A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I met a man online who lives maybe 20-30 minutes from me in 2010. The first time we chatted we chatted for 6 hours. We chatted everyday for 4 months but it was in the 5th month things went sour. I wanted to meet him badly but I had lied to him about the pictures I sent him which had been of some import model. I had been young and stupid. Besides the pictures we talked about everything under the sun, had a lot in common, and he always gave me great advice. He was also a catch because I would have been his first gf even though he was older at 25, he owned his own place, handsome, and had everything a girl could want. I felt really bad lying to him and couldn't keep the secret any longer so I finally told him the truth and sent him real pictures of me which he seemed to like. He was at first taken aback then seemed to be accepting. However, as the month went on he became distant and we didn't talk everyday anymore. I became hurt that he didn't want me anymore and that I felt I was losing a friend. I asked him for some time apart and he at first didn't want to after I didn't hear from him thanksgiving weekend. He told me he had slept with a woman over the weekend (i'm a virgin). Hurt and angry I didn't want to speak to him anymore. 6 months later he contacted me again but I was still hurt (I was hoping he'd tell me he had lied about what he did to get back at me or hurt me back) but no such confession so I assumed he had really slept with someone else. We stopped talking again and a week later I learned thru his facebook he had started dating a girl (a big girl - when he said he had never liked big girls) I'm not big but it still surprised me. So now 4 years later I still think about him and always wonder what could have happened had things been different. I had never felt such a connection with someone where we had so much in common. It took a lot to try to forget him but it seems I have been unsuccessful and I can't get him out of my mind without closure and especially knowing that he doesn't live far away. What should I do?
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female
reader, Melanie0517 +, writes (3 November 2014):
Find him again on FB and strike up a convo. If he's dating someone or just not interested, then let it go. You will meet someone else, even if does take years.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 November 2014):
 If you met online and only lived 20-30 minutes apart why did you not progress to meeting in person ASAP...
NOTHING would have happened back then either... if he had truly wanted things to happen it would have progressed rapidly.
IF after 4 years of this already being OVER and having NEVER met in real life, you are not over this, then I strongly urge you to consider working with a life therapist to deal with whatever issues are causing you to hide from real life behind the pretend of "what might have been" with someone you could have met in real life FOUR YEARS ago and did not...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): Hmmmm. It appears that you have a real problem, here. Losing someone you love can be a real drag. Months of hurt. Months of pain. However, after 4 years one has to wonder why are you still holding on. Sure, he maybe the one for you. But right now, he's enjoying himself and you should do the same. Date someone new. Invest in your career. Start a advice column. Do whatever you need to do to keep your mind off of him. And I'm sure you feel begin to feel that happiness you are looking. Who knows you may just run into him on one of your girls night in his town.
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