Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
My mom doesn't approve of the man that I love
Q. Hi, I am marsha. I am 25 year old graduated last year. I love someone who is younger than me. WE were friends before. I know him past 3 year now. We got close like best friend the end of 3year. Then one fine day he asked me out .. not just dating b...
A. 25 November 2013: so you mom wants you to dump this guy you love and meet and marry someone RIGHT AWAY? does she not realize it will be at least a year after meeting a new fellow that you will decide to marry or not?
IGNORE your mother... do not live your li... (read in full...)
Why is wife hiding her past from me, and has lied about it
Q. why is my wife hiding her past from me? she tells me its my problem, and not hers. she has lied to me over the years about it. we have been married for several years now 31 , while dating she said she was in love with her first, but a ye...
A. 20 November 2013: OP I have a question for you.
WHAT will happen if you find out that she did lie on purpose and has kept things from you... are you prepared to leave her after 31 years of marriage?
If not, what will change?... (read in full...)
Help with insecure GF who wants a break
Q. My GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but ...
A. 20 November 2013: She's playing head games OP... she wants you to want her.. she wants you to beg her to come back as an ego stroke.
I think it's for the best that you tell her it's too painful for you to continue to be friendly if you are not dating.
I also ... (read in full...)
It feels like we've changed over the course of the relationship, and I'm not sure we should continue
Q. My boyfriend and I have had a mostly happy and strong relationship going over the past 3 years, however over the past few months I have become increasingly unsure that this is the right guy for me. The reason why is because I feel like we have both ...
A. 20 November 2013: OP you said " I see my friends happy with real men"
and i did not read further... there is no point.
you don't consider him a "real man" so you need to end the relationship with him.
... (read in full...)
Is she trying to develop a sexual relationship or chemistry with me?
Q. Insight needed into whether this chic is interested in dating me or just want to hook up for sex. So I'm lesbian, and I think but am not too sure the chic is bisexual. In any event we went out twice before and after that I kind lost touch with her. ...
A. 20 November 2013: if she's not bi she's bi-curious... she may find she's not really into girls after all.
she may be looking for some fun and games...the only way to know what she wants other than to be physical with you (that's clear already) is to ask her what... (read in full...)
Tips for making out and making a guy cum?
Q. I really need tips for how to make a guy cum during a makeout session. Of course we can grind top and bottom, but I'm specifically looking for tips on how to make him cum just using my hands (through his pants), or grinding in different ...
A. 20 November 2013: so you are willing to tease him and piss him off and then go back to your regular routine or has he asked for this "punishment" cause trust me guys would find this sort of teasing as punishment....... (read in full...)
What do I do if I bump into a guy I used to date while at work?
Q. So, I'm going for a job interview in a couple of days. Nothing fancy, just an office job at a university near to where I was a student. I still have friends there, so thought it would be fun to return. Thing is, there's a guy that goes to the uni ...
A. 20 November 2013: It's simple you smile and say hi and keep moving... if he stops you you can say "i'm sorry i can't stop I'm almost late for an important appointment" then keep going.
you owe him no explanations or attention.... (read in full...)
How do I move on after a divorce which husband cheated and got married so quickly?
Q. I had been married 17 years when my (now ex) husband notified me of his intention to file for divorce through a solicitors email while I was overseas for a week. We had been having a bad time and I had tolerated emotional and some physical abuse ...
A. 20 November 2013: While YOU may not consider yourself depressed it sounds like you meet the criteria. Situational depression can be helped by short courses of medications and I’m betting a workup may find you categorized as depressed. Saying NO DOCTORS because I ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend comes before coworker but how do I not hurt my coworker?
Q. I have a boyfriend who I love dearly. He's my best friend and I would do anything for him. We've been together for 2 years and have known each other for 3. He's the only one that I want. I have a coworker who has recently been acting different...
A. 20 November 2013: I agree that the co-worker needs to be cut down in his tracks but there are NICE ways to do it.
If you don't want to be blatant, you can be subtle.. just be busy... "oh i can't I have to go home and wash the kitchen floor tonight and it can't... (read in full...)
