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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Who means more to you - the person you loved first or the person you love today?
Q. So I'm just curious here. Who do YOU guys favor more? Do you have more thoughts, special feelings, or emotions towards your "first love" or towards someone who's your "new" love??! I find myself going back and forth between these two guys and there ...
A. 3 February 2014: I've had many loves and four husbands.
My current husband is my heart and soul and we say I saved the best for last.... (read in full...)
He threatened that tomorrow either she's gone or he's gone. Any advice would help!
Q. Hello and thanks I have been married 22 yrs. I got married young. Its been abit of a roller coaster at times but somehow I stayed. My husband can be very mean when he drinks. He calls me names points his finger in my face I tell him to stop. Whe...
A. 3 February 2014: I'd pack his bag and ask "where can I reach you in an emergency"
then let him leave and change the locks.
YOU pay the bills. he's an alcoholic freeloader.... (read in full...)
What's happened to my long-distance friendship?
Q. hey I met a guy online and ever since that we have been friends for 5 years recently I went to his country to see him. through our friendship he has always told me he has feelings for me and he loves and respects me saying if you were here with me ...
A. 3 February 2014: what happened was he realized that the reality of the relationship did not match the fantasy made up online over the last 5 years.
It's not personal. Sometimes we have chemistry with folks online and not in person. Sadly it happens more... (read in full...)
Did he use me or want a relationship?
Q. I'm trying to work out whether the guy I had been seeing recently used me or if he generally wanted a relationship. Basically, I had come out of a bad relationship, and he had just been divorced. He is 14 years older, but I never saw that as an is...
A. 3 February 2014: the pull to be partnered with the parent of you children is strong as is trying to save a marriage.... he's doing what feels right to him.
As the older spouse in a 13 year age gap I understand his desire for you to meet someone closer to your age... (read in full...)
Do I still have a chance at attracting some 18-29 girl? Even if it's just to have as a friend?
Q. So, I'm 30 years old and I look at my life and feel like the only people I have in it are older people (my family and friends of my father's mostly). Dating-wise, it's gotten to the point where the only attention I ever get is from women at least ...
A. 3 February 2014: I have no issue with age gap relationships but if a 30 year old man was interested in my 18 yr old daughter I'd NOT be happy... my older son will be 30 in April and I would not want him being friends with 18 yr old girls... they should have NOTHING ... (read in full...)
Tired of husbands childish traits. How should I cope?
Q. Sometimes I really dislike, maybe to the point of hate, my husband. Most of the time he's a great guy. But he has some childish traits that can go beyond irritating. He likes to push buttons and tease to the point where I get genuinely angry,...
A. 30 January 2014: my husband is 12 emotionally and sometimes in his behavior. I knew this when I married him.
You have two choices here... ignore it and learn to accept it or leave.
you really cannot CHANGE him or what he does.
BUT what you ca... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never initiates sex!
Q. Dear agony aunts and uncles I am having a slight problem with my bf he never initiates sex. We have been together for almost a year and I can remember only about five times when he has and we have sex at least four times a month I asked him why ...
A. 28 January 2014: I'm in a very similar situation. I have a much higher drive than my much younger husband. It's very upsetting and you think you are not important to him or you don't turn him on.
I've learned for us this is not true, my hubby just BARRELED... (read in full...)
I've become pregnant and BF and his family have ADHD/ADD running in it. Will my baby also have it?
Q. I was dating a guy for nearly a year. He is a good person but he had ADHD and ADD, which was very stressful for me. It could no longer cope with it and it had to end. Let me explain, his condition is quite extreme. He had been diagnosed since he...
A. 28 January 2014: There is NOT a GENE that they know of. THERE is NO test for it in terms of DNA. There are certain tests like the TOVA (test of variable attention) test that can help determine if a person has ADHD or not. But those for for older children and ... (read in full...)
Was this saleswoman inappropriate??
Q. I was recently in a gas station on the way to work, quickly getting a drink, it was 12pm and I was in my work uniform. I dont often go to this station but it is close to where i live. The woman behind the counter (40-48) approximately I...
