Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 16 November 2013: You can't expect him to be a mind reader.
I'm sure you have told him what you want, but if you wanted for CLOSURE one last time to spell it out for him:
you need to BE divorced and then and ONLY then will I come back.
then you go about y... (read in full...)
I have a second chance with my ex but its on harsh terms- should I go for it?
Q. Hey all Its day 4 post breakup here, i havent started 'no contact' we are still talking every night all night (i know this is not the way to go) Our split was down to distance..5 years in an LDR with neither of us willing to give up our jobs ...
A. 15 November 2013: My hubby and I were LDR for our first year of dating... it was a mere two hours apart.... barely an LDR in this day and age and I can tell you that a 2.5 hour commute was fine one or two days a week... but I COULD NOT DO IT DAILY.
Is teleco... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to listen to me when I need to talk to him seriously?
Q. I am so unhappy with my long distance boyfriend of 3 years but every time I try to initiate a talk he starts shouting or tells me I'm a nag or puts the phone down on me. I can't even tell him I want to break up with him because if I manage to say ...
A. 15 November 2013:
YOU DO NOT NEED HIS PERMISSION to break up with him. HE is not the final arbiter on your relationship.
LDRs are hard and if you don't want to do one that's fine.
And since he's NOT near you... well what can he do?
IF you tell someon... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a friend to mention your skin color?
Q. I invited two friends over...I am of a mixed background, roots-wise, one of them who doesn't know the people of my country, told me though cautiously gentle polite inonation and all whether that my people had darker skin than I do..I am not dark but ...
A. 14 November 2013: I'm also in the "just curious" camp here.
I think it's a way to make conversation and get to know you better.
I am of Eastern European Decent. I'm what I would consider "medium white" I have one son who is lighter toned than I... (read in full...)
Are there people who just don't like texting?
Q. Silly question but do some people just not like texting? I was/am seeing this boy. have been since end of july. When I see him hes lovely! We get on great, he shows me a lot of attention and clearly likes me and enjoys spending time with me. I'...
A. 14 November 2013: my husband hates texting and he carries an old flip phone by choice... texting is really a pain for him. no QWERTY keyboard.
I myself only use texting for logistic types of conversations. "running late" "meet you on the left side" "what ti... (read in full...)
Married 4 years and she's unreliable. Over-spends. She lies to me. what can I do?
Q. So my wife and I have been married for four years and during that time we have had out ups and downs. We both work fultime and make close to the same amount. But my wife is very lazy around the house. Despite the fact I work longer hours I a...
A. 14 November 2013: I am sorry this response is SO LONG and rambling.. this is actually about half of what I could say on this topic which is near and dear to me on many levels. OP please feel free to PM to discuss this in depth.
Honeypie gives great practica... (read in full...)
How do I break it to her? I want to end this nearly 10 year relationship.
Q. Hi, I'd like to know how to end a long term (nearly 10 year) relationship? I'm 27 and have been in the same relationship since 18. Initially it was long distance and we saw each other every weekend or other weekend but I inherited a house close to...
A. 14 November 2013: Dear OP, Thank you for the follow up. I was hoping some of the other aunts would beat me to answering you as they are often better at fleshing out my thoughts… While I am sure you are going to leave and I am not going to try to stop you, some ... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who is not interested in sex?
Q. I have very little interest in sex and it has become a huge problem in my marriage(understandably). I honestly do not care if I ever have sex again... it's just not important to me and I really don't get much out of it. I really have never had an ...
A. 14 November 2013: I feel your husband's pain. It sucks when your spouse has no drive. They can tell you from now till the cows come home how attractive you and how much they love you but if they don't WANT to be physically intimate with you... it's killer on the ... (read in full...)
My marriage is old, and I need advice!
Q. I'm 53, hubby is 66! We have not spoke to each other for several days! Even though we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed!We have grown children and grandchildren. He has no care for his family but would do anything in his power for a ...
A. 13 November 2013: You've filed for divorce... move into the guest room for now... (DO NOT LEAVE the HOME) and start living your life like you will when you are no longer tied to this man.
AND stop making excuses for him to his adult children. They are adults..... (read in full...)
Nutjob? A-hole? Relationship-phobe? He's just not that into me? A relationship he hasn't told me about?
Q. I recently met up with someone I had been involved with abroad. We hadn't done the long distance thing and just said we'd see what happened when I got back to town (after him). We spent a day together on the weekend, having lunch (he shouted), ...
A. 13 November 2013: he invited you to a dinner and you asked if you could bring a friend?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? HE asked YOU because YOU were special and he was trying to incorporate you into his world... usually when I plan a dinner party it's already bala... (read in full...)
