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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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When I jokingly told my B/f that I'm going out on a hot date, he said "the only date you'll get is that homeless guy who sleeps in the bus shelter"! Ouch!!
Q. Hi. When I called my boyfriend last night, after not seeing him nor hearing from him for a few days, he said he's very busy. I jokingly said in that case I'm going out on a hot date. To which he replied: "the only date you'll get is that homeless...
A. 5 December 2013: Cerberus I would agree with you IF
they had constant witty banter
they were a more committed couple either married or living together
he did not disappear for days on her
and she was NOT the one rowing the relationship boat.
the fact ... (read in full...)
Will my feelings continue to grow for him? He's not my usual type!
Q. Hi aunts, I recently did a two week volunteer placement and fell for one of the instructors there, hes 25 and i'm 21! Anyway, when I first started there I was obviously nervous and wasn't attracted to him straight away! After about 3 day...
A. 5 December 2013: you are OVER thinking this. You have a date with him, go and see if you click personality wise.
21 and 25 is barely a gap that's worth mentioning...
Perhaps branching out from the "pretty boys" will give you a chance to start finding ... (read in full...)
How do you keep a man happy?
Q. This may be a stupid question but how do you keep a man happy? What makes a relationship work and last? I've been with my bf for 7 months and I really care about him and don't want to lose him, I want to continue to make him happy and make o...
A. 4 December 2013: since it's going to be different for every man (truly it is) the BEST thing to do is be true to yourself. Be yourself and keep yourself happy.
The key to longevity in a relationship is communication.
Learn to talk to him and ask him what... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend to be with me and now I am having a hard time trusting him!
Q. Hello. How do you learn to trust someone? My boyfriend cheated on a girlfriend to be with me. He left her for me. Now we are a couple. We have been for about 6 months. He claims how much he cares about me and treats me well over all. Spea...
A. 4 December 2013: well of course you have a hard time trusting him.
he's a known liar (he lied to his ex did he not?) and he's a cheater (he cheated on her did he not?)
I'd not trust him. He has no track record to prove otherwise.
he is not worthy of... (read in full...)
When I jokingly told my B/f that I'm going out on a hot date, he said "the only date you'll get is that homeless guy who sleeps in the bus shelter"! Ouch!!
Q. Hi. When I called my boyfriend last night, after not seeing him nor hearing from him for a few days, he said he's very busy. I jokingly said in that case I'm going out on a hot date. To which he replied: "the only date you'll get is that homeless...
A. 4 December 2013: he's done with you dear... stop rowing the relationship boat and see what happens.
in other words, stop calling him. stop making plans to see him.
when he calls to see you if it's not spur of the moment and you want to make plans do so ... (read in full...)
Been set up with this guy and wonder about his insecurities
Q. How do I know if I really like this guy? So my friend and her husband set me up with their single guy friend. He lives in another country and is only 45mins on the plane. I don't mind it. We've been talking on the phone and Skype se...
A. 4 December 2013: RUN Forest RUN!
yeah way too many red flags too early on.
this one is NOT a keeper.... (read in full...)
I still love this man. So be nice. But we've been separated 3 years. We have adult children. Yet he tells his Gfs that he can't divorce, due to our children. What's he playing at?
Q. We've been separated for 3 years! He is telling his so called girlfriend he hasn't sought a divorce because of our kids. Our kids are adults!! I don't think he doesn't want to divorce me, I caught him cheating, I was devastated he begged...
A. 4 December 2013:
he does not want one for many reasons.. the biggest probably being he can say to women "i can't get serious I can't get a divorce" but then there are many who will still give him sex.
or perhaps he's aware that you will be able to charge h... (read in full...)
Am I friend-zoned or is she not interested? And should I persist or give up and break contact?
Q. I've been casual friends with a woman i've known for about two months. I kept getting mixed signals from her one day she'd be really warm another day she'd be really cold. Anyhow I asked her out on a date and this is what she told me: 'I apprecia...
A. 4 December 2013: so if you are looking for FWB.. then she's made it clear that's NOT what she wants. I am assuming casual friends means no sex at this point just friends....
you asked her on a date...are you willing to entertain the thoughts of a serious rela... (read in full...)
