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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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We don't ever want to have sex at the same time!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 and a half years, and though I don't think we've ever been better, I feel like we could have sex more often. He likes to have sex at bedtime because he usually conks right out afterwards, but ...
A. 10 January 2014: I'm a morning girl (age 53 almost 54)
my hubby (age 40) is a night time guy.
We have compromised and sometimes we go at 4 am (i am often up then) or a weekend afternoon. or as I've always told him "sunday mornings are for blow jobs" whic... (read in full...)
He said I pushed him into getting married
Q. After watching a movie with my husband about a very possessive women who was trying to force her bf into marriage and when he wouldn't she went absolutely nuts (funny movie by the way) My Husband looks over at me and says all women want is to get ...
A. 10 January 2014: YouWish that would work if he immediately backs down.
but if he hems and haws and tries to back pedal he may not get the point as clearly.
OP may not have to be gone more than as far as the car in the driveway to make the point....... (read in full...)
What can I do with my cheating ex's love notes?
Q. So this is my last post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-possible-that-my-ex-said-he.html I'm now over my ex. He's completely dead to me. I think I only hate toward him now. I was reading the love notes and cards he wrote to me which I d...
A. 10 January 2014: you sending them back will not hurt him.
you wanting to hurt him means you are not over him and are not processing the loss and pain...
HATE is NOT the opposite of love... so HATING him means you still feel PASSION towards him... what ... (read in full...)
He said I pushed him into getting married
Q. After watching a movie with my husband about a very possessive women who was trying to force her bf into marriage and when he wouldn't she went absolutely nuts (funny movie by the way) My Husband looks over at me and says all women want is to get ...
A. 10 January 2014: Yeah I'd be upset too.
And I would call him on it. I'd leave. I'd say "I don't recall it that way and until you remember it properly we have no marriage" and I'd take my suitcase and go stay with friends.
... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend for 3yrs invite me over his aunts house where he lives?
Q. My boyfriend for 3 yrs has not invited me over to his aunts house where he lives why?...
A. 10 January 2014: Have you asked him why?
maybe his aunt wanders the house nude?
maybe she's a hoarder and you can't walk in the house?
maybe he is not allowed to have guests....
... (read in full...)
I don't wish to lose my wife nor my friend!
Q. Hey everyone, I know this is going to sound bad but I really need some help. I have been married for 4 years with two lovely children, and although I love my wife and kids to bits I can't stop thinking about a friend of mine. We get on really well ...
A. 10 January 2014: you don't want to lose your wife... is your wife saying PICK ONE of us? or is this your self-knowledge that your feelings for your "friend" are more than just friendly?
IF you have more than friendly feelings towards a woman not your wife (a... (read in full...)
I hope nothing is wrong but am worried he is playing games!
Q. Hello im a 36 year old woman in a long distance relationship with a 48 year old man. He's in NY and im in GA but, he is planning on relocating to Ga to be with me. But sometimes things dont go so well between us, he accused me on two different ...
A. 10 January 2014: "he was supposed to move here last month but something came up with his family"
well then that's a big sign that it's not a good relationship. A plan to move to be with your SO should be set in stone... if he was able to NOT move that means he... (read in full...)
I want to try swinging, but I don't know if I can without him loving me!
Q. Ok, we have only been dating about 5 months but I'm really fallen for him. I could even say I am falling in love.(I'm 44 and he is 46) I ended a 25 y marriage, but have been dating for about 4 y and this is the most serious relationship I have ...
A. 9 January 2014: I guess I should weigh in.
I met my current husband while in an open marriage with my last husband. We were wild swingers... and I was fine with it.
NOW... NOPE.. NOT sharing... NO WAY NOT NOW NOT EVER
I watched 3 or 4 marriages bre... (read in full...)
I hope nothing is wrong but am worried he is playing games!
Q. Hello im a 36 year old woman in a long distance relationship with a 48 year old man. He's in NY and im in GA but, he is planning on relocating to Ga to be with me. But sometimes things dont go so well between us, he accused me on two different ...
