Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
He's been so attentive lately that I think something must be off
Q. I have noticed that my husband is being weird. What I mean by weird, is that he has taken to giving me compliments. Being very indulgent, like fetching me a sweater when I say I am cold, acting really affectionate, when usually he isn't. My gut ...
A. 19 December 2014: I can't speak for your husband but I know when my back ailment was diagnosed our ex life died for the longest time (and has not really recovered) because my husband was afraid to hurt me during sex.
I wonder if your husband is afraid to hu... (read in full...)
On the last day of class I developed a crush. !
Q. i developed a crush on one of the guys in my PE class on the last day of class, which is awful timing, since I probably won't see him again. I friended him, though we have no mutual friends, and he surprisingly accepted. We were taking waterpolo, ...
A. 16 December 2014: you are friends on social media... you've met him right?
he knows you it's not some random stranger asking.
ASK once to let him know you are interested then do nothing.
IF he is interested back he will get in touch.... (read in full...)
He is so bossy,and full of commands, Feeling confused nd considering breaking up. What should I do?
Q. Been going out with this guy for 6weeks, and I love him so much. We have little issues but the one that makes me mad is when he says I don't behave like a woman even when I know I do everything just to please him. He says we are working towards ...
A. 15 December 2014: don't be confused.
you know what to do... just break up with him.
He will probably make a scene and do everything to try to keep you
after 6 weeks it's not love.
... (read in full...)
I love her but I deserve better
Q. So I was in relationship for 3 years, she broke up with me 3 weeks before 30th birthday. I didn't hear for her for weeks only to find out she had a new boyfriend, they even got married. It was a sham marriage but she still loved him. She married him ...
A. 15 December 2014: cut all contact with her and go back to the simple life.
she's trouble waiting to happen.... (read in full...)
Do they have to give me time off to get married?
Q. Hi, Just a quick question. I am looking to get married next year 2015. Preferably during August, but anytime during the summer holidays is fine. Now with regards to work, I would like to take two weeks off during wedding occasion, to incl...
A. 15 December 2014: When my husband and I were engaged he was job hunting.
He has one thing he will never miss Our yearly 8 day gaming convention in the summer. The year he was job hunting we also had our out of town wedding/honeymoon planned.
He was ho... (read in full...)
Am I right in thinking that he's being rude and inconsiderate?
Q. My boyfriend and I live about 40 min. apart. I come to him most often. There is a lot more to do in his town and restaurants. Plus his work schedule is more tiresome than mine ( swing shift) and I understand that. However, I feel like when I want to ...
A. 15 December 2014: Stop rowing the relationship boat and see where it goes. Sounds like it will drift away...
What I mean by this is... do not initiate contact. wait for him to contact you... see how long it is.
do not ask to see him. wait for him to want... (read in full...)
He's been so attentive lately that I think something must be off
Q. I have noticed that my husband is being weird. What I mean by weird, is that he has taken to giving me compliments. Being very indulgent, like fetching me a sweater when I say I am cold, acting really affectionate, when usually he isn't. My gut ...
A. 15 December 2014: IS it possible he made himself a holiday promise to try to go back to being kind and complimenting you and winning you back over to the cute young thing that adored him so instead of being suspicious that something is wrong or he has ulterior ... (read in full...)
I don't know which to choose but I do want one of them
Q. I don't know what to do , there's 2 guys that like me and I like them they are both very different from each other with their personalities. If they were moulded together they'd be perfect for me. Ok so ill call them a + b . A is older quieter n ...
A. 15 December 2014:
Are you hiring for a job or looking for a life partner?
why would you settle for one or the other when NEITHER is what you really want?
truth be told, WHEN you meet the guy that pushes ALL your buttons you won't be posting here asking... (read in full...)
There's something about me that makes it hard to make friends
Q. Lateley in my life, I have felt very lonely. I got through a divorce from a very mentally abusing man and I have always sort of been that nice girl finishing up last. Many girls sees me as a threat because of how I am as person ( I always st...
A. 15 December 2014: OP I understand your frustration. Text can be a hard medium to get your point across.
IF i had a dog that bit everyone I would assume it was the dog.
