A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found my boyfriend was talking to girls on the internet. Telling them they were sexy and complimenting them about their body's, I think he was trying to meet one of them. But he said he never would have. I found out the first time and told him to stop. He could tell that it hurt me or so I thought. He promised he wouldn't do it again and he did. I caught him doing it again and that hurt me even more. I feel like this has majorly hurt me and changed how I feel about him. I tried to let it go and I have just a bit...it's been over a year since he has been caught doing it...I'm trying to trust that he hasn't been doing it.. He hasn't been on the internet much at all. But I just don't love him the same or I won't let myself. I don't know what to do.i still love him but it's different than it was before. Can this be forgivin?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 February 2014):
 you will never trust him like you did before.
fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me.
here's the rub... you will stay with him even if he does it again... the more time you stay with a liar/cheater the more time invested the harder it is to walk away.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2014):
 He did it a second time because THIS is who he is and he DID get away with it the first time, didn't he?
Also, saying to forgive it doesn't mean you actually FORGIVE. From what you write you DO seem to hold on to the resentment and that is something you will have to let go of, IF you choose to forgive.
I agree with CMMP, you are pulling away because you know this can easily happen again and you are trying to protect your feelings.
Also, in a relationship once trust is gone, it DOES seem like other feelings falls like dominoes - first you lose trust, then you lose a little self-respect (because you are still with someone who DID this to you) you lose respect for him (because he DID this to you), then you lose faith in your partner and in the relationship (if he really loved you would he do this?) then love starts to fade.
You are so young to have to settle for a guy who can't seem to treat you right.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 February 2014):
 i have a no cheating policy so i wouldn't have forgiven it. he cheated on you. twice. to me, talking to another person in the way that you talk to your significant other is cheating. period. it doesn't matter if you acted on it or not. merely talking about it is enough. for him to be talking about how sexy other girls are and how he likes their body is CHEATING. flat out. and is extremely inappropriate an disrespectful. i don't blame you for not feeling the same anymore. it really shows their character.
he made his bed. now he gets to lay in it. this is the consequence of lying and cheating. it breaks trust and it's almost impossible to get it back.
i would feel the same as you. i'd leave him. that's just me.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 February 2014):
Whether or not it can be forgiven is up to you.
The truth is, that's the type of guy he is. It wasn't a "mistake". Can you live with that? I doubt it, which is why you've pulled away from him. You realized he's not who you thought he was and pulling away protects you from being hurt if (when) it happens again.
Do you really want to live like that?
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