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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My mother does not approve of my girlfriend!
Q. I am 25 year old male and I have a girlfriend who is 23 and has a 2 years old boy. My mother has huge hate against her and I need you guys to help me solve the problem... I went to Japan for 3 months and I met a girl(Half Filipina, Quarte...
A. 17 January 2014: so you were WITH R and your mommy came and made you leave and you agreed?
again I think the issue is your relationship with your mother that needs to be addressed.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a problem with me tanning
Q. Recently I arranged a tanning session at the pool with a few friends. But my boyfriend doesn't like it when I tan because he says that other guys would be staring at me. While I get where he's coming from and his unhappiness. I can't help but feel ...
A. 16 January 2014: Oh well he doesn't like it.. BFD in my opinion.
it's his insecurity that causes this and there is no reasoning with irrationality which is what his request is.
you can't reason with him and you shouldn't reason with him.
say "i'm g... (read in full...)
What is your opinion of what truly caused us to break up? Is our age difference possibly related? Any tips for moving on from this?
Q. My (now ex) boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago after being together for about a year. I am 18 and he is 16 and we're in high school. I wasn't expecting it at the time but now when I think back, all the signs were there about a week before the ...
A. 16 January 2014: What caused the break up is he's a 16 yr old boy and you are an 18 yr old girl.. and breakups happen to teenagers
YOU did nothing wrong and I don't think he lied to you or used you.. he just is ready to move on... and you are not..
I'm... (read in full...)
Is she controlling him or could it be I did something wrong to end our friendship?
Q. Hi wondered if you could help me make sense of this weird situations. I have been friends with a guy for roughly 6 years, used to be very close but drifted apart after a fall out. The fallout was because after he got with his new gf he told me he ...
A. 16 January 2014: I doubt you did anything wrong
as for her "controlling him" no that's not the case either.
what this is, is a friendship that has faded with time as the parties involved grew and matured and changed.
Sometimes you can't hold on t... (read in full...)
Is anyone staying in a relationship because the economy is so bad right now?
Q. I was just wondering if there are people in relationships that are staying in them purely because the economy in the US is in the tank right now. I know my cousin is. She can't stand her husband but she said she would be suffering financially if ...
A. 16 January 2014: yeah I'm sure that folks stay for all sorts of reasons and marry for the same.
it's only in the last 150 years or so that marriage for love has become popular... until about 1920 or so folks really married as a business deal.. hence why they sta... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my girlfriend and hope things get better, or leave her for a girl who may leave me for a girl when she decides I'm just a phase?
Q. im currently in a relationship with a girl and ive been with her for five years, i loved her in the beginning and i still care for her but im finding it hard to say to myself that i still love her and for the last year ive felt less intrested in ...
A. 16 January 2014: you are not happy with your current gf.
that's not going to change.. meeting someone who caught your eye is just pointing out the inevitable.. that it is time to end what has become a toxic relationship.
Stop lying to your gf and yourself.... (read in full...)
My mother does not approve of my girlfriend!
Q. I am 25 year old male and I have a girlfriend who is 23 and has a 2 years old boy. My mother has huge hate against her and I need you guys to help me solve the problem... I went to Japan for 3 months and I met a girl(Half Filipina, Quarte...
A. 16 January 2014: While all the other aunts are correct in wondering how much actual time you spend with R, and what the situation is and worry that you may be blinded by love and being taken advantage of,
I'm a bit concerned that your MOTHER came to see you and ... (read in full...)
I'd like to meet and start dating someone but my circumstances make it difficult!
Q. I'm 28, from the North Midlands in the United Kingdom, disabled (but not physically) and bisexual, don't mention it to many people, it doesnt define me, it's not obvious to most people. (for both things, disability and bisexual). I'm mainly ...
A. 16 January 2014: OP you said:
“I'm mainly attracted to women, very rarely men but it could happen, not ruling it out, just saying it could;”
Which is fine
But then you said below that:
“I want a proper boyfriend,”
Saying you are more attracted to wome... (read in full...)
