A
female
age
26-29,
*hatlady123
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a few months. He is currently studying for his LSAT everyday, while I am busy with just school.I sleep over his place every weekend; I come late at night, and then leave the next afternoon. Although, I am completely content with seeing him one night a week, is it still a justifiable reason when he has also picked up a new job? He's now busier than I am, so I feel extremely bad for wanting to still be with him on the weekend.However, I want to say as if I'm 'conditioned' to see him every weekend. For example, there was this one time, when I didn't see him on one weekend, so I ended up seeing him on the next, ie: I didn't see him for two weeks and it just drove me crazy.Recently, I started asking if I could come over but he just replies 'Up to you'. Honestly, I really hate that because I think of so many interpretations of it because it's not a solid answer.So should I learn some self-restraint until he's seemingly in a less busy state (ie, he's finished with his exam) or should I still see him every weekend?* I don't believe I'm clingy or anything as I do have friends that I hang out with during the week/end and school as well. I'm just extremely paranoid when it comes to my boyfriend.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 IF mom thinks you are mature enough to handle it, then why not ask her for her advice.. maybe she is just holding her tongue and is not happy about it.
Stop trying to rationalize his bad behavior. He treats you well now and then and like a dog you stay hoping for better behavior. STOP instigating. STOP being the first to call or text. STOP asking to see him… wait for him to ask to see you…. See how long that takes.. and when he does ask and you go over.. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. See what happens.
DO not be afraid to find out you are not in a healthy relationship. IF you continue to row this boat for him and let him coast along in the relationship you will grow more and more resentful and angry at yourself later on down the road. It’s better to leave now. The longer you stay and try to pretend this is a good relationship the harder it will be to leave.
A
female
reader, thatlady123 +, writes (2 December 2013):
thatlady123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, my mother knows. She lets me handle my relationships on my own (this is my second) because she thinks I'm independent enough to deal with them myself (which is ironic since I'm going to an anonymous forum for my troubles).I try to rationalize the relationship and put things in his perspective. Maybe he's not the showy-type of guy? Maybe he's too scared to give the same amount of affection in case he gets hurt? Someone mentioned that there's always that one person in the relationship that gives more than the other which is completely normal, so maybe I'm just following that?He's a aloof as I like to try describe him, and there was this one time that I did what some of you suggested; sort of be distant back, reply when I have to...etc, and when I told him how I felt, he planned this one night for me which made me happy. However, maybe he just know when to pull the right strings?Essentially, I sometimes feel like a dog that's running back to him. But the more he treats me like his girlfriend only every once and while, it makes it special and gives me this hope that this relationship can last a little longer.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2013):
you are the ONLY one rowing this relationship boat.
He's not as into you as you are into him but he's willing to accept what you give him.
YOU are getting NOTHING from him... he's taking everything from you.
EVEN the busiest man will MAKE TIME and EFFORT for the girl he loves/wants to be with. YOUR guy makes NO TIME and NO EFFORT.
Stop rowing the boat. stop calling him. stop asking to see him... Wait him out and see what happens... it's HARD to do at any age but going to be even harder at yours.
and at 16/17 your PARENTS are ok with you sleeping at your boyfriends every weekend? OR do they not know?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 December 2013):
 Of course he is being charming to you. Guys know all the right buttons to press to get a girl all fluttery when they girl is about to or soon to give them what they want.
It the other 99.9% of your week that concerns me. He is not being a boyfriend. Instead you are entertaining him at a time and place that suits him.
He is not making much effort.
It's all to suit him, so of course he can manage a compliment or too.
Try being less available to him, try saying no to him, and try not being able to visit and see how charming he is then.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 December 2013):
 No, you should not be expecting less from him, quite the contrary, you should be expecting more, much more!
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A
female
reader, thatlady123 +, writes (1 December 2013):
thatlady123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the replies. I have thought about this relationship a lot.
I failed to mention that he does fill in the boyfriend category some way or another; when I come over, we talk, play games and snuggle/take naps, not just sex. It's 'I'm coming over so to spend time with him---plus sex' not 'I'm coming over so to have sex---plus spend time with him'.
I like to plan---he doesn't, so our dates are 99% of the time organized by me which he doesn't mind going along with.
I feel like I'm clinging onto this thread of hope that he's going to be more presentable about his feelings for me later on. But, well, is that ever going to happen? Maybe not.
It's the little things that he does for me, that makes it so special. For example, he doesn't compliment every day, let alone any affection, but when he does, it makes my heart go fluttery, haha. So that's why maybe I keep wanting more from him, when I should expect less.
Ah, my head... ):
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2013):
 Seems like he really doesn't give a "hoot" if you come over or not. YOU are the one ALWAYS going to see him? I understand that he is busy but if he isn't telling you YES, I want you to come over or I'll come pick you up, then how interested is he really?
Busy with school and a job I get that it takes up a lot of time, BUT seems like you are not a priority at all.
Are you also the one who text/call him first?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (1 December 2013):
Your relationship seems very one sided, you are the one doing all the travelling, and all the visiting, also the one organising when you meet and get together.
Seems to me he isn't putting any effort at all into this relationship, but he is getting sex on tap once a week, delivered to his door without him even having to make a phone call.
So what is in this for you, emotional support, fun dates organised by your both, being a couple and going places together ....
I suggest you sit yourself down and have a long hard think about what is happening here, and ask yourself how many people are in it, one or two!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 December 2013):
Definitely not. You should give this disinterested guy the same disinterested treatment. He is not worthy of you. Guys do this when they are too cowardly to break up. So they behave badly so that they an play "ooh she left me, ain't it terrible, poor me"
Don't be part of his games.
Be far too busy to see him.
Develop a new hobby.
he has become a habit. A nasty little habit that hurts you and stops you from moving on.
A guy who adores a girl finds time to see her more and more often.
Join a class to learn and new skill and meet new people.
Make NO effort to contact him for 6 weeks. Be slow to return his calls or texts if he still sends you any.
Get a new hair style. Revamp your wardrobe.
Anything but think of him.
You will survive and you will eventually find a nicer much more attentive guy.
In a word he does not deserve you.
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