After five years is asking for a commitment too much?
Q. I'm at the end of my tether guys! I see my boyfriend once a week and when we are together things are good. Thing is when we not I feel so lonely and miss him lots. We tried to get a mortgage together but can't for 4 years cos of ny financia...
A. 13 November 2013: Nope do not get in touch... you told him how you feel. you've told him you want a commitment... it's on him now. And how long should you wait? You were done yesterday with the waiting... now we start the 6 weeks of grieving... time to mourn ... (read in full...)
New to oral and looking for some tips
Q. Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure ...
A. 13 November 2013: PSSST Tisha she said she was dating a WOMAN....... (read in full...)
Shouldn't he try working more hours a day before asking me for loans?
Q. Hi everyone. I am frustrated with my boyfriend of 4 years, but before I say anything to him I'd like to know what you think. He has flexible salesman working hours and seems to be always having things going on - taking time off to help his mom move ...
A. 13 November 2013: He should NOT be asking you for money and you should say "no I'm sorry I can't afford it. It's not in my budget"
no self respecting man I know would continuously borrow money from his GF. I assume he does not pay you back...
EVEN if y... (read in full...)
New to oral and looking for some tips
Q. Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure ...
A. 13 November 2013: YouWish is spot on.
although I tend to spread the lips of the vulva so I can tease AROUND the clitoris a bit...
find the clitoris and find a rhythm that works for her... it might be slow or fast
as she gets closer to her orgasm her clitor... (read in full...)
I ended it so it should be easy, right?
Q. Hi all I have been with my ex for a very long time (5 years 1 month 2 days) We split 2 days ago. Its been LDR the whole time, spending weekends and holidays together. We probably average 2-3 days/week together We have both been in our j...
A. 13 November 2013: just because you are the one to end it (and it seems rightfully so) does NOT Mean it's easier on you.
I remember that every relationship I have ended has left me in tears for a bit... even though I WANTED them over... something this intense and ... (read in full...)
So far everything's been on her terms
Q. I met a girl a few months ago, she is really lovely and funny and when we meet up we have such a good time together. Problem is she is rubbish at getting in contact, so the oonly time we properly talk is when we arrange to meet. Anyway things were ...
A. 13 November 2013: ONE MORE LAST chance can't hurt... THIS ONE TIME...
... (read in full...)
He has this friend who really has a thing for him and who would like me out of the picture
Q. I've been seeing this guy I met online since July (about 5 months), very casually, on and off. I like him a lot, I enjoy being with him, and the sex is phenomenal. He's a bit of a commitment phobe and so am I, so neither of us is rushing toward a ...
A. 13 November 2013: What do you think he tells HER about YOU?
HOW can you “lose respect for him”? You should have already LOST respect for him. He’s using her. He’s using you… he’s a user. Granted you both are allowing it or even encouraging it. Why would he g... (read in full...)
I'm too scared to break up with my boyfriend
Q. I am in a bit of a sticky situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now in a relatively stable relationship. Because of my job I've had to move away for a while and my boyfriend is still back at home and now I rarely get to see him. ...
A. 13 November 2013: End it with him. It's over and you know it... the minute the attention of someone else is more enticing than the current relationship it's time to rethink the current relationship.
all the other things you have listed are also good reason ... (read in full...)
Dealing with his pain
Q. I don't know how to feel right now. My boyfriend and I broke up Friday night and it was a pretty bad fight for something really stupid. It always happens. We fight and make up. We were together for a little over a year and a half, and we were pret...
A. 13 November 2013: HIS PAIN is not your responsibility.
You are wise to know that going back will just be groundhogs day all over again
sometimes no matter how much we love someone we just can't make it work with them. I think you know this.
You feel how ... (read in full...)
I'm getting suspicious -- should I approach this collegue of his?
Q. hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for years but it has been a rocky road for one reason and another. He has called me by his colleagues name a couple of times recently. The last time was this weekend, I felt very suspicious this time for...
A. 13 November 2013: Wow what would you approach HER with?
do you think she's going to tell you your man is cheating on you with her?
do you think it will make her stop?
... (read in full...)
After breaking up I realized I was overthinking
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend on friday because i thought i couldnt trust her and i was fed up of feeling confused etc. Throught the week about things between us. However after reflecting after a few days i spoke to her on saturday about i...
A. 13 November 2013: what changed in the few days between the break up and the wanting her back that you went from NOT trusting to trusting?
if you want to talk to her about it then CALL HER and say
"I was stupid. I was wrong. I'd like to talk to you about thi... (read in full...)