I recently found a bunch on naked pictures of my wife's privates on her phone!
Q. Hello everyone, i need your help...i recently found a bunch on naked pictures of my wifes privates on her phone. we have been married for 9 years and she has never done anything like this. i checked the dates on the pics and they have been take...
A. 20 November 2013: umm so NOT normal.
I was a swinger... I was VERY open sexually and I NEVER took pictures of my privates on my phone at work or otherwise and never sent pictures of myself to anyone ever.
check the message logs on the phone (do it online ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied and cheated for over a year and got another woman pregnant. Should I dump him?
Q. Should I dump my boyfriend he has fathered a child with another woman and lied and deceived me for nearly a year he was having sex with both ov us but I had no idea he was cheating neither did the other girl know about me. He told me cause I caught ...
A. 20 November 2013: He has no remorse that he did what he did... his remorse is that he got caught.
will you ever trust him again? I would not.
If you can't trust him there is no relationship....
... (read in full...)
She says she's really in love with me, but I'm not quite there yet
Q. Hi guys, need some advice on the L WORD term My girlfriend and I have been together for just over a month and she told me she really likes me in the beginning which was great as I really liked her too. Now she has told me she is practically fall...
A. 20 November 2013: My husband always told me that the reason he was able to fall in love with me is because I left him to his own devices and gave him the space needed to grow to love me...
I've often heard that men fall faster than women but I'm not a believer i... (read in full...)
Worried and confused -- why would he want to be in contact with this ex?
Q. Hi, I really need some advice and honest opinions. How do you feel about ex's keeping in touch with each other? What's the reason they feel the need to stay in touch? My boyfriend of 6 months still keeps in touch with his ex who he was wit...
A. 20 November 2013: My take on this:
IF you have children with an ex you need to remain in contact and you need to be civil and friendly for the sake of the children.
IF you have no children together, and there is nothing to bind you to each other (such as shared ... (read in full...)
Tips for making out and making a guy cum?
Q. I really need tips for how to make a guy cum during a makeout session. Of course we can grind top and bottom, but I'm specifically looking for tips on how to make him cum just using my hands (through his pants), or grinding in different ...
A. 20 November 2013: So you want to be known as a cock tease? not a very nice term for a young lady,....
teasing is cruel.... if you are not going to follow through do not give him hope.... (read in full...)
Do men keep stuff from their ex girlfriends?
Q. Hi. Firstly I'm typing this on my phone so sorry for any mistakes. I'll try and make this short. I've known this guy for six years as friends. We just recently startde dating and so far its been amazing. He's sweet, nice, focused on school a...
A. 19 November 2013: Sure why not... women keep things so do men.
My husband has a card and an item his ex gave him long before he knew me... no big deal to me either... as for pictures on computers.. he may not even remember it's there.
... (read in full...)
Sister-in-law propositioned me, and I'm tempted ...
Q. Hi I have a dilemma, I don't get on with my sister in law, she is an obnoxious self centred person, a habitual liar, thief and cannot be trusted even slightly. I have tried in the past to give her the benefit of the doubt but have always had my ...
A. 19 November 2013: I so want to say... "go for it and invite your wife to take pictures and have a threesome" because I agree that this sounds more like some hot fantasy than reality....
IF it's not a made up dream... well then the answer is ASK YOUR WIFE WH... (read in full...)
Pregnancy test negative so why 2 missed periods and terrible cramps?
Q. This isn't exactly a relationship question but maybe someone could help? I've been having cramps off and on for a month now- sometimes just a mild cramp and sometimes to the point where I'm doubled over in pain and have missed 2 periods- after the ...
A. 19 November 2013: Time to see the GYN... bring a copy of the blood work with you if he/she did not perform the test.
I have a friend who was nearly 4 months pregnant before she found out.. she did not miss a period before she found out she was pregnant.
... (read in full...)
Was she so much in love with her ex or she just didn't like me enough?
Q. I was with this girl for a while (almost two months). She liked me but it was kind of flakey; sometimes she was more into me than others. After a while I found out that she was still obssesed with her ex bf after one and a half years (!) of not even ...
