A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is this younger man interested in me?I am an unhappily married woman who is re-considering her options. One of the main reasons I am still married is for my 2 young children. My husband suffers from a mood disorder, depression and anxiety. In a nutshell, everything I do is wrong or bears a lot of criticism. It is not a way to live, but I do not have the courage to do anything about it...yet.I recently met a man who I only realized a little later is somewhat younger than me (probably by 6 to 8 years). Until now, we have only chatted at his place of work, and we conduct ourselves in very platonic ways. The thing is, I have noticed that he is interested in me, despite me telling him I am married. The last time I saw him, he asked about my husband but referred to him by his first name, not my husband). the thing is he has never met my husband, so I thought it was strange to ask about someone you've never met and using his name?. Then he asked if 'he' (my husband) lives with me or works in another city. That was the 2nd strange question. I then wondered, is he trying to figure out if I am happy or separated? Perhaps he also saw that I have stopped wearing my wedding band as much as I am upset with my husband. I then let on that I have 2 children, and he didn't seem surprised either. Instead he asked me about my children's names and their ages. He was almost beaming when he asked about them and seemed genuinely interested in learning about them. I always thought that men who are interested in a woman who ends up having kids makes men generally run the other way. In his case he didn't. If anything, his female co-workers were almost trying to set us up and smiling at both of us. The thing is they also know I am married. Has he told them something about me, and is he looking for something more than platonic? I would never pursue anything until I am out of a marriage, but I feel stuck right now, and I am not sure that this younger man would actually be interested in an older woman who is in a different stage in her life. I do not look my age (I am petite, in good shape and look about 30 years old) when I am actually 34, and he looks a little older than his age (I would give him 27 when he is probably around 25 or 26). Of course our ages and appearance are probably irrelevant, but my question is if I do end up leaving my marriage, would it be appropriate to consider this man, and moreover, have I misread any signals? He asked me to drop by and say hi more often at his work place. I am not even sure how I feel about him, except to know he is attractive, but I am not emotionally ready to be attracted to anyone right now. I DO however want to identify what he feels toward me so that I know how to conduct myself when I do run into him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2014):
 6-8 years is not a different life stage.
My husband is 13+ yrs younger than I am and at 41 can't imagine retirement while I at 54 can see it looming just out of reach.
Since you are still in your marriage, he is nothing more than a friend now. And until you are legally divorced (which will take well over a year I am sure) then that's where it stands and HOW he FEELS has no bearing on anything.
WHY do we as women always think that we have to base our feelings and behavior on HOW ANOTHER PERSON feels?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): For all you know this younger bloke is looking for a 'Cougar' so to speak ... and he is only interested in the thrill of ' having somebody else's wife'
don't get me wrong he may want an actual relationship with you but lets go on what averagely happens.
But first thing is first you would have end it with your husband before covering what other options are available.
I know you said you would after the marriage ended but if your current husband works out you got with another chap straight after ( also younger ) it could really push him down hill .
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 October 2014):
 The thing that kept you in the marriage besides kids is that when you met him he was probably happier and you have hope that he could return to a better stage. I don't think anyone would marry and have two kids with a man who is chronically depressed. I don't excuse mentally ill people for being mean. Although you try to be understanding nothing works because they just want to be angry and sad. When you try to understand they say you would never understand. If you try to solve their problems, not be so negative, you are not being supportive. if you say okay allow yourself to feel sad they say you can't tell me what to feel. Only you know if you've had reached your breaking point. If you are just reconsidering it means you need more time to decide.
He asks if your husband lives with you to calculate the risk factor if things were to happen between you such as being whooped in the ass by your husband. Also a strange thought that came up in my mind is that he's fantasizing about a threesome between you and your husband. Maybe I am just crazy and pervert.
You know, as a divorced woman myself, I notice that when women are close to divorce, they give off a vibe and a special scent that let people know. People do pick up on that. Ironically, when you should be feeling depressed at the end stage of your marriage, you appear attractive to single men. Nature gives you this to ensure that your reproductive system is still useful.
Right now you can just make guesses but he is just a distraction in your life. You are making a bigger importance on this man than necessary. If you want to know if you can still score as a woman with two kids, of course you can, yes even with two kids. The thing to focus on is whether to see if your husband is willing to get help, or is he giving up on life. So you can know for sure if you want a divorce right now. You can get laid very easily especially if you look young but if you want love you better make sure the guy can give you that security. With a younger childless man it's hard to feel that.
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