My mother's been ill and I don't know how I'd cope without her
Q. hi everyone, i just wanted to ask a question. my mother is just getting over breast cancer. she got chemo and is doin ok now. but this happening to her has really struck a cord with me. its like it brought to light how easily she cud be taken from ...
A. 4 December 2013: I lost my mom to cancer at age 35. It sucks. there is nothing to make it hurt less. I thought I was going to be ok... after all I was 35, I had two children, I was divorced owing my own home etc... but after 18 years of my mom being gone I still ... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with my fiance's brother!!
Q. I have been with my fiance for 4 and a half years now we are very happy and plan to spend our whole life together. However, I've always had a thing for his brother. It's hard to explain but we have this weird connection neither of us have with ...
A. 4 December 2013: I truly think that at 18-21 a four year relationship where you are totally obsessed with someone else (regardless of who it is) indicates a HUGE problem in the relationship.
I don't think you love your fiance more than anything because if y... (read in full...)
After two years lust and communication are gone
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 yrs, not my longest relationship but the best one I've had tgus far.in life. I'm 25/m I understand in the beginning of relationships you have that a few months of lust exploreling a new partner, but recently ...
A. 4 December 2013: I'm pretty sure she's on hormonal birth control that kills her libido... and well that could be it... she really does need to figure out if that's the issue.
the other issue is you said "She also recently started a new job but is the same sch... (read in full...)
We practically live together already. How do I make things official with her?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles HELP!!!!! Basically there is this woman that I met a year ago. She started working where I work and I was instantly attracted to her. She is very beautiful and sexy but also has a great personality. I did ask her o...
A. 4 December 2013: OH I LOVE happy endings!... (read in full...)
I have become attracted to someone else and it's changing the way I feel about my boyfriend!
Q. I've been in a relationship for about 5/6 months now, but recently I've been having a dilemma. My boyfriend is lovely and sweet and I'm not unhappy in my relationship but neither am I happy. I just feel a bit bored and sometimes it feels like we are ...
A. 4 December 2013: These are the HARDEST breakups. and you MUST break up with the current boyfriend... because eventually you will leave him anyway.... not sure who will cry harder you or him....
IF you after 5/6 months are bored, if you don't feel that spark, ... (read in full...)
Four years and he still doesn't know when he'll be ready for marriage?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and yet he still says he doesn't know when he'll be ready for marriage. I've asked him twice now and he's said he does want to 'one day' but he has lots of living to do before then. When I ask him what type ...
A. 3 December 2013: Sadly I agree with CaringGuy on this one.
"I don't want to get married" is only part of the statement. "to you" is the other part.
It does not mean he does not love you. He does to the best of his ability.
I can only give you examples t... (read in full...)
Aunt died a year ago on the 11th due to cancer, now I'm being tested for it. Advice?
Q. Hello my aunts and uncles! I really could do with a tad of advice as I am slightly worried. I do not expect any medical advice and only wish for some support and general opinions. My aunt died a y...
A. 3 December 2013: Leukemia in children and young adults is often very curable.
Also ONE relative who has had cancer is not a sign that your family is predisposed to it and worrying about something that has not happened at this point is going to be detrimental ... (read in full...)
How to get many answers to your question.
Q. So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
A. 3 December 2013: I'm bumping this up to newest answers because the last 3 posts asking for advice were WALLS of text...
. MOST important... WHITE space. NO one wants to read a block of text. Use paragraphs with at least two lines between ideas. BETTER to err on t... (read in full...)
Shall I push for more?
Q. Hey! So, me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. Since I was 15 and he was 16. I love him with all my heart and yes we do have problems but who doesn't? He has stuck with me through the worst times in my life. I just don't know ...
A. 3 December 2013: I would just go with the flow till Uni is over....
no decisions on the distant future need be made at this time.
You may find in 3 or 4 years time that one or both of you have changed enough that it's time to move on.... usually that's wh... (read in full...)
I just need to feel loved
Q. Hi im feeling very lonely x I've been living with my partner for 6 months or so but I known him all my life,although he never showed any interest in me before his divorce 18 months ago,he also can drink sometimes say 4 nights out of 7 a large bottle ...
A. 3 December 2013: YOU are NOT to blame.
stop owing something that is not yours to own.
first of all what is a LARGE bottle of cider... if that's like a quart of beer... 4 nights a week... that's going to affect his erections. so does smoking or lack of ... (read in full...)