A. 19 November 2013: This is not a rejection of YOU but rather a rejection of the idea of someone OTHER than the ex boyfriend. It's been a year and a half and she's still stalking her ex's new GF.. she's not over him.
It's possible that if she was in the right fr... (read in full...)
Please tell me it's possible -- genuine love and good sex together?
Q. So the kinkiest, hottest and most bullshit free sex I have ever had, is not in a a serious relationship. I am having it right now, but as I get past 10 years of monogamy (including 2 of marriage) in which sexstarted with co-ersion (as a teen) ...
A. 19 November 2013: Yes it's possible but you will need to get rid of the FWB to find one....
... (read in full...)
Married 41 years. Any tips to spice up our sex lives please?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 41 years, i'm 65 and she's 64. We used to have a great sex life but we haven't had sex for a couple of years now and it can get frustrating. Has anyone got any tips to spice up our sex lives? Thanks...
A. 19 November 2013: olderthandirt would be mistaken.. .I'm 53 and I can't get enough...
you say you have not had sex for a couple of years... so spicing up nothing will not work...
have you tried for sex? does your wife decline? do you know why? perhaps s... (read in full...)
He deceived and cheated. I have regrets. Do you have any tips on how I can forgive myself?
Q. About 6 months ago, I discovered a man I was seeing was not all he said he was. He was cheating on me with multiple women and deceived me on a level I never imagined possible. He broke my spirit and my heart. I had never felt so low. With lots...
A. 19 November 2013: YOU did NOTHING wrong.. other than love someone... Just because he's a jerk does not make you a bad person.
Time will help
and telling yourself you did nothing wrong will help...
the problem is you are mad at yourself for things like pic... (read in full...)
Boyfriend tells me I'd look better if I lost weight then regrets it and tells me I look fine! What's going on?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. We're in a really happy relationship except for one thing. On occasion he has told me that I'd look better if I lost half a stone. He also tells me frequently (in a jokey way but I see a serious ...
A. 19 November 2013: You are 5'5" you will never shop in petites.. you are too tall to be petite....
as for your weight... 7 pounds (half a stone) would barely show... your bf is a jerk.
he may have a "type" but he may prefer you... just ignore his comments ... (read in full...)
I ended the relationship because my boyfriend called me another woman's name
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now but i now have a problem that has really upset me. While we were having sex and my boyfriend was about to cum he said "Michelle"...but that isn't my name...i got really upset but he said he ...
A. 19 November 2013: Well it does not mean he was having an affair... or even a crush on someone.
but absent an affair I think breaking up with him was an over-reaction.
We all have fantasies. We all get crushes even if we are happy with our partners... it ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend loves me but isnt physically attracted to me
Q. Girlfriend just told me she doesn't find me physically attractive? Said she loves me and is emotionally connected to me, therefore she is into me physically. Said she sees her life with me. But just that it's not a sexual thing. I'm really confused ...
A. 19 November 2013: OP, I'm not 100% sure I'm following this correctly but let me tell you about my feelings for my husband.
He's adorable to me. I want him. I love him... but when I met him it was NOT about his looks and it's still NOT. He is basically odd look... (read in full...)
Fiance has a hard time reaching orgasm. How can I help him?
Q. Hello everyone, My fiance and I have a great relationship, but there is something troubling me in the sex department. We have sex fairly often and it is very good, passionate, etc. The strange thing is that he has a hard time reaching orgasm a...
A. 19 November 2013: It's NOT you... that's the first thing you MUST accept... it's not a statement of how much he loves you or how attractive you are in any way shape or form.
I think he's young and probably used to a firm grip of his hand....
it's not ha... (read in full...)
Should I dump my wife? She keeps calling me by her ex's names!
Q. my wife intentionally called me by her ex-husbands name and her ex-fiances name(i caught her texting him later after we were married, she claimed she thought it was his mom)I am having a hard time getting over this. should I dump her?...
A. 19 November 2013: Has she told you she's doing it on purpose or are you assuming she is?
If she has told you she's doing it on purpose have you asked her why?
Are you newly married or is this old stuff?
so because she called you by an ex partners name you a... (read in full...)