First it was just a break,now its an 'open' break, so what does my GF really want?
Q. So my girlfriend and i are taking a break from our relationship because she want to figure out what she wants to do in life and i agreed to it. I understand because im in that position too. Then later on we confirmed if it was ok to just talk to the ...
A. 16 January 2014: she wants to be free to hook up with who she pleases.
"a break" is usually the beginning of the end.
... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable with my home?
Q. I am a female sharing my house with two other females. One of them is like a mouse, she is very quiet and rarely comes out of her room. She has her boyfriend practically living with us but I don't mind because they mostly stay in her room. The other ...
A. 16 January 2014: I assume you have renters because you have no choice.
If you are anal about your home perhaps not having roommates would work better for you if you can pull it off.
Were the rules clearly outlined when you took on these renters? IF NOT, ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to adopt a child, am I selfish to object?
Q. My girlfriend of about three years and I have a great relationship. We both have younger children from past marriages so we have agreed we will not live together at least until the children are grown. Neither of us is interested in remarrying, at ...
A. 16 January 2014: Yeah I think the issue is not her choice to be a wonderful parent to another child...
unless you realize that you are going to end up without this woman if you don't make some real changes in the relationship who she chooses to parent and how ... (read in full...)
I found his ad on casual sex sites but thought he was against it!!
Q. Hi everyone, I have been with my current boyfriend for about 7 months now. About a month ago, I was using his iPad to purchase Christmas presents and I found a site bookmarked called "Forgetdinner". I was curious so I entered the site and it turn...
A. 16 January 2014: you know.
he's LYING
he's presenting himself as something he is not.
Will you EVER believe him?
Will you EVER trust him?
I'd stop sleeping with him at bare minimum if you are not ready to face the truth.
He lies just like my ex husband... (read in full...)
Caught my Girlfriend answering ad on craigslist.
Q. I know it was deceitful but I created a fake ad on craigslist to see if my girlfriend would answer and she did. I did this once before and she answered and this was the second time. I replied back and pretended to this other guy and she flirted and ...
A. 15 January 2014: YOUR insecurities are NOT what caused her to cheat.
If you stay with her she will continue to lie and cheat and you will continue to be distrustful and insecure.
WHEN you do finally leave her, it will make it harder for you to trust a woman... (read in full...)
I need tips to look my best when meeting his work colleagues!
Q. hi, im just looking for some help if any of you can provide please. my new husband works away a lot, he comes home in 2 weeks and the week after that we are going to a fancy charity evening set up by his work. not I know I don't have to dre...
A. 15 January 2014: Take yourself to the cosmetic counter at a good department store... ask them for help... often they will do a free makeover for you and teach you how to put the makeup on. It's nice then if you can to purchase some from them. Not sure what you ... (read in full...)
S going NC out of the blue considered childish?
Q. A girl I was dating, and that was very into me about two months ago seems to have lost interest in me. She never said so explicitly, but it's obvious. She no longer initiates conversation, takes a lot longer to reply to my texts and is way more dry ...
A. 15 January 2014: Even if I was VERY interested in a guy if the ONLY way I had contact with him was via text, I'd be distancing myself too...
texting is no way to have a relationship.... (read in full...)
Caught my Girlfriend answering ad on craigslist.
Q. I know it was deceitful but I created a fake ad on craigslist to see if my girlfriend would answer and she did. I did this once before and she answered and this was the second time. I replied back and pretended to this other guy and she flirted and ...
A. 15 January 2014: What would confronting her do?
are you planning on staying with her? do you want to be with a woman you don't trust?
I don't see the need to confront her. it will not change that she's a liar and a cheater.... it will only make things... (read in full...)
I've been advised to get a mortgage on my own, and I feel guilty for in essence changing my mind about putting him on the mortgage!
Q. Hi I could do with some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years but we recently broke up and got back together. The reason for this break was because he has 2 kids from a previous relationship who I love to bits,...