A. 9 January 2014: are you usually the one who initiates contact or is it more balanced?
I also hae to ask how long you have been together and how often you get together.
are there other things that are issues?
why would you think that one day of no con... (read in full...)
Would she be offended if I asked her to wear a wig during sex?
Q. I'm in a relationship for almost 2 years, we're both divorced and not rushing into marriage. she lives with me weekdays being I'm very close to where she works. We have a good relationship and I don't want to rock the boat asking her to wear a wig. ...
A. 9 January 2014: A woman should wear her HAIR to please herself NOT Her partner. However, TRYING new styles is one thing... growing hair long for a partner when you wear your hair short for various reasons is a totally different story and most MEN do not get the ... (read in full...)
What's the answer? Buy a dildo? Think of images? Watch porn? How do I learn to turn myself on?
Q. I am new to this site- I will ask this question anyway. I would like to know what is the best ways to turn yourself on (masterbate) and make it so good? so you watch porn or just picture dirty things ? Does anyone suggest buying dildos? I...
A. 9 January 2014: I vote for either a hand held shower massage (my fav) or a pocket rocket... which is a small lipstick sized vibrator that takes a single AA battery....
and trust me if you order something online it will come in a discrete brown box I'm sure. ... (read in full...)
Does anal sex usually hurt so much? Should I feel guilty that I had sex?
Q. This might sound kinda crazy but I need to hear if anyone else has had an experience like this. I've been seeing this boy for a little while now and he is super cute. A few days ago he took me on a date to the carnival and we got a little drunk a...
A. 9 January 2014: Lube for the body not just the mind is critical here.
why would you think having sex should make you feel guilty?
if you like him
if he likes you
if neither of you is seeing anyone else
if both of you are open and honest about it
then b... (read in full...)
Reached a crossroads in my career and am worried I made the wrong decision
Q. Career decision: I am a young lady with a GS 14 position in the Federal Government. I'm barely in this position for a year when the deputy director approached me with an offer. The offer is to transfer to another branch to help out with this lousy ...
A. 9 January 2014: I understand federal service and the GS scale totally. I'm second Gen Fed at the second largest agency in the country. We refer to it as the family business. My son is 3rd gen and is contracting for the feds now.
I'm happily RIP (retired... (read in full...)
Girls, what is your own preference with regard to your own pubic hair? Full bush, trimmed, landing strip or completely bald?
Q. Dear Moderator, I went through the questions. Most are what about what the other sex likes but I can't find one where the women answered for themselves. I shave myself smooth because I like it that way myself (not because my man requested it). Jus...
A. 9 January 2014: I did not elaborate that my smooth and hairless is only accomplished with full waxing. And I have to say it hurts worse to do my face than my nether regions...... (read in full...)
Is it possible that after all this time the doctor still likes me and wants to see me or is it purely professional?
Q. Hi All, I apologise if this is long, I am a 35 year old woman and 1 year ago I had a few issues with a dislocated finger that needed operating on, I was referred to a surgeon and instantly I could see he was attracted (staring at me (eyes) or while ...
A. 8 January 2014: agree with the others you are seeing what you want and he's just being a professional.
... (read in full...)
How can he determine that there is "no chemistry" after just two dates? Is that possible?
Q. I met this guy two weeks ago and he came up to me and introduced himself. We talked on facebook for a day and he asked me for my number, he ended up calling me and we talked on the phone for three hours. He texted me everyday first and every night ...
A. 8 January 2014: What went wrong was you didn't put out for him. Of course guys will say things that indicate they are planning a relationship if they think it will get a woman to let down her guard (and her panties).
YOU did nothing wrong.. this is not about... (read in full...)
She's acting a bit distant and I'm afraid she's losing interest, how do I handle the distance?
Q. I met a girl in early December and we get on great. She lives in my city, but had to go back to her hometown a week ago and she'll be there for at least a month and a half. Our text messages are already getting repetitive and boring and the phone ...
