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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 23 December 2013: You can’t “hurry” moving on.. but you can help it along. First of all block his number so you don’t know you are getting booty calls. Secondly make sure you have him blocked on email and social media as well, no need to have him thrown in your ... (read in full...)
How do I inform my friends and family that I'm now a vegan?
Q. Basically I converted to veganism 2 months ago because i nolonger want to contribute to the violence towards animals, with the bonus of improving my health and being one step closer to saving the planet. Now i've keep this a secret from ever...
A. 23 December 2013: As a vegan your best bet when invited to a meal at a home is to just say "I've got dietary restrictions now that make it really hard to feed me so I'd love to attend but I'll bring my own food"
It's one thing to be a vegetarian that does da... (read in full...)
I've always wanted to be with her but now she is damaged goods
Q. Hi, ive been trying to see some one, but she's working alot of over time right now, so thats her excuse for not calling or texting. We gone out a couple times in the last two months, we were talking alot, an texting, but not now, ive been trying ...
A. 23 December 2013: I think you are the only one rowing this relationship boat.
she's going along for the ride because it's better than being alone but she's making it clear to you that your not her first choice and if he came back she's leave...
are you sur... (read in full...)
My colleague seems to be eavesdropping on my conversations
Q. There is this guy at work who seems to eavesdrop on my conversations and recently he's started butting in on my conversations. He had stopped talking to me but now he inserts himself in my conversations. I'll give you a back story: I had a crush ...
A. 23 December 2013: he's doing it to bug you.... he knows it bugs you and he's doing it to get a rise out of you... clearly he's not very mature...
I would KILL HIM with kindness... overwhelm him. get to work and walk up to him deliberately and say in your swee... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 23 December 2013: what do i think he wants... he wants to get laid.
what should you do? just ignore him and get on with your life.
unfriend him on facebook (he may not even notice) and block him if you must...
he figured he's contact you and if you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend informed me he'll be spending New Year's Eve with his friends and their wives
Q. We have been dating for ten months, we had a fight last week that I was mad at him for not doing much with me. So we make up and have a great weekend together and I ask him what we are doing for new years and he said he is going out with his frie...
A. 23 December 2013: Wow this would be a total deal breaker for me.
IF you are a couple then his friends have to accept you and be your friends or at least friendly to you. He's not even making an effort to attempt to integrate you into his life with his friends.... (read in full...)
How can I encourage my boyfriend to adopt a healthier lifestyle?
Q. I have been in a relationship for over two years now with a man much older than me. I love him so very much and genuinely love spending time with him. Before meeting him, I was on a very successful path of losing weight and right around our 3 months ...
A. 23 December 2013: I've gained a ton of weight since I've been with my husband. He's a lousy eater and his choices do impact on me. but it's MY choice to eat crap.
You have talked to him about it and it's his choice to spend money on junk.
Yes I get that whole ... (read in full...)
If I sleep with him, am I just setting myself up to get hurt in the end?
Q. This guy I like has a girlfriend and two kids and so I thought I'd never have a chance with him. We text a lot, and he started asking me sexual questions. I'm a virgin, never done anything. Well he asked me to send him pictures, naked pictures to be ...
A. 20 December 2013: "IF I sleep with him am I just setting myself up for hurt?"
OH HELL YES!
he's a nightmare hot mess for you dear. I would strongly suggest NO sexual talk with him, no dirty pictures to him or accepted from him. NO SEX with him....
do... (read in full...)
He would rather masterbate on me than have sex with me
Q. HI There Please help me im going insane. my partner of a 1yr and I are living together, sex has never been often im lucky if I get it twice a week and it lasts about 5 minutes. In the begining I told him I was not happy about this as I have a heal...
A. 20 December 2013: I can assure you it will ONLY get worse...
if you are getting anything twice a week you are getting way more than I'm getting
all couples go through periods where it's less than usual but the baseline never really will change... in the beg... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 20 December 2013: NOPE he's done... move on.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is afraid of getting me pregnant so he wont have sex with me, what to do?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together for four months now, and he barely has sex with me anymore, nowadays most of the time when we're having sex it starts with me practically raping him. I had a fear of getting pregnant, but when I found my ...
A. 20 December 2013: you make him confident enough to have sex by getting on good strong hormonal birth control such as an implant or pills.
and you buy a good supply of quality condoms.
easy peasy...... (read in full...)
Did she lost her virginity to a dildo?
Q. I have not too much experience with girls, Ive been dating this girl for a while. We dated and we had oral but not nothing further. then after a few dates later she finally decided to have sex with me. Not long ago she told me she bought online a ...
A. 20 December 2013: same question different title.
in order for a heterosexual person to NOT BE A VIRGIN by technical standards there has to be penile penetration of a vagina.
