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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Long term relationship and no engagement!
Q. I need advice on what I should do with my dating situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 1/2 years, He is 40 years old now and i am 26, he was married before and has two boys one's 18 years old and the other 16. I tell my boyfriend ...
A. 13 December 2013: To the anti-marriage anonymous female poster...
IF it was JUST marriage that was the issue I would consider your advise as wise. SADLY I believe that the OP also would like her own biological CHILDREN and I fear that the issue with this gu... (read in full...)
Should I change my look to attract a better man?
Q. What am I doing wrong in dating? I want to preface by saying that I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for five years until I walked away. A big reason why I walked away was because after enough was enough I also fell for so...
A. 12 December 2013: OP, I have never used the color of a woman's hair to determine her ability to be a tramp or not.
It's way more than that.
As for dressing... I dress up nearly every day in a skirt or dress for a job where most folks wear jeans. It's m... (read in full...)
Long term relationship and no engagement!
Q. I need advice on what I should do with my dating situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 1/2 years, He is 40 years old now and i am 26, he was married before and has two boys one's 18 years old and the other 16. I tell my boyfriend ...
A. 12 December 2013: I"m sorry to say this but after 7.5 years he's as committed as he's going to be. Especially because for more than half of it you have already been telling him what you want and need and yet you stick around.
I can tell you at 46 I would not have... (read in full...)
I'm so scared that this 4 week break so early on in our relationship is going to ruin us.
Q. I've been seeing my boyf since the summer and been official for the last 2 months. Everything is going great. So far he seems my perfect man and I'm so happy. But here's the thing, last week he went home for xmas, he'll be gone 3-4 weeks. He's ...
A. 12 December 2013: I would avoid SEXTING to be honest but 3-4 or even 6 weeks apart is NOTHING... try doing it for 3 or 4 or 6 years... some friends do.
My hubby and I were LDR the first year of our relationship... we survived to grow stronger and fall in love and... (read in full...)
Would you share your resume with a coworker?
Q. A coworker of mine who I talk to frequently was promoted to my previous position couple of months ago. Although we are in the same building, I also got promoted and work on another floor. I have helped her across the way when she emails me with var...
A. 12 December 2013: Personally I WOULD, but that being said... the reason is because of the type of job I have and the openness of our salaries and positions (I work for a very large federal agency). Everyone knows what everyone makes... and what the job descriptions ... (read in full...)
Is it weird to invite a friend along on quasi-dates?
Q. Is it weird to arrange a date and invite friends along. Someone I met online invited his friend along once, I had no objection, and thought what a great idea. It totally took the edge off the meeting and made it much more relaxed and fun. But I get ...
A. 12 December 2013: I'm in the "then it's not a date" category.
A DATE means a person (usually the boy) asks another person (usually a girl) to attend some activity at a specified later date with the express purpose of getting to know each other and see if they ... (read in full...)
Advice on how to mentally get in the frame of mind for sex with him when I don't really want it?
Q. Hi, i need help to resume my sex life with my bf after 9 months of no sex please. We have been together 3 yrs, lived together for 1.5yrs after he proposed out of the blue, and have a gorgeous 11month old who he dotes on. We stopped having ...
A. 12 December 2013: Tisha makes some very excellent points... I agree 100% with her and gave her 5 STARS!... (read in full...)
My negativity is hindering my happiness
Q. I am having a REALLY difficult time. I have found myself over the last couple of years becoming more and more disillusioned with life and society. It really worries me but everything about society gets me down. I won't go into too many details...
A. 11 December 2013: OP I have ONE thing to add because I can't improve on what's been said.
If you had an illness such as cancer or diabetes and the doctors you saw could not help and the medications they gave you did not help what would you do? Would you say
... (read in full...)
I just don't feel the love anymore.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. Three of those months were spent doing long distance. I'm a freshman in university and he's a senior in high school. At first, we were okay, we were making it work. But recently we've been ...
A. 10 December 2013: You are LDR...
call him say "it's over and we are done don't bother trying to say anything it won't change my mind and you can't bully me into staying. It is NOT open for discussion"
READ THAT to him. THEN HANG UP
delete his number
bl... (read in full...)