Is this penis envy?
Q. I am not sure where to start. I guess I should be straightforward. I have been feeling real envious more so lately of the male anatomy, well, the penis. Yes penis envy probably. Anyway, whenever I masturbate I have to think of my partner getting ...
A. 13 November 2013: OP I understand to some extent what you are asking.
But as a bisexual woman I doubt I can totally explain it to you.
I think Chigirl's suggestion of a hand held shower massage is awesome... and she's right... once you learn that technique y... (read in full...)
A beauty you fancy turned out to have had major plastic surgery done. Would it bother you?
Q. Right so this is a toughie. I'm hoping you guys can help me...cause I really need it!! I met a girl several weeks ago at a club. A real stunner. Beautiful green eyes, blonde hair, lovely figure, very high cheekbones, full lips. She was chatting...
A. 13 November 2013:
HOW is she NOT a REAL PERSON? Is she an android? or made of wood? (DATA wanted to be a real person as did Pinocchio)
Am I NOT a real person because I’ve had plastic surgery to enhance some things that needed some help? Am I not a real per... (read in full...)
Caught him looking at porn after he said he would never do it again!
Q. Caught my husband months ago lurking into porn videos. Said would never do again. Swore promised. Said was stupidness curiosity and wrong but did it. Doesn't mean anything just says computer wass there one click lead into many videos. I believed ...
A. 13 November 2013: If you don't approve of porn, you must leave him.
because you cannot tell an adult what they can and cannot do.
YOU can say "I don't approve of porn and I don't accept a partner that looks at it" and then he has to make his choice.
... (read in full...)
Can she never trust me again?
Q. I was caught a few times on dating sites by my beautiful girl. I did deny it at first, but now I have owned up to all of them, what she knew about. I have not been on them for a while, but she wont believe that. She is constantly interrog...
A. 13 November 2013: Trust is like the handle on a fine china tea cup.
It's strong until it breaks. You can MEND it and make it usable again but no matter how strong you make it once it's broken it's always more fragile. You can mend it so the crack barely shows bu... (read in full...)
Breaking up and what am I entitled to?
Q. Can anybody tell me if you have been living with your partner for 9 years and you decide to break up, would you be entitled to half or any of the property? I'm in this situation and I don't know much about legal stuff. The house is in his name b...
A. 13 November 2013: you are entitled to NOTHING. your name is not on the deed. you are not married not even common law more than likely which usually requires INTENT and holding yourself out to the community as husband and wife.
He's made a generous offer of 1/3 I... (read in full...)
I'm tired of paying for her daughter's clothes!
Q. Ok, my girlfriend and I have been with each other for 10 months but are not living together. She has a 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage living with her. When she takes her daughter with us shopping I'm expected to pay. When I complain ...
A. 13 November 2013: what happens when you say NO... NOT MY KID? and just DON'T do it... if you MUST go shopping with them (and there is no rule that says you must, I'd rather you say "sorry can't make it go without me")
do you ever say NO to this woman? If n... (read in full...)
He's gone off sex and I don't know why
Q. My partner has suddenly gone off sex and I don't know why. We've been together for a couple of years and up until a few months ago we would have sex 3-4 times a week. Now all of a difference its once a week maximum. He says hes tired every night. ...
A. 13 November 2013: I'm wondering if he told you that you could try for a baby but doesn't really want one so his response is to shut down on you.
I'm not saying he's doing it consciously so that confronting him about it won't do any good if he doesn't know that's w... (read in full...)
I like her and she likes me, but what about him?
Q. I really like my best friends ex and I know she likes me. They broke up 2 months ago but he is nowhere near being over her and to make things worse I live with him. I don't know what I should do...
A. 13 November 2013: if the friendship is less significant to you than a girl you don't really know yet... then go for it.. .but be prepared to lose your best mate forever.
One thought: FRIENDS are much harder to come by than lovers and at your age it's probabl... (read in full...)
He suggested I share the cost of having his vasectomy reversed
Q. Is it wrong of me to feel like he shouldn't expect me to chip in for the cost of his vasectomy reversal? Things have been getting serious with my boyfriend, we've talked about marriage/kids/etc. He had a vasectomy about 8 years ago. I've read t...
A. 13 November 2013: If he was my husband I would allow our budget to handle it
I would not pay one penny for a man I was not married to for a vasectomy reversal.... (read in full...)
All I want is someone to love me! I need some advice!
Q. Here we go, I am going to try and do this without breaking down into tears . I have only been divorced since May of 2012 however my husband left in 2008 I met this man and started seeing him and at the time i didnt know he was married because he ...