IF she had never had a penis in her vagina (even if she had a penis shaped and col... (read in full...)
She didn't seem like a virgin when we had sex!
Q. I have not too much experience with girls, Ive been dating this girl for a while. We dated and we had oral but not nothing further. then after a few dates later she finally decided to have sex with me. Not long ago she told me she bought online a ...
A. 20 December 2013: what does a virgin seem like? how many virgins have you had?
you say you don't have much experience and yet you feel you can accuse a young woman of LYING based on what?
I'm seeing a future RJ sufferer here....... (read in full...)
I am still in love with my old teacher.
Q. Ok so about a year ago I asked a question on here..it was wht should I do..I love my teacher one of the replies was dont do anything about it its probably a crush..but I've moved onto high school and its almost a year and a half later and I am still ...
A. 20 December 2013: if you know you will tell him at 18 then I think waiting till you are 18 is wise.
things between now and 18 will change. Three years at 15 is a very long time and things very much change.
also I have to agree with EWO that he can't be teachin... (read in full...)
Has anyone used a 'safe' option to reclaim self-esteem and then dumped 'safe' for 'hot'?
Q. Hello, Have any of you ladies on here suffered with some depression, low self esteem and insecurities to the point that while seeing a hot man, you can't enjoy it for the endless worrying that he will dump you for someone better? So, you end up d...
A. 20 December 2013: never have never would.
and I have suffered depression before....
using someone is not in my repertoire and choosing a man based on his "hotness" was never my preference.... (read in full...)
He says his use of gay sex sites is an addiction
Q. I'm engaged to this really wonderful man. We've been in a relationship for 2 years and counting. We hit off really well as a couple and have had really good times together. The problem started when I discovered that he had online sex chats with ...
A. 19 December 2013: I agree with the Owl..... your man is lying \
to you
maybe to himself.
even if a straight guy looks at gay porn (which they do) the sending of his nude photos is telling... he''s also CHATTING so he's INTERACTING with others... it's one ... (read in full...)
Should I get my boyfriend's mom a gift for Christmas?
Q. I've been dating my bf for 3 months we get along great. I have said hello/seen his mom several times on skype, since she lives overseas. For Christmas my bf will be going to see her, should I buy her Christmas gift?? Would this be a nice detail or ...
A. 19 December 2013: i think it's sweet... but if you do, make it something fairly impersonal and not expensive.... (read in full...)
Cute Girl Who I Got An Amazing Feeling About!
Q. Too make a long story short, There is this girl who i met today in class and she is very pretty we talked the whole time we were in the class together, me and her have a past she complimented my good looks before but i was a stud and didn't pay her ...
A. 19 December 2013: if you like her ask her to get some coffee or something outside of class... and relax... she's just a person... sounds like she is relaxed around you and is giving you signs you should ask her out.... (read in full...)
Does This Happen To All Teenage Guys?
Q. Why is it that every time i am with a Beautiful Girl who is Sexually Attractive i always seem to pre-ejaculate in my pants, its happened in the past a lot, will it ever stop? im 19 years of age and today it happened while i was talking to this girl ...
A. 19 December 2013: Yes it will stop. over time.
it's perfectly normal at your age to be full of vim and vigour and belly hugging rock hard erections when a pretty girls you want is in sight...
your not a perv... this is biology happening to make sure the human r... (read in full...)
Should I ask my boyfriend about his ex?
Q. I'm in a kind of confusing situation. When my boyfriend and I first started dating I know he was still talking to his ex girlfriend all of the time and at that time I thought he maybe still had feelings for her, despite him saying he didn't. ...
A. 19 December 2013: I'm one of those "you only need to talk to an ex if you have children together" camp members.
that being said, I have a fairly friendly relationship with my last ex-husband and his wife. We are friends on facebook and run into each other at... (read in full...)
Would you romantically date a co worker even if it was against employer policy?
Q. I work at a school where most of the teachers are female and many are single. As a single male I'm attracted to a few of them but I never show interest or do or say anything to alert them to my interest. 1 of these teachers has invited me to her h...
A. 19 December 2013: I would NOT risk my livelihood by breaking that rule.
I would however discuss it with her and figure out which one of you is willing to switch jobs if it's that important.
... (read in full...)
I cheated on him, once. Yet I can't picture my life without him. What do I do about my guilt?
Q. I'm about to get married to my bf of 5 years I do love him very much and I am very happy that we are going to get married, but I am having second doubts about getting married, because I am guilty of cheating on him once in the past, while we were ...
A. 19 December 2013: Dear anonymous OP,
I understand that you love your guy and you feel guilty about your former bad behavior. I also hear that you don’t want us to tell you to confess because you don’t plan to confess. Therefore I will advise you based on this NON-... (read in full...)
