A
female
age
30-35,
*egasgirl08
writes:I just started dating a coworker, he is 8 years older then me. He was in a relationship with someone he lived with for over a year. He wasn't happy and we started talking and flirting and it lead to more. We got really close. Well one night out we made out and then after a big fight with his girlfriend he moved out to his mother's. Now a week later we are a couple. He still has contact with his ex but assures me he will not go back. How likely will our relationship last? He is the second coworker I have dated at my current job but he and I just have more fun together. Advice please!!!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2014):
 OP, Just because he SAYS things were bad does not mean that they were bad or that SHE thought they were bad.
He lied to her
He cheated on her
I know you are going to say "but I'm not her and he WANTS to be with me but he didn't want to be with her so he left"
you don't know why he left... maybe she threw him out...
unless you have had a heart to heart WITH HER, all you know is HIS SIDE OF IT..;
do you trust him?
what will you do if you change jobs and he starts "working late"? will you believe him?
will you last? yep till he gets bored with you and tells some other young woman that "my gf does not understand me" or whatever tale he will spin.
I have to say that when I am at work it's my BREAK from my spouse and when I go home and he's there I'm happy to see him... on days we both work from home (at different jobs) there is no JOY at ending work to see the spouse he's already THERE.... i think that dating someone you work with is fraught with problems.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (25 October 2014):
 The man has lied (he must have been lying to her when he was with you), cheated..and now you wonder if he will be faithful? I sincerely doubt if fidelity would be high on his list of obligations towards a partner. There's an old expression "If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you." Remember that..it rings true most of the time.
Keep in mind that men that want to cheat will say ANYTHING and I do mean just about ANYTHING to get with their target. How can you truly believe anything he says? Because he tells you its the truth?? I'd be very very wary of this man being honest to you. He tells you that he's still in contact with the ex. His idea of contact and your idea of contact might be much different...think about it. He's got 2 woman that want him..how much better can it get?? What makes you think he isn't still sleeping with her? He sure won't tell you if he is.
I've been cheated on and it really hurts no matter what the reasons the cheater has..its wrong and someone gets hurt. And you are putting yourself in a very precarious relationship. And dating a co-worker?? Another big no no. What happens if the relationship goes belly up?? You're forced to work with that person and continue to see them! Not good.
You asked what Aunty BimBam meant by the comments "He certainly seems to be a stayer and a man willing to work at his relationships.' That was a tongue in cheek remark, meant to be taken sarcastic. The man doesn't want to work at relationships, just move on. Keep in mind you may very well be the next one he moves on from.
Is he worth it? I sincerely doubt it. One week and you are already worried if he might cheat?? Yeah...I'd be worried too. He probably will.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 October 2014):
 The traditional "old school"advice is; Never date a coworker and number 2, never have a relationship with someone who was just caught cheating. I think 'old school' might just be a path to follow in ths new age of complex dating rituals.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 October 2014):
 I have to agree with Auntie Bim Bim.
What kind of foundation do you two have? The guy is keeping his options open by keeping in contact with HER.
And honestly, YOU should have known better then get involved with a guy who is dating someone else. Just because HE says he isn't happy doesn't mean it's OK to pursue a guy who is in a relationship. Then again, if he was willing to cheat on a GF, how long do you think it will be before he decided that cheating on you is OK too, because.... he is unhappy?
Telling you that he was unhappy doesn't make cheating OK, for either of you.
Do you think you can ever really trust this guy?
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A
female
reader, vegasgirl08 +, writes (25 October 2014):
vegasgirl08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help. But I wanted to also tell you that he has been unhappy with her for a few months and has been telling me he was going to leave and get his own place. He said he loved her but wasn't in love with her. That she did do a lot for him, catered to him, but the fought a lot. She didn't trust him. He confided all this while we were just friends. She knows about me but I feel she is willing to take him back. What are the chances he goes back? But I also feel our relationship will last longer because we do work together and see each other at work everyday. And also what did you mean by "He certainly seems to be a stayer and a man willing to work at his relationships. "
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 October 2014):
 Let me double check I have it correct ....
He cheated on his girlfriend with you, I assume she found out, hence the big fight and she kicked him out to live with his mother, and now, one short week later he is part of a couple with you while still being in touch with his ex girlfriend of one week ago.
He certainly seems to be a stayer and a man willing to work at his relationships.
Relationships which have a foundation of dishonesty and deceit usually crumble quickly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): Hi there :) I was in the same boat as you a while ago. I too dated my current boyfriend whilst he was my co worker and he was also in a relationship of five years. He wasn't happy at all in his previous relationship and didn't know how to end it but thankfully he did. At the start of our relationship I was feeling the same way as you wondering whether he'd cheat on me the same way he did on her but a year on and I know 100% he'd never do anything like that to me. Its natural to wonder whether you boyfriend might do the same thing again but you have to ask yourself 'do I trust this guy?' I think you and him need to talk about it and get everything out in the open he'd understand your concerns considering his past. A relationship needs to be built on mutual trust and if you don't have that when there is no relationship.Hope this helped :)Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014): He should have ended it with his girlfriend BEFORE he started something with you. There's this quote that says; "a cheater's punishment is to live a life of mistrust because they live in constant fear that the person they cheated with will also cheat on them; some call it poetic justice". Couldn't you find a man that was already single?
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