A. 15 January 2014: if you buy your house with your money it's YOUR house.
he is NOT your spouse and you don't owe HIM protection as he's not putting anything in.
DO NOT put him on the mortgage and/or deed until you are married...
I have owned the house ... (read in full...)
Do you say goodnight to each other or do you sometimes forget?
Q. My fiancé got upset that I didn't say goodnight to him. He wanted me to work on my project which I did late into the night. He was still up and in another area of the house when I decided I was really tired and I went to bed. He woke me up and s...
A. 15 January 2014: It does not warrant a hissy fit at all. he so over reacted.
Yes we say goodnight with a kiss and good morning with a kiss every morning... and when we get home with a kiss.
ONE house rule is NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING PERSON unless t... (read in full...)
Should I not tag people on Facebook? What is the Facebook etiquette?
Q. My fiancés daughter had their first child and we went to see her and the child. I am friends with her on facebook although we don't communicate with each other much. We took a bunch of pictures of course and the few pictures I put on facebook I ...
A. 15 January 2014: I would NEVER tag a child. In fact, I do not share pictures of my friends children or grandchildren without express permission from the parent.
As for adults (i'm in your age range btw) I have ONE friend who has requested I NOT tag her... a... (read in full...)
Things to brighten by boyfriend's day? I need lots of ideas!
Q. 1) Besides the regular "I love you", "I miss you".. what are some cute positive things I can text my boyfriend throughout the days to make him smile or possibly make his day a little brighter? 2) What are some cute, cheap but meaningful, thin...
A. 14 January 2014: I made breakfast for my husband on Sunday wearing absolutely nothing but a smile. I even danced around the kitchen a bit...
he appreciated it "breakfast and a show" so to speak.... (read in full...)
My weight gain has put him off sex!
Q. Hi, I've been seeing my bf for the last 3.5 years, but our sex life has been non existent for the last 2.5 years. I have had lots of reasons why which I always doubted but because we do love each other and get along so well that I accepted that we ...
A. 14 January 2014: I agree it's not the weight it's something else... and if it is the weight he's not worth the effort or worry because 18 pounds is nothing.
I used to be very heavy.
when I met my now husband it was after weight loss but before reconstructiv... (read in full...)
Our relationship has an expiration date!
Q. I feel like this relationship is for nothing. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half. She goes to the junior community college and I go to the state school. Her major isn't offered at my school so she is going to transfer ...
A. 14 January 2014: If you are going to fall deeper in love it's going to hurt more when she walks.
I'd go cold turkey and end it now.. it will hurt more now.. but less in the long run.... (read in full...)
The ex doesn't like my boyfriend spending time with our daughter
Q. Hello aunts and uncles. I am 21, and I share a 2 year old daughter with my ex boyfriend. When we were together he constantly cheated on, but he always managed to convince me that whoever had told me was lying. It wasn't until I found text messages ...
A. 14 January 2014: no need for the ex to meet the current BF
if you don't have a custody order filed with the court... GET ONE...
when my ex husband and i divorced we had a child custody and support order... living with someone when not married was not allo... (read in full...)
How much sacrifice is too much sacrifice?
Q. I'm becoming overwhelmed with pessimism. I'm dating a wonderful man, but I'm starting to think there are just too many obstacles for us to get married. He had a vasectomy years ago, and is willing to get a reversal, he still has his name on a mo...
A. 14 January 2014: His name on the mortgage is a big huge problem. and until that is resolved and he is totally extracted from a financial relationship with his his ex I would not make any changes. Of course paying child support is not a financial relationship with ... (read in full...)
What are the subtle signs of a controlling person?
Q. What are some small signs that a person, any person, may be a control freak? Any person, friend, potential date, work colleague, family member, friend of friend, someone you have just met, and/or maybe looking to maybe be friends with. It could ...
A. 14 January 2014: well service people that work for me are being controlled by me as they are doing my bidding.. this would be my hair dresser cutting my hair the way I want...
