A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Looking for a man perspective. I've been in an exclusive relationship for 3 years, we are both middle-aged. We've broken up several times, because I'm frustrated in not seeing any progress and he is unwilling to talk about where relationship is headed. But he calls me after a month or two and talks me into trying again, and nothing changes. We both own homes, I've thought of downsizing as mine is becoming a lot to maintain by myself. We take turns going back and forth between the houses spending nights. If he really loved me, knowing how sick I am of living like this, wouldn't he talk about making changes and having a future together? Thanks for your advise. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 September 2013):
 No he does not want more than it is now. IF you want more than THIS MAN is not the man to give you want you want.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 He's not interested in moving forward with things as he's quite happy how things are.
If you want to move in together, you need to tell him bluntly. If he doesn't, then move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2013):
 I think FA hit it on the head.
He likes status quo. And he KNOWS that eventually down the road you will take him back and you two start over, so where is the need for change?
He isn't the guy for you if your goal is to move in together.
And maybe, just maybe, he is thinking, IF she loves ME, she will stop pushing this issue and understand that what we have makes ME happy.
Don't rely on a man to make YOUR decisions. Such as downsizing your home. If you feel it's too big look for some thing smaller. Something that will suit YOUR needs.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Not every relationship ends with living together and marriage but still, I believe this conversation should be at the start of dating. Intentions are important. If a man does not want to talk about where it's headed then you can assume he does not want long term or marriage. When a man is sure these are the things you want but is always avoiding the topic or leading you on, he is the cruel one I am afraid. But you are letting him, by choosing to listen to his words but not actions.
I think the last three answers, with both male and female show that love and cohabitation are two different things.
It's obvious you are very frustrated with the non progress but you had been stuck with him too long and not give other males a chance.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 September 2013):
You've received excellent advice here from everyone. To reiterate: you're barking up the wrong tree.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
 He's happy with the status quo and is able to convince you to go back to it.
If you want marriage and a joint household, this is not your man. Sorry.
Your last question could be flipped to ask this: "If she really loved me why does she insist on trying to change my happy life? We are fine just the way we are, why can't she see that?"
Sorry my dear but it's time to move on.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 September 2013):
 Warning this is a Man's opinion (as requested) and I don't think you are going to like it.
When I read the title of this post I had to go back and reread it because it just didn't make sense. I thought it said "If he really loved me, Why is he talking about making changes?" The reason I thought that has to do some what with male thinking. We don't like changes. He likes your relationship the way it is. He loves you just as you are.
On the other hand you love him for what he could be. You only want him on the condition of him making some changes. You will find many women will not like your position either. Going into a relationship with the intention of changing the other person is unfair, dishonest, and somewhat cruel.
My advice is that you follow your heart and find someone who fits your expectations better. Tell this guy you want more than he has to offer.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): "I've been in an exclusive relationship for 3 years . . . We've broken up several times" Then you haven't been in an exclusive relationship for three years."But he calls me after a month or two and talks me into trying again, and nothing changes."From a man perspective, he has no reason or incentive to change as he knows all he has to do to weasel his way back into your affections is tell you exactly what you want to hear with no intention of following through and you'll fall for it as you have every previous time."If he really loved me, knowing how sick I am of living like this, wouldn't he talk about making changes and having a future together?"If you really loved each other, then you wouldn't need to make changes to have a future together. He's not the one who needs to change, you do. Stop believing the same false promises over and over, and start being proactive by dumping him so you can find someone else who is truly compatible and wants what you want.
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