I was expecting another chance for us
Q. I have been hanging out with my ex boyfriend this past month, after being broken up for about 5 months. Yes we are sleeping together, hanging out, acting like a couple. But he tells me today that he is not ready to get back into a relationship. He ...
A. 10 December 2013: You are FWB and the second he finds a girl he loves he will leave you....
BTDT...stop putting out for him and see what happens....... (read in full...)
How do we mend our relationship once the trust has been broken?
Q. I met this guy a year ago, We dated but he cheated on me with this girl who hated me( his ex). I know he cared for her but I also know she did it to break us up. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction so I tried to work it out with him, but she ...
A. 10 December 2013:
ok in order for you to trust him he has to be 100% transparent. it will take well over a year of his being 100% honest and open. His friends will call him pussy whipped. it may not be worth it for him.
that means you have the right to cal... (read in full...)
Was I wrong in turning down invitation to go away with BF and his family this weekend?
Q. I was wondering if I was wrong for saying no to going away with his family for the weekend? I've been in a relationship for just over 2 and a half years and I truly love this guy however the last few months have been really rough...A week can't go ...
A. 10 December 2013: I would have declined to go too but I would NOT have made an excuse. I would have told him the truth. Heck you had a fight anyway so lying (making an excuse) is the better choice here... time to get it out in the open and either fish (fix it) or ... (read in full...)
Please help - I found dodgy photos on my boyfriend's computer.
Q. Hi everyone, I'm a bit confused and any insight would be appreciated as I can't talk to anyone else about this. My boyfriend is a sweet guy, I always knew he had a Pervy side but all guys do and that didn't really bother me.... Until I found pic...
A. 10 December 2013: he's beyond shady and creepy and a perv. i"m pretty sure he's breaking the law.
don't doubt he won't take "sleeping pics" of you and post them on the internet with all your junk hanging out.
I'm overly forgiving and this is NOT a forgivable ... (read in full...)
Why do guys ask for underwear?
Q. I slept with this guy like more than 5 times. He asked for my underwear twice and on his third ask, I decided, why not? So I gave them to him. I just want to understand this phenomena... why do guys ask for underwear? I'm curious. I just hope I ...
A. 10 December 2013: you'll see it on a wall online.....
ewww... I'm 53 years old over 100 partners and I have NEVER had a guy ask me for my underwear...... (read in full...)
How do I leave my wife and my children?
Q. Dear Cupid, How can I leave my wife and two kids? I know these columns are normally reserved for women , but being a man with out any one to talk to and with a story I want to share with you I feel, I can tell no one else in the world, not my br...
A. 10 December 2013: my sons are now 27 and 29 and they were 3 and 5 when their dad and i separated. the younger one has no memories of us being together and that's fine, he's turned out very well.
If you are going to leave your wife do it NOW.
but be prepared... (read in full...)
How to be not intimidated around this younger manager at work? Everyone else loves her.
Q. How to be less intimidated or worry less about this person? I work with a much younger manager (early 20's) who is very good at her job, kind, nice to most, regarded as "sweet" by almost everyone, and is well liked, especially by the other manage...
A. 9 December 2013: I think if you are doing your job
and you get along at work and there are no issues with your work performance that you should just let it go.
I NEVER talk to my boss other than work related stuff... and he's chummy with a bunch of folks in my ... (read in full...)
I dated a guy who turned out to have a girlfriend. Who, or what, was I to him?
Q. I met this guy three months ago at school. We hit off well and started dating, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. Things went well for the first week we were together, after that he became a little distant and we only saw each other once a week ...
A. 9 December 2013: you were that lovely warm body to fill the empty nights while his LDR GF was gone.
he may have liked you but he lied to you and his gf about you.
he cheated on her with you... he's a liar and a cheater.
if you delete his info and block him y... (read in full...)
Confusing signals from an ex who broke up with me. What should I do?
Q. I started dating this really awesome guy in august. Things went really well for a month and I started pressuring him to put a title on the relationship. He said he wasn't ready for that and I said I was ok with it but still kept pressuring him until ...