I can't see how a service provider could be controlling.
my husband is OCD and o... (read in full...)
Ladies -- what terms do you use?
Q. Curious question for the women: how many of you call your vagina a "pussy"? What do you think of the word "cunt"? I like the word pussy...I think it's sexy but the other word seems harsh and derogatory to me. Yet, I've heard that word used by ...
A. 14 January 2014: I say tushie... for my butt.
... (read in full...)
I thought everything was great, and now he needs space?
Q. I am So Confused..... My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years we have a 12 year age difference I am older. but we clicked since the moment we met. we are best friends, the sex is amazing and we have always said we love each other no ...
A. 14 January 2014: Sadly you met him at the wrong time. and you must let him go.
I'm 13+ years older than my husband. I'm going to be 54 in March... he is 40. had I met him at 20 when I was 32 it never would have worked for us...
Age gaps work best when ... (read in full...)
Ladies -- what terms do you use?
Q. Curious question for the women: how many of you call your vagina a "pussy"? What do you think of the word "cunt"? I like the word pussy...I think it's sexy but the other word seems harsh and derogatory to me. Yet, I've heard that word used by ...
A. 14 January 2014: it's a vagina... why do you need to call it something else?... (read in full...)
I want to satisfy all his needs but not with a threesome!
Q. Ok so i know this is a probably a typical silly question to ask but i want to know your opinions on having a threesome based in a relationship!! Small bit of background Im with my partner just over 6 months now we are both similar people and even ...
A. 14 January 2014: Swinging has ruined more marriages and relationships than it has done good for.
my last marriage was perfectly fine but it was ruined because we let others into our bed. It was a choice on both our parts but in the end it did not work for us. ... (read in full...)
Why on earth do women agree to an FWB situation?
Q. After reading so many posts here and seeing what girls and women do around me, I have a question, why on Earth women agree to FWB situation?? I understand if casual sex just happens once, in a heat of a moment, once very rarely and it's not a no...
A. 14 January 2014: IF a woman is comfortable with her sexuality and wants an FWB and is doing it to scratch an itch.... (let's say she's divorced and does not wish to have a serious relationship and is content to have a guy service her needs) I think it's fine.
... (read in full...)
I find my boyfriend's dry humping annoying. How do I deal with this without offending him or putting him off?
Q. This is a really stupid problem, but my boyfriend is always dry humping me... When I'm cooking dinner, when we're in bed, etc. It is kind of annoying, but I worry that I am thwarting his masculine sexual urges or something by telling him to stop and ...
A. 13 January 2014: dry humping a woman is NOT showing sexual interest in HER... this is not about pleasing the OP but rather for a selfish man to get his rocks off by USING HER as a masturbatory device.
My husband has a much lower drive than I do... and I tried ... (read in full...)
Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...
Q. Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...
A. 13 January 2014: Everyone here pretty much knows my stance on marijuana. Yes it helps anxiety, and stress and pain... and yes I am honest with my doctors about it and use multiple times daily. I also work full time as does my spouse. I have chronic pain and ... (read in full...)
Big fight with my boyfriend, don't know what to do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and we don't fight often so I'm very sad and confused about this. Yesterday, my friend (who is also my boyfriend's best friend, and he has a crush on me) texted me and said "Your boyfriend is so ...
A. 13 January 2014: I'm going to play devil's advocate here....
while Aunty Bim-Bim gives great advice here (and other places) and I agree with her that the "friend" is not a friend but rather may be trying to "uncleave" you from another so he can have a shot at ... (read in full...)
Missing condoms have raised my suspicions
Q. Dating a great man for about one year and he is not ready to commit. He has been divorced for 5 years and is not ready for a serious relationship ( I know I know I'm stupid for staying loyal to him ) He is 34 and I am 31 I went to his house on Sat...
A. 13 January 2014: Trust your gut.
If you feel like he lied, even if he didn't you won't trust him.
