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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My boyfriend wants to video chat but I'm nervous!
Q. I'm in long distance relationship since 1 and half year. I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend is 20. We talk on phone daily and we have seen each others pic.We are going to meet next year. My boyfriend wants to video chat with me on 31st December. I ...
A. 28 December 2013: OH yes for sure YOU DO NOT TAKE OFF ANY CLOTHES... no showing of body parts that the general public does not see....
... (read in full...)
Long distance, who should move where?
Q. Hey everyone, I kind of have a question and would like to see what other people think about this or if anyone can give me some advice especially from someone who has been in a long distance relationship. Me and my boyfriend met online have been...
A. 28 December 2013: you say there is no rush but there is. with you two being 12 hours apart that means minimal physical contact and that's NOT good.
Part of the goal of LDR is to NOT be LDR...since you are both working (no school) I suggest that SOONER rather t... (read in full...)
Things have cooled after three months of dating
Q. Hi everyone. I am 25, and my bf is 23 years old. I am local and he's a foreigner in my country. We are together for almost 3 months, its only the 3rd month supposingly we are still in the honeymoon state but i realized we dont talk to each other ...
A. 27 December 2013: you don't love him... you don't really know him.
and 3 months is the first point of realizing that the relationship is doomed... if you push through this then the next crisis of failure will be easier to push through...
at 3 months in no... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to video chat but I'm nervous!
Q. I'm in long distance relationship since 1 and half year. I'm 18 years old and my boyfriend is 20. We talk on phone daily and we have seen each others pic.We are going to meet next year. My boyfriend wants to video chat with me on 31st December. I ...
A. 27 December 2013: You have been LDR for 18 months
you say you are meeting "next year" as in January of 2014 or as in December of 2014... that's a big huge difference.
18 months together and you have not met in person or seen each other live on video.... no... (read in full...)
I drove him to the airport, so why isnt he texting how he is away?
Q. My bf left for vacation to see his fam n hasnt txted me or anything. I tried texting him bt he doesnt reply. I know he is with his fam n his enjoying his time, bt just texting to know how I am is not much. Afterall, I was the one who volunteered to ...
A. 27 December 2013: OP you are doing all the rowing of this relationship:
" I was the one who volunteered to take him to the airport n pick him up. "
YOU OFFERED... that does not mean HE owes you anything.
If this is you: http://www.dearcupid.org/que... (read in full...)
Should my parents file for bankruptcy?
Q. Hello, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but just wanted to get some advice about my family. My parents (58 and 60 yrs old) are in a lot of debt. They have a business which has been losing money for a while and is putting t...
A. 27 December 2013: Bankruptcy is not a great idea. At their ages they will NEVER recover. ONCE you file it will be with them on their credit for a minimum of 7 years... and since it's a business maybe as long as 12 or longer:
here is a link for small business... (read in full...)
Should I continue dating someone I know will leave within the year?
Q. I've been dating for 3 months a guy that i know is leaving in a year. He is military and he is only temporarily stationed here. I love spending time with him and we get along great. But he has told me time and time again that he doesn't believe in ...
A. 27 December 2013: I see the link that Tisha added and realize that you and this guy are on different pages.... you care way more than he does and in a year when he leaves he will probably walk away and never look back.
You will be crushed. Heartbroken ... (read in full...)
My bf blocked me from everywhere but he still reads my Facebook messages!
Q. my boyfriend blocked me from everywhere only because I asked one of his girls indirectly that if she is dating someone and if she is then what his name is I wanted an answer without anybody knowing it but then my boyfriend got to know about this ...
A. 27 December 2013: He's cheated on you with three girls
you have given him money
you do not trust him and he spys on you
advice... change your facebook password and let this man go.... there will be other men... he's a user and a liar and a cheater. He's not... (read in full...)
Overbearing in-laws since day one! Do I walk away?
Q. I have married for almost seven years, I am not a young person and this is my second marriage. But I have been having with over bearing inlaws since day one. At first it was just little comments from my father In law about things I might do around ...
