A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for about 5/6 months now, but recently I've been having a dilemma. My boyfriend is lovely and sweet and I'm not unhappy in my relationship but neither am I happy. I just feel a bit bored and sometimes it feels like we are a couple who have been married for 30 years if you understand me. As I said essentially there is nothing wrong in our relationship do I don't really have a reason to end it, but my dilemma is I met someone who I am uncontrollably drawn to and although I are about my boyfriend a lot I have never felt this attraction towards him. My boyfriend and I can hardly hold a meaningful conversation past a few minute but this person I can and have talked to for hours upon hours. I've had very few relationships and never felt this attracted to anyone, I just don't know what to do. My boyfriend is much more into me than I am him. I don't know what to do, I can't just throw away a relationship despite its lack of interest and passion etc but the way I feel about this other person is changing the way I feel about my boyfriend and I just can't ignore how attracted I am. What can I do I don't know if I can hurt him but I can't ignore this feeling either ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 These are the HARDEST breakups. and you MUST break up with the current boyfriend... because eventually you will leave him anyway.... not sure who will cry harder you or him....
IF you after 5/6 months are bored, if you don't feel that spark, if you can't have a conversation, if you feel like an old married couple in your TEENS after 5/6 months, then you know it's over.
you are not throwing much away if it's 5-6 months... even 5-6 years where there is nothing but KNOWN stuff... is not a big waste.
WHATEVER you do, do not lie. DO NOT CHEAT.
and don't take the chicken way out of just dropping off the face of the earth or being busy.
gather your strength and break up with him.
I vote for sooner rather than later and yes i know it's holiday time but it's not Christmas week...
so you won't have a date for new years (do not rush right into the arms of the new guy, take some time to heal first) but you should be true to yourself.
the thing is if you had not met this new guy you would still be bored with the current boyfriend you would just accept it. NEVER SETTLE.
A
male
reader, devont +, writes (4 December 2013):
 5/6 months is still really the honeymoon period. If you're not into him now, then I don't really see the point.
Even if there wasn't another man, I'd suggest thinking about ending it. It's not fair to your boyfriend if you've got this 'amazing connection' with someone else.
"My boyfriend and I can hardly hold a meaningful conversation past a few minute" ... neither of you sound that into each other. Be fair to both of you and think carefully about what you want.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (4 December 2013):
What makes you sure that you might not be in the same situation with this new bloke if you left your previous partner after5/6 months?He might be extremely chatty now but after 6 months he might be the silent type.He might just say "I don't fancy you" but I like talking to you,how would you feel then?It's your choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2013): The fact that you admit that you have lost the feeling for your boyfriend says it all. He has a right to find someone who is totally into him. The thing is, you speak of this guy and how you feel about him. How does he feel about you? You don't know, do you?You apparently find the time to spend with this other guy to give yourself a chance to develop your attraction for him. Where's your boyfriend during all these hour-long talks and interesting visits?This means you are technically cheating on your boyfriend. I suspect you've had sex, you'll never admit it. You want to avoid judgement. You are giving attention to another guy; while in a committed, well lets say a "make-believe" relationship.Before you venture to the next, you have to give one up first.I recommend you breakup with your boyfriend and find someone more stimulating. Keeping him like a possession, only useful when you need him isn't fair. There will always be temptations outside the one you have.This is the test of your commitment. Do you love him, or do you just keep him around to avoid being lonely? It would be more honest to just end it. You don't feel much and you're bored. Then it shouldn't be too hard to let him go. Don't lead him on and make him believe you want to be with him. That's selfish and cruel.It's more decent to let someone go, than to pretend you feel for them. It may be painful for him; but he will get over you. You're already checking out someone else.Remember this. There is always temptation. People who seem to be what we want; or more attractive than the person we are with. So if you think you're going to keep them both,you are in for a mess on your hands. Brave enough to cheat, but too much of a coward to let your bf go first. That's because you don't like the thought he'd find someone else as well. You're looking for a way to come out the winner all the way around. No, you're going to lose something in the process.You're contemplating cheating and still hanging on to the guy you have. That's exactly what you're saying in your post. You don't intend to let go of the bird in the hand.You say nice things about your boyfriend, so you won't sound like the bad guy. The truth is, you want to cheat really bad; then go back to your safe-haven with nothing to lose.It doesn't work that way. You're just bored and horny. You better think long and hard. You want your cake and to eat it too. You just don't want to risk it, if the other guy doesn't want you after you cheat with him. So you'll use your boyfriend as your safety net. Nothing is changing your feelings but your hormones.Just breakup and start dating other guys. Don't make up lame excuses so you won't look bad. Otherwise; end all contact with that other guy, and work on your relationship.
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