Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Is my B/f looking for his ideal woman? Or does he just see women with long platinum blond hair as some sort of porn object?
Q. If my boyfriend sees a woman with platinum blond hair, he just goes into a sort of trance-like state and fixates on her. The woman often is just average-looking, but because her hair is long and platinum blond, he just gets stirred inside. Why is ...
A. 2 December 2013: I assume the response below this one is the OP
and you totally MISUNDERSTOOD the "Thor is very pretty" reference... "THOR is VERY PRETTY" is said to piss him off.... that's all. It's not whispered under my breath at all.... it's said loudly t... (read in full...)
Is this possible in this day and age for a guy to concentrate on one woman and be sexually obsessed with her? Because I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me...
Q. I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me... My ex boyfriend was a porn addict who told me I couldn't be a model as I'm just an ordinary person. These words haunt me, he's made me believe I'm a lesser. It's let to me having...
A. 29 November 2013: OP your problem is not your ex.. .but rather the fact that you continue to give him power.
Why do you CARE so much what an EX boyfriend thinks? So he thinks you are not glamorous.. who cares what he thinks? So he never was verbal about how attr... (read in full...)
Did the text mean that he was looking to have sex?
Q. So this guy was flirting with me. We were texting and talking about the movie I just watched. Then he said "If you're free we can do something maybe... ;)" Did he mean sex? And how should I react to it? This msg just kinda popped out of nowhere. ...
A. 29 November 2013: what time of day was the text?
after 10 pm yeah probably meant sex but I would not jump to conclusions...
has he ever asked you out on a "real date" (that means planning and asking in advance).. if not... well then that's not a good s... (read in full...)
Trying to end the affair but he won't take no for an answer
Q. It's been 4 yrs since I have been friends with a married man. We are not sexually active but we like each other a lot. What keeps me from having sex is the fact he is married and 36 yrs older than me. It bothers me that I care about him. It even ...
A. 29 November 2013: You need to find a NEW normal… clearly the current normal is not working for you. The new normal will mean that you have NO CONTACT with this lying cheating man.
Perhaps if you consider that he is a liar and a cheater you can wrap your head aro... (read in full...)
What started as FWB turned into LDR but he's blowing hot and cold
Q. So I am not sure what to do in this situation. Met a guy this summer in July. Since I was moving 8 hours away in August, I wanted to try to keep this a friends with benefits arrangement, but per usual, feelings took hold. We hung about 3-4 times a ...
A. 29 November 2013: You say “as of right now we are exclusive, not TALKING (emphasis mine) to anyone else not seeing anyone else. I trust him to do this but he won’t go beyond this step”
I’m a bit confused (hence my name) IF you are exclusive (and I’m not sure... (read in full...)
Can a woman orgasm too hard?
Q. Can a woman orgasm too hard? I really want to push my girlfriend to the limit but I don't want to hurt her, if I kept stimulating her past her usual limit will it give her more pleasure (more orgasms) or is there only so far a woman can go? ...
A. 27 November 2013: If a woman says NO MORE or STOP then a man must STOP
ignoring her request to stop by NOT stopping is tantamount to sexual assault and I know that's not what you want or what you are asking but I know for me once I've had an orgasm, that whe... (read in full...)
How to show interest in a classy, lady-like way
Q. A Friend of mine has introduced me to a chap very gently, then they kind of tried to set me up so he'd have time to chat me up. I was supposed to meet her at a cetain place and a certain hour, and he happened to be there while she was gone! she did ...
A. 27 November 2013: It's very hard to play hard to get when you like someone and are available and willing and wanting something with them.
I would not advise you to play any games at all.
Rather be yourself... but live your life to the best of your ability and ... (read in full...)
I want to watch my wife give oral...
Q. Let me start by saying my relationship with my wife is AWESOME. Sure we have had some ups and downs, but overall it has been AWESOME. When we dated we were active like rabbits and it didn't really matter where we were, we would find a place to ...