A. 26 December 2013: What does your wife say about these things.
IF my father had the audacity to attempt to run MY HOME and undermine MY SPOUSE, my father would be told to BACK OFF by ME.
IF your wife goes to her mommy and daddy and seeks their help and... (read in full...)
Is he just in this for the sex?
Q. Hey guys. So I met this guy Mark a while ago via my next door neighbor Andrea (we were hanging out once and she invited him). The night I met him we were really into each other and I ended up going home with him. My neighbor made him promise ...
A. 26 December 2013: He is being 100% up front with you.
He's very clear that you are just fun and games... that is all. The second you get clingy and needy he will be gone.
AND as long as you have sex with him you will care more and more and as such will get... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that when my girlfriend does overcome her abusive ex she'll be attracted to his type again
Q. We've been together a year now and in our mid-twenties. She was raised very strict and about 8 months before I met her ended a 2 year relationship with your typical "bad boy" who treated her horribly, pretty much abuse from what I know. I ment...
A. 26 December 2013: when men stupidly ask women about their ability to have orgasms with them or their previous partners, they create their own insecurity.
FIXING her is not your problem. Seriously. DO NOT LOVE a woman's POTENTIAL. I see this over and over... ... (read in full...)
I want this relationship to work!
Q. Hello, I'm needing advice about me in my relationship. To make a long story short. I have been with my fiancé for almost 4 years. We've had our share of trouble, but there is one that happen a two years ago that still haunt me. My fiancé che...
A. 26 December 2013: Lets’ start with he is who he is. You are not in love with HIM you are in love with what you WANT him to be.
It’s very hard for folks who are “in love” to accept and understand that they are not in love with who the person currently is. You... (read in full...)
I can't get over my wife's sordid sexual past
Q. I am dealing with some issues with my wife's sexual past, I dont know how many she was with but I know it was between 15 and 25. She lied about being with my friend when I asked her about a month after we started dating. She later told me they were ...
A. 26 December 2013: Normally I think that RJ sufferers bring this on themselves for various reasons. IN your case, you have a KEY TRIGGER: “Only about 4 mnths ago did all of these feelings come flashing up over it, after her and the friend started talking more ... (read in full...)
In a troubled relationship, and my boyfriend's mother is making things worse!
Q. My Boyfriend and I have been together just over a year and a half. We're both young professionals, independent and fairly busy in our lives. Our relationship has never been perfect, though we both fight through determined to be together. He ...
A. 26 December 2013: The relationship has never been perfect. In the beginning it should be perfect… the cracks don’t begin to show till later on. The fact that you have a list of what’s wrong:
a. He’s always been a stick in the mud about anything
b. He rarely ... (read in full...)
No one's asked to be exclusive, so ...
Q. This question is for people who are okay with premarital sex: I am single and in college. I am sort of seeing two guys. I have had sex with both of them and have gone on lunch dates and have even stayed over at their houses as well as just "hanging ...
A. 26 December 2013: BTDT.
AS long as you are not lying to anyone about anything then I think it's fine. THIS INCLUDES YOURSELF.
And lies of omission are still lies. If you are protected sexually from pregnancy and disease and are honest if asked if you have... (read in full...)
Should I take two years off from my studies to pursue my dream of becoming an actor?
Q. Hey everyone, I am 24 years old and I have lived in a small city all my life due to which I couldn't pursue my dream to become an actor!education is a must so I dint want to quit studies and run after my dream so here I am,done with my studies ...
A. 26 December 2013: As long as you have a set time frame of two years and you stick to it... why not...
the issue becomes if two years morphs into three years... then 5 years... and then magically your not doing what you trained to do because you are still chasing ... (read in full...)
Is it better for me to forgive my ex or hate him?
Q. I was with my ex for 4 years(including 2 years LDR). We're in different countries. We planned to meet after he graduated from graduate school and while we're dating, he gave me commitment and talked about getting married. He dumped me 6 months ago, ...
