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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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The relationship is dead --- why doesn't he let me go?
Q. My relationship has been dead for the past year been with him for 2 years now ,problems began early on in our relationship due to his insecurities and I had some family problems so that pushed me away because he started drinking on a few occasions ...
A. 19 December 2014: because while you are around you are easy to be with and he is willing to waste time with you.... (read in full...)
I have had enough of his flirting!
Q. Please help-I have been with my boyfriend for a while now and we are soooo in love but...... He is a big flirt. I have been upset with him in the past for his flirting and gawping at women and he has always seemed genuinely sorry and always says he ...
A. 18 December 2014: sorry I clicked on send before i was done.
my next point was that IF I am flirting with a stranger who does not know my spouse (and my spouse is not around) the red hot second I sense in any way that the object of my flirtation thinks they hav... (read in full...)
The relationship is dead --- why doesn't he let me go?
Q. My relationship has been dead for the past year been with him for 2 years now ,problems began early on in our relationship due to his insecurities and I had some family problems so that pushed me away because he started drinking on a few occasions ...
A. 18 December 2014: how is he hanging on?
what do you expect him to do pack for you, move for you?
you told him you want to move, you want to move Make it so.
... (read in full...)
I have had enough of his flirting!
Q. Please help-I have been with my boyfriend for a while now and we are soooo in love but...... He is a big flirt. I have been upset with him in the past for his flirting and gawping at women and he has always seemed genuinely sorry and always says he ...
A. 18 December 2014: My husband is the most self-entitled cocky SOB that lives. His self-esteem is just fine and my flirting amuses him more than anything.
I am not sure why you would think the integrity of my marriage is questionable. Our marriage is quite secure. ... (read in full...)
He says it to make me feel better but it actually makes me feel worse.
Q. My bf makes such a big deal out if how much he likes mature women in porn ( I'm mid forties) yet I simply don't understand why? I often see the porn he uses and the women all look early to mid twenties just like most typical porn and I never sa...
A. 18 December 2014: dammed if he does dammed if he doesn't isn't he.
I think that he wants you to know that he finds YOU attractive.
For me, a man who looks at porn of a different type than his partner is just feeding his eye candy need.
my husband love... (read in full...)
I'm dating someone with kids so that means I'll be alone for all the holidays and events happening in his family
Q. I've always gotten good advice here before so I'm back again. I'm just wondering why it is so hard to be ina relationship with somebody who has baggage? Has anybody been in this situation before? Maybe dated somebody that has kids? It's very hard ...
A. 18 December 2014: He should be able to see his kids on his own in his own home and once he knows you two are serious you should be integrated into the full family life.
How long have you been dating? After 6 months or so it's time to start meeting the kids if ... (read in full...)
Now that I have him, how do I keep him?
Q. I finally got my crush wrapped around my finger we make out, laugh,have fun and just have great sexual and emotional chemistry but my only concern is how can i keep him interested i finally got him now the problem is how do i keep him entertained so ...
A. 18 December 2014: I cannot improve on what maverick494 said. 5 stars!
I love good boring nights at home with my hubby just vegging on the couch.
... (read in full...)
How do I handle his new interest in me?
Q. A guy who stood me up twice before because of work and 'leading a very busy life' has now suddenly showed up again. After 2/3 months or so. I had called the entire thing off after he had seemed reluctant and slow in his replies and apologies. The ...
A. 18 December 2014: when my husband and I were dating we lived 100 miles apart it was a 90 minute drive and I did it every week for nearly a year...
next time he brings up lunch with you say "when?"
pin down a date.. if he keeps saying "sometime next month... (read in full...)
How do I handle his new interest in me?
Q. A guy who stood me up twice before because of work and 'leading a very busy life' has now suddenly showed up again. After 2/3 months or so. I had called the entire thing off after he had seemed reluctant and slow in his replies and apologies. The ...