A. 27 January 2014: Ciar said "I wouldn't make a big scene either way. A quick sharp rebuke should be sufficient. The woman doesn't strike me as the brightest bulb in the box. You seldom go there anyway so chances are you won't have to deal with her again. "
ya ... (read in full...)
I've become pregnant and BF and his family have ADHD/ADD running in it. Will my baby also have it?
Q. I was dating a guy for nearly a year. He is a good person but he had ADHD and ADD, which was very stressful for me. It could no longer cope with it and it had to end. Let me explain, his condition is quite extreme. He had been diagnosed since he...
A. 27 January 2014: Yes ADHD is genetic. I have it. Both of my kids have it. However.. NOT everyone's ADHD is the same and a child may or may not have ADHD that a parent has.
Also their TYPE of ADHD may be different, milder, worse, co-morbid with other things..... (read in full...)
Was this saleswoman inappropriate??
Q. I was recently in a gas station on the way to work, quickly getting a drink, it was 12pm and I was in my work uniform. I dont often go to this station but it is close to where i live. The woman behind the counter (40-48) approximately I...
A. 27 January 2014: I'm with Honeypie... she was not rude.. maybe she does not have good social boundaries and was trying to be friendly.
I think that the attendant (not really a saleswoman) was just trying to fill her day....
yes she made an assumption that ... (read in full...)
Why do men cheat?
Q. Why do men cheat?? Ive had thought my partner of 4 yrs was cheating on me ... in November he moved away 50miles to work saying he qohld come bk every weekend. Well he sumtimes came bk bit also only for a day or one nite ans half the day I kept ...
A. 24 January 2014: The one thing YOU have to know is that he is not cheating because of something YOU did or did not do. HIS bad behavior is NOT a reflection on YOU.
I think so many times folks come here to make sure they did nothing wrong. Folks who are goin... (read in full...)
How can I win her over? Should I even try?
Q. Question: A girl I really like recently told me she's going to pursue a long-distance relationship with a guy she's only recently met. Can I win her over? Should I even try? She and I went on three dates. The first two went really well. On the sec...
A. 24 January 2014: not only should you NOT try to win her over, I do not think you should be friends with her.
IF you remain "friends" with her you are settling for what you can get from her (friends) vs what you want (a relationship) and that never ends well.
... (read in full...)
Is his contact with the girl from the AA meetings violating their open relationship rules?
Q. Ok- I am posting for my best friend because it is an issue she is struggling with and came to me for help/to talk. I'm not sure exactly what to tell her. She is engaged and living with her fiance. They are in an open relationship and have been to...
A. 24 January 2014: when you are in an open relationship you must define cheating a bit differently than when in a "standard" relationship.
He's cheating on her if he's not telling her stuff that is going on.
she is jealous and insecure for a very good reason.. se... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's strange behavior when we are out in public is starting to bother me
Q. I've been seeing someone that I quite like but his behaviour is also beginning to worry me. This might seem an odd thing to bring up but, whenever we are out and he starts to feel really happy with me, or happy in himself, he becomes kind of ...
A. 24 January 2014: self medicating is when a person who has a disorder such as depression or ADHD is not under professional care for their disorder and is not receiving proper treatment for it so they use other means to ATTEMPT to soothe their symptoms.
It's ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's strange behavior when we are out in public is starting to bother me
Q. I've been seeing someone that I quite like but his behaviour is also beginning to worry me. This might seem an odd thing to bring up but, whenever we are out and he starts to feel really happy with me, or happy in himself, he becomes kind of ...
A. 24 January 2014: he is a self medicaiting (with alcohol) adult with ADHD. it was called Hyperactivity back when we were all kids...
if he has a drinking problem and he is aggressive when he is drinking, as the wife of an active alcoholic who can be an angry ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is financially irresponsible
Q. My gf has serious personal finance problems. Even though she makes more than enough to pay her expenses and save, she consistently spends her entire paycheck and sometimes overspends it. She's open to discussion and is often willing to cutback ...