A. 8 January 2014: just keep in touch a bit and pick up when she gets back...
the concern is that if you have nothing to talk about now how does that work when you are together?... (read in full...)
I am nervous introducing a man who is 17 years older to my family.
Q. I am in a relationship with a man I love very much. However, my parents have not met him yet and because of the 17 year age difference I am unsure of how to introduce him to them without them flipping out. I would like to have him be a part of my ...
A. 8 January 2014: Ah the dreaded "I love an older guy but mommy and daddy won't be happy" issue.
this usually says to me that the poster is not ready for an age gap relationship and this may be the case here if you are 18 vs 21... because there is a huge differen... (read in full...)
Why is it bad to send ex a hate letter?
Q. I wrote a 3 page letter telling my ex how much I hate him. He had records of cheating and every time I forgave him and took him back. He's a liar and never changed. I'm so pissed and don't deserve after what I've done for him. So people said don't ...
A. 8 January 2014: if you send it, it may please him to know you are hurting.
IF you give him the power to know how he hurt you he has power over you even if you never see him again, it's a mind game.
write all the letters you want but do not send them.
on... (read in full...)
Do most guys like performing oral sex on women?
Q. Hi Everyone, I'm hoping you can provide me with some insight here! I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he almost never goes down on me. In the 10 months we've been sexually active, he's gone down on me maybe 5 times. I can't figure ou...
A. 8 January 2014: some guys like to do it just like some women like to give BJs and some guys don't like to do it but will do it when asked.
then there are men like my spouse who just won't/can't do it.
my husband is very sensitive to taste and smell. I k... (read in full...)
How can he determine that there is "no chemistry" after just two dates? Is that possible?
Q. I met this guy two weeks ago and he came up to me and introduced himself. We talked on facebook for a day and he asked me for my number, he ended up calling me and we talked on the phone for three hours. He texted me everyday first and every night ...
A. 8 January 2014: you said "we sat in the car talking for two hours"
and " He offered to come to my house at 10pm sunday to see me."
he wanted to get laid and when he realized it was not going to happen without a relationship he went POOF.... NBD...
... (read in full...)
Girls, what is your own preference with regard to your own pubic hair? Full bush, trimmed, landing strip or completely bald?
Q. Dear Moderator, I went through the questions. Most are what about what the other sex likes but I can't find one where the women answered for themselves. I shave myself smooth because I like it that way myself (not because my man requested it). Jus...
A. 8 January 2014: my preference is smooth and hairless.
but I have very little hair left now at my age (yes girls it will get to be less and less as you age) and now that it's GRAY I don't want to see it.
after all carpet and drapes should match and if ... (read in full...)
What would you consider cheating?
Q. I have a question for everyone. Would do you consider as cheating? I am divorced and single and have started dating again. I am talking to a new guy mostly texting and he is very interested in me but is uneasy about me talking to other guys he consi...
A. 7 January 2014: OP I think that you will KNOW you are ready for a relationship with a guy when the desire to be flirting with others goes away.
I'm a huge natural flirt. My husband says I flirt like I breathe... thankfully he's very secure with it. But th... (read in full...)
Doesn't a guy usually try to grab a girl's boob while kissing if he likes her?
Q. this new guy ive been hanging out, is really nice to me, and comes to see me everytime i ask.. and helps me out with anything i need. He also said he likes me, but everytime were together he wont reallly iniciate the first move even tho we kissed ...
A. 7 January 2014: only rude crude men who don't care about women and see them as a piece of meat will do that.
an adult male with self-control and respect for a woman will not grab at her lady parts...
his not being rude and crude does NOT mean he's not i... (read in full...)
Would she be offended if I asked her to wear a wig during sex?
Q. I'm in a relationship for almost 2 years, we're both divorced and not rushing into marriage. she lives with me weekdays being I'm very close to where she works. We have a good relationship and I don't want to rock the boat asking her to wear a wig. ...
A. 7 January 2014: unless it's role playing I'd be uncomfortable with this as a woman. IF my husband asked me to wear a wig or anything else that would change the inherent parts of me I'd think he did not love me as I am and that he wanted a different woman and was ... (read in full...)