Was my reaction to his bad judgement over the top?
Q. Hey there! My boyfriend and 8 others grew moustaches to raise money for charity last month. When he first mentioned this he talked about what style he might have. He said he may grow a hitler style. I come from a background where i grew up in ...
A. 3 December 2013: I'm Jewish and I'm horrified...
I see it more and more folks who don't know anyone with numbers on their arm or who had family who survived the camps or lived in Siberia during the war to avoid the camps.
I saw a guy writing numbers on a... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my boyfriend isn't ready for marriage at least for the next 5 years? I'm almost 30!!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together a little over a year..we are 29 years old. It is the best relationship i have ever been in. He is the most caring genuine man I have ever been with. I know with all my heart he is the person for me. We are very ...
A. 3 December 2013: OP you said “I basically joked when he told me this later saying oh really and said if you don't know now then I am probably not the one for you.”
There is SO MUCH TRUTH in this “joke” listen to it…. My son (age 27) is dating a young la... (read in full...)
Is he exaggerating or could a 15 year old really mean it?
Q. How serious is a fifteen year old boy when he says he would marry you in a heartbeat and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? We are really close friends so he knows what I am truly like and all my flaws and I don't know whether he ...
A. 3 December 2013: He means it today
he may not mean it tomorrow or next week
He will most likely (99%) NOT mean it when it matters... when you are old enough to actually be in a relationship and marry.
it's what teens say.
I met my first real boyfri... (read in full...)
Should I help out my estranged step-son?
Q. Hi everyone, I need really fast advice. I have a step son 24 years ago. When he was a little boy like 2 years old I'm taking care of him. I was pregnant that time and I'm always angry to this boy. Partly my pregnancy and also maybe I'm jealou...
A. 3 December 2013: just because his father is a jerk does not mean you should punish the child.
IF you like the child and you feel motherly towards him and you can afford to give him the help, then do it...
if it's money... do not loan more than you can afford ... (read in full...)
Why would two grown men want to play a video game as nothing but sexy dressed characters if it wasn't for the sexiness?
Q. I've been with my bf for 3 years. We're both in our 30's. We don't live together. Anyway, sometimes I feel he's a pervert. lol. I know this sounds silly, and especially at my age, but almost every thing we watch together has T and A in it. He also ...
A. 3 December 2013: jeff foxworthy said it best... MEN are simple:
"we want a cold beer and we want to see something naked"
my hubby plays an MMO and one of his characters is half naked woman... what she does wear is leather... it's funny to see him do that..... (read in full...)
Why has he moved on so quick if he really loved me?
Q. I have ended a very turbulent relationship, which went on for over three years, due to his continued determination to continue using dating sites, while at the same time swearing blind that he loves me. After being broken up, for less than two week...
A. 3 December 2013: the first thing you must do to move on is to block his social media accounts... watching him on Social media is pouring salt in the wound.
He was always on dating sites so he may have known her for a while... you don't know and it does not rea... (read in full...)
Partner says my butt is too small!
Q. My partner keeps saying my butt is too small and that I need to eat more to make it bigger. However, a few years ago before we got together and were just mates, he once let slip that his ex had the best butt in the world. Now I'm getting anno...
A. 3 December 2013: Ummm yeah OP It is a HUGE issue and more than enough to break up with him over.
He likes big butts and he cannot lie...but he can either leave you in search of a bigger butt or he can STFU!
I'll give you an example of how this works:
my... (read in full...)
I am struggling to accept it for myself
Q. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual, and I'm really struggling. I've always been a big LGBTQ rights activist, done fundraisers and been to gay pride. My parents wouldn't have a problem with me being bisexual, which is not ...
A. 3 December 2013: Relax. you don't need to "come out" just live your life the way you want.
My brother is gay. He has known since he was a very young teen... he told me when he was 13. (that was 1976 btw before it was "ok" to be anything but white bread middle c... (read in full...)
Should I still visit my boyfriend every weekend when he's busier than I am?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a few months. He is currently studying for his LSAT everyday, while I am busy with just school. I sleep over his place every weekend; I come late at night, and then leave the next afternoon. Although, I am c...
A. 3 December 2013: IF mom thinks you are mature enough to handle it, then why not ask her for her advice.. maybe she is just holding her tongue and is not happy about it.