A. 23 January 2014: I am a spender. My husband is a saver we are married just over a year. HE knew my spending issues and my debt when we got together and it was his desire to pay off my bills and fix up what is now OUR home (was my home first)
As such, I have mad... (read in full...)
He bailed on me.. so what's up with him?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend, ex I should say, broke it off with me "unofficially" by disappearing 2 weeks ago. He told me he loved me by text, had nothing to offer, blah blah blah and then disappeared. The last thing he ever said to me was "I love you...". ...
A. 23 January 2014: he does it to bug you.. NOTE it's WORKING.
BLOCK HIM on facebook.. he can't see YOU, you can't see him even if he comments on mutual friends pages... it will seem like they are talking to themselves.
as for what he's thinking... why do y... (read in full...)
Boyfriend likes natural beauty and doesn't want me wearing makeup
Q. My new boyfriend doesn't want me to wear makeup. We are very close and have been friends a while before this. I don't wear heavy makeup. Usually eyeliner, mascara, and a neutral eyeshadow as I am kind of pale. My makeup doesn't look tacky, and it ...
A. 23 January 2014: well obviously you were wearing makeup when he met you and fell enough for you to to want to be your boyfriend.
NOW he wants you to stop doing what you were doing when you met? Um... why would he think that changing who you are once he became y... (read in full...)
He's not working but wants me to quit my job??
Q. Hi guys! Well i need some advice with this... i have a 6 years relationship with this man and we have a 2 year old baby, i got pregnant while we were in college... he hasn't finished yet but i did, and now i'm working... he's studying and taking ...
A. 23 January 2014: NO NO NO NO NO!
do not quit your job because your boyfriend is a whiny two year old... you already have one.... (read in full...)
I want him but he is committed to somebody else.
Q. I have been in love with this man for 8 years. He has a 9 yr. old son and is committed to the mother They live in the philipines. He visits them every year for 1 month. He is not married to her but says But I have a son. I want him but he won't ...
A. 23 January 2014: not a snowballs chance in hell...
he is not interested in a committed relationship with you and hides behind the "I have a child" statement because he's not even man enough to tell you the truth.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's strange behavior when we are out in public is starting to bother me
Q. I've been seeing someone that I quite like but his behaviour is also beginning to worry me. This might seem an odd thing to bring up but, whenever we are out and he starts to feel really happy with me, or happy in himself, he becomes kind of ...
A. 23 January 2014: He sounds a lot like me. I'm outgoing and I chat up everyone... just like this. I flirt with men, women, children, even dogs... It's how I am.
I asked my husband once if it bothers him that I flirt so much and he said "you flirt like you brea... (read in full...)
My wife of 31 years is no longer interested in sex!
Q. I really need to know what to do when my wife of 37 yrs. say she is not interested in sex anymore.I am 57 yrs and she is 51yrs....
A. 23 January 2014: IF NOTHING else has changed... if there is no trauma physical or emotional, if your marriage is on solid ground and you are not "demanding" sex from her hourly or every other hour.. then I too will concur that it may be menopause.
MANY wome... (read in full...)
I want to stop masturbating and enjoy sex!
Q. Hi I feel very odd and weird but I think I masturbate weirdly.. I've been doing it since I was young as I can remember and I feel odd and don't get pleasure off sleeping with my partner. I have to masturbate on ny own to get the feeling. I lay on n...
A. 23 January 2014: so very normal.
less than 30% of all women orgasm from penetration... since intercourse (what most men think of sex) is penetration then MOST women are not having orgasms from SEX.
you sound perfectly normal to me.
... (read in full...)
First time sex and I didn't bleed... should I see my gyno?
Q. Please i need an explanation i just had sex with my fiance for the first time,and he knows i am a virgin but the problem now is i didn't bleed at all just excruciating pains...please i don't know if that is normal or should i see the gynocologist ...
A. 22 January 2014: I didn't bleed the first time... does not mean it's not normal.
IF you have not seen a gyn before you should do it now anyway.... all sexually active women need to see the gyn regularly.... (read in full...)
He put food on my plate, does that mean something?
