A
female
age
41-50,
*iss Led
writes:I have ended a very turbulent relationship, which went on for over three years, due to his continued determination to continue using dating sites, while at the same time swearing blind that he loves me. After being broken up, for less than two weeks, he is now with someone else and declares his love for her over twitter and facebook.My point is, he was with me for over three years and could not quit dating sites, but so soon, he meets someone else, and he is in love again. I do not know this girl, or if he met her on those dating sites or not.How can I move on? Deep down, I know I still love him, but I am so full of hate towards him, that it is spoiling my day to day life. Will his new girlfriend be enough to make him quit dating sites,or has she got it all to come? Why has he moved on so quick if he really loved me?
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (4 December 2013):
He is afraid to be alone. He just needs that someone there cause he doesn't like himself.
You need to move on. There is nothing there and never was.
Respect yourself and let him go.
A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (4 December 2013):
It's obvious he didn't really love you if he was trawling dating sites.You're better off without him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): "How can I move on?"Stop letting your ego and vanity override your brain; as much of a scumbag as he is, you still can't stand the idea that he chose another woman over you. Instead you should be thankful he's out of your life and has glommed onto some other needy, insecure chick whose life he will proceed to make miserable."Deep down, I know I still love him . . ."Sorry, but I don't understand how anyone can profess to still "love" a person who treated them with such disrespect and contempt, and I suggest you reexamine your own values to try to understand why you are still drawn to someone who treated you so badly."Will his new girlfriend be enough to make him quit dating sites, or has she got it all to come?"He's doing the same thing to her that he did to you, telling her exactly what she wants to hear while he does exactly what he wants to do, which is continue on dating sites."Why has he moved on so quick if he really loved me?"Don't believe what a guy SAYS, believe what he DOES.If he really loved you, then he wouldn't have been on dating sites.If he really loved you, then he wouldn't be publicly professing his "love" for another chick within two weeks.Hopefully this painful experience will provide you the opportunity to step back and seriously think about why you clung to such a dysfunctional relationship for so long, and give you the insight needed to avoid repeating the same mistakes and falling into the same trap in the future.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (3 December 2013):
 So you ended things because he used dating sites throughout your relationship did he? Is that right?
So what was you expecting from this guy? Love and honesty? Move on, because whatever is going on in his mind is not important. What is important, is that you begin to count your blessings. He has gone.
He may have stopped using dating sites at the moment, but as soon as the honeymoon phase is over, he will be back on them. People like him rarely change.
He is out of your life, so celebrate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): Maybe he doesn't share the same kind of love that you have. He may not love you at all, and only says so; because it's what you want to hear. He echos your words. If you say you love him, he says he loves you too.He continued using dating sites; because he had an unhappy and "turbulent" relationship with you. There aren't any details about the problems you had, but it was a bad experience for both of you.He may have gotten over his pain a longtime ago. He gave up on the relationship; and stayed in it as long as you wanted to stay. He never gave up looking for someone else in the meantime. This kept him optimistic that even if things didn't workout, he had a head-start on replacing you.Men may not show our feelings openly, and outer appearances are often deceiving. He can hurt on the inside, and pretend to be having a great time. He realized the relationship was failing and about to end, so he began his pursuit for someone else. It is likely he met her before the breakup.If you didn't consider breaking up earlier on during the turbulence; you delayed your opportunity to get through your grief and to be able to move on. Like so many women, you hold on telling yourself it's because you love him.Well, what's the point? If you aren't happy with the relationship, and you're always fighting or angry at each other. What kind of love is that?He's history. Stop stalking his tweets and updates. They are of no value to you, and only upset you. It's really irrelevant if he really loved you after you broke up.You know one thing for certain, he isn't with you now. He found someone quickly, so he wouldn't be alone. She may be only a rebound, but having her around is helping him to deal with his pain; if any exists at this point.People handle their pain in different ways. Some start dating immediately after a breakup; because it's a distraction from the sadness. They may not have a support system of friends or relatives to comfort them.Women often have a better support-system they can turn to then men. They can openly show emotions and cry. They can turn to their sympathetic girlfriends, sisters, mother, and other emotional