Partner and I together for 6 years but feel so trapped. And I am pregnant. What do I do about my feelings for my ex?
Q. I have been with my partner 6 years.start of this year innocently I sent a message to a ex on fb about something simple and things just escalated from there. We started being in same places at same times etc as meeting when we could,even slee...
A. 19 December 2013: I agree with Iamheretohelyou..
break the engagement, leave the fiance, get your life and the life of your baby together then contact the ex and say "let's give this a whirl"
... (read in full...)
If it's true love, will he ever get bored of me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I've been with many guys before him and I know this sounds dumb but nobody else gave me this feeling of satisfaction and love that I get from being with him. This relationship feels different from ...
A. 19 December 2013: I've been thinking about how to answer this one.
I sense your anxiety and your concern. It's not a good thing. Are you this anxious and worried about all things in the future as well such as work,and/or school? IF not why not?
what i... (read in full...)
Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home?
Q. Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home? I have a small wooden sign hanging up in my hallway saying "Please remove your shoes," and am wondering if this may appear rude. I wouldn't throw a tantrum ...
A. 19 December 2013: My husband does not like shoes on in the house. He also cringes at the idea of strangers in bare feet in our home so....
Our plan is to keep a large basket of clean slipper socks by the front door next to the shoe mat (a lipped flat tray for hold... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a man loving you unconditionally?
Q. I wanted to ask for an opinion of dating. I used to be in an abusive relationship for five years before enough was enough (called me fat when I was 128 and 5"3 - spit on me controlled me and I gave him everything) I walked away I hopes of finding a ...
A. 18 December 2013: If you like geeky smart nerdy guys I can tell yo where to meet them...
GAMING cons. board games. very social, very interactive. and the gaming community loves everyone. many of the guys have poor social skills but they have hearts of gold ... (read in full...)
I feel jealous when she talks about her random sexual encounters, why?
Q. Some how I managed to make friends with a bi sexual female, who was attracted to me at one point but now she's not interested in me. So she hooks up with random men and women (never sustaining a relationship). Then proceeds to tell me about these ...
A. 18 December 2013: maybe you are jealous you can't have random hook ups because you are in a committed relationship....... (read in full...)
When are you ready to settle down? How do you know?
Q. How do you know when you're ready to settle down? I want someone to come home to every night, to be there for my son and I, but I still look at all these attractive men and think wow. I have so many options. I'm seeing a sweet, kind, amazing man who ...
A. 18 December 2013: Sadly OP the cliche "you just know" is quite true.
and even when you look at other attractive available men you will still want to be your one guy...
so it sounds to me like this guy you are seeing is not YOUR ONE (at this time)
it's so... (read in full...)
How do I ensure our relationship survives this distance?
Q. I asked a question on here a few weeks back. My boyfriend of only a few month has gone home for 4 weeks over xmas. Hes away so long as his father is ill. In the first two weeks he was in touch all day every day, he was very loving and seemed to be ...
A. 18 December 2013: He’s not on a pleasure trip. He’s with his sick father. It’s possibly the last holiday season he will have with his dad, cut him a break.
You are not sure what to do? It’s easy.. you clearly LIKE THIS GUY A LOT… so contrary to what you ... (read in full...)
My girfriend has mood swings and I am not happy with her.
Q. I am in a long distance relationship with my gf of past 10 months. I love her a lot, very much. Actually the problem is that she lies to me about her past and sometimes in present too she lies often. Ok so she told me about a boy and told they we...
A. 18 December 2013: You say you love her a lot, very much but then you say “the problem is that she lies” . LYING is a DEAL BREAKER for most folks (as it should be). She LIES OFTEN you said. WHY would you think that being with someone who LIES (and can’t be ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend mentioned my ex's name.
Q. This morning i asked my bf if he liked that i said his name during sex and he said he did. That it was much better then saying ( ex name) or something else. I thought it was super weird that he said my ex name since ive never mentioned it to him. ...
A. 18 December 2013: yeah you are over thinking this and taking it too seriously.
just smile and say "ok" and keep going...
and know that everyone calls folks by the wrong name now and then....... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend, but a crush on another guy has me perplexed! Any words of wisdom?
Q. I apologize beforehand for length/tediousness I am never really attracted to anyone other than the person I'm in a relationship with. I'm happy with this, as it makes being faithful a no-brainer. No exaggeration, I've only been even ATTRACTED i...
A. 17 December 2013: Just roll with it... and it will pass
It's NORMAL to have a crush on someone even while happily committed...
don't overthink it.
do not look for reasons... sometimes it just happens.... (read in full...)
He's flirting but hasn't asked me out on a date, what are his intentions?