If I had a dog that bit 98% of the people he met I'd still assume it was the dog.
IF... (read in full...)
Should I report my daughter for child neglect?
Q. Dear cupid, I love my children with everything of me.They are grown now but my daughter she out living in her own apartment she's working im proud of her but she is dating this druggie she has a child with him and I really despise him he's a ...
A. 15 December 2014: IF they are not abusing the baby or neglecting the baby there is not much you can do as your grown daughter can choose to do with her funds as she sees fit.
IF you are willing to take custody of you grandchild and raise him, then you should d... (read in full...)
I want it to last forever, but not like this!
Q. When we first started dating, my boyfriend was nice, affectionate, and eager to spend time with me. Two years later... not so much. He is always making fun of me (in a joking way, but it can be a little mean), no where near as affectionate, an...
A. 15 December 2014: You don't love him. You love the guy he was when he was on his best behavior. You love the guy you WANT him to be but you do not LOVE who HE IS RIGHT NOW.
Women, in general, tend to love a man's potential. You can't love his potential. ... (read in full...)
Three months after we broke up he unblocked me!
Q. My ex unblocked me from IG 3 months later and liked several of my pics at 5am so I will know I'm unblocked. It was a really bad break up so not sure what he's doing. Why after all this time? He could've just unblocked me if he thought it was petty ...
A. 15 December 2014: Does WHY he did it make a difference in what you are going to do?
I often see folks asking WHY did someone do something (usually an ex) and I wonder if they think that the ex wants back.
He may just be ready to be civil to you and his likin... (read in full...)
Why is he dragging a decision out for so long?
Q. Hello , why would a guy take as long as up to 3 month to decide if he wants to go out with someone ? Any ideas a friend has been single for nearly a year and wants a relationship he's met someone he likes but won't commit as such because he says ...
A. 15 December 2014: he does it because she lets him.
if i was her, they are not committed I would not put all my eggs in one basket and I would go out with other guys.
I wouldn't throw it in his face but if he asks her out and she's busy she can say "i'm s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he thinks it's disrespectful to finger a girl. How can I encourage him to consider it as part of lovemaking?
Q. My boyfriend says he thinks it's disrespectful to finger a girl and that he's never done it. I think the disrespect thing is a cop out. I don't get it. He says he never has and never will. It's a big deal for me because it's a way to be intimate...
A. 15 December 2014: are you sexually satisfied with him otherwise? do you orgasm with him?
if not, then you are not sexually compatible and this will not change.
can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
you are too young to settle for a miserable sex part... (read in full...)
Should I drop this selfish friend?
Q. I have been friends with this woman for about 13 years now. We met when we were 16, and she's been one of my closest friends ever since. However, in 2011 we went on vacation together, and all of the things I dislike about her came too close and it ...
A. 15 December 2014: There is nothing wrong with letting "bad" friendships die.
Or ones you have outgrown.
IF you are making all the effort, then stop. Just like if you were with a romantic partner I would say "stop rowing the relationship boat an... (read in full...)
We both fancy one another but he went off with another girl
Q. I love this boy , and he likes me too but theres a girl who ask him out and he said yes to girl.But he always ,you know flirting with me and he mostly talk to me than he talk to the girl, he always touching me places like hes my boyfriend but I dont ...
A. 15 December 2014: IF he really liked you he would not go out with other girls.
... (read in full...)
On the last day of class I developed a crush. !
Q. i developed a crush on one of the guys in my PE class on the last day of class, which is awful timing, since I probably won't see him again. I friended him, though we have no mutual friends, and he surprisingly accepted. We were taking waterpolo, ...
A. 15 December 2014: Once the class falls through you can (after the holidays) message him and say "hey are you interested in getting a cup of coffee and catching up on things?"
see what happens with that.... (read in full...)
She is not responding to me but is using other social media
Q. I've been seeing this girl for about a month so not long. It has been going great. We've seen a lot of each other and when we've not been together we've communicated by text or phone call pretty regularly. It's been nice cos she's been very kee...
