A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. When I called my boyfriend last night, after not seeing him nor hearing from him for a few days, he said he's very busy.I jokingly said in that case I'm going out on a hot date. To which he replied: "the only date you'll get is that homeless guy who sleeps in the bus shelter". Which made me feel not so great. How should I take it? He seems to only call when he feels like it and otherwise it's up to me to stay in touch, just to say how was your day. We've been dating for a year,he was more attentive earlier on. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 Cerberus I would agree with you IF
they had constant witty banter
they were a more committed couple either married or living together
he did not disappear for days on her
and she was NOT the one rowing the relationship boat.
the fact that he goes for days without contact and that she's the one making all the effort makes it seem like his remark was intended to hurt and cause her to end it with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): My husband and I would have comeback lines like this for each other daily!! What is there to handle, you joked about going on a hot date and he gave you something back. Don't give it out if you can't take it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): Hang on a sec, that was an awesome come back. You made a very off colour joke, he made one too as a come back and it was quite good.
Sorry but I think the other posters either don't have a sarcastic sense of humour, or somehow think your 'I'm going out to cheat on you' "joke" is somehow less morally reprehensible than him saying the only guy you could get is the homeless dude.
I've had that interaction with my wife lots of times. We can go to about 7 or 8 comebacks these days before we burst out laughing, always new and inventive. "I have a hot date tonight""The only date you'll have is with a homeless guy""well his cock can't smell any worse than yours does""That's the smell of the hole I stick it in regularly it doesn't wash off""Well I told you stop shagging the dog""your mother's not a dog" etc.
OP if you can't take it, don't give it.
Is it somehow more okay to jokingly imply you're going to get with another man?
Take it as a comeback.
OP seriously, did you really mean what you said? No, well he didn't either. So where's the problem? You shouldn't take this any more personally than he should take your joke. Some might even accuse you of trying to play games and make him jealous by making such jokes, I mean seriously OP, you said it to get a reaction, that's your reaction a pretty acerbic but in my mind witty retort.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 You should have just told him, "You know what, the homeless guy at the bus shelter would probably be a much better person than you".
As of now, don't take his calls, ignore his messages and let him work on the relationship if he wants to. He might be stressed but that in no way means that he can treat u like crap, which he's doing. I don't know how people can claim to be in a relationship and then not even have 10 minutes a day to call their significant other! Stop making the efforts and see what he does. If you don't hear from him, you know its as good as over.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): Uhh why dont you talk to him. Sounds like no one is playing the devils advocate so i will. What if hes got alot on his plate? His work? Going to school? What are you looking for in a response? Us to feel sorry for you. Why dont you talk to him and tell him what you said here. If he doesnt listen or you cant work it out break it off. How does one in a relationship jokingly say they are going on a date with someone else? Were you trying to get a rise out of him? It worked.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2013): He came off too harsh, maybe not realizing the impact of his words at the time. Either because he's stupid, or a rotten piece of sh*t.Cut your losses. Time for cleaner air to breath. Round-up your girlfriends, and seek some opinions from the ladies in your social circle that know him in-person. Use the advice you find here; but you need your support system to help you see things as they are. The opinion of other women you know matters a lot; because they are in the position to have observed behavior you may have just ignored prior to this incident. They will advise you in your best interest; and be there to offer you moral and emotional support.Advice from total strangers may not always resonate, or you'll find excuses to overlook his behavior; in order to avoid seeing things for what they are. You'll rationalize things in your mind.In the meantime; ignore calls and text messages while you digest this episode. Think about your options before reading, or accepting, any half-assed apologies or excuses. You need to think.Right now, "a homeless guy who sleeps in a bus shelter" deserves more sympathy than he does. That was more than a cheap shot, it was a stab at your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 December 2013):
 Wow, forget his incredible asinine remark. Obviously you can do better then that, he just wanted to ruin your going out and having fun. So he lashed out. Pretty immature and pretty low blow.
No matter how busy you are calling your BF/GF once a day or just to say hi I got 5 minutes to chat, how are you? Should be OK. I think when a guy "vanish" for days and then says he is BUSY - he is detaching himself from you & the relationship or he already have, but hasn't ended it because "insert excuse" usually he doesn't want to be the "bad" guy.
I agree with SVC Stop rowing the relationship boat and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 December 2013):
 You "guy" sounds like quite a jerk. I don't think you'll be "losing" much if you simply disappear from his life...
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2013):
he's done with you dear... stop rowing the relationship boat and see what happens.
in other words, stop calling him. stop making plans to see him.
when he calls to see you if it's not spur of the moment and you want to make plans do so but do not be available spur of the moment and do not have sex with him.
you will see said "boyfriend" vanish shortly....
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