A
female
age
30-35,
*iamonddoll
writes:Ive never been so confused in my life. i got into a relationship with a man who i had the slight knowledge of him being a bit of a problem. he was a party animal! but he wowed me, he was amazing! so passionate and caring and i had never been treated better. he even waited till i was ready to sleep with him. at the beginning he never seemed as interested in partying but he still liked a drink. as time went on he still treated me good but when we started to get comfortable i saw problems arising. he would drink during the week and take drugs and I wouldnt here from him for a full day and a half. he also lost his job. I warned him the first time and was sorry so i let him off and he did the same thing again. this time i completely broke up with him telling him i did not agree with his lifestyle and i think he needs help. its been a few days now and he hasnt stop texting me saying he is so sorry and he loves me so much and is willing to do anything to change. hes looking for a new job and to my knowledge has quit the drinking. I love this man so much and would love to think he can change but i just dont know! should i give him another chance?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): This is a time and a situation where you have to toughen your hide. The last thing you want to do is act all dramatic and mushy about it like Allie from The Notebook. You have to take a stance and put your foot down with the finesse and conviction of a business woman in 6" pumps and a designer business suit. The type of woman who always gets her way.This guy is where he is because he is used to having enablers he can easily manipulate. Not only that but you have to be selfish when thinking about your own future. And it is not fair that this man has this amazing opportunity to be with you and is taking it for granted the way he is. That is his issue, not yours. He is not your problem to fix. You have your own problems. And you can't be pulling your weight and his. He has got to meet you halfway. Maybe he will, maybe he won't change. But at this point, if you want your answer, you need to look at it like an investment. If he were a stock or a bond, would you feel confident and safe investing your whole life savings in him? You think you would get a good return on your investment? Well, realistically you know that it is not wise to invest all your money in just one stock. You've got to spread it out. Same with your heart. You can't put all your eggs in one basket. Especially not one that has given you no return on your investment. That is great that he misses you. But he needs to come up to your level if he wants to be with you. Let him show that he is worthy. Let him get a job, clean up his act, make the effort and prove to you that he deserves you. Otherwise stop wasting your time. You are crying over a druggie who clearly doesn't care about himself and therefore doesn't care about you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 February 2015):
 Deep sigh...
It is not so easy to just quit drugging and drinking. Most folks who do it daily to the point of being affected (losing jobs, fighting, etc) are addicted and can't just quit on their own.
Did he lose his job due to his addictions?
Do you LOVE this man as he is (as you know him to be) or do you love the POTENTIAL of him when he's not drugging/drinking?
A few days is nothing...
IF he truly wants you back he has to walk the walk and talk the talk...
Tell him to go get his act together... if he has addictions there is AA and NA to help him... once he has a job and is past the honey moon period and he's clean and sober for a year you can revisit the relationship with him. Until he's clean and sober a year there are to be no changes in his life. You broke up with him... if it was enough for him to get clean and sober then you will know it... but addictions if you don't have any are hard to understand.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 February 2015):
 It depends on what your life goals are. If in a few years you would like to get married and have babies then I would not take the risk. If you have all the time in the world and could love him like you love the rest for the humanity then there is no harm in taking that chance. A lot of women are childless in their late 30's because they wasted time on iffy and unstable guys. Right now he would be a good candidate for an older mature woman who has a heart for cute young boys needing a mother figure. People do change. There are countless of guys who had their fun and adventure in their 20's and are ready to settle in their late 30's. You are not sure if he's done with his youth yet. If you are thinking marriage in a few years always look for men with a steady record for several years.
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