A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm about to introduce my family to a man I'd like to be with. He's sweet and caring. He's also 17 years older than I. My parents are liberal but I think even they'll balk at the age difference. I want my parents to accept him but I have no idea how I should tell my parents I'd like to go out with him, let alone date him. Should I just tell them and wait for a reaction or should I ease them into it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2014):
 While 17 years is a big gap it’s not insurmountable especially if you are closer to 25 than 22 and since you are the female. I find usually that women are more mature than guys at a younger age.
The issue is if this guy is going kicking and screaming into the relationship or if he is chomping at the bit to get to it and you. The former bodes WELL for the relationship while the latter is more of a HUGE red flag that he TARGETS younger women for various reasons NONE of which are acceptable to me.
You are about to introduce a man you “would like to be with” to your family. WHY? Why does a man you would like to be with even warrant bringing home? It’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything yet… just someone YOU WANT to be with? Or did you phrase it badly and you guys are already a serious couple. UNTIL you are serious there is no need to bring the family into it.
The fact that you CARE about what your parents will say and do is telling. When I told my dad I was getting married to a guy 13 years younger than me who had never been married, he was like “fine when’s the wedding and where shall we stay?” I did NOT care if he approved or not. I did not worry that he would be upset. The worst thing that would happen is he would not approve and I would continue on as an adult in my own world.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): "to a man I'd like to be with"
What does that mean? Are you not with him now?
Are you looking for permission to start dating him or something?
My advice would be to try out a relationship with him for a while first, see if you and he actually work out. You need to be pretty secure with you and he have before you face up to all the difficulties that age gap represents. I'm 9 years older than my wife, we were friends before we got together so I got to know her parents pretty well before romance started and they'd gotten to know the guy I was in that time, already trusted me to look out for their daughter (many nights of carrying her home drunk sure helped) so they were largely fine with us dating.
My point is, you can't ask people to accept something without tangible evidence it's a good idea when there's a lot to say it's not. You need to have some form of security and something to be able to show to your parents to ease their fears. It takes time for parents to build a trust with a partner of their child and when from the outside it looks like a dirty old man preying on an immature girl you have to work that little bit harder and have just that little bit extra to show them before they'll accept him. I say all this OP because outside forces could mean the end of this proposed relationship if you're not both strong enough to deal with them and secure enough together to be able to ward this stuff off.
Try actually dating him first for a little while. You don't need permission to date, see where it goes first.
They could just say no, not a chance. What do you do then, OP? Defy them? Not give your sugar daddy a shot because of that? You're a grown woman, make your own decision to date him and see how it goes before you add your parents to the mix. They don't get to decide who you date.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (10 February 2014):
As a woman who likes dating older men, I can relate. People are prejudiced against age gap relationships but hell people are prejudiced about all sorts of stuff e.g race, religion, gay relationships. You're both adults so can do as you please. If you've only just met each other, I'd advise you just enjoy the relationship. It's early days and for all you know it may end next week. I hope it does not, but it's too soon to be panicking about what your parents will say. Establish and build a relationship with him first. Even if people disapprove of your relationship, it'll be strong and healthy by that time that you'll be able to deal with whatever comes your way. Just enjoy the fact you've found love and enjoy the early stages of your relationship. It's always the best time e.g the first dates and the excitement that come with it.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 February 2014):
Trust the formula - 1/2 the mans age plus seven. Any younger than that and problems typically arise. No idea why this formula works, but empirically it does, and at almost any age.....
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