A. 9 December 2013: he's had a change of heart as long as you are not obtainable... it's not that he wants you back as a gf.. or that he will be what you want... but right now you are a challenge and like many men he believes himself to be up for the challenge...
... (read in full...)
Do some people never move on?
Q. Hi everyone, just wantedd to know is it possible to never move on from a relationship or does everyone move on eventually? What are your thoughts and experiences?...
A. 9 December 2013: folks who choose to dwell on things probably can manage to never move on and stagnate in the past.
but I think that's a choice they make.... (read in full...)
Girl on Facebook keeps flirting with my boyfriend. Do I ask him to block her, or tell her to back off?
Q. What should I do about these problems with my boyfriend and a woman on facebook?. My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder. I don't know if that is matters, but I thought I would mention that. There was a woman who was on his friend's list on facebook a ...
A. 9 December 2013: YOU have not caused anything... even if you had a fight with him and he tries to blame it on you.. it's NOT your fault if he's behaving badly.
So you went to his place without an invite and he didn't answer the door and you are worried... c... (read in full...)
My ex and his ex, how do we deal with them now?
Q. I recently ended a three-year long relationship because I realised that I no longer loved my partner (at least, not in a romantic way). A friend of mine also ended his relationship on the same day - I'll call him "Bob". It'd been pretty obvious o...
A. 9 December 2013: you deal with bob's ex by NOT dealing with her... block her number on your phone... do not take her calls or texts or emails...and if one slips through IGNORE IT... she will stop.
you also owe your EX NOTHING... he's an EX partner... a... (read in full...)
Seven months full on flirting, and now he has just disappeared!
Q. This guy has been flirting with me for 7 months now, he is a nurse at the place where my gram lives. All his coworkers know he likes me they watch him watching me, my relatives know he likes me he would always ask them about me.months of talking, ...
A. 9 December 2013: because sometimes some of us (me included) flirt just because we can... it doesn't mean we want to date the person we flirt with...
he may very well miss seeing you and flirting with you but in all seriousness.. MOST adults when they find so... (read in full...)
We are not making sweet music
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and love him very much. in recent months, things have gone a bit stale in the bedroom. i recently plucked up the courage to speak to my boyfriend about it and he said lets try using some music. this sounded ...
A. 9 December 2013: try to find music you both like that works...
Ravel's Bolero is a classic due to the movie TEN...
... (read in full...)
Do we have a purpose, a goal that everyone of us have work toward to achieve? If so what is it?
Q. It may not be an appealing question to many, but I just can’t comprehend the idea that many people don’t really give a damn about ultimate purpose life if I can call it in simple. Most people do so much discussion and research, if ma call it on ...
A. 9 December 2013: i think its going to be individual for each person.
what drives me may not drive you.
what appeals to me is not what appeals to you or my spouse.
I think everyone has their own path to walk for their own reasons.
and no one h... (read in full...)
Dont know should I get back with my ex?? Advice!
Q. Hi, So this summer i have broken up with my boyfriend and i told him honestly it is because he is not social enough and kinda boring and because im young i wanna have fun. And he fell in love with me so i kinda broke his heart and of course i felt b...
A. 9 December 2013: you broke up for a reason... do not start the back and forth crap of lonely folks who are trying to settle for a known person even though it's not a good fit.
move on.... (read in full...)
Advice on how to mentally get in the frame of mind for sex with him when I don't really want it?
Q. Hi, i need help to resume my sex life with my bf after 9 months of no sex please. We have been together 3 yrs, lived together for 1.5yrs after he proposed out of the blue, and have a gorgeous 11month old who he dotes on. We stopped having ...
A. 9 December 2013: i agree it's time to see the doctor... you could have postpartum depression that's negatively affecting EVERYTHING...
I have breastfed my children including an infant and toddler at the same time... you get touched out with a nursing baby... (read in full...)
Can a guy be really sweet to you and yet not think of you when he's masturbating?
Q. I don't know this has been asked.... How can a guy open doors for you, pay for drinks, stare longingly into your eyes, drive you around, hug you and not think you about when masturbating? It hurts thinking about it. Is it because I'm not...
