety disorder. There are behaviors yet to be displayed.
I'm afraid you'd have too much to lose. The relationship is already affected by her making the demand that you discontinue contact with your friends. What would happen had you refused? Do you think the demands will end there?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 If her attitude is "accept me the way I am" and you can't do that, because you don't feel safe or accepted yourself, um, where does that leave you and your needs?
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A
male
reader, charliesdad2012 +, writes (9 September 2013):
charliesdad2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i do have a son but she dont see him i just got my contact sorted, im just more worried if the relationship will survive i mean her attitude is accept me theway i am or i am what i am sort of thing .... i can deal with being with her while getting help because ive gone through mental health issues come out the other end and now i want to train and work in that sector
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
You have a son?
I think it might be best to let her deal with her issues and keep your son safe. If she has a "short temper" does this mean she becomes violent?
She has OCD which she chooses not to have treated. She has a "short temper" which sounds like she has trouble coping. She's asked you to remove yourself from a social network so she has trust issues and has to control your access to other people.
You might be doing her the favor of her life by leaving her and telling her that the reason why is her illness and her refusal to seek help.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 September 2013):
if she truly has OCD and refuses to get treatment or help for it, it may not be a viable relationship.
OCD comes in many forms
worriers
checkers
collectors
washers
My son is a worrier/collector
my husband (not his father) is a washer/checker/worrier
both are willing to seek help.
It's also possible if she comes from an abusive past that she has PTSD or other illnesses that require treatment.
I would tread very lightly with someone who has metal illness and refuses to seek treatment.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 September 2013):
Someone with issues who refuses to acknowledge them is just going to be an emotional black hole for you.
Learning when to break off a relationship is a good trait to learn. Sometimes it's not when the relationship dies, but when you realize they're not right for you.
I'm guessing she's not going to make this easy on you so be prepared!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (9 September 2013):
 With OCD, a short temper and a history of abuse this lady needs professional help.
This relationship will damage you too unless she gets help.
First I think you need to decide if she's really the one for you. If you believe she is then I think you need to insist that she gets help. Please remember there will be no quick fixes and the road to recovery will be challenging for you both. Are you prepared for the long haul?
It's not healthy for her to insist that you leave your social networking sites and it's causing you distress.
If she won't get professional help then I think you need rethink this relationship for your own happiness.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
male
reader, charliesdad2012 +, writes (9 September 2013):
charliesdad2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo shes not she dont think she needs it
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Is she being treated for OCD?
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