A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I need really fast advice. I have a step son 24 years ago. When he was a little boy like 2 years old I'm taking care of him. I was pregnant that time and I'm always angry to this boy. Partly my pregnancy and also maybe I'm jealous at him. Cos I see the face of her mother to him. After 4 years, me and his father got separated because his father cheat on me and make other womans pregnant. So I take care alone of my daughter. My step son stays with his father of course and the new step mother. I take care of my daughter alone, got zero not even one cent from her father. And now my daughter finished her school and has a stable job as teacher out abroad. Now my step son call me back and asked for help. He got in serious trouble. He is by the way 26 years old now. He needs help and he has no else to ask help that is why he come to me. I dunno what to do! He have a mother who has money in japan, but she don't even wanna treat him like her son. This boy thinks I am his mother. I am no longer connected to them to be exact and I don't wanna be in contact with them because of what his and my daughter father did to me. I told this to my husband and my husband have no problem of helping him, but I need some advice from you guys, shall I do this?? Please help.. thanks a lot.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 just because his father is a jerk does not mean you should punish the child.
IF you like the child and you feel motherly towards him and you can afford to give him the help, then do it...
if it's money... do not loan more than you can afford to spare and not get back.... but set up a written payment plan if it's a loan... or if he's never asked and this is a ONE TIME THING...gift him....
I have a former step child and if she called me today after 3 years of no contact I'd be there for her... I was her mom while she was growing up.... just because I'm not with her dad anymore does not mean I don't care about her.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 If you can afford to help him, then help him. Don't view him with the same feelings you view his father. He was part of your family unit at one time. Just give it to him in good faith that perhaps one day he'll pay you back, but don't expect that he will.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (3 December 2013):
 You don't mention what sort of help he is requesting, but I assume it is money.
It sounds like he is at his wits end if he is calling you. Let's face it, he has plenty of resources: his biological mother, his step-mother, his siblings, and his father. For whatever reason they have all turned against him or are unable to help. This could be a large red flag that you should consider before offering any sort of assistance.
Also before assisting him, make sure he is on the level and you aren't assisting in further decline. For instance, giving an alcoholic money to buy more booze won't get him to seek out help any sooner.
Finally, any time you lend money to anyone assume you will NEVER get it back. If they pay it back, great, but more often than not, these types of situations tend to be heavy on promises now and forgetful on payback down the road.
I think you have to weigh out the situation for yourself. Figure out his motives and if his needs are truly genuine. Determine if you can afford to spare him whatever assistance he requires. But from the sounds of it, you are under no obligation to help him, especially if his cries for help come without any prior lines of communication.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): Limit the amount of help you give. Let him know that it is only this one-time emergency.
You should remind him that he has a mother and a father; should do his best to reconnect with his blood-related family. Playing on your emotions will make you an easy target. Don't be foolish.
You should always be very leery of offering financial help to people in legal trouble. Their trouble finds it's way to you!
I suggest that you offer him a loan and make him sign a promissory note. Make him pay you back, and offer not another cent until he does.
Even if you gave birth to him, you have no financial obligation to pay debts born from trouble. You do not have to financially support an able-bodied 24 year-old man. Let him learn the error of his ways by suffering the consequences.
I guarantee he will become dependent and return again and again for money, if you don't make him signed a witnessed and legally notarized promissory note. That's how you minimize financial loss, and avoid his dependence on your generosity. Don't let him take advantage of you, or your husband's kindness. Protect yourself, in the event he is making up a false reason for the money.
If he got into trouble, let him get himself out.
REQUIRE HIM TO PAY YOU BACK!
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