A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 3 years. We're both in our 30's. We don't live together. Anyway, sometimes I feel he's a pervert. lol. I know this sounds silly, and especially at my age, but almost every thing we watch together has T and A in it. He also stayed at his friend's last night who is a 31 year old virgin (no joke) and they played some game that has nothing but sexy dressed/half nude women characters in it. It wouldn't be a problem but I feel my boyfriend is always wanting to see something "sexy". Honestly, it's irritating me. Why would 2 grown men want to play a video game as nothing but sexy dressed characters if it wasn't for the sexiness? That honestly makes NO sense to me.I tell him all he cares about is naked chicks and he tells me he hasn't watched porn in a long time and that "I'm the last person should say anything because I watch more porn than he does". That, to me, is different. There's always some "sexy" scene in youtube videos they watch together, movies WE watch together. It's like he's always looking at nudity, or sexy costumes or just anything involving "women". He's never been unfaithful and he does glance at women when we're out but this annoys the hell out of me.I understand his friend doing it as he's a virgin but my boyfriend? I watch porn sometimes for masturbating purposes but other than that I don't ever sit around just scoping on naked men, or go out of my way to find something with sexy men in it. My boyfriend will look up a video on youtube just to watch a girl dancing and shaking her ass. This is seriously irritating me because 1) our relationship has been rocky lately. 2) i've become insecure and 3) i just find him a turn off because of this. Sometimes, because my boyfriend knows it irritates me he'll do it on purpose just to get my reaction. And he's told me that. He tells me I need to work on how I handle it. No, sorry. There's a difference in him and other men I've dated who didn't seem to go out of their way for this shit. One time when he invited me over he was on youtube and, knowing I was right there behind him watching it with him, he watched something called "sexy pranks" and the main picture was a chick in a bikini so he was well aware of the material withIN the video. He looked back at me and I rolled my eyes.I know I'm sounding immature, and bitchy or whatever, but this is frustrating me and making me not really even want to be around him. It's turning me off him. I just needed somewhere to vent. I've actually thought of breaking up with him just because of this issue alone. I love him, don't get me wrong, but this really bugs me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2013): I totally second Ciar. You both have issues. And only wanting him to change is rather hypocritical. Especially if you know u have demons as well.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 I responded to your submission before seeing any of your follow ups so I'll have to revise my answer.
To be honest, I'm starting to suspect you two are better suited to one another than I first thought.
Between his adolescent fixation with boobs and bums and your preoccupation with beauty and being the centre of attention the two of you sound more like a couple of teenagers. They're the sort of things I'd expect from a 13 year old boy and a 17 year old girl.
What exactly are you doing to overcome these issues? What steps have you taken thus far? Not a whole hell of a lot would be my guess when you're relying solely on a boyfriend to suddenly grow up and stop ogling naked women. OP, this is not a solution. Buttering you up and distracting you from your inner demons is not the answer. Your sense of worth must come from within.
As long as you rely on others to validate you, you will be forever vulnerable.
I'm afraid I have to disagree with you about not being controlling. Allowing him to do what doesn't bother you while forbidding him from doing what does IS controlling.
I don't know if there's a story behind the lack of contact but it's been less than 24 hours since you last spoke to him, so I don't understand what the fuss is about. You're not joined at the hip. Find something to do. And when he does call be someone he actually wants to talk to instead of an insufferable nag with body issues.
The more you complain, the more miserable you are, the more he won't want to be with you, and the greater your insecurities will be. It's a vicious cycle.
Overcome your issues on your own and either accept that he is immature or move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): You seem to be dwelling on his behavior as though you're in need of closure. The question isn't why is he doing this.. the question is what are you going to do about it? Set your own goals and live your own life, rather than wrapping your emotions up into a guy who doesn't care if you're happy or not. It's on YOU to make sure you are happy. What are YOU going to do to make sure you are happy? Go live your life. He's living his. If playing a dirty game is what tickles his fancy, yet setting relationship boundaries for you and him is what makes you happy, well, just go do you basically!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 December 2013):
Welcome to the reality of dating your boyfriend. Love is easy to find, compatibility is not. As you're finding out, this is a pretty big issue and it seems to be a deal breaker, but that's your call.
