A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont want to tell people my engagement ring is a fake "diamond". It's actually cubic zirconia. But apparently according to the jeweler who charged my fiance $700-800 USD , there are two levels of cz, the drug store $12-40.00 and the "better" tier. Long story short my bf/new fiance has a good job but is worried about his job security. A corporate raider is in the process of getting the company. After several months of looking at rings together and him making promises and even putting money down on rings to be made, he got flustered towards the end... The night before he bought the fake, I saw him put $500 down on another ring to be set. However he said he wasn't happy with that stone for the price and he became increasingly agitated about the cost. The minute we were supposed to go pick it up, I met him he said he can't get that amount of money out of his investments so he's spent the morning talking to jewelers about ooptions. He decided a certain cz in a real setting made to look like what I like might suffice. He asked if this was ok. Otherwise we can't get engaged that day. I reluctantly agreed.It all happened so fast. I went back to work with my ring, posted a pic of the proposal and ring right away on social media and gushed. Only problem was - I am too insecure to tell ppl it's not a real diamond. It feels almost unofficial to me if it's not a real diamond. I don't mean to offend anyone but these are just my personal feelings. I definitely wanted a white simulation stone to look like a diamond bc otherwise it wouldn't be obvious it's an engagement ring..it could just be any ring. And it's important to me that everyone knows it's an engagement ring. So that rules out any other type of coloured gem stone. It feels like kids playing dress up... I posted about a week ago about how he keeps saying he'll propose any day now but never does. Well he finally did.. Sort of. Down on one knee, had someone snap a photo.. The whole 9 yards!!But it's fake. He says it's only temporary.. But this is when everyone gathers around to look at it. I've already had one person say it doesn't look real but she covered it by saying bc it's so big. She didn't phrase it as a question so I didn't have to answer. It all happened quickly and hind sight is 20/20... If we were going to buy fake we should've made it small so no one would suspect. Now it's too late. Everyone has seen it and the size is being discussed at length . it's too late for me to switch it or be like "jk it's not real".What do I do??? No one has asked straight out if it's real. I'm a very honest person so I am literally suffering anxiety attacks over this. And losing sleep. And getting physically ill. If everyone is supposed to be honest about their jewelry, must they also be frank if they've had plastic surgery? Or wear concealer on their face? Is that any more dishonest?What should I do? So far I've just been hiding my hand, flashing it quickly when people ask to see it, and change the subject abruptly.. I know this makes me seem even more suspicious but I am not good at this. I have to say, the "real" one he almost bought for a lot more than 800 dollars didn't visually appear all that different but I could never tell stones apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Good grief alive, is this turning into the Lord of the Rings saga? My Precious! Where is my REAL ring, not the FAKE one! Look, he spent something short of 800 dollars, is that right? Years back when I was engaged I would not allow my then fiance to spend over £100, I didn't want a ring, he was keener than me on the idea of rings and bought one for himself. He threatened to surprise me with a mega diamond so I took him to a jewellers and pointed at a silvery sapphirey looking thing for £90 and it turned out it had b@@@@ diamonds in it anyway, but it was a compromise. His beautiful romantic seafront proposal and subsequent delight that we would be married and our love for each other was the whole point. NOT the value of the jewellery.
The relationship didn't work out and he wouldn't take the ring back. I DHL'd it back to him. You know what he did? He had the stones reset into a necklace for my birthday. He is now happily married to someone else and still a friend.
It sounds as if you have a lot of growing up to do.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 February 2014):
 So, OP, now you've come full-circle...
You asked your original question... and got plenty of support, based on the concept that it wasn't so much the cost/value of the ring that gives it meaning.... that meaning is intrinsic in your B/F/fiance wanting you to have a nice token that you and he plan to wed....
NOW, in this follow-up, you reveal that you have misgivings about your B/F, after all...
WHICH IS IT?????
No need to lie about the ring and stone if/when you seem not to be honest in just what is bugging you....
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): I like the way you see it now. The heck with what others may think! You know all the truth behind the ring.