We had a stupid argument and my ex broke up with me. I want her back!
Q. Hey there hope you all are doing good! I'll probably say random info but hopefully it helps you help me. Well I need a bit of help here. I've been with my girlfriend for about 7 months now well ex girlfriend cause she broke up with me today. We've ...
A. 19 November 2013: Six breakups in 7 months is NOT a good sign.
You can love someone and yet know you should not be a couple… it sounds to me like that is what is going on here.
If her answer to every argument is to say “well then don’t be with me” or to shut down... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't approve of the man that I love
Q. Hi, I am marsha. I am 25 year old graduated last year. I love someone who is younger than me. WE were friends before. I know him past 3 year now. We got close like best friend the end of 3year. Then one fine day he asked me out .. not just dating b...
A. 19 November 2013: Well I can tell you that my son is age 27 and having similar problems with his father and stepmom. THEY do not approve of his choice of girlfriend due to her religion.
His choice: cut them out of his life. And I don't blame him.
As an a... (read in full...)
Why is wife hiding her past from me, and has lied about it
Q. why is my wife hiding her past from me? she tells me its my problem, and not hers. she has lied to me over the years about it. we have been married for several years now 31 , while dating she said she was in love with her first, but a ye...
A. 19 November 2013: OP,
As I have aged I have refined my idea of what love is and/or was... so folks I THOUGHT I loved back in the day I now realize I did not love them.
with maturity and age comes wisdom.
She's revamped her ideas of the past.
This was TH... (read in full...)
He said he was single, but now I find out about his terminal girlfriend
Q. I've just found out that this guy I have been getting to know has a girlfriend and that she is terminally ill. I confronted him and he says he just needs someone to support him through this time. I feel sick to my stomach because we have kissed a ...
A. 19 November 2013: He lied to you
He probably lies to her… and he says terminal but you know she could still be walking around and have YEARS left to live.. He used that as a sympathy ploy more than anything I’ m betting.
YOU did nothing wrong as you did not ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else think it's silly that a lot of chicks still think they're virgins after giving bjs?
Q. I just think it's really silly. I mean, I guess they'd be technical virgins, but to say you're pure after having a d--k in your mouth is just absolutely ridiculous to me. But I've heard A LOT of girls say they're still virgins after. Am I the only ...
A. 19 November 2013: I personally think we need to revamp what we define as VIRGIN since it's defined as sexual intercourse of the heterosexual variety, it means that gay men or lesbians who have never had heterosexual sex are technically virgins.
I like to use ... (read in full...)
Looking for help with emotionally unavailable guy.
Q. I don't know if this is a long shot but I'm looking for some advice and help with dealings I have with a guy. He is emotionally unavailable, he is my fwb ( when he fancies it!!) and I'm not sure if you'd call him a player. Anyway so I'm hoping to...
A. 19 November 2013: Basically he's not that into you... and game playing is not a good idea at any age. And it won't really make a difference because once the games stop he'll be gone again and you will be posting here for advice on how to heal from a man you love ... (read in full...)
Am I being overly concerned -- he wanted to have sex without protection
Q. After waiting a fair amount of time, the guy I'm dating and I decided to have sex. I had needed to take it slow, and he had respected that, then last night we took things further. It got to the point where he was about to go inside me, but he tried ...
A. 19 November 2013: IF you had not discussed it with him prior to the act, I can see him assuming you wanted him to go "bareback".
Usually adults will discuss the birth control and disease issues before consummating the relationship.
When my now husband and I... (read in full...)
Slept with a married work colleague
Q. I have worked with this man for a year. We flirt all day everyday and for as long as I've known him iv been attracted to him, hes also attracted to me but hes married. On friday we had a work party and i stayed in his hotel room and we had sex. Ther ...
A. 19 November 2013: What do you think telling him how you feel will do?
He used you for sex and the ego boost.. he lied to you. he's lying to his wife... he is not to be trusted. he's a liar and a cheater. you are an enabler.
Sadly for you if his wife find... (read in full...)
Will we be able to maintain our relationship if I move away?