A. 18 December 2014: It's possible he was busy. and now he's not and he really is trying.
I'd meet him for a casual say afternoon coffee date or something in public so you can see how it goes face to face.
tread lightly. let him do most of the work.... (read in full...)
Am I being too judgemental, can people change and grow?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for 6 weeks. He is very loving, contacts me everyday and says he thinks I'm the one. We had a talk about his past and it turned out his previous relationship 18 months ago was with an engaged woman. She was a co worker ...
A. 18 December 2014: It does not mean he would cheat on you. It does mean that he may have a different set of ethics or morals.
Your bigger concern is that after 6 weeks "he thinks I'm "the one'"
sorry.. that's moving a bit fast even for me....
and he w... (read in full...)
Does this mean that he stills care about me? Is he angry still?
Q. About a month ago I found out that my ex got engaged. I was devastated, cry the whole night, and was depressed. I wanted to contacted him but I decided not to let my emotions drive me to insanity. He cheated on me so I broke up our engagement and ...
A. 18 December 2014: He may not even realize that his setting is public.
YOU will always wonder if you gave him another chance if it would have worked. It's a moot point. You didn't give him a chance and that ship has sailed.
I think you are looking for some... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 18 December 2014: when you said "we might get engaged" did you add "if you can grow up and become a responsible adult"?
if not you are just lying to him and deluding yourself.
Unless you are going to stay with him the way he is, you need to let him know what... (read in full...)
I have had enough of his flirting!
Q. Please help-I have been with my boyfriend for a while now and we are soooo in love but...... He is a big flirt. I have been upset with him in the past for his flirting and gawping at women and he has always seemed genuinely sorry and always says he ...
A. 18 December 2014: OH he sounds like me. It sounds like he's a "natural flirt" and he can't help it.
that's me. I am an outrageous flirt with everyone.
I asked my husband when we were dating if it bothered him and if he wanted me to stop and he said
... (read in full...)
His actions speak louder than words, what do you think?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend around ten months. We only see each other twice a week due to work commitments on both parts so the time I get to spend with him is precious. He has told me I'm the first woman he's ever truly loved...
A. 17 December 2014: Oh dear.
I smoke pot daily. I work full time, I run a home I have a full life for an old lady. I use it for pain management.
IF you do not like that he smokes, then you should not continue with him. DO NOT make a person change for you..... (read in full...)
What should I do from here? How do I choose between the two?
Q. Ok, im a sophomore in high school and I have hard core crushes on 2 guys. sense we are not supposed to use real names, I will use their first letters. My story is long, if you read it all bless your soul. Both guys and I are in band and during ...
A. 17 December 2014: You don't have to choose. That's the fun thing about being young.. be friends with everyone.
I mean it's not marriage right?
and you aren't talking about being sexual right?
what is it that you have to choose?
if you can't deci... (read in full...)
FWB advice needed. Is she wanting more but isn't being clear, or am I being used and should I should end it now?
Q. Hi everyone, So I've got a question regarding my "fwb". I can't tell what she wants and wondering if I should end it before I develop deeper feelings for her. First background so you can get an idea of where I'm coming from: We call it a...
A. 17 December 2014: I fear you are being used.
IF you want to force it I would STOP going to her house.
I would stop snuggling on the couch and being there for her.
She is also cheating on her partner and I'm betting she does not view same sex relationships ... (read in full...)
She's really slow to reply when we communicate online. How can I determine if she's really interested in me?
Q. I have just started talking to a girl on an online App, and we are getting along really well. I gave her my number she texted me and we've been talking, however she takes ages to reply even though she posts on twitter etc at the same time, but when...
A. 17 December 2014: you have her phone number have you ever considered CALLING HER?... (read in full...)
She complains about masterbating and about porn. But she never wants to initiate sex. What's a guy supposed to do?
Q. Hi , what can I do about my girlfriend of 7 months ? She insists i'm not to watch porn when I masterbate but declines my advances to initiate sex? Just the other day I tried it on with her and she had a go at me stating all I'm ever interest...