Q. I met this guy last month at a friend's gathering. In the end, we exchanged facebook. We messaged each other on FB for a week, but not like having long conversations. Then it stopped. Until a week ago, he got back from his holiday, we sort...
A. 17 December 2013: sounds like he's interested but scared to make a move
ASK HIM OUT... it's 2013 for god's sake.... ... (read in full...)
Given his history is it unreasonable to tell him not to go to the stag party?
Q. Am I being unreasonable? My boyfriend of 19 months is best man at his best friend's wedding next year . I said he shouldn't go on his stag doo because on past ones my boyfriend went on he went with three different prostitutes when they all went...
A. 17 December 2013: You were not his gf when these former events happened.
You cannot 'punish' him for behavior he had prior to being your boyfriend. You can try but it's not a good idea and it won't work.
You ask "why would I let him go and trust him?"
... (read in full...)
Do I reply to his lovely response?
Q. Hello aunties and uncles I was friends with a man for over 5 years, he's 3 years younger than me.. During the first 6 months we had a fling, and then we became just friends. I fell in love with him and all the way through our friendship I yea...
A. 17 December 2013: Nope no response required.
when he texts you for your birthday... say thank you the same way and keep going....
... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I don't love him?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I are very close. We dated for almost two years in college and have both been with other people afterwards. We recently started seeing each other again, I was under the impression that it would be a casual relationship and have ...
A. 17 December 2013: Sadly I think that you must go 100% NO CONTACT with him.
You are with him now because he wants you and you don't wish to be lonely. But you are not being fair to him.
He is holding out hope that you are either LYING to him about how y... (read in full...)
She is happy when she is right and it seems she is controlling. Does she love me?
Q. Relationship Profile: Our finances are slightly different now, I got a mediocre career,I had to quit my job a year before and looking for a job RN and she has a very good career and very good earning. She is also very ambitiou...
A. 17 December 2013: Thank you for the question.
The bottom line is that I think you two are not compatible.
She is outgoing and wants to travel but you seem to want to be a bit of a homebody. Those two things don’t work well together.
SAYING you love a per... (read in full...)
Is she seeing a friend or a date?
Q. So recently I met this Asian girl at a friends house and we all had dinner. We had a few drinks and got chatting. We had a lot of fun together and she told me something personal. Soon after it was cut short and it was time to go home. I walked her ...
A. 17 December 2013: I think it may develop into something but don't force it or rush it.... but it does sound promising... just try to relax and enjoy it.
respect her boundaries.... if after 6-8 weeks of regularly seeing her alone via "dates" you set up, you can ask ... (read in full...)
He wants to split EVERY expense we incur as a couple and it's causing problems in our relationship
Q. Help needed!! My boyfriend of 6 months ls all for equality to the point that it makes me miserable. Before anyone says that I probably like when guys pay for me, let me give you a little background. We both young professionals , I am 5 y...
A. 17 December 2013: I concur... there were not that many "gold diggers" in the past and this guy is just skinflint tight with his money
he's not generous with his money or his spirit.
take the loss and run now.... (read in full...)
Why do men send photos of their genitals to women they barely know?
Q. Okay, inquiring minds must know. This appears to be a relatively new phenomenon, but in all seriousness, why do men send pics of their penises to women? I'm not talking about if you're in a committed relationship or if the girl ASKS for it. I'm...
A. 17 December 2013: because they can.
because some women will not react properly with "ewwww that's gross and I never wish you to contact me again"
and because they are proud of their "junk" (which to me is a perfect term)
ATTENTION MEN: your bodies are fu... (read in full...)
Even though I'd never do anything about it, is this attraction wrong?
Q. I am in high school and I play football. Since it is a high school football team, we have players from 9th grade to 12th grade. I am friends with a lot of the players in all grades. The problem is that I am beginning to be attracted to one...
A. 17 December 2013: you sound like a lovely NORMAL teen boy.
it's certainly normal to find other people of the same sex attractive even if your sexual orientation is predominantly heterosexual. Sexuality is a spectrum and there are wide ranges of where folks fall on ... (read in full...)
How do I get this girl to give me a chance?
Q. I tried to send this in before, but it was rejected. I will try to shorten it up (it was long because I wanted to give as much detail as possible and try to present HER side of the story), and I will try to make it more clear. I am at my wit...
A. 16 December 2013: OH she is NOT your girlfriend. YOU want her to be but she's made it clear she is not interested in you that way.
the more you try to make her want to be your gf the less she will want to.
It's not your place to buy her acne wash or get her... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 16 December 2013: Personally I think he really liked you. He may still really like you but your over the top insecure behavior has pushed him away.
Stop overthinking this guy... you were wise not to be a booty call.
his not texting the day after a drunken ... (read in full...)
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