Q. Hi Recently I got in touch with a man that I met at university years ago. We’ve not been in touch for 8 years. At university, we dated for a short term. I have always had feelings for him. Anyway we are now together. When I got in touch with hi...
A. 19 November 2013: we made a 2 hour by car distance work for a year... then he moved to be with me.
our friends are married... they dated 2 years.. then married. they are married a year now.. he lives two hours away and every friday takes the train to her... in... (read in full...)
Should I uproot my child to be with this man?
Q. My dilemma is simple. I am a young single mother who has always lived in California. A year ago I met a man from Texas who was here on business but decided to let him have my number and things progressed. Because of business he was here quite a ...
A. 19 November 2013: Ok so baby daddy is not in the California picture and could manage to see child 2 or three times a year as he does now if child is in the picture.
Man makes a good living and owns a business and has asked you to move to be with him and marry hi... (read in full...)
What advice would you give to your 20 year old self
Q. What advice would you give to your 20 year old self? Financial, relationship and just general life information you wish you had known. My biggest fear is wasting my life, I think about this daily. I constantly feel like I should be doing/...
A. 18 November 2013: Dear 20 year old SVC,
Please be pickier about who you trust
Please be picker about who you love
Please learn to manage money better than you do
Please don't rush being "all grown up"
Please don't think that letting a man have sex with you me... (read in full...)
How do I realize that marriage isn't as important as I'm making it out to be?
Q. Hello, all. I regularly give advice here, and now I need help myself... In short, how do I let go of the fact that my life partner and myself may never get married? I am in an extremely happy, close (when I let it be, more to come on that), fa...
A. 18 November 2013: OP do you think in 5 years when you are still not married you will be able to up and leave?... (read in full...)
I always feel I'm annoying my FWB when I text him
Q. So, it started back in 2010 when I met this boy and we were just friends with benefits.. I started to really like him and he said he didn't want anything more and then he just randomly got a girlfriend with this girl I disliked at the time. So, ...
A. 17 November 2013: Oh dear sweetie... he is USING YOU FOR SEX.... he's NEVER EVER going to be what you want him to be.
STOP having sex with him and watch him disappear again...... (read in full...)
How do I realize that marriage isn't as important as I'm making it out to be?
Q. Hello, all. I regularly give advice here, and now I need help myself... In short, how do I let go of the fact that my life partner and myself may never get married? I am in an extremely happy, close (when I let it be, more to come on that), fa...
A. 17 November 2013: But marriage DOES matter to you... and by saying you want to let it go you are doing yourself a disservice.
I have been married FOUR TIMES and every time the guy knew between 3 and 6 months he wanted to marry me...
my son is dating a girl... (read in full...)
Missing my LDR. Should I book a ticket to see him at Christmas? Or make him wait?
Q. What should I do? I miss him so much:(? So I'm in LDR with my boyfriend. He's the most sweetest and romantic guy I've ever been with. and his body is just amazing!! I trust him, and out married friends set us up so I trust them and him. We'v...
A. 17 November 2013: "make him wait"
for what SEX?
why aren't you making yourself wait... you make it sound like he's the one who wants it... not you as if, you going to him to have sex is what he wants... ADMIT you want sex and go.
ask him what he wants t... (read in full...)
We had an argument because he wanted sex and I wanted to sleep. Should I call him?
Q. i had a fall out with my new boyfriend the other day, he basically said to me, i don't understand how can you girls know a guy has a hard on and not do anything about it!... he was saying that because i slept at his and we had sex the night before...
A. 17 November 2013: I don't think you did anything wrong and I don't think you owe him an apology.
I am with Chigirl on this whole "you girls" thing as well...
and just because a man has a hard on does not mean a woman must service him... jeez he's a tool.... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 16 November 2013: You can't expect him to be a mind reader.
I'm sure you have told him what you want, but if you wanted for CLOSURE one last time to spell it out for him:
you need to BE divorced and then and ONLY then will I come back.
then you go about y... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 13 November 2013: Nope do not get in touch... you told him how you feel. you've told him you want a commitment... it's on him now. And how long should you wait? You were done yesterday with the waiting... now we start the 6 weeks of grieving... time to mourn ... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