What would you consider cheating?
Q. I have a question for everyone. Would do you consider as cheating? I am divorced and single and have started dating again. I am talking to a new guy mostly texting and he is very interested in me but is uneasy about me talking to other guys he consi...
A. 7 January 2014: Cheating is defined by me as anything you can't won't or don't tell YOUR PARTNER... a guy you are casually dating is NOT your partner. you've told him you are not exclusive.
If he does not like it he can choose to not have any contact with you... (read in full...)
My father has become even more controlling since my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumor
Q. My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour on the day before Christmas Eve. Since then our family has all been together, trying to support my mum. My Dad is very details obsessed kind of guy. There are all these palliative care nurses, district ...
A. 4 January 2014: I was 35 when my mother died from cancer. She had a brain tumor also. I understand your feelings, and your fear and your frustration. Totally.
That being said, Eyes wide open has it perfectly. Your mother has been with your father longe... (read in full...)
What are women's preferences when it comes to male grooming habits?
Q. The recent post about the doctor seeing a man fully shaved got me thinking. What is a woman's preference? Do y'all prefer your man to be shaved bald? ...
A. 4 January 2014: NOPE... hate it. when my hubby and I got together he shaved 100% and I asked him if he could stop... he did but it took a while.
nicely trimmed is good all over
but please shave the rogue hairs on the shaft...... (read in full...)
I'm going for a physical and am a little embarrassed that doctor will see I am bald "down there"!!
Q. I'm a 41 year old male. I have a Dr. appointment coming up in a few weeks for a full physical (haven't had one of those in quite awhile). I've been doing a full pubic hair shave for the last couple of months. I'm feeling a bit embarrassed that my ...
A. 3 January 2014: Naw.. just get some glitter for the area and go fancy!
Sorry it's a reference to a line about going to the gyn..
Women have dealt with this exact issue for years... Trust me it's just like another day at the office for them...
The d... (read in full...)
Our sexual interests are completely opposite. Can I satisfy my needs elsewhere?
Q. I am happily engaged to an amazing man; we are getting married this coming October. He is my best friend, and an incredible person. I love him so much, and the thought of him being hurt is just too much for me to bear. However, when it comes to...
A. 3 January 2014: yes cheating and lying would be bad.
feeling the way you do is not bad... wanting a different sex life is not bad.
IF you stay with him and try to make it work without fixing this, you are setting yourself up for a world of pain.
If you... (read in full...)
She wont say she loves me!
Q. Hello, ive been with my girl friend for years, we have broken up before, after 7 years, cause she never said she loved me, we got back together, she said it once, now a year an half later still doesn't say it, we get along real good, I say it once ...
A. 3 January 2014: Does she SHOW you she loves you?
I learned that SAYING "I love you" means NOTHING unless it's backed up by SHOWING me you love me with your behavior.
My last husband said "I love you" all the time and yet he lied to me and cheated on me.
... (read in full...)
Was he just trying to get laid, or did he like me?
Q. I went to a huge party at a hotel in the city last night and this guy comes up to me and my friend and asks me what my name is and if i wanna dance. I say sure and he takes my hand and says "come here". So we dance and I'm a terrible dancer and I ...
A. 3 January 2014: it means he's still hoping to get laid and is NOT interested in you as a person...
"lets get a drink sometime" when followed by a 9:45 "what are you doing" booty text/call is just his way to look like he really cares.
DO NOT worry ab... (read in full...)
Can a scorned ex wait years to get you back just to use and dump you
Q. My ex have been communicating with me in getting back with me for over 6yrs. After 6yrs I began to notice the type of changes in him that I wanted back then. Now I traveled to go see him. We got tipsy first night and had sex. Well now I'm back hom...
A. 2 January 2014: I would go NO CONTACT and live an awesome life. that will get him back.
DO NOT contact him... do not give him a piece of your mind...
LIVE well and make him regret losing you by showing him how awesome you are without him hanging around y... (read in full...)