A. 27 November 2013: I get your fantasy. I do. I totally understand it. And in fantasy it will work great for masturbation or fantasy role play with the wife.... but I would NOT suggest you do it for real.
My former husband and I were swingers. (NOTE he's an ex hu... (read in full...)
What started as FWB turned into LDR but he's blowing hot and cold
Q. So I am not sure what to do in this situation. Met a guy this summer in July. Since I was moving 8 hours away in August, I wanted to try to keep this a friends with benefits arrangement, but per usual, feelings took hold. We hung about 3-4 times a ...
A. 27 November 2013: how long will you be 8 hours apart?
if it's over 2 years I would not bother trying to make it work...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend tells his best female friend that she is pretty and they talk about graphic sex
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for around six months now and we are very happy. He has a female best friend that he is very close to and says how much he loves her. He openly admits they talk about sex quite grafically and tell eachother when they ...
A. 27 November 2013: I'm betting the ONLY reason she's his BEST FRIEND is cause she WON'T DATE HIM. I bet if she would go out with him and have sex with him you would not be dating him.
He's settling for friendship with her when he probably wants more with her and ... (read in full...)
Is my B/f looking for his ideal woman? Or does he just see women with long platinum blond hair as some sort of porn object?
Q. If my boyfriend sees a woman with platinum blond hair, he just goes into a sort of trance-like state and fixates on her. The woman often is just average-looking, but because her hair is long and platinum blond, he just gets stirred inside. Why is ...
A. 27 November 2013: He looks at long platinum hair because he likes it. It’s not a porn thing. I get sick and tired of how often women like to blame a man’s bad behavior on porn when it’s not just porn.
He likes long platinum blonde hair. YOU don’t have it and ... (read in full...)
Is this possible in this day and age for a guy to concentrate on one woman and be sexually obsessed with her? Because I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me...
Q. I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me... My ex boyfriend was a porn addict who told me I couldn't be a model as I'm just an ordinary person. These words haunt me, he's made me believe I'm a lesser. It's let to me having...
A. 27 November 2013: Since we are invoking presidents how about presidential wives
Eleanor Roosevelt said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
OP he did not make you feel lesser with his stupid comment YOU are feeling lesser about yoursel... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 27 November 2013: YOU need to learn that as an adult you can do things your mom does not approve of.
My husband is estranged from his mom totally I doubt she's be pleased with me as his wife. He does not care.
My younger son and his father and stepmother are f... (read in full...)
Is there really ever a good time to break up with someone?
Q. I've been dating someone for 3 months who has started to get clingy and needy. He's a very nice man and has many wonderful qualities but he is way more into this relationship then me. I'll give some examples of his needy behavior: He tex...
A. 27 November 2013: There will NEVER be a good time to break up with this man.
IN fact, for YOU sooner rather than later is better.. and in the LONG run for him too... because the longer you drag this out the more guilt you will feel as he heaps his neediness on... (read in full...)
How can I get someone to return my things without making a scene?
Q. I lent a friend (Nick) a DVD box set about 18 months ago. I then broke up with my boyfriend (it was awful) and I needed to go down the no contact route. This meant that I didn't see Nick nearly as much anymore because I was no longer going to the ...
A. 27 November 2013: I see your update and you got them back
I do not think he was deliberately not giving them to you.. perhaps he has ADHD and kept forgetting and feeling crummy that he forgot.
I'm glad it's resolved for you
... (read in full...)
Problems with neighbour - how would you handle this?
Q. Hello. I would like to know how you would handle this situation. I live above a young male who is intolerant of his neighbours making any sounds. Whenever we do make sounds, he bangs the walls. I get the most of it though, since I live right above...
A. 27 November 2013: I would not confront him
I would put on noise cancelling head phones and IGNORE him at a certain point.
IF he BANGS after a certain hour.. RECORD IT and call the police... two can play his silly game.