You have no need to trust him. He's not your boyfriend. he's an FWB who will tell you what you need to hear to keep you happy and in his bed.
I strongly s... (read in full...)
How to recover from an emotional second date (ending)
Q. So I went on two dates with a girl I really like this week. The first went well. The second went well...until the very end. How can I recover (avoid scaring her off)? The Second Date: We went out to see a jazz show at a local bar. The show was gre...
A. 13 January 2014: call her... do not wait 3 or 4 days... call her and ask her out..
don't overthink it. don't aplogize
just be yourself and be open and honest and flexible.
IF you are yourself and she is herself and it's working stop breaking it by ... (read in full...)
She's all I've got, but I need to break up with her anyway
Q. I hope any of you can solve my problem. I am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. I just wanted to end things with her due to many reasons. But I am just unable to get off my emotional attachment from her.(I am still in a relationship ...
A. 13 January 2014: she is manipulating you with her threats.
call her say "[her name], I know what you say and how you feel but it doesn't really matter, we are not going to be able to be a couple and work this out. I am sorry but this is goodbye. I will not tak... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle my boyfriend's abusive behavior anymore!
Q. Dear Cupid Im with my current bf for almost 4 years, its the longest relationship for both of us. My bf was previously with lots of girls nothing lasted even for 6 months. Coming to my problem, he often becomes abusive, im not even sure whats ...
A. 13 January 2014: I have not read the other replies yet and I'm few days late here but here is my spin on this.
I come from the life of being married to an angry abusive alcoholic.
IF he ever threatened to kill me for anything at all he'd be gone. and to th... (read in full...)
I want a baby but my boyfriend isn't ready
Q. My partner and I are 25 and have been together for 6 years. We moved in together about 6 months ago. We have a good relationship and have always discussed marriage and kids which we both want. I told my boyfriend a few months ago that I wanted to ...
A. 13 January 2014: Another OLD school aunty here...
when my kids were little and they asked me how you made babies my first response to them was
FIRST YOU GET MARRIED....
they were teens before it dawned on them that you could have a baby outside of wedlock ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty for not pairing my wedding rings with my fiance's.
Q. Hi. I'm in a long distance relationship for two years and now I'm going to UK for my boyfriend for holiday to spend time with him and meet his family, so he gave a ticket to go there and as a gift for my graduation day, which he promise it befo...
A. 13 January 2014: Rings do not have to match. Every time I've had matching rings the marriage died.
this time our rings don't match and trust me this marriage is not ending till one of us dies...
my ring is custom made and matches my custom engagement ring ... (read in full...)
Would you be ok with your girlfriend travelling abroad with friends?
Q. my gf and i have been in a ldr for almost two years and we are about to close the distance and move in together this year. first step before proposing ;) we asked different questions to each other to make sure we would exactly what we are getting ...
A. 13 January 2014: Here in the USA we don't OFTEN go to other countries but girls weekends and trips abound.
a few years back I did a nearly 2 week road trip with my BFF. I called in every night and checked in with my then husband (we have since divorced not... (read in full...)
How can I motivate my obese mother to look after herself?
Q. I could use your help. I'm very worried about my 65 year old mother and her weight. She has always been overweight but she has recently retired and is rapidly putting on more weight. She is probably about 8 stone overweight. I live abroad and j...
A. 10 January 2014: well she could be depressed...sadly you can't motivate her.
as a sufferer of IBS and a chronic back condition (degenerative disc disease which is arthritis and deterioration of the spine) I struggle daily some days just to get through the ... (read in full...)
We don't ever want to have sex at the same time!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 and a half years, and though I don't think we've ever been better, I feel like we could have sex more often. He likes to have sex at bedtime because he usually conks right out afterwards, but ...
A. 10 January 2014: I'm a morning girl (age 53 almost 54)
my hubby (age 40) is a night time guy.
We have compromised and sometimes we go at 4 am (i am often up then) or a weekend afternoon. or as I've always told him "sunday mornings are for blow jobs" whic... (read in full...)
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