A. 26 December 2013: you do not need to hate or forgive... there are other options.
The opposite of love is NOT hate. The opposite of love is INDIFFERENCE... it's NOT caring one way or the other...
that ONLY comes with time... but you have to allow time t... (read in full...)
Is it best to move on?
Q. I need relationship advice, please. I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 yrs, we've had our ups and downs just like any other couple but I've noticed that we aren't close enough like I see other couples act. We see each other at least once a w...
A. 24 December 2013: Time to have "the talk" and find out where you are going
at your age after 4 years if he doesn't know he wants to marry you and progress the relationship then he does not.
it may be time to end the relationship.
... (read in full...)
He said I was being controlling ....
Q. I lost a friendship with one of my very good friends. We got in a big fight and both stopped talking to each other. I deleted her of off my facebook, and asked my boyfriend (of 2 years) to do the same. Instead he said i was being controlling and we ...
A. 24 December 2013: It's VERY controlling to tell someone who they can and cannot be friends with.
My gf and I had this talk last night... we had a mutual friend on facebook who asked us to unfriend someone she was mad at... we all refused... and we have distance... (read in full...)
Why do girls seem to prefer, and date, the guys who are cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types?
Q. Why oh why do girls prefer the cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types? Is it because they assume their children together will be born with a lightning bolt in their hands? Girls have done pretty skewed ways of finding guys thinking that they are bett...
A. 24 December 2013: THERE is a huge difference between cocky and arrogant and assertive and assured.
and there is a huge gap between all of the above and abuse.
ABUSE is not acceptable.
The problem is your friend. she's willing to be an ashtray and p... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she isn't pretty enough
Q. I will be as honest as I can, so i can have some honest responses.I need some suggestion from people who are on the same shoes or from anyone. I have been married for 3 years. I am 26 and my wife is 24. In my opinion i think my wife looks 6/10....
A. 24 December 2013: What would another male perspective do for you OP?
What would a man saying leave her change?
what would a man saying stay with her and make both of you miserable change?
WHY do you think women don't have good advice?... (read in full...)
I can't bear the thought of him kissing another girl!
Q. Do you think that kissing is cheating? When I was with my ex, I would have firmly said no - I really didn't think kisses meant that much and weren't personal, I kissed other people and he did too, it was never sober or with the same person more...
A. 24 December 2013: When my ex husband and I were swingers (meaning we had sex with others in an open marriage) we had ONE rule that was NOT to be broken... NO KISSING on the lips....
Kissing is the MOST intimate thing you can do with a partner.
yes Kissing... (read in full...)
What if I wait and then he flakes out?
Q. Ok, so my boyfriend of 4.5 years says he wants to marry me 'one day' but I feel this is a bit too unspecific after this much time. Am I overreacting? I am 28, he is 26 and he says he can see marriage and kids at some point in the future but not f...
A. 23 December 2013: I would not move in with him if marriage and children within a marriage are important to you.
At your age after 32-3 years if he does not know if he wants to marry you, it's time to leave. It MAY change his mind (that's what happened wit... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting to this text message that went wrong?
Q. Okay aunts and uncles, I really need help with a text message gone really wrong. Here is a layout of our relationship okay. He lives 4 hours away. We met one time before but we were not alone together remember that. He is coming down to spend a ...
A. 23 December 2013: if he was interested in you that much he would NOT wait till march to see you.
sounds like he's got a finger in a lot of pies... proceed with caution as it sounds like he's hedging his bets and has more than just you on his plate.... (read in full...)
We have a secret friendship.
Q. A long time ago I briefly met a guy at the end of a festival. He lives on the other side of the country. We exchanged numbers and ended up talking online for almost a year. We both were in relationships when we met and I still am though he is single ...
A. 23 December 2013: what happens when you play with fire?
you get burned.
cut it out.
you are emotionally cheating on your boyfriend.
how would you feel if he was doing to you what you are doing to him?
... (read in full...)
His ex wife wants him back!
Q. Well hello I really need some help... I been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he has two kids with his ex wife... Things have been great with us and he has been there for me through everything... I love his children too... The day w...