Q. I have liked one of my guy friend for three years already. Whenever we played the game truth or dare at social events he would admit in truth that he liked someone. I decided to ask him one time who he liked..and he went completely silent on me. I ...
A. 22 January 2014: you were sitting next to him and he easily could put it on your plate without you reaching and taking it.
sharing at a Chinese restaurant is common and normal between friends.. Using his own used chopsticks was a judgement error on his part not... (read in full...)
Why is he treating her better?
Q. Me and my ex split up last year and stopped talking then I decided to get back in touch with him. WWe were speaking and seein eachother now and again. Nothing had changed it was just like how things used to be when we were a couple. I then kept ...
A. 21 January 2014: His behavior towards YOU is not about YOU and it's not what you did or did not do.
It's not personal. It's a very hard thing to accept but how he behaves and treats you is a reflection of him not you.
go full no contact.. no calls, ... (read in full...)
My mother does not approve of my girlfriend!
Q. I am 25 year old male and I have a girlfriend who is 23 and has a 2 years old boy. My mother has huge hate against her and I need you guys to help me solve the problem... I went to Japan for 3 months and I met a girl(Half Filipina, Quarte...
A. 17 January 2014: so you were WITH R and your mommy came and made you leave and you agreed?
again I think the issue is your relationship with your mother that needs to be addressed.... (read in full...)
He never wanted us to travel there, but now he's going to a conference??
Q. Hello everyone, my boyfriend´s told me he applied for one work conference that´s held in New York and I really got mad at him. Why? Because my all-time dream is going to NYC and everytime I asked him if we´d go there, all he ever said was "hell no, ...
A. 17 January 2014: It's for WORK for goodness sake... even if it's a volunteer situation... it's for work not pleasure.
now if he plans to extend the trip and stay for pleasure then yes you are right to be pissed off.. but if it's
fly in work work work, fly h... (read in full...)
Married but fell for someone else
Q. I am 28 and married. I have never cheated on my husbands and never looked at another man until now. My husband has always been flirty with other women and chats them up right in front of me sometimes which is hurtful and embarrassing. I always take ...
A. 17 January 2014: you say your husband is flirty and that it is hurtful and embarrassing... DEFINE flirting. it should not be hurtful or embarrassing to you. IF it is he's doing it wrong.
as for your problem with your crush... nip this in the bud right now... F... (read in full...)
He's not physically violent but he is abusive, is there anything I can do or should I walk away?
Q. I have just joined this site, though I asked a question anonymously earlier before joining. After reading the reply I got I was wondering if anyone has any advice on abusive relationships? Its not a physically violent relationship but my husband has ...
A. 17 January 2014: I stay with my guy who is a total wreck..
I understand why women stay with men they love. It's not about self-esteem (lack of) or fear of being alone... I hate when folks think that's why we stay.
If he flirts and rubs your nose in it, kno... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend doesn't say he loves or misses me anymore!
Q. Why is he so irritated with me? I'm so upset:( My boyfriend has been acting weird lately. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now. (We haven't had sex yet). He's 28 and I'm 24.. Is a long distance relationship. He's so...
A. 17 January 2014: you have been dating for 8 months LDR
how did you meet?
how much time IRL do you spend or have you spent?
how long distance are you and how often do you see each other?
all of these questions need answering before i can discuss the LDR... (read in full...)
How do I stop these desires?
Q. After weeks of self help books reminding me I'm a strong independent woman and I'm beautiful and I don't need a man (which is all entirely true!!) I would normally take these 6 months in my early twenties to love being single with no attention ...
A. 17 January 2014: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
and the OP a cranky lady.
yes having goals and a drive to get there are good... but you have to plan for some down time and fun.. you can't work all the time.
why do you need your sisters ... (read in full...)
I can't deal with the poop streaks he leaves on the bed!
Q. This is a gross question but I really need advice. Sorry to be graphic. Basically Ive been seeing this guy for 3 months and on 3 occasions when he has stayed over at mine he has left poop streaks in my bed. He did it lastnight and I felt sick. He is ...