A. 15 December 2014: I agree with Aunty BimBim.
texting is no way to have a conversation or a relationship.
It's a pretty hectic time of the year. She may just need/want more down time than you do.
In addition she does not have to devote every waking... (read in full...)
He constantly takesdigs at me.
Q. I met this guy at work who is a few years younger than me. At first i didn't particularly like him as a person as he seemed quite immature and arrogant but over time i warmed to him a bit. He has since left but gave me his number and we've been t...
A. 15 December 2014: And what exactly do you get out of this "friendship"
I would ignore him totally when he's stupid. Which based on what you have shared is most of the time.
Idiot's words said to incite you to respond.
Like a bad toddler or puppy a... (read in full...)
I feel angry with the world right now ........
Q. I am a quieter, nice and ok but and ignored person, I have some anger in me that I cant let out? I don't want to be passive aggressive (im not but don't want to be, Ive seen others like this) what can I do, I dont want to let it build and ...
A. 15 December 2014: I can be a bad friend when the weather is cold. I'd rather be home.
I also tend to not contact my friends when life is busy as it normally is this time of year.
I had a friend who in our late 20s (after being very close from age 13-age 24) ... (read in full...)
Am I just being a paranoid wife or is there something going on?
Q. Okay I have been married for ten years to a military member. Moved around many times and recently moved to California 5 months ago. I am a stay at home mom for my autistic daughter and have had a hard time finding work due to limited schedule. My ...
A. 15 December 2014: I agree with 'hold your friends close and your enemies closer"
as much as it may raise the bile in your throat Make this woman your BEST friend if you can. Make sure she sees you and hubby together and knows that the family unit is intact.
... (read in full...)
Can an abuser ever change?
Q. My partner and I have been together for a little while now. Up until about two weeks ago, we only had usual couple arguments. Here lately, I've been wanting to break up. Over the course of a week, every time I would say I want to leave, he would get ...
A. 15 December 2014: He can but I doubt he will and at this point it's just words.
and you don't want to put yourself in a situation where he could prove that he's changed wrong and hurt you again.
I would say "yes they can" I've seen it happen in my own life... (read in full...)
Expecting a baby but I can't seem to forgive him
Q. In need of desperate help...I can't take it anymore! It all started in the very beginning. We started dating in march 2013 but I broke up with him cause I felt he was too needy, he just had gotten out of a 6 year relationship 3 months prior (she che...
A. 12 December 2014: Do you love HIM or do you love the man you want him to be?
You can not love a man's potential. IF he is not currently what you need or want then you do not love him.
I would prepare to be a single mom. Get your ducks in a row for ... (read in full...)
Did he have an emotional affair?
Q. Did my bf have an emotional affair? He used to regularly text a female friend (almost on a daily basis). Initially whenever he got a text from her when I was around, he was fine with me reading her texts. Gradually, whenever he got a text from ...
A. 12 December 2014: Did he have an emotional affair? I do not know
what i do know is this
a. he is lying to you about other women
b. he is hiding his relationships with these women from you
c. he's willing to lie to you about his contact with these women to ... (read in full...)
Does one bj make your husband gay?
Q. My husband used my laptop and forgot to close the sight he was on, when I got home I turned on the computer to check on a recipe and there it was: My husband was making a date with a woman ( he gave her his cell phone #), I was furious. He said that ...
A. 12 December 2014: So the breaking point is that he might be gay or bisexual NOT that he's making dates with other women....
ok. IF you are going to stay with him (and you will probably never trust him again) as long as he's not gay then I can say that MANY me... (read in full...)
Why would he star her on FB?
Q. A few months back I found out my bf "starred" a fb friend (which meant he will receive updates on her statuses and photos) but upon asking I realized she was a random cutie he found on fb! I asked if he could "unstar" her and he did it. Today ...
A. 12 December 2014: WHY? because he wanted to. And because HE wanted something YOUR feelings don't matter.
the bigger key is that you asked him to unstar her (does that make a difference that you had to ask???)
and then he turned around and knowin... (read in full...)
Do my feelings matter? Do I have to accept this?
