A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I work in a health care field. I am 21 years old who met a guy who is 29 years old. He is owns a pharmacy business so I see him often at work. When i first met,him, i did not pay attention to him because I wasn't looking for anything. A few weeks later, i started noticing that he often comes to deliver medications when he has 5 drivers. One day, i was so hungry and he told me that we are going out for lunch period. He wouldnt take no for an answer. I got to know him. I found out that hes separated but not divorced. He has a 7 year old little girl who he adores so much. He doesnt wear seat belt when he drives, etc. I started liking him and after a week. He asked me to go dinner with him. He took me to a very romantic restaurant called Morton's, then he took me to a hotel elevator ride that shows the whole downtown LA, then we went to a club in LA where he got a table just for us. We drank a little and we slept together. After a few days, he took me to dinner again and took me shopping. Bought me a coach purse like it was nothing. Im not going to lie, it felt nice.at the end of the night we went to a hotel and slept together again. 3 days later, he came over my apartment and spent a few hours watching a movie and slept together again. (Now my concern is.... he already informed me after the first dinner that he doesnt just take girls to meet his daughter and family because it won't be good for her. Which i totally agree on. He also told me that his wife who he is separated from still hangs out eith his family etc. After our second date, we talked to About where we want the relationship to go. I told him that i think we should get to knkw each other better then we can see what happens later. He also said the same thing. But in addition that said right now labels are not important. It makes me feel as if he doesnt want to have a relationship with me but his actions contradicts because he asks so sweet as if are together. Im not in love with him, but i do like him. I just feel as if its not a wise decision to go through with this. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2014):
 he's paying for the hotel room and taking you to "upsacle" steakhouses (I prefer Sullivans or Capital Grille to Mortons BTW) and then he is buying you things... sounds very "Pretty Woman" to me.... in other words he is PAYING YOU FOR YOUR SEXUAL SERVICE. "he bought me a coach bag"... seriously I would NOT accept such an expensive item from a casual lover.
your concern is warranted..
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 February 2014):
 I think you should follow your gut feel that it's not a wise decision to go through with this.
A bunch of red flags for me. One is the way he pursued you and then pulled the classic "let's not label this."
Getting a hotel room so he could sleep with you is kind of a big deal, I think. It shows he's comfortable doing it and is really pulling out the stops so he can have sex. Did you spend the whole night together or did he take you home after you had sex?
Despite not wanting 'labels' he's still willing to shell out cash to have a venue for it. Was his daughter home with the babysitter? I expect his daughter was home with his wife.
Another is the fact he told you his wife still 'hangs out" with his family. Of course she should hang out with her daughter but this smacks of creating an excuse for why she still answers the home phone. I'll bet they still are in the same house, sharing a bed and that there is no divorce in the works.
He doesn't want a relationship with you, he told you that by prepping you for being kept in the shadows and away from the family.
I would enforce the "getting to know you" aspect of this, should you decide to continue seeing this older still-married man who doesn't want to label a relationship which makes you friends with benefits, by changing the venues. Don't wind up near a bed or in a car where you have sex. Ask to see his house when his family isn't home, tell him you want to cook a meal in his kitchen or you want him to cook you one as well.
How did he pay for the meals, the hotel and the bag? With cash? If so, then he's keeping those purchases off the credit card bills so she can't see what he's spending money on.
Nah, I'm not liking the sound of this guy. I would listen to the gut saying that something is not right, the inner wise woman who is trying to get you to look out for yourself!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): Some people prefer to fill in emotional gaps with relationships. I would never date a separated guy again. If you want to invest time in him then see him but guard your heart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2014): He should be careful about introducing his daughter to women before there is anything official. Make sure that he truly isn't married, and in final stages of divorce. Get some proof for your own peace of mind and protection.
Keep your feelings on reserve, until you know whether he's just dating; or has any feelings for you in return. He is very generous, that doesn't mean he's falling in love.
It's playing it a little risky when a guy is only separated; because he's still going through legalities with the divorce; and could very much be on the emotional rebound.
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