A. 9 December 2013: it's not because you are not sexually attractive... it's because NO ONE eats the same thing every day over and over...
variety is the spice of life... if a man won't cheat then the only way to have a little something something on the side is with ... (read in full...)
I know he's had bi experiences, so how do I talk him into a MMF?
Q. I'm a 43 year old female who had the great fortune of meeting the love of my life 2.5 years ago. We've both been around the block many times, and we're perfect for each other. Lots of sexual experience on both our parts. He's not very...how s...
A. 9 December 2013: Some men like to LOOK at Male on Male porn but would NEVER want to participate in an act with another male. Perhaps that's part of his issue.
He may be fine with FMF threesomes but not MFM threesomes, even if he just watches you and the othe... (read in full...)
I don't want to come across as weird to the girl I like.
Q. There's a girl I keep talking to at this local store I'm always at and she always gives me discounts and gets all nervous when I come in. She clearly likes me, and I want to ask her out but to be honest, I've always been awful at that. Not for fear ...
A. 9 December 2013: I agree with CaringGuy... a note with your number (and maybe an offer for Coffee on XX/xx/xx (date)) is a good idea if you can't manage to say the same thing in words...
I also would not include a gift...... (read in full...)
Girl on Facebook keeps flirting with my boyfriend. Do I ask him to block her, or tell her to back off?
Q. What should I do about these problems with my boyfriend and a woman on facebook?. My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder. I don't know if that is matters, but I thought I would mention that. There was a woman who was on his friend's list on facebook a ...
A. 9 December 2013: A couple of things OP
rules should be the same for both of you agreed
you are over-reacting to this.. it's FACEBOOK for goodness sake and friends even flirty friends are not an issue.
IF you trust your guy then it does not matter how much... (read in full...)
Usually men like me but this one is not helping my self esteem.
Q. I have been seeing this man a long time now. He rejects me a lot, he insults my independence and he tells me that I will never have a boyfriend. I can t lie I have said some mean things to him before too. He told me I was not a normal girl and ...
A. 9 December 2013: WHAT causes his bad behavior to escalate is not the issue.
He treats you this way because you allow it.
what you need to do is figure out if you are so successful and attractive to OTHER men, why THIS man who is so abusive to you is th... (read in full...)
I've got it all and done it all, so what next!
Q. I am faced with a strange dilemma. I am 31 years old, I made all my childhood dreams come true already, I am recently divorced, have no kids because I never wanted them, men fall all over me, I have a healthy lifestyle, steady job, car, a cat, I am ...
A. 9 December 2013: how about training service dogs..... pick a breed that's hard to train... it's quite a challenge to mold a strong willed dog for someone else to use in service.... (read in full...)
I just don't feel the love anymore.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. Three of those months were spent doing long distance. I'm a freshman in university and he's a senior in high school. At first, we were okay, we were making it work. But recently we've been ...
A. 9 December 2013: To recap: together for six months HALF of which has been LDR…
You are older than he is by one year approximately based on the fact that you are in college and he’s in high school still… ( NORMALLY not a big deal)
YOU are FIGHTING a lot…. (your wo... (read in full...)
Which is more important in a partner: being physically attractive, or being good in bed?
Q. I have a general question for everyone. Do you prefer a partner who is good looking but boring in bed, or a partner who is average looking but good in bed?...
A. 9 December 2013: personally I think they need to be a good cook and maid and wage earner...
another vote here for better in bed... looks fade... personality and skills tend to stay the same.... (read in full...)
I feel like he should have told me he was talking to his ex
Q. I found out that within the past few weeks or so, my boyfriend has skyped/video chatted with his ex girlfriend a few times. I'm not upset that he did, what I am upset about is the fact that he didn't tell me. He is usually open with me and neve...
A. 8 December 2013: well in my relationship the NOT telling would be akin to LYING... it's a lie of omission.
BUT if you have ever OVER-reacted to something he's done without meaning to hurt you, then I can see why he did not tell you.
what is his rationale... (read in full...)
How do I keep screwing up the transition from dating to relationship?
Q. Hi there folks. I'm going crazy over here 'cause it seems that whenever I REALLY like someone (like her in a gf kind of way) I mess it up in some unknown, mysterious way. Other girls I'll have no problem, I'll half-ass it and still have something ...