That's all that matters!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is going to sound bad and I know I will get hate for this but honestly given how skiddish he's been I fear this strategy of giving me a fake diamond is bc he still has doubts about us but won't be honest and wanted to give me a ring to appease me and also bc he likes the idea of me wearing a symbol that I'm spoken for when I'm not with him. I fear it's now too late to start telling people it's cz as I've let them all marvel at it without correcting them, even when the one woman said straight out it doesn't look real. I haven't yet come to that dreaded moment when I have to insist it is a diamond, and hope to never have to but my philosophy on honesty is this: I hate to lie and I hate liars but anyone who asks a question that isn't their business deserves to be lied to. I look at a diamond simulation like plastic surgery. People may suspect but unless they're doctors looking at me under a microscope they won't know for sure . if I got a nose job and some rude person asks if it's my real nose I'm under no obligation to tell them the truth. I do feel like a fraud and it's a bad feeling but the man is real, the love is real, the intent to wed is real. The stone is just a symbol. One last note. The culture is not myfault. 19 oout of 20 women in my office went like this : "Congrats! Let me see the ring!" I hate it but I didn't create it. I want a ring for symbolism.. Of our love and commitment. Not of our status.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): I totally disagree on the ridiculous nature of some women who insist that men practically pawn themselves to buy a piece of rock from the earth which has been mined by some nasty company like De Beers by slave labour and promoted as the ultimate symbol of love and a priceless stone and sold for 50 times or so its actual value/the wage paid to the poor people who have to mine it to pay for basic living necessities. Who decided this? Sure, let's mine diamonds but only for the absolute necessities, they are also used in CNC machinery, high-tech milling/cutting equipment etc. right? And laser is a good alternative in some high-accuracy applications right?
Real love is not based on an item of jewellery. Time to grow up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): I totaly disagreewith some of the answers HERE about you Being superficial about it. We own a jewelry store and over the years witnessed lots of stories. Andi saw really young guys who take on a second job to pay for that ring.and it always makes me think that an effort they put into it means a lot. Engagement ring with cubic zirconia should not cost as much as $800 unless there are small diamonds on a band. Cubic zirconia is basically a worthless stone, he might as well give you a piece of crystal from Joanne fabric. It's literally cost a jeweler couple of dollars even as big as 2 carats. That's why I must agree with you thatis almost seems like a fake engagement. Diamond needs to be real for all you men out there. It can be smaller than a carat but it needs to be real. Don't give 2$ "fake" diamond to your bride!!!
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 "I don't want to tell people my engagement ring is fake!"So don't tell it ! Who do you think is going to have expertise to see your stone with a weaver's glass screwed on his right eye like a monocle ?Keep cool, as illusionists say, people just see what they expect to see, nothing more.And in two or three years, if luck is on your side, you will be able to make this stone replaced by a genuine diamond.Note: why people like stones ? Because they are beautiful ? Nope, that's just an acquired taste ! As usual, it's because they imitate people who imitated without knowing why people who imitated without knowing why people (and so on) who imitated some people who did something on purpose centuries or milleniums before.The fact is that the real purpose of a stone was in secret society to symbolize the complexity of the Truth, made of tens of facets, some of them even seeming in contradiction with the other. But this contradiction is just apparent and is mere a paradox, and only the one who can know every facet and is able to differentiate contradictions and paradox, is entitled to be called a wise (wo)man. It's to say a Maji (-- word that gives "magician" but also "magister", "master", "mestre" that finally became "Mr").Don't ever forget that, discernment is the straight way for wisdom. And in your case, you have to discern what is really irreplaceable: a real love or a bit of densified coal ? I bet you got it. And one more thing: our planet earth produces non-stop diamonds again and again, so much in fact that diamond companies are led to destroy 80% of what they find, officially because of their poor quality, ok, but also to maintain the so-called rarity of this very common material. A one more thing to know.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 February 2014):
 There is no shame in what your ring is made of. It's a real ring, isn't it? If someone asks you if it's real (a rude question to begin with), tell them it's a real ring and a real engagement. If you have rude friends who press you for the makeup of the stone, tell them the truth. Why have a panic attack over the fact that your stone is moisannite and not diamond?