As for your anxiety... are you afra... (read in full...)
How do I ask my professor out - we're the same age
Q. So it’s the end of the semester and there are only a few classes left. I want to ask my professor on a date. She’s my age if not younger. I’m in my 30’s and going back to school full time. We’ve spoken outside class and she seems interested. ...
A. 27 November 2013: Because ANY woman is not a professor who has a contract with the university and a position of authority to uphold and probably a morals clause as well.
if it was just any girl in class, I doubt this would even be a concern for the OP.... but i... (read in full...)
Am I being too insensitive to his feelings or is he too insensitve to mine?
Q. Here is my issue, and maybe I'm being too sensitive and insecure. I am pregnant by my boyfriend of 2 years who has lived a few hours away. He moved in with me a week ago and ever since then its seemed so different. He got a job here in my state ...
A. 27 November 2013: yeah you are being insensitive to his feelings.
YOU are still in YOUR HOME and he has to make YOUR HOME his now.
My husband and I were LDR when we met.. .December 2010 we started dating casually... by April 2011 we knew it was going to be s... (read in full...)
Can phone sex keep our relationship strong?
Q. I am in a long distance relationship with someone in a different country. Gasp! Yes, I said a long distance relationship. Our relationship is still new (5 months about) but I feel it is strengthening. We are continuously making plans to visit e...
A. 27 November 2013: I did an LDR. It was not as big an LDR as a different country so we could see each other pretty often....
I'll speak to the going to bed at night with nothing to cuddle aspects... and my take on LDRS and phone sex and cam sex and dirty photos..... (read in full...)
I care about him, but not the way he wants. What are my options?
Q. Hi everyone, There is this guy I've been talking to and we have just been texting back and forth but we have never actually met. He has been coming on strong telling me that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life. He wants to meet me ...
A. 27 November 2013: it will depend on what email client you use... but if you mark all his previous mail as spam in some emails it can be set to auto delete without you even seeing it.
if you need further help in figuring out how to block in email feel free to... (read in full...)
Pregnant and my boyfriend messages his ex
Q. My boyfriend of nearly two years has been texting his ex behind my back, I caught him at a glance by seeing her name on Facebook I said nothing but when he was sleeping I looked the messages are harmless when sober but some are when he was drunk and ...
A. 25 November 2013: if getting drunk and contacting ex partners is common (it's happened at least twice) then perhaps he has a drinking problem.
YOU cannot fix an alcoholic. And even if he does not drink daily he could still be an alcoholic. and as such you cou... (read in full...)
I would like more sex from my partner!
Q. I am a 45 year old male who is engaged to a disabled 57 year old lady. I am also a carer as a look after her a lot during the day. We also have professional carers that come in most of the week. We have been engaged since 10 October 2009. ...
A. 25 November 2013: I'm feeling like I've seen this question before...
but I can't seem to find it....
if she is so disabled as to have to have caregivers come regularly is she even able to have penetrative sex?
if not your request is unreasonable.
If y... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 25 November 2013: so then tell me what is their concern.. what kind of taking care of her is needed?... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with his child. Should I tell his girlfriend?
Q. just over 4 years ago I had an affair with a man who was married, it was very brief and it only lasted a few months. I then moved on and met a man who I eventually married and we had a son together bet we split up a year and a half ago. A few mont...
A. 25 November 2013: what do you think telling her will do? do you think she will dump him so he will run to you? NOT going to happen.
IF you want to keep this child be aware this man will not be the father you want for this child. You will be a single mum even if ... (read in full...)
Am I being taken for a mug? Should I be less intrusive? Am I too young to play the 'stepmother' figure? Can my feelings for this man actually get past all of these issues? Should I demand more from life?
Q. Hi, I recently (about six months ago) got with a new boyfriend who has a three year old child. I just want a bit of advise: He moved/ separated from his ex (mum of the child) about ten months ago and moved into his own place. 1. He still ha...