A. 17 December 2014: You end the relationship now.
Why? because as time progresses it will only get worse.
It's that you two clearly have incompatible sex drives.
You obviously have a higher drive than she does.
Sadly for her she can't mandate wha... (read in full...)
Met someone new. Is feeling like maybe I might be the crazy one for thinking and feeling the way I am normal?
Q. I was here in october questioning about my relationship with my boyfriend, basically if i still loved him. and I do not, in all honesty probaly hadnt in a while, had just gotten comfortable and put of the inevitable. I was back in November after th...
A. 17 December 2014: If you emotionally had checked out of your past relationship a while before you actually ended it you may very well be ready to move on and consider dating again... just go slow.
why relegate him to friends if you and he want more?... (read in full...)
I'm so confused. Does she just see me as a friend or is it possible she sees me as more than a friend?
Q. She first suggested doing something together we have since met a few times. During the 1st occasion she was fairly scathing about a girl I occasionally speak to. On the second occasion she informed me she had broken up with her boyfriend but I was ...
A. 17 December 2014: Ask her out on a date.
Hair playing can be a very subconscious flirting thing...
if she says yes then you have your answer.... (read in full...)
I like her except for the lack of punctuality
Q. I've been dating a girl for about 2 weeks now. It's going great but very early days. The one problem I have is she's always late! I know to most people this won't be an issue but it really annoys me. Turning up an hour late and then with no apology. ...
A. 17 December 2014: Again... if she is late to EVERYTHING it may be organic such as ADHD or some other issue that does cause her to not plan properly and be late.
IT may not be that she is being disrespectful or rude or inconsiderate especially since the amount o... (read in full...)
Does my husband even love me?
Q. How can you tell if your husband still loves you? We've been together for 11 years, met young, have two kids. I feel like whenever we have arguments my husband gets very defensive...it's like I can't bring anything up anymore without worrying how it ...
A. 17 December 2014: Have you ever read the book "the five languages of love"
if not, google it, find the website, take the test (and make your hubby take it) to figure out HOW he expresses his love.
This book was a huge revelation for me. I define love by wor... (read in full...)
Love, or my dreams?
Q. So i am in serious help and i need some opinions on what to do. Ive been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now! It started off perfect and i was happier than ever! I live in Texas and he is living in Oklahoma. We are actually 15 years ...
A. 16 December 2014: I got to the part where it said you were taking training to be an ultrasound tech that HE wants you to do and you don't want to do and I stopped reading.
DO WHAT YOU WANT. DO NOT be controlled by a man who is trying to mold you to be what he w... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a gamer and I don't know how to deal with his hours, suggestions would be helpful!
Q. I have a bit of a problem.. My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost two years now. I'm 25 and he's 24. Our relationship started out as long-distance for eight months until he moved away from his small home town, family, friends, and a j...
A. 16 December 2014: so is it the gaming that bugs you or the fact that you are a morning person and he's a night owl?
we have the same issue my spouse and I. He's a gamer both of board games and an MMO. I do not play MMO games and I leave him to his games and to... (read in full...)
I know its my hormones but sometimes I crave sex!
Q. I'm 15, this is a weird question, I know. I sometimes crave sex a lot. Every time when I see my crush want to grab him and kiss him, when I think about having sex with him the feeling sometimes goes away but I still want to kiss him. I never ha...
A. 16 December 2014: If you have never had sex how do you know you crave it?
what exactly are you craving?... (read in full...)
I can't decide if it's worth trying to make this relationship work
Q. My boyfriend of two months is starting to swear at me. He even went to an extent of calling me a bitch. It happened after he claims that i don't have time for him; because frequently he told me that love is time and i dont seem to do as he says. ...