A. 23 December 2013: you can't lose what you don't have.... he's already gone honey... even if you do exactly what he wants, he's leaving January 7th. let him go now.
... (read in full...)
I promised my girlfriend to never kiss or do anything sexual with her or masturbate, any comments?
Q. I have no idea what to do or dont do. I made a few promises to my girlfriend and two of them are to never do anything sexual to her (including kissing) and never masterbate. Since my girlfriend thinks sex is gross and painful, I respected her ...
A. 23 December 2013: At 16 she has every right to ask you to “keep your hands to yourself” but that’s all.
She has no say in whether or not you masturbate and to think she does is outrageous.
In addition, part of being in an adult loving romantic relation... (read in full...)
Should I wait to have sex with my long distance boyfriend?
Q. Dear Cupid, For the past 3 1/2 months, I've been involved in a LDR with a man I met at a speed dating event. The type of relationship we've had, has been one of intense passion, adoration, respect and honesty. It definitely wasn't something...
A. 23 December 2013: I would wait till the next visit. You met him once at a speed dating event. you really don't know how you will get on IRL.
LDR has a way of making even the worst soul look good.
I did LDR with my now husband for a year...once we wer... (read in full...)
Did I overreact over his drunk texts?
Q. My boyfriend went out drinking yesterday. We had some disagreement two days ago. He first texted me if I was having a bad week back then, which I told him I did before. So I just simply replied "yes". He then texted me "I hope your week gets b...
A. 23 December 2013: my best friend calls me kiddo... has for years... it's her term of endearment.
never have a fight over texts
never respond to drunken texts or phone calls.
I get drunk voice mails from my hubby if I go away. He does not cope well with ... (read in full...)
After meeting him once I know he's 'the one'
Q. I really like someone that I only met once. I know it is absurd, maybe it's all a big fantasy in my head, but I just can't get him out of my head. I convince myself he's not the one, or force myself to stop thinking about him, but it all just ...
A. 23 December 2013: you need to forget him.
you are halfway around the world and he's not making any effort to see you, that alone says it all...
... (read in full...)
Am I just being paranoid about this long distance association?
Q. I have a long distance partner who I met on my holidays a while ago. I'm from England and he is from Wales. I really love this guy, he's funny, charming, very attractive and honestly I love spending time with him. The hitch is, I find it really h...
A. 23 December 2013: I’m not sure how far apart you guys are but if he’s in daily contact and he visits you regularly (you need to visit him too or contribute to the cost of his trips) then I think you are worrying about something that may or may not happen.
LDRs ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend asked me to marry him in 4 or 5 years
Q. I am so broken hearted! My boyfriend asked me to marry him last night and I was so excited But tonight wanted to go look at rings and he don't want to buy me one cause it will cut into his beer money and he says I just asked you to marry me but I d...
A. 23 December 2013: Sorry any engagement that is over 2 years or does not have a date for the wedding is not a true engagement IMO.
he asked you to keep you on the hook.
no ring?
won't dip into his BEER MONEY?
no date?
and 4 or 5 years in the fut... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that losing weight will change my personality
Q. I am dating this girl through internet about six months officially, but more than a year on total. I am a 18 yr old virgin. I am fatty, never had a "real" relationship. My mom humiliates me all the time saying things like "loose weight you'll n...
A. 23 December 2013: your mom would be wrong about guys not wanting bigger girls.
I have been 300 pound (size 26 american) and now I'm about a size 12
my personality did not change... but I did find that I no longer was willing to take abuse from folks like your... (read in full...)
I worry my hearing aids may put men off!
Q. I need help please! For about six years now I've been deaf in both ears due to otosclerosis - a genetic condition where the bones in the ears stop moving. The way that this works is that I'm not completely deaf, but certain tones and pitches are ...
A. 23 December 2013: "please no horrid jokes" "I'm really not confident at the moment"
oh honey once you realize that this is not the end of the world (or the end of your social life) but rather just the beginning you will be fine.
A long time ago there was... (read in full...)
He left when they were babies, and now wants to be "dad"!