Q. Do I have to accept my husband looking at porn . I have told him before that it makes me feel compared and ugly whe. He is constantly looking at perfect porn star bodies. He says he loves me but that doesn't take away the hurt. I read lots of posts...
A. 12 December 2014: of course your feelings matter.
Now if he's addicted then he has issues he has to resolve before he can put you first.
Porn star bodies are not perfect.
In addition his looking at porn is NOT a reflection on you but a reflection on him.... (read in full...)
She wants to be with me but feels guilty about dumping her boyfriend
Q. I started hanging out with this girl whom I knew had a boyfriend of 1.5 years. In our talks, I found out that he had been nice to her. However, had a tendency to look at other girls on the internet and that crushed this girl. She tells me that she ...
A. 12 December 2014: Let me ask you one question,
IF she ever leaves her boyfriend and gets with you will you ever wonder what she's up to when she's gone and doesn't tell you where she is or who she is with?
You are single. She is not. IF you want her as a p... (read in full...)
His mothers engagement ring never feels like my own?
Q. I got engaged last August, his mother died a year beforehand he said he will give me her ring but i never felt 100% happy with it as i never got to see it till i got engaged. The ring keeps slipping off and when he tries it on my finger he says its...
A. 11 December 2014: I can see him wanting you to have his mother's ring.
I can also see you wanting to make it your own.
I think that if you two can't agree on something as easy as getting engaged (cost, ring, location) then perhaps an engagement at this p... (read in full...)
How would a guy's friends act around his crush?
Q. So say a girl likes a guy, but he has no idea, and she feels he likes her too, but she's not sure. And she walks up to his friend to say 'hello' and make small chit chat (while the guy crush is nearby in the room). When she starts talking t...
A. 11 December 2014: Often folks THINK that their attraction is not obvious.
It usually is apparent if someone has a crush on another person. ... (read in full...)
I am back with my ex, now how to let the other guy down gently!
Q. how can i let a guy down ,id split up with my boyfriend about 2 week ago i went out on a night out with friends to a different town and met a man it was nice having attention and a cheeky snog but i feel thats all it would be hes not boyfriend ...
A. 11 December 2014: tell him the truth.
"i'm sorry we can't see where this will go as I don't see you as boyfriend material and besides I've gotten back with the guy I was broken up with when I snogged you"
... (read in full...)
How would a guy's friends act around his crush?
Q. So say a girl likes a guy, but he has no idea, and she feels he likes her too, but she's not sure. And she walks up to his friend to say 'hello' and make small chit chat (while the guy crush is nearby in the room). When she starts talking t...
A. 11 December 2014: OR it's possible the crush knows that the girl has a crush on him and the crush has said something to his friend about it.
... (read in full...)
Why did this man make the comment if he didn't mean it?
Q. There's a guy at work who's very loud and doesn't really care about offending people. He's always flirting with me and making vulgar comments so he's not exactly my favourite person. I told him I had a sister and he asked to see what she looked ...
A. 11 December 2014: Some folks do not have a filter between their brain and their mouth. I'm like that. I will say things before I think about what they sound like out of my brain. Sometimes it's stupid like what he did.
Things get said that are better left uns... (read in full...)
Why are so many men prepared to put their own orgasm and desire to see porn above respecting women and their partners emotions
Q. Why are so many men prepared to put their own orgasm and desire to see porn above respecting women and their partners emotions Every day I'm reading post after post from women feeling hurt by their partners porn use . Far from being insecure...
A. 11 December 2014: NOT all women are hurt by porn use.
And not all men hide it. For the longest time my husband had Sunny Leone or Angelina Valentine as his wallpaper on his computer. My adult children saw it. Our maids saw it.
It was no big deal to either o... (read in full...)
My Husband is Touchy with another woman.
Q. I have been married to my husband Ray for 5 years and we have been going to a dance class, we get to switch partners which I have no problem with, but Ray seems to go out of his way to touch this Stacy when there are times that don't have nothing to ...
A. 11 December 2014: You are in a dance class, there will be touching.
Sounds to me like Stacy is attractive and attentive and your husband notices this and you feel threatened. This is a purely emotional (and natural) response.