A. 16 December 2014: Things that stand out for me in your post are:
“starting to swear at me” THIS IS ABUSE
“calling me a bitch” THIS IS ABUSE
“I don’t seem to do as he says” THIS IS CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
“he gets mad at me”
“my boyfriend allowed me” TH... (read in full...)
Thoughts about how to give her my number?
Q. So there's this unbelievably cute girl that works at a drive thru near me. Shes 19 and im 24. She and I always chat it up when I go there and she's really friendly and funny. The other night after talking with her for a few minutes I popped the ...
A. 16 December 2014: are you sure she's not dating someone else?... (read in full...)
Will anyone who follows her first love be second best?
Q. A girl I know told me that the love of her life ,her first BF(broke up years ago after a few years of relationship), will always be the one she carers about. I have a question: is this fair to the guy she marries? I mean her future husband (she ...
A. 16 December 2014: NOT for me.
I am a serial marry-er. I'm on my 4th husband.
When I married hubby 1 he was the love of my life.
same with 2 and 3
same with 4... yes I have great feelings and memories of the past but my number one love (after my childr... (read in full...)
Whose decision is it anyway?
Q. My fiancé has 3 children, 21, 23 and 26. They still live at home. Her children want the ex husband to come for Christmas Day lunch at her house. He will not come if I am there. They have been divorced 10 years. She is now telling me she won't ...
A. 16 December 2014: So because HE won't come if YOU are there and his GROWN (well how grown is a 26 yr old that still lives at home) children are making demands she gives in?
I sense some serious red flags here.
How long have you been dating?
how often do y... (read in full...)
Whose decision is it anyway?
Q. My fiancé has 3 children, 21, 23 and 26. They still live at home. Her children want the ex husband to come for Christmas Day lunch at her house. He will not come if I am there. They have been divorced 10 years. She is now telling me she won't ...
A. 16 December 2014: So because HE won't come if YOU are there and his GROWN (well how grown is a 26 yr old that still lives at home) children are making demands she gives in?
I sense some serious red flags here.
How long have you been dating?
how often do y... (read in full...)
He seems into me when he's had a drink, but he was sober when he asked me to the cinema... what's going on?
Q. Ok I'm really confused... I met this really nice guy online, it started off really slow then we went on a date and we kissed and stayed up late talking, he then stayed at mine, nothing happened just kissing - it was great! We went on another date ...
A. 16 December 2014: he didn't stay because he slots you in the "maybe she's girlfriend material and I don't want to move too quickly" category.
It's good he asked you to the cinema on Saturday. He's interested in more than just slap and tickle.... (read in full...)
How to get over him?
Q. Ive been hanging out with a guy who has a gf. Nothing happens between us except for a couple dry humps and kisses.. Recently, he told me that he was trying to replace his gf with me and that I was a not so far replica of her. He then stated that his ...
A. 16 December 2014: You get over him by going NO contact with him.
block his phone number
block his facebook account and any other social media you could see him on.
DO NOT have any contact with him outside of your own brain.
You won't forget this fast bu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't bothered by keeping me waiting.
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend does not see anything wrong with keeping me waiting. I will say "I can be to your house at 7, does that sound good"?He will say yes and a lot of the time when I get there he is just getting in the shower. He ...
A. 16 December 2014: since he is early to work but ON TIME for medical appointments and only makes you wait for things that are not heavily reliant on timing (would he be late if you had to be at the opening of something on time? I doubt it)
I will go with the Pas... (read in full...)
On the last day of class I developed a crush. !
Q. i developed a crush on one of the guys in my PE class on the last day of class, which is awful timing, since I probably won't see him again. I friended him, though we have no mutual friends, and he surprisingly accepted. We were taking waterpolo, ...
A. 16 December 2014: you are friends on social media... you've met him right?
he knows you it's not some random stranger asking.
ASK once to let him know you are interested then do nothing.
IF he is interested back he will get in touch.... (read in full...)