Q. I live in (MOD NOTE: City was deleted for privacy) Florida and have 3 daughters; twins [non-identical] aged 23 and a 19-year-old daughter who is their half-sister born to my husband (the twins' stepdad). The twins were born in 1989, and the father ...
A. 23 December 2013: The girls are adults and as such it's their right to see or not see their biological dad.
I'm sorry he handled it so badly by just showing up out of the blue like that. It was wrong of him to do it that way but clearly from the get go 2... (read in full...)
My husband has told me he is gay!
Q. Last night my husband admitted to me he was gay. He said he didn't want to have these feelings and won't follow up on them, he wants to stay married to me and have sex with me. He said he does like women, but only certain select women, has never had ...
A. 23 December 2013: I agree with CIAR... no rush on this
If i was in your situation I'd ask my husband if he wants to go to counseling for himself and as a couple. And for you alone also to help you cope with this bombshell.
If he says he wants to stay m... (read in full...)
If men can't be trusted why do we even try?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I've been with many guys before him and I know this sounds dumb but nobody else gave me this feeling of satisfaction and love that I get from being with him. This relationship feels different from ...
A. 23 December 2013: Let me tell you a story...
my mother met my father on a blind date when she was 16.
she married him when she was 19
25 years pass... no cheating.. no lying, nothing bad..
he had a brief affair. TWENTY FIVE years into a marriage a... (read in full...)
Sex doesn't feel good for me, why?
Q. I have recently lost my virginity... We have had sex 3 other times since then. It does not fee; good for me whatsoever, its not really painful unless he goes deep inside but I'm curious if its normal that Im not enjoying it yet. I just feel Im too ...
A. 23 December 2013: Sex was not enjoyable till about age 35 for me...
you love him
you love being close to him
perhaps your expectations of sex are clouding your judgement.
For me sex will NOT bring me to orgasm... at least not penetration and rarely will ... (read in full...)
He keeps telling me he is going to break up with me!
Q. My boyfriend kissed me when he was trying to break up with me yesterday. I found that to be confusing in itself. Then 15 minutes later he changed his mind and was all over me and said he wants to be with me and wants me to be his girlfriend!!! ...
A. 23 December 2013: I'm with CaringGuy on this one.
why is your breaking up HIS decision?
You want a commitment. he wants to get laid. He will do everything in his power short of giving you a real relationship to keep you danging on a string and at his be... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 23 December 2013: You can’t “hurry” moving on.. but you can help it along. First of all block his number so you don’t know you are getting booty calls. Secondly make sure you have him blocked on email and social media as well, no need to have him thrown in your ... (read in full...)
How do I inform my friends and family that I'm now a vegan?
Q. Basically I converted to veganism 2 months ago because i nolonger want to contribute to the violence towards animals, with the bonus of improving my health and being one step closer to saving the planet. Now i've keep this a secret from ever...
A. 23 December 2013: As a vegan your best bet when invited to a meal at a home is to just say "I've got dietary restrictions now that make it really hard to feed me so I'd love to attend but I'll bring my own food"
It's one thing to be a vegetarian that does da... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 20 December 2013: NOPE he's done... move on.... (read in full...)
Is he just being stubborn or does he just want to remain friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy for a good two months and we were fab together. Always laughing, had loadz fun together, both felt the same, couldnt get enough of each other. I started to get really strong feelings for him to which he reciprocated by telling me ...
A. 16 December 2013: Personally I think he really liked you. He may still really like you but your over the top insecure behavior has pushed him away.
Stop overthinking this guy... you were wise not to be a booty call.
his not texting the day after a drunken ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she isn't pretty enough
Q. I will be as honest as I can, so i can have some honest responses.I need some suggestion from people who are on the same shoes or from anyone. I have been married for 3 years. I am 26 and my wife is 24. In my opinion i think my wife looks 6/10....
A. 15 December 2013: I feel bad for both of you.
You because you married a woman you did not love pretending to love her and want her and now the fakery has not worked enough so you want out.
HER because she in good faith thought she was loved adored and wan... (read in full...)
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