Stop trying to rationalize his bad behavior. He treats you well now and then and like a d... (read in full...)
My girlfriend spends a lot of time with her gay male friend who's almost always semi-naked. Should I be concerned?
Q. My girlfriend often tells me how her male fried walks around the house purely in his underwear. I know this sounds petty but I can't help but let it bother me. I even went as far as to ask what kind of underwear...they're the tight boxer brief ...
A. 3 December 2013: did i MISS the part about her showering with him?
Listen to me here and now:
my brother is gay
my aunt is gay
I was a swinger and I'm very sexually open
I was in an LDR with my husband for a year before we moved in together (and i m... (read in full...)
My husband and I are more like friends than a married couple. Why does this bother other people?
Q. How to deal with society ? The story is that my husband and I became more friends than a married couple. Sex is long not in a picture, which doesn't seem to bother any of us. It's not like it's gone forever, sometimes we do it when get tipsy or...
A. 3 December 2013: IF it works for you then it's GREAT. I'd learn to practice that "stare" you give folks that ask things like 'what color is your underwear?' which is the same as what they are asking you now.
MY marriage is often questioned.. but it works for... (read in full...)
He's leaving in two months and I'll never see him again! When should I tell him I like him?
Q. Hi. I've decided to finally let a guy know that I like him. Trouble is, when? Because he's leaving to go study far (600 miles away). In exactly 2 months, then I'll never, ever see him again. I've liked him for over a year now and I was too scared t...
A. 3 December 2013: I agree that you would be setting yourself up for pain if you start a little something with him.... let it go....... (read in full...)
People tell me she's fake because she had a nose job
Q. So I've started dating this girl who is so beautiful, funny and one of the sweetest girls i've met she's so down to earth and adorably innocent but daring if you understand that. She told me the other day on our second date she's had a nose job, ...
A. 3 December 2013: You think she looks great.. so why does it even matter what your sister and best mate think? DO you choose your clothes to make them happy? Do you choose the food you eat to make them happy? Why in the world would choosing your partner be any ... (read in full...)
Can you forgive a cheating husband?
Q. Hey all, im devastated , found my husband of 6 years cheating, he had changed for a while and i suspected something. I took his mobile while asleep and found love msgs.. I was soo shocked, im young and we hav two adorable girls... He then started ...
A. 2 December 2013: is it ok? that's UP to you.
will he go to counseling for himself and for the marriage? if so that's a good thing?
will he subject himself to humiliating checks of his phone, his email and his location by you and any friends willing to h... (read in full...)
My boyfriend throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way!
Q. My boyfriend likes to make plans for us with or without me and it is driving me crazy (it's relevant that we live together). I say yes to much of what he suggests, but sometimes I just don't feel like going. He will suggest something in say, a week ...
A. 2 December 2013: You need to realize that if he's on the Autistic spectrum that his behavior is not done "on purpose" but it's the only way he has to cope... it's his only interface with the world.
It may be seriously that you are not cut out for being with a... (read in full...)
Going to the local café feels awkward now because I like one of the waiters!
Q. I am a client at one of the towns famous cafes, and whenever I have time I go there with a friend for a coffee whenever I happen to be in that part of town, I know the owner, in fact I am good friends with him. Recently, one of the waiters ...
A. 2 December 2013: excuse me but you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO overthinking this.
you know the owner and are friends with the owner.
you go there regularly with friends (clearly you do)
why in the world would your liking him cause you to change what you alr... (read in full...)
I think I'm in love with her -- should I tell her?
Q. I have a big problem. There is a girl in my class and I have been liking her for 3 years. I think I love her, and although people adviced me to forget her and get over her, I have not been able to do so. I have been thinking about asking her out, ...
A. 2 December 2013: if you are not dating anyone and she's not dating anyone, then I think after 3 years of loving from afar it's time to say 'hey do you think we should go out?'
her response will let you know if it' time to move on or not.
... (read in full...)
Why Do Men Disappear for No Reason?
Q. I went out with this guys a couple of times last week. We seemed perfect for each other, had many similar qualities and understood each other. He always told me how cute I was and that I even made him nervous because I was so amazing. When we ...