women. Men can't do that. Guys will laugh at you, if you're all weepy and whiny. Most of our suffering is done alone, over a bottle of liquor; or on an eating binge. So we do the tough thing and pretend we can just ignore the feelings. Alone, they come back, and they eat you up. The fact you were incompatible may have helped him to get past his grief that must faster. If he considered you a thorn in his side, once you left; he feels relieved it's over. So his grief may hit him later. It's only been a short-time. So this is time you focus on yourself. Do what makes you feel good. Block his updates from your feed. Stop stalking Facebook and torturing yourself keeping up with his life. Mind your own business, and nurse yourself back to normalcy. He's not your boyfriend anymore; and what he does now is his business.You are free to do whatever you need to do to help you get over him. I wouldn't recommend starting a new relationship; because you would only drag baggage into it. If you would love to go out to dinner, dancing, or hangout with a male companion. Do it! It's good medicine. Avoid drugs and heavy drinking. Calm you nerves with a drink or a little wine, but not if you decide to go out.You'll make a scene, your emotions are far too raw for any over-indulgence of alcohol. If you have the financial means, plan a holiday with a best friend or single sister. Get a change of atmosphere. Dress up, be anonymous, be free in an exotic place. Enjoy the attention of strangers.It takes time to get through a breakup. You can't let an ex chain you to a boulder. Go rebuild yourself. Reclaim your identity, and learn to love yourself enough to get over that jerk. Pull the girls together and say horrible things about men. Don't let him be the focus, just men. Listen to their tales of woe, and realize that we all have been there.I broke up in April this year. My ex is dating. A friend ran into him and his new partner at a club. My friend asked me how I felt about it. I feel that he must have hurt more than I thought. He didn't take time to grieve and purge the emotions like I did. That poor new guy could possibly be hurt; because he is on the rebound. I feel safe and free. I don't feel one way or the other about the news. I have a good life, and a lot of loving family and friends. My recovery is in the final stage, and he just doesn't matter any more. Psychologically, I got over him the best way. So there isn't any pain about it. It took time to get here. We have to wish them well, and get on with our lives.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): I am in almost the same boat as my 3-year "on and off" relationship has just ended. Apparently, for good. His choice, not mine. It's hard to move on. And, I believe both people hurt when a relationship ends--just two different ways. I imagine your ex-bf is just rebounding to this girl (without knowing all the details that's my theory.) Rebounders do convince themselves they "love" the next person; but do they really? I rebounded from an ex-bf that cheated on me, MARRIED the rebound guy and the marriage ended quicker than most Hollywood couples. LOL ;) What a rebounder actually does is project their feelings from X person onto Y person. It's almost subconscious. In some cases, it's actually a coping device...it's how they get over someone, by moving on to the next person. I wouldn't let it get to you, and if it's that bad to where you can't stand it anymore just block or hide his FB status as well as his twitter. He could be rubbing it in just to hurt you, too. And, you don't need that. Good luck. Time does heal.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 the first thing you must do to move on is to block his social media accounts... watching him on Social media is pouring salt in the wound.
He was always on dating sites so he may have known her for a while... you don't know and it does not really matter.
Will he be faithful to her? maybe...
did he ever really love you? he may have to the best of his ability thought he did... but clearly he did not love you enough....
I have seen it over and over a man says "I never want to get married" to a woman and she accepts that... not realizing that the part "to YOU" is left off. Then when they break up and he meets someone and marries her within a year or two she's heartbroken... "he never wanted to get married"
well I know of two guys who got married in 2012... one was a first time groom at age 52 because he FINALLY met the right girl... the other was my husband who got married the first time at age 39 after telling me when we first met that "marriage was stupid" and "I'm never getting married" and all of the other anti-marriage things...
what changed for him? why isn't marriage stupid now? BECAUSE HE FELL IN LOVE and did not want to risk losing me... he made that commitment... I swear three days before the wedding I tried to tell him we did not have to get married... we could just live together...
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (3 December 2013):
You can't love people that quick, he might be trying to get an easy lay.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 December 2013):
You really have no idea if he's moved on or not, since twitter is just what people choose to show. Maybe he's using her to get over you or to make you jealous? Maybe he's just insecure and codependent? Maybe he was seeing her before you broke up?
Who knows? Either way I'm sure he's hurting, but why would he show that publicly?
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