A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and I find it strange that he talks openly about his fetishes with people, especially strangers. Yesterday he mentioned something about a girl he met online offering to buy him a shirt related to one of his fetishes and it made me uncomfortable and a bit upset, especially since he's the only person that knows about any kinks I have or things that arouse me. I would never share this with a stranger, especially a strange guy that I met on the internet. I don't think that it is appropriate for him to be talking about things with such a sexual nature with strangers, especially other women. I didn't confront him, however, because I wasn't sure if this was normal, and because I have been on his case about a lot of things lately to the point where it feels like I'm just complaining for no real reason. I certainly have never experienced this in my previous relationships, but still. I'd like to know what other people think.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 February 2015):
 he may just have lousy boundaries. I think your idea of saying to him "how would you feel if I was texting my sexual desires to some guy I met online?" and see what he says.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't believe that he's being sexual as you may see it, but there's no way to tell really. There have been several times in our relationship where he's done things that made me question whether he was mature enough to know that there are certain boundaries in relationships, like visiting his ex's house in the middle of the night, and this is the most recent one. It's just that this is someone he met online less than a week ago. In my opinion, there would be no reason to bring up specific details about what turns you on sexually to a stranger unless they asked, and even if they didn't ssk, I don't see that would be the reason to tell someone what turns you on. I have plenty of male friends, ones that I've known since middle school, but I've never shared with them what turns me on, and I certainly wouldn't tell anyone I just met, especially as a bisexual female. Not even a girl. That would give off the wrong idea to someone I just recently met online, me sharing sexual information about myself with someone, even if I didn't see the discussion as something inherently sexual even though, I mean... Who needs to know what gets me "hot and bothered" and for what reason? Especially while I'm in a relationship with someone else. I'm sure he would find it inappropriate if I met a guy online and started talking to him about what kinky, or even mild things that turn me on in the bedroom, but he tends not to think about it in these ways until I complain. I don't feel like I'm overreacting or that this isn't a big deal and everyone's partner texts about fetishes with strangers they met online, but if I am, I sure would like to know that this is actually something that is "normal".
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 February 2015):
ok... wait... is he being sexual with these people or just talking to them about what interests him and they are friends offering to send stuff as friends?
there is a big difference between him being sexual with others and just being more open about his personal life with others...
so is the issue that he is being sexual with these people or is it just that you don't understand that he can talk about something you deem personal that clearly he feels ok sharing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've met before and we've been in a relationship for over 2 years now.
But he was actually texting the person that was talking about getting him a shirt. And he isn't on any fetish specific sites from what I know, he just meets them on random social media sites.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2015):
The anonymity of the internet makes many people brave.
there are many sites where you can go and create a profile that can't be traced back to you and talk of your fetishes with other people who understand.
Have you ever met this boyfriend you are LDR with? how long have you been LDR?
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