A. 25 November 2013: I had my first child at 24 and my second at 26 so by all means at age 26-29 you are perfectly old enough to be “playing the mother and/or stepmother” to a three year old child.
Your relationship with your bf is fairly new at 6 months out… this is ... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 25 November 2013: UM OP BIRTH CONTROL pills ARE NOT STEROIDS
and she can have the hair on her lip and chin waxed. I have mine done... and it's the hypothyroidism that causes the hair not the steroids.
if your fiancee is her own payee there is no need for... (read in full...)
Will he always be lazy and mess up the house and not want me to be around his friends/
Q. My friend and have been fighting non stop for the past week! I am at the point where I can not stand him and that I am starting to hate him! We will be together a year next month. He moved in a few months ago and things was great. Until now he ...
A. 25 November 2013: Getting married will only make it worse.
Honeypie is right you need to find a responsible baby sitter.
You also need to set up chores for him to do and when he does not do them you must be strong and he must suffer the consequences.
YOU... (read in full...)
Unresolved issues with my father -- should I just forget about it?
Q. My parents got divorced when I was around 12 years old. My parents sold their house, and I moved into a new one with my mom and grandma. My dad got his own place and I would spend time there every other weekend. A few years after my father moved ...
A. 25 November 2013: By the time we are 16 we are heading towards adulthood.
You talk to your dad almost every day. You see him twice a year now.... and saw him every other weekend between 12 and 16...
I talk to my dad once a week and see him maybe once a year fo... (read in full...)
I care about him, but not the way he wants. What are my options?
Q. Hi everyone, There is this guy I've been talking to and we have just been texting back and forth but we have never actually met. He has been coming on strong telling me that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life. He wants to meet me ...
A. 25 November 2013: you do NOT owe him any explanations and when you try to tell him you are done with him he will continue to try to draw you in...
so many BAD RED FLAGS...
don't even bother to tell him you are done, he's very used to women walking away from ... (read in full...)
Confused as to why she left.
Q. I gonna lay it out here once and for all. My gf of nearly 2 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We have a 10 year gap in age (it was never an issue at least as I think of it) and she left saying she needed some time for herself and that she drifted ...
A. 25 November 2013: I don’t think you should contact her. It’s better to let it go totally. IF she is that strong minded if she really wanted to talk to you she’d be talking to you… You swear you will never love again because you are still not over her. Work on ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my professor out - we're the same age
Q. So it’s the end of the semester and there are only a few classes left. I want to ask my professor on a date. She’s my age if not younger. I’m in my 30’s and going back to school full time. We’ve spoken outside class and she seems interested. ...
A. 25 November 2013: When the class started the professor probably gave you as a class her contact information including phone numbers and office hours. IF you are really that sure you are willing to take the risk and ask her out (what do you know of her private life?) ... (read in full...)
What do you do when the girl you love, loves someone else?
Q. I am single,the old adage is I have really fancied this girl at work for so long, over a year in fact.We always have such a laugh, talk for ages we have so much in common it just feels right talking to her. I never did anything because she had a ...
A. 25 November 2013: I too do not see how she is leading you on? by trying to talk to you? by hugging you? by touching you? that's not leading on in my opinion, that's how she interfaces with people she considers friends.
What you should do since you love her is ... (read in full...)
So what's going on? Has she lost interest?
Q. I met this girl on a dating site. Well, a woman. She is 38. I am 39. We went out for drinks a week ago and ended up kissing. Before the date we'd been emailing every day, and after the date (Friday) I wasn't sure how long to wait, but I sent her a ...
A. 25 November 2013: In this case I think she is not that interested
but you played it cool and you used text messaging to have serious conversations.
use this to learn.
IF you like a woman
a. don't play games and wait to contact her... let her know.
... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 25 November 2013: why isn't she on birth control and your dad is not your copayee... you dad is your payee... can you not handle your own funds?... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 25 November 2013: LIGHT BULB.... ok NOW I get it... I not only have a child on SSI who is older than you and who I would also be fighting tooth and nail if this was his plan but I work for the AGENCY that administers the program.
ARE yoru parents your REP Pay... (read in full...)
How can I boost my confidence?
Q. Hi. I am after some advice/help on how to be more confident and care free, and less self conscious in public. I've always been quiet and I do care what people think of me, up to a point, but I wish I had the confidence to be more my natural self ...
A. 25 November 2013: I'm now 5'2" I used to be 5'5" but I've lost nearly 3 inches due to early onset degenerative disc disease.
I can tell you at 5'2" we can DATE ANYONE... tall girls tend to not want to date shorter men... we have a much larger dating pool... ... (read in full...)
His questions are making me uncomfortable -- am I just being paranoid?
Q. Why do I feel this way about him? Am I being paranoid? I've been seeing this guy my friends husband set me up with. They say good things about him all the time and he seems nice so far. I starting a well paid job in a few months and h...
A. 25 November 2013: YOU are not married to him, therefore you INCOME is not his concern.... Unless you are married then he can ask all he wants and I'd say to him with "THAT LOOK" "really? you think it's appropriate to ask me my salary? SERIOUSLY?" and when he ... (read in full...)
How can I get my parents to allow me to close the door to my room when my boyfriend comes visiting? We need our privacy!!
Q. Hi all, I have been with my bf for a few months and recently I invited my bf to meet my parents. What irks me is that I am not allowed to close the door when I am alone with him in my room. We don't always on the airconditioner but sometimes we do. ...
A. 25 November 2013: The only way to get your parents to permit you to close the door to your room in their home is for you to buy the home from them and then it's YOUR HOME.
Sorry in my house there would be no bedroom door closed with opposite sex visitors eit... (read in full...)
I want to break up but how? Or am I overreacting?
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years. Typical love story, we met while travelling to our home town at a friend's place, we met we hit it off instantly, we promised to keep in touch, we emailed, we sent text messages, spent ...
A. 25 November 2013: At your age after 2 years if you are still LDR it's GOING nowhere... even without your details...
he is not into you like you are into him... time to fish or cut bait and since he's not fishing you need to move on...
it's over with this g... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable to want to keep this friendship? Or is my boyfriend right?
Q. Ok I have an issue with my live-in boyfriend (of 5 years) that I need some advice on please. I have a female friend at work. We work in the same department and we have become quite close and have started seeing each other outside of work a bit to...
A. 25 November 2013: ONE MORE vote to agree with Caring Guy's most excellent response.
Your choice of friends is YOURS... you have made it clear to your friend you do not approve and you will not be party to any of her cheating and that's fine.
Your boyfriend is... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 25 November 2013: "they don't want to take care of another person"
are they taking care of you? are you not pulling your own weight...are you not paying rent?
what does taking care of you involve?
what would taking care of her involve?
can you two... (read in full...)
Do you think is okay to sacrifice freedom in order to make your hurt partner happy?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and I have to admit I was not the perfect girlfriend. Although he has done things that have hurt me deeply, I know I have been worse to him. This Thursday I made a mistake and he left the relationship, I ...
A. 25 November 2013: OP your follow up is very telling and I’m sorry I do not think it at all in your best interest to accept his compromise or to stay in a relationship with this man.
NEVER change anything about yourself that you like to please someone else. Y... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 25 November 2013: OP your fiancee has a seizure disorder. I understand that and since it was not well controlled till recently her mother has been overprotective I understand that.
I want to ask you a personal question. I sense that there is some inabilit... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 23 November 2013: No BrentLIves her MOTHER is NOT the one making this difficult it's your fiancee not willing to stand up to her that's making it difficult.
You have posted before about this and it appears your fiancee is not really ready to be an adult.
Yo... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