If you stay, you're just going to have to accept that your boyfriend is immature. If you continue to get mad at him for it, you'll ruin the relationship anyways, so it's better to end it now on good terms.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the first game I've saw him play like this, and I'm sure it was his friend's idea. He was at his friend's house so it was his friend's xbox/games and I'm sure my boyfriend just went along with it but it's always something like this it seems. There just always seems to be something sexy around, in some way shape or form. It's 3:30 and I haven't even heard from my boyfriend since 7pm last night. I'm guessing he was up all night with his friend (watching only god knows what) and sleeping all day since he's not working today. When, and if, he does take the time to contact me I'm going to be so irritated that I'll either ignore it or start a fight, both of which is wrong.Now, I'm not controlling. My bf watches porn, masturbates to whatever and whoever, stays out all night when he can with his friend, and I don't care but this whole thing to me is different. It's almost disrespectful and like he has some kind of problem where he loves looking at all the sexual/nudity he can even if he's not using it to masturbate at that moment and now I haven't even heard from him today because he's been "too busy" sleeping it off (which has been another issue we've been having). It's hard to explain and unless you've been in my shoes, or are like this yourself, it's hard to understand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): I think what really comes across is his childish outlook and schoolboy ways. He seems to enjoy his games a little too much doesnt he.......
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 He doesn't seem to care that this weird, immature habit of his bothers you. That is what bothers me because if you've told him that it bothers you, it's only natural for someone who loves you to address the issue and at least try not to intentionally provoke you. It's his attitude that seems the problem here. Clearly, he doesn't want to make any adjustment whatsoever. Can you put up with such conduct over the long term? If no, you know what to do. All the best, though.
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (3 December 2013):
So let me get this straight....
Your 30-35 year old boyfriend seems fixated on all things sexual and goes out of his way to watch it in your company to get a reaction out of you, yet YOU'RE the one who's immature? YOU? really?
Then there is all the time spent playing video games. I know they're quite a ways from Pac Man and Donkey Kong, but they're still video games.
Society certainly encourages people to remain young for as long as possible.
Well, OP, part of the solution to your problem is obvious. Stop giving your boyfriend the reaction he seeks. Instead be completely bored and deadpan about it.
You can either learn to accept that you're the grown up in this relationship or find someone a little more mature.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's called "Onechanbara - bikini samarai squad" *rolls eyes*... or some shit like that. It's all sexy dressed female characters apparently and as far as I know he's never played it until last night. He doesn't even know that I know he played it. (we both have xbox). Now, that's just something else I can add to the list. I'm being insecure but he's given me reason. I'm having body issues and he knows it bothers me when shit like this happens. He gets mad because he "can't watch whatever he wants to" and I get mad at the same damn reason. It *is* my issue but I'm also irritated with it. If I pick a movie at his place it's something I know isn't about tits, we'll watch it and then he'll pick something and 90% of the time there they are. I watch porn, I can admit women are beautiful but this different to me.I was at his place Sunday, lying in bed watching a movie (he picked) and then there she was, some naked stripper bitch grinding all over the man with her tits in his face.. not long after my boyfriend wanted to have sex.. he says "here climb on top baby and ride this backwards".. and I literally said no thanks. I wasn't in the mood to ride him while he lays there watching some naked chick on tv. Call me whatever, but that's how I feel. I'm hurt right now which is why I sound angry? I haven't talked to him since I saw he played that game last night. Now I don't know how to talk to him without starting a fight. He always thinks it's about the "game" or the "movie" itself. He doesn't understand the content is irritating to me. He does, but he says I have no reason to be jealous or insecure, but I do. :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 December 2013):
 jeff foxworthy said it best... MEN are simple:
"we want a cold beer and we want to see something naked"
my hubby plays an MMO and one of his characters is half naked woman... what she does wear is leather... it's funny to see him do that... but it's not a reflection on me or our relationship.
truthfully you have expressed your dislike of this past time and his continuing to play it makes it clear where you stand...
if it bothers you that much, he's not going to give it up so you have to leave.... or learn to cope with it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): Was it final fantasy X part II, I love that game even though they made the characters intensely sexified it is fun to play and it's a great franchise. Really good rpg, anyway, most games have some tits or arse in it, it doesn't mean that people only play it because of that. Literally games wouldn't sell if they relied just on sexy characters and sexy characters isn't why people pay money to buy these games the actual story line or gameplay is why people play.
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