A. 17 January 2014: Well I can tell you that if he's very obese he may not be able to reach.... they make special extenders for you to use to wipe if you can't reach well...
but that's pretty gross... part of the issue is your lack of supplies... I get to FOUR ... (read in full...)
Should my sister be fasting now that she is pregnant?
Q. Hi My sister is pregnant- she is only about 7 weeks and is eating so much. She says she is hungry all the time. Is this a sign of anything? Sign of more than one baby?? Also, she does fasting days when she does not eat anything for 2 out of 5...
A. 17 January 2014: margin is fine HERE on this computer btw...
I concur with all the other wise aunts.
being hungry is not a sign of twins or anything wrong.. she's hungry..
fasting by choice.. well it seems counter intuitive to me while pregnant. ... (read in full...)
He wants to be friends, but don't friends wish each other happy birthday?
Q. I told a sweet, decent guy I had liked him for a long while (over facebook, only cause I hardly get to see him) about a month ago. I'm a little embarrassed about it... I had told him every single quality I found admirable about him and while ...
A. 16 January 2014: KNOWING you feel more, he WISELY decided NOT to feed those feelings and get your hopes up.
He did the right thing. consider him a blip on your radar and move on.... (read in full...)
I am not sure how to act around an accomplished flirt!
Q. So apparently, I found out that this guy who's been flirting with me (who I was actually interested in) has also been flirting with a lot of other girls. In my point of view, I think he's playing mind games with me, like he just wants me to like ...
A. 16 January 2014: you just be yourself....
some folks like to flirt to pass the time, it does not mean they want to date you or sleep with you... it's just a time passer and personally I see it as harmless.
the issue is that folks often take it the wrong ... (read in full...)
Potential boyfriend is demanding to know my past, and then comments negatively!
Q. I've been talking to a guy that I met through a dating website for almost 3 months now. We live across the country so we haven't met yet but we text all day and skype pretty regularly. For the most part, things are pretty good with him and I feel ...
A. 16 January 2014: VERY bad BIG HUGE RED FLAGS....
sorry his reaction is not sane or rational or fair.
see if you can cancel the ticket or move it off or change it to go visit a GF...
I think since you have not even met him, it's better to just let it go....... (read in full...)
Even though he insults me I still go back to him
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years act like a jerk these days, always humiliates me, belittles me, never hears me out, taking me for granted, i was not able to share my joys, sorrows nothing with him, whenever i try to share something he insults me with ...
A. 16 January 2014: you take it because maybe you are afraid to be alone
or maybe you think this is what you deserve
also you may be getting SOMETHING out of the relationship.
make a list... in fact make two
take a sheet of paper draw a line down the mi... (read in full...)
I want to win my ex fiance back
Q. This is long...been in a relationship with this guy for the past 4 years but we broke up 8 months ago. We also were engaged. We have had alot of ups and downs and hurdles. Now as soon as we were about to work on trying back again I had a ...
A. 16 January 2014: things were not great if you had a "emenstrual disorder episode" where you 'snapped at him' and he IGNORED you for TWO WEEKS.
when I get crabby and yell at hubby (or he gets stupid and yells at me) the incident lasts a few minutes...
WEEK... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a problem with me tanning
Q. Recently I arranged a tanning session at the pool with a few friends. But my boyfriend doesn't like it when I tan because he says that other guys would be staring at me. While I get where he's coming from and his unhappiness. I can't help but feel ...
A. 16 January 2014: Oh well he doesn't like it.. BFD in my opinion.
it's his insecurity that causes this and there is no reasoning with irrationality which is what his request is.
you can't reason with him and you shouldn't reason with him.
say "i'm g... (read in full...)
My mother does not approve of my girlfriend!
Q. I am 25 year old male and I have a girlfriend who is 23 and has a 2 years old boy. My mother has huge hate against her and I need you guys to help me solve the problem... I went to Japan for 3 months and I met a girl(Half Filipina, Quarte...
A. 16 January 2014: While all the other aunts are correct in wondering how much actual time you spend with R, and what the situation is and worry that you may be blinded by love and being taken advantage of,
I'm a bit concerned that your MOTHER came to see you and ... (read in full...)
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