Always hold your head up high no matter what your financial situation is in life. If you have the love of an amazing guy who wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then you're the richest woman in the world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYouWish - that made me cry. Thank you.
I don't really care that it's fake. I just don't want others to know. Is it ok for me to pass it off as real?
My fiance is so sweet. He knows I have anxiety issues over pulling off a ruse. He knows my worst fear is getting caught, if one of my coworkers is a part time jeweler or something. So that dear sweet man of mine told me to blame him if caught. Pretend he didn't tell me it wasn't a diamond and I hadn't gotten it appraised yet. I wouldn't blame him but thought it was cute he volunteered.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 February 2014):
My dad gave my mom a CZ when he proposed to her. he paid $50 for it and promised that when he got the money, he'd replace it with a real one. At the time, $50 for him was a fortune, and he proposed the night before he shipped off for his second tour in Vietnam. My aunts all said the same thing - they were so in love that they sickened everyone who was around them. You've been around those couples, right?
Anyways, after years of being poor, being on welfare, living lean and three kids later, my father got a job he would proceed to have for 30 years before he retired, and we went from wearing garage sale clothes to being very well off. On their 20th anniversary, my father gave my mom a beautiful diamond ring and he spared no expense. My mom was so overcome with happiness and gratitude, but she wore that ring on her RIGHT hand. The $50 CZ meant more to her and didn't leave her left hand for 43 years until we buried my father this past August.
Do you love your fiance? If you do, it's his opinion of you that matters and no one else's. The engagement is real. Don't lose sight of it, and as you marry and move up in the world, you can have it replaced as well. If you want to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): .. another thing, you had a proper proposal. All I had with my ex was jokes about it, snide sarky ones at that, like "well I'm have to get married anyway so do you want to"... he couldn't afford to buy me a bag of chips never mind an engagement ring and I was sick to death of him "borrowing" money from me and never paying it back and all the other crap that I said byeeeeeeeeeeeee. Be happy and grateful, you have a genuine guy who wants to do things right. I'm trying to get money back from an ex who denies he even borrowed it in the first place!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): Good grief how shallow can a woman go? If it was a plastic ring from a Christmas cracker on your finger, it would still make you engaged if it had been put on there with a sincere proposal from the heart. I think he has spent more than enough!And perhaps you should get yourself informed on the diamond mining industry and its brutal history. Diamonds = child and slave labour and exploitation. I'd take a lump of coal any day over a diamond mined in brutal conditions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): I think you've missed the point entirely. You first worried if the man is going to marry you. Now you know!
You had every opportunity in the world to just ask him to wait on the ring. Which he should have done in the first place. You'll never admit it, but you just kept whining and pressuring him about getting married. You want him to look bad, and portray yourself as innocent and understanding.
My opinion. Neither of you are really ready for a marriage.
He has given what could be considered a very logical and certifiable reason he is watching his expenses. You're worried about what people think about the ring; which is his token of love, and can be replaced. He could have just given it to you; and said nothing of it's value.
When I was in the Air Force, my roommate(a fighter-pilot)purchased a cubic zirconia as an engagement ring for his beautiful fiance'. While he was away on military assignment; she and a friend went to a jeweler, and had the ring appraised. She found out it was a zirconia in a platinum setting. She blew a fuse. Upon his return, she met him at the airport; and threw the ring in his face.
His intention was to have a beautiful diamond passed down from his grandmother set in the ring upon his return. He was unsure of the length of his assignment, or if he would safely return. His mother suggested that he wait with her mother's diamond until he did. He didn't take her earlier suggestion to get engaged upon his return. He wanted his girlfriend to know what he felt, and his intentions in the event he was never able to tell her.
Well guess how that turned out? No, her pleading and apologies meant absolutely nothing from that point.
His mother told her exactly what happened, and asked that she never set foot near her again.
