A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently had a fling with a guy that I work with. I knew it was just about sex, and it didn't bother me at first. He had just split up from his wife of four years and I hadn't been with anyone for over a year, and one drunken night, we slept together. He is 9 years older and he was a friend of my older brother's in school. So I knew him quite well from my brother and understood the situation with his wife. Or so I thought.After two-three months of us having our FWB thing, my brother tells me that he knows *Tom (fake name) has been coming around to my flat a few times a week and wants to know why. I laughed it off until he told me that Tom's wife had thought for a while that Tom was having an affair and she'd asked my brother if he knew anything. He didn't say anything about us being together but he told me that while he is still legally married that I should stop seeing him. Working together has made things a little awkward as you can imagine but it's the fact that I thought that while it was just sex maybe something could develop later on. Now I feel as if I had been having an affair with him. He was adamant that no one knew about us, and if someone did ask that I was to lie. His did say his wife was looking for a reason to not be at fault, so she would get the house, full custody ect but when my brother asked me, well I wasn't going to lie to my brother. Keeping away from him is proving hard, and because I know the relationship is done and dusted between them, I'm not really sure if I should have to stay away. I'm not doing anything wrong, neither of us are with anyone at this very moment so what's the big deal?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 February 2015):
 The big deal is because he is legally married and you can be named in the divorce proceedings and he can loose his house, his savings, and his kids.
yes it's very hard when they are emotionally done with the marriage but he's not done with it legally yet...
let that play out then see what happens...
good things come to those who wait.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2015): Ok I admit it is a bit controversial sleeping with a person who is waiting for his divorce to come through but it does happen and is very common actually, so no need to feel weird or guilty about what you have done.It is normal for a person who is recently out of a choking marriage to long for freedom and play about a bit.However I say wait for his divorce to finalize and then decide if you want to continue with him or find someone else. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2015): Until he is divorced, you are having sex with a married man.
Your brother warned you, and his wife is aware of what's going on. She may have hired someone to spy on him, and may even know exactly who you are. She deserves the house, and everything else she is getting. Keep it up, you're doing her a big favor.
Enjoy her sloppy-seconds; he's the rubbish she left on the curb. She might even let you get as close as you can; before she spitefully takes him back! You know the fury of a woman scorned!
He asked you to lie for him; so the guy has a lot of character. You're just caught-up in the sex and turned-on by the fact he's another woman's man. You're old enough to know exactly what you're doing and what's going on; and that's why you're enjoying it so much.
You listen to your vagina over reason, and your brother's warning. Perfect recipe for a broken-heart, or a beat-down from a jealous wife. Take your pick!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2015):
 HE is still MARRIED, he IS still WITH his wife. And UNTIL he is DIVORCED - he is LEGALLY with her.
Your brother is right.
And IF the wife suspects a thing, it's more then just her wanting "stuff" out of the divorce, this isn't the 1950's where she would get more if the husband was cheating. They MIGHT kiss and make up, specially if they have kids, and where does that leave you? IN the trash.
What you ARE DOING is have an affair. I'm SURE the guy wrote off his marriage and his wife without a second thought, because HE wanted what HE wanted... YET... HE is still married.
YOU are his bed warmer. He JUST split from her, which makes you a rebound, but not the "garden variety one" because.. HE IS STILL MARRIED!
And having a FWB or relationship with a guy WHO is married - IS an affair, no matter how you try and bend it.
So yes, your brother is right. STAY away. Also the GUY wants you to LIE for him? Seriously? What does that make you? IT makes YOU his DIRTY little secret.
Have some backbone, consider that this guy HAS a family. Even if he is LEAVING her and DIVORCING her, do you think anyone would "welcome" you with open arms when they know you were fooling around with him while he was still married? LIKE it or not, PEOPLE in general HATE more on the OW (other woman) they they do on the philandering husband.
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