Unhappily married and strongly attracted to another woman
Q. Hi last week I went out for a Christmas meal and drinks with colleagues and it ended up with just me and a girl. We both work remotely from the office and see each other on the odd occasion but live near each other. Anyway we ended up have a couple...
A. 15 December 2014: I think you should forget making her an affair partner. you wont' forget her.. the memory of the necking will live with you a long time....
as she has gotten in touch with you and made it clear that she was not thinking clearly due to the wine... (read in full...)
A man stuck in an unhappy relationship
Q. Hi im a 34 year old man. I have a girlfriend and we have been together for more than three years. She moved in with me right after we slept together. Everything was going smoothly but now a days my girlfriend has become very possessive. She does...
A. 15 December 2014: well the first thing you need to do is contact a lawyer and find out what you need to do to evict her from your home.
IF her name is not legally tied to the home (mortgage or lease) then it will be easier to get her evicted. but do it legally.... (read in full...)
Would it be ok for me to have a casual arrangement with an abusive ex?
Q. Dear Cupid I have recently came out of an emotionally, verbally very very abusive relationship. He was the love of my life who started turning abusive for past 1 year and I became a typical doormat for him, lost all my self esteem, hated myself f...
A. 15 December 2014: you are asking total strangers if it's a good idea.
YOU know the answer is no.
are you hoping someone will give you permission?
IF you miss sex and want sex, then find a new FWB... but do not go back to an ex because you are horny. BAD ... (read in full...)
My husband had the following conversation with the woman he slept with behind my back. Please tell me what you think of it
Q. I'm writing this post because i found something which has concerned me a bit. I have been married for a little over a year and things have been going fine, at least, i thought so. Before we got married my husband slept with another woman be...
A. 15 December 2014: so coffee is what they call sex now?
OH honey I am so sorry you found out that he never gave her up this way,....
I'm open. I'm accepting of my hubby having other female friends etc. I even let him stay out all night with them (he's ga... (read in full...)
I really like him, but does he really like me?
Q. so i really like this but i don't know if he feels the same about me. i read online that if a guy like you he will try and touch you a lot and he never does that to me. he hasn't asked me for my number either sometimes i think he does li...
A. 15 December 2014: he probably likes you.
it's work if he's professional then his behavior will be such
if you want to see how it goes ask him to go for coffee when a shift is over. see how that goes.... (read in full...)
21, pregnant and my boyfriend wants nothing to do with it
Q. I have just found out I'm pregnant to my boyfriend of 7 months, and I'm heartbroken that he has told me if I want this baby I will have to do it alone as he doesn't want children. I have been naive in terms of contraception, having been told...
A. 15 December 2014: Well if he does not want to be a parent that's fine. He still is the biological father to this child and as such will be required by law to support his child to the best of his ability.
I understand why you did what you did. PCOS (many of my ... (read in full...)
He is so bossy,and full of commands, Feeling confused nd considering breaking up. What should I do?
Q. Been going out with this guy for 6weeks, and I love him so much. We have little issues but the one that makes me mad is when he says I don't behave like a woman even when I know I do everything just to please him. He says we are working towards ...
A. 15 December 2014: don't be confused.
you know what to do... just break up with him.
He will probably make a scene and do everything to try to keep you
after 6 weeks it's not love.
... (read in full...)
On the last day of class I developed a crush. !
Q. i developed a crush on one of the guys in my PE class on the last day of class, which is awful timing, since I probably won't see him again. I friended him, though we have no mutual friends, and he surprisingly accepted. We were taking waterpolo, ...
A. 15 December 2014: Once the class falls through you can (after the holidays) message him and say "hey are you interested in getting a cup of coffee and catching up on things?"
see what happens with that.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 5 December 2014: He is NOT going to change. this is who he is.
he is lazy, he is unmotivated, he is immature.
getting engaged will not change this.
I would not get engaged to him. I would go have your holiday with your family alone and use the ti... (read in full...)
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