A. 2 December 2013: so you supposedly have plans for this saturday?
well if you don't hear from him by wednesday then it's probably off....
the issue with only having contact via phone is what if his phone got stolen or lost or broken... how would he know to... (read in full...)
Why isn't she my girlfriend even after seven months of dating?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 7 months, and within the first month of dating, I asked her to be my girlfriend, but she said she wanted to take it slow. This is because she has gone through some rough things in her past, so I understood. We ...
A. 2 December 2013: does she contact you and set things up or is this a one way pipeline where you do all the initiating and she's just going along for the ride?
you are quite young... if you are happy and she's happy and things are going smoothly why can't you ju... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that a vision of a family member intruded into my mind while I masturbated?
Q. This is probably a strange one but I have a problem that is really bugging me. I was masturbating the other day when I had an image of a family member just pop into my head. I have had random images just pop into my head before but it has got t...
A. 2 December 2013: another vote for pretty normal... it happens.. just get back on track and finish the "task at hand" so to speak.
... (read in full...)
I feel my boyfriend must change certain things. We've talked. What else can I do?
Q. I am 19 (soon 20 in a month). I am in serious relationship with my bf for 2 yrs we were happy couple with ups and down in life, after graduation we wanna settle down, now the problem is his nature. He is caring when it comes to my health, looks an...
A. 2 December 2013: you cannot make him be what you want.
you either have to accept him the way he is or leave.
those are your two options.
given the choice to stay and be emotionally disrespected and borderline abused I'd be leaving.... (read in full...)
Everything is going wrong right now .....
Q. How do you handle it when everything seems to go wrong and you are under so much stress? I don't want to get into too much detail but over the past few months I have gone through a whole lot. My parents have never been there for me and don'...
A. 2 December 2013: "I have become depressed"
I'm sorry to hear that
"does anyone have any advice"
yes you need to become "undepressed" now how to do that.
Step one.... understand that depression can be caused by situations (hence the name situ... (read in full...)
Afraid he's lost interest! Should I stop seeing him before I get hurt?
Q. Hi aunties and uncles: I have been going on dates with a guy 4-5 times. He has been a gentleman. I am traditional and not okay with physical intimacy but since the first time we hang out, he always pecks me on cheek to say goodbye. However, as ...
A. 2 December 2013: how about you ASK him why the change?
perhaps he's afraid of getting a bit closer and then getting aroused and you shutting him down.
or perhaps he's starting to like you more and is pulling back because he does not want to get hurt.
COMMUNI... (read in full...)
My boyfriend throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way!
Q. My boyfriend likes to make plans for us with or without me and it is driving me crazy (it's relevant that we live together). I say yes to much of what he suggests, but sometimes I just don't feel like going. He will suggest something in say, a week ...
A. 2 December 2013: Does he have ADHD or learning disabilities?
I ask because his behavior is not acceptable but his constant inability to take NO for answer strikes me as a touch ADHD like....
when he asks you to do something the first time and you say no.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend spends a lot of time with her gay male friend who's almost always semi-naked. Should I be concerned?
Q. My girlfriend often tells me how her male fried walks around the house purely in his underwear. I know this sounds petty but I can't help but let it bother me. I even went as far as to ask what kind of underwear...they're the tight boxer brief ...
A. 2 December 2013: Wait.. he's a FRIEND so he is NOT a roommate?
he does not live in her home with her?
Does anyone else have friends that show up and take their clothes off to walk around in their underwear?
I mean I've gotten naked in front of friends...... (read in full...)
Should I still visit my boyfriend every weekend when he's busier than I am?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a few months. He is currently studying for his LSAT everyday, while I am busy with just school. I sleep over his place every weekend; I come late at night, and then leave the next afternoon. Although, I am c...
A. 2 December 2013: you are the ONLY one rowing this relationship boat.
He's not as into you as you are into him but he's willing to accept what you give him.
YOU are getting NOTHING from him... he's taking everything from you.
EVEN the busiest man will MAK... (read in full...)
How to get many answers to your question.
Q. So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
A. 17 March 2013: Thank you for the reply.
I agree a catchy title is important but sometimes the posters don't have the luxury of picking their own title as the moderators have final say.... (read in full...)
How to get many answers to your question.
Q. So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
A. 28 November 2012: Aunty Em you are so right... I was going to add something about that... but I felt that it was not applicable to everyone... ... (read in full...)
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