A. 8 December 2013: I'm having a hard time figuring out why a man who values his PRIVACY and needs his space feels the NEED to give his phone number out to women. The two do not go hand in hand to be honest.
I think that you go after the clingy girls so you can g... (read in full...)
He said he loved me while he was drunk, then took it back after sobering up!
Q. Been seeing a guy since August. Told him a few weeks back that I loved him. He said he wasn't there yet, which is fine. Last weekend when we were both really drunk he told me he loved me numerous times. The next day once he had sobered up he said ...
A. 8 December 2013: I used to tell my husband I love you all the time. He never told me. In fact, he even told me early on in our relationship "do not expect to hear "i love you" I never say it. Over time he changed slowly.
Usually hearing I love you from him... (read in full...)
Bipolar boyfriend invited to his birthday party then I got there and he was drunk and broke up with me!
Q. It's not that I want to ask a question. I just want someone to listen to how I feel, so I'm sorry if I go on. I just came back from my Bf's friends 21st Birthday houseparty, that he invited me to. I told him that I don't think I should come, so...
A. 8 December 2013: I"m married to a man who is alcoholic and probably bi-polar.
I think it's for the best that you allow this break up to continue.... do not ask him to take you back and when he sobers up and begs you to come back, just say no.
trust me, the... (read in full...)
Wife of 10 years has put on weight. How can I motivate her to exercise?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 10yrs. and she is putting on a fair amount of weight. I have tried to get her to exercise and move but it is very hard to get her motivated. Any suggestions?...
A. 7 December 2013: what are you trying to motivate her with?
money?
sex?
clothes?
motivation has to come from her own inner core.
is her weight a medical issue or was she very thin and has picked up some baby/middle aged weight and is just a bi... (read in full...)
Are there any people in relationships who have sex rarely and are HAPPY?
Q. I'm really curious about this...I've been hearing people talk about asexual relationships recently, and it gave me the idea to ask something a little less extreme. Are there any people who are in happy relationships, but they have sex infrequently ...
A. 7 December 2013: I don't deem anal and rough as vanilla common sex to clarify that point.
It's important that the two folks in the relationship are on the same sexual frequency/type schedule... as long as both parties have a similar drive, then the frequency wi... (read in full...)
When dating, does it REALLY matter when you get intimate?
Q. This is mostly aimed at the men on here but women, feel free to give your opinion and experiences as well. I was wondering when dating and hoping to turn it into a relationship, does it really matter how soon the couple has sex? I have read articles ...
A. 7 December 2013: i hate playing games so be true to yourself. there are those that I've
a. slept with on the first date and then MARRIED later on
or
b. not slept with on the first date and still married...
the truth is I think some men do play th... (read in full...)
I know very little about post menopause!
Q. I'm in my late forties, and recently I have been seeing a very nice woman in her mid fifties. We haven't slept together, but the relationship looks like it's heading towards that level of intimacy (I hope!). I assume that given her age she is proba...
A. 6 December 2013: now that's the kind of follow up I Love.
Congrats OP... glad it's working out!... (read in full...)
How do I keep screwing up the transition from dating to relationship?
Q. Hi there folks. I'm going crazy over here 'cause it seems that whenever I REALLY like someone (like her in a gf kind of way) I mess it up in some unknown, mysterious way. Other girls I'll have no problem, I'll half-ass it and still have something ...
A. 5 December 2013: answering a text message timely and the first time you are asked is not spouting off deep commitment vows... its' being focused, on task and in the moment.
You are playing games. Truly. You don't think you are but you are.
IF you REALLY lik... (read in full...)
I know very little about post menopause!
Q. I'm in my late forties, and recently I have been seeing a very nice woman in her mid fifties. We haven't slept together, but the relationship looks like it's heading towards that level of intimacy (I hope!). I assume that given her age she is proba...
A. 4 September 2013: well... what are you expecting a barren sahara?
I'm 53 and I'm not fully post menopausal yet....
let's see... ever done PMS with a woman? yep... hang on the mood swings are a lot like that.
My husband laughs at the covers however... i'm... (read in full...)
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