A. 13 November 2013: Stop making it convenient for him then.
Stop rowing the relationship boat. I know it's hard to be told that the only thing you can do is leave when you want us to figure out how to make him be the man you need/want him to be. He's not.
Y... (read in full...)
How much does the family need to know about my relationship with a second cousin?
Q. When I was younger, my second cousin and I were involved in a physical relationship. When I was 11 and she was 10, we would play doctor and we also started making at that age. When we were older (I was 14 and she was 13), we started having sex. This ...
A. 13 November 2013: They don't need the details of the past.
If it's just the parents I think personal visits to them as a united couple is a good plan... if the parents are close then you can do all of them at once otherwise visit one set then go right to the... (read in full...)
I'm a student nurse with not a lot of money and he has a good job so why is it up to me to pay for the hotel room?
Q. I am a student nurse so not on alot of money and my boyfriend works in IT up in the city, has a good job,we have been together a few months but we decided to spend some privacy time together in a hotel room,so he wants me to book it up,arrange the ...
A. 13 November 2013: if you are close enough to a man to allow him to put his penis in your body aren't you close enough to ask him who's paying for the bill?
if you say you can't ask him, why not? what are you afraid of finding out?
Are you sure he's not... (read in full...)
How do I break it to her? I want to end this nearly 10 year relationship.
Q. Hi, I'd like to know how to end a long term (nearly 10 year) relationship? I'm 27 and have been in the same relationship since 18. Initially it was long distance and we saw each other every weekend or other weekend but I inherited a house close to...
A. 13 November 2013: IF you want out... and you believe she's not happy, then it's POSSIBLE she won't ask to break up but she would not fight you on it either..
the key is after you break up it's not YOUR job to worry about what she does or where she goes or who ... (read in full...)
Drug dealer boyfriend. Advice needed!
Q. Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. We're the same age, don't live together, and spend weekends together. We've had a serious relationship where we've talked about getting married in the future and having kids. When I met him he tri...
A. 13 November 2013: This one is hard for me to answer.
I live with, love and I am married to an alcoholic addict. Are you SURE this is the life you want? I am ok with it but it’s because we are older, and my children are grown. I would NEVER subject a child to... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 13 November 2013: I have two sons ages 29 and 27 and i helped raise my former step daughter from age 10-19.
I am a parent. I think that reading a child's email without their consent and permission is wrong. If you want to read their emails, ASK them. Also... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 13 November 2013: So what made you snoop on facebook if you were so threatened by him? why were you so curious?
... (read in full...)
What's going on? From texting and calling everyday to nothing!
Q. Hey,this is a question that gets asked often. I've been getting friendly with a man. We went on three dates, he called me after all three to tell me how much he enjoyed my company. The last time we went on a date, he called the next day and told ...
A. 13 November 2013: are you SURE he got your text.
texts sometimes do NOT get sent as they are not a primary for the phone company and they "piggy back" them other data packets on the network.
this happened to me a few months back. I sent a text to my son an... (read in full...)
Hypocrites who justify cheating.....what's going through their minds?
Q. Help me out here. How can a woman accuse her husband of cheating and then justify her own affair as a form of retaliation, or as a means to quench her insatiable thirst for attention? She gets all bent out of shape when she suspects that her husband ...
A. 13 November 2013: some folks live with drama in their lives (your last follow up indicates lots of drama) because they do not know how to live any other way.... to them drama means they are alive.
it could be borderline personality disorder
... (read in full...)
Should I tell a new boyfriend about my fake teeth?
Q. Ok here goes, when I was younger I got best by my bf at the time and he messed my teeth up really bad. It was to the point where they couldn't be fixed so I had to get dentures. Don't get me wrong I love my dentures and ppl that doesn't know me ...
A. 12 November 2013: No need to tell him till there comes a time he will need to see you without them.
My mother had false teeth from the time I was 16 years old.
NO ONE not even my father saw her without her teeth.. they came out while she was in the shower...... (read in full...)
Defining Friends With Benefits?
Q. I always thought I knew what Friends With Benefits (FWB) meant. As I'm reading more of these questions/answers, I'm beginning to see how wrong I was and how it affected my relationships. I still have some ideas of what I think those things are but ...
A. 12 November 2013: The rules for the stupidity of FWB (formerly called FUCK BUDDIES when I was of that age) is that it's a nice way to say "someone I use for sex" you aren't really friends normally... just folks that have an agreement to get together and scratch ... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 7 November 2013: because he didn't like you as much as the new person
... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