I hug my male friends. I t... (read in full...)
Would every man cheat if he could?
Q. I have big problems trusting men One of my friends claims that almost every man would cheat on his wife if given the opportunity to with a woman with a porn star body if he could be guaranteed not to be caught The sad thing is I think she might ...
A. 10 December 2014: There is a difference between being attracted to someone and doing something about it.
I can pretty much assure you that all men would look. And find another woman attractive.
I do not think that means they would cheat. Emotionally or p... (read in full...)
The drama is getting too much ...........
Q. I am dating an almost divorced man. His final court date for his divorce is in February and that's it. For the past month his soon to be ex is in overdrive trying to patch things up even though she filed. I beleive when she filed it was to scare ...
A. 10 December 2014: I have two grown sons ages 28 and 30 I separated from their dad in 1989 and we divorced in 1994 (we had our reasons for dragging it out but none were about getting back together)
Guess what. WE still talk about the kids. We have one getting ... (read in full...)
Is he just playing me? Could he really like me? Or has he met someone else?
Q. I met a man on an online dating site. We exchanged long emails for about a month before meeting, out of circumstance. When we met things got pretty intense quickly. He obviously liked me a lot (I liked him too) and he started sending a lot of text ...
A. 10 December 2014: or maybe he went back to his WIFE. separated is not divorced and until someone is fully legally divorced, they are legally married.
He is either playing you or met someone else
either way you care more than he does.
I'd walk away... (read in full...)
My wife wants my permission to go out and flirt with other men when it suits her
Q. My wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for 12. We're still young-ish in our 30s because we met young. We've had a great marriage overall and have a relationship that was genuingely best friends first, then it became romantic. She ...
A. 10 December 2014: HOLD ON... if a man put his hand on my breast after I slapped him, my husband would probably deck him.
TOUCHING breasts, or butts or sitting on laps or KISSING is NOT flirting. IF she has you convinced that she is just flirting then you are... (read in full...)
I don't want to pay for her martinis and lobster plate.
Q. I have a question on what to do in this situation., We go out once a month with my girlfriends. we usually split the check equally., We noticed long ago that one of the girls when we re out orders in exess. By that I mean: she orders always t...
A. 10 December 2014: Either Separate checks or what Deidre said.
Also all cell phones now have calculators. USE them.
She is being unfair but it's gone on so long it's become SOP for her and she just has to be reigned back in.
... (read in full...)
My wife wants my permission to go out and flirt with other men when it suits her
Q. My wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for 12. We're still young-ish in our 30s because we met young. We've had a great marriage overall and have a relationship that was genuingely best friends first, then it became romantic. She ...
A. 9 December 2014: I am married. I am an outrageous flirt. I am what friends call "a natural flirt"
When we first got serious I asked him about how my flirting affected him and if he wanted me to stop. and he laughed and said "you flirt like you breathe, I c... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep asking about who I might be dating?
Q. Ex, who is now married and I'm sleeping with (not proud of this), keeps asking me about who I'm dating. Why is he asking me this? Why does he even care to know? When I ask him, he changes the subject. He doesn't want a relationship with me again, ...
A. 8 December 2014: how is he an ex if you are in a current relationship with him now?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't back me up when someone attacked me verbally. Is he not right for me?
Q. My boyfriend and I flatted with another couple and a guy this year. We moved out of the flat a couple of weeks ago but I still have to finish collecting my stuff and do a clean. I have planned to do this in two weeks time. Our lease runs out in mid ...
A. 8 December 2014: I would so NOT want my husband to fight my battles.
I'm a big girl and if i get myself into a pickle (as you did) I can get myself out.
It's not like a man twice your size physically attacked you. (in that case all bets are off and my husband c... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep asking about who I might be dating?
Q. Ex, who is now married and I'm sleeping with (not proud of this), keeps asking me about who I'm dating. Why is he asking me this? Why does he even care to know? When I ask him, he changes the subject. He doesn't want a relationship with me again, ...
A. 8 December 2014: because while men do not mind having more than one woman to have sex with they don't want that woman having more than one man.
... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