What problems could happen if we did become older parents
Q. Me and my husband both want children; we're young professionals, aged 29 and 32, and we've been married for 2 years now. We're middle-class, own a Citroen and a Lexus, and our own house, and are fairly wealthy by local standards. I'm Italian-English ...
A. 2 January 2014: the problem with women waiting that long is the eggs get older and you have more chance of birth defects due to gestational age of the mother.
this is totally prevented by having babies at a younger age.
I also have to say that there is no... (read in full...)
Was he just trying to get laid, or did he like me?
Q. I went to a huge party at a hotel in the city last night and this guy comes up to me and my friend and asks me what my name is and if i wanna dance. I say sure and he takes my hand and says "come here". So we dance and I'm a terrible dancer and I ...
A. 2 January 2014: best way to find out if he wanted to get laid (and asking a new person to show up spur of the moment is a classic sign of this)
is to NOT be available spur of the moment and to NOT sleep with him for a minimum of 6 weeks of REGULAR dating. ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me a month before he moved away
Q. He's twelve years older than me, I'm 18. When we started dating we were both concerned about other peoples reactions due to the age and so because he was moving away at the end of last month we decided to try stay secret given nothing long term ...
A. 2 January 2014: A secret relationship is never a healthy relationship.
And while a 12 year age gap is workable not if the younger partner is under 25 IMO.... It's much harder to make it work with someone who is still maturing and growing mentally. And at 18 yo... (read in full...)
I went to the movies with a male friend. Was that cheating on my boyfriend?
Q. I've been friends with this guy for 2 years and 2 weeks ago he told me he's never had a gf before and that I was the first girl that got close to him and he developed feelings for me, I reminded him I have a boyfriend that I love, he said he was ...
A. 2 January 2014: In my rules ANYTHING you can't won't or DON'T tell your partner (before it occurs) is cheating.
Part of being in a healthy relationship is total honesty.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a miser?
Q. My boyfriend met my family for the first time last week and we all went out to lunch. I was embarrassed because at the end of the meal, he didn't even offer to pick up the tab. Is that a red flag? My family did notice it and commented on it later. ...
A. 2 January 2014: It's probably his family tradition like mine.. the PARENTS always pay the bill for dinner out.. however I see your point and he should have at least OFFERED to pay....
When my husband and I went out for dinner with my father I always remin... (read in full...)
LDR and we are ready for marriage, but who moves where?
Q. I am in a Long Distance relationship that seems to have worked so great until now that we are trying to make the next move into marriage. Neither one of us wants to relocate. When we met the talks of relocation was easy. Now he is very much ...
A. 1 January 2014: Well I can tell you that we have VERY close friends that travel with their baby (she's actually going to be two this year) to England twice a year to see HIS parents.
He moved here to be with her over ten years ago. She agreed to vacations in... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 1 January 2014: You are correct OP you have three choices..
let her continue to have her unrealistic and freeloading ways
I have to admit that growing up I was taught "boys" paid" and I always went with that belief but I see now if women are working an... (read in full...)
Boyfriend will not take down sports illustrated calendar that his mom bought him!
Q. This question is really weighing me down. This Christmas, my boyfriend of about a years mother bought him a sports illustrated swimsuit calendar. Now, before you roll your eyes and dub me insecure, know that my irritation and issue with this has ...
A. 31 December 2013: It's HIS ROOM in his MOTHER'S HOME.
I think you are being unreasonable.
It's a SWIMSUIT calendar for god's sake.
It's NOT your room. It's HIS room. You have the right to refuse to stay in his room while the calendar is up but NOT to as... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 31 December 2013: pay her rent? WTF?
umm is she not an adult?
sounds to me like emotionally, mentally and financially she is high maintenance and possibly not worth it.
Other than grief and worry what are you getting out of the relationship?... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 30 December 2013: If you have said something to her and she blew you off (she did) then I agree... but instead of stopping cold turkey with no warning..
I would take her out nicely one more time and say to her
"I really like you and want to keep seeing you but I... (read in full...)
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