Proudly accept the ring for the sentiment behind it.
You may later replace the ring when things are on more solid financial ground, where his job is concerned.
As for reviews from others; some women get jealous of young women newly engaged flashing a ring. They have to throw a wrench in it;because you're making such a big deal over it.
You're young, pretty, and a new bride with the future ahead of you. It's always some mean old witch who wants to put a dark cloud over your happiness. Remember, everyone isn't happy about your good fortunes.
If you want to hide it in shame; that speaks volumes how you think, and your expectations. Maybe he truly is uncertain if getting married is a good idea. He knows you. We don't.
Don't be so ungrateful. You claim you want to marry this guy; but you consistently belittle him. That does not reflect positively on you. You don't seem to trust him.
Like any other promise, engagements can be broken. In this case, I've seen the future based on the present. It isn't pretty.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2014):
 The RING does not make the engagement or marriage. You can get married or engaged without the exchange of any jewelry.
so stop feeling like it's a fake engagement.
it's a REAL ENGAGEMENT
it's a REAL Engagement ring
It's a REAL CZ which can be a lovely stone.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 February 2014):
An engagement ring is a token shared between two people.... and need NOT be considered as "bling" to be displayed for "others."
IF you and he are in love... and plan to wed.... and want/need a symbol of that committment FOR YOURSELVES (!!!) it makes no difference if he got a ring from a Cracker Jack box....
Don't worry about what others "might" think or want to ask.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): You seem so overly concerned about what OTHERS think. May I ask why? What is it to you what anybody else thinks about your relationship/engagement? It is about you two. A relationship is about love not about being boastful or trying to keep up with the Jones's. I don't know what you are trying to prove or why but the whole thing sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. And your poor hubby sounds stressed out. He has told you about his fears with finances and as his woman you should be supportive and maybe even suggested postponing the engagement. But instead all you've done is put pressure on him. Whether its been directly or even indirectly by these facebook posts. I'm sure he can see that. He got a zirconia cause he wants to appease you and doesn't know what else to do. Too much pressure. You could've been supportive and patient and I guarantee you would've gotten the rock of your dream. My suggestion to you is slow down! Be more confident in yourself. Stop worrying what others think, its not their life its yours. I personally wouldn't want a zirconia. I'd prefer a diamond. But now you really got yourself in a situation because if you return it, he is going to think you are ungrateful and in the long run may decide not to get you anything and you will have to explain to all your friends whose opinions matter so much to you, what the dilemma is. But if it were me, I would thank him, show my appreciation, but return the zirconia and just explain I would prefer a diamond and tell him I am willing to wait for his finances to improve. If your friends ask, make up a lie and say that you got robbed or something.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 Hi, just don't say anything or volunteer a response just ignore it. Also not everyone can afford diamonds and they do settle for Cubic. I suggest you let it go and don't think about it again. Congratulations enjoy being engaged and just remember you are engaged to the man that loves you that what's priceless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): I honestly don't understand women getting so caught up on what the ring is. Who cares! He has asked you to spend the rest of your life with him, that should be a MILLION times more important than the ring on your finger. I couldn't have given one crap what my now husband gave me, what was more important was that he meant what he said and we could look forward to a happy future together. I had a ring that belonged to his grandmother, the sentiment of that was better because it meant his family cared enough about me to let him give it to me.
Chill out, he grateful someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you. And dont post your whole life on social media, enjoy living it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2014):
 Most people CAN NOT tell CZ and real diamonds apart, that is why CZ is such a HUGE part of the jewelry market. Except when you choose a BIG CZ it DOES look "fake" because a diamond of that size would be in the $100,000's or millions.
Is the ring more important that the man you love asking you to marry him?
If you can't BEAR to wear a "fake" then why not wait til he buy you the "real" one.
I don't think the cost/size of equals the size of his love for you or guarantee a long lasting marriage.I do think being HONEST about your expectations and feeling does. So tell him. If you don't NEED a big ring but you feel it can't be fake, tell him that.
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