A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,my ex and I broke up years ago we talk from time to time now he has a woman but he wants to say in conversation with me I told him we have nothing to talk about.He told me he wants to to keep in contact just in case his relationship falls apart!What type of woman do he think I am this is why he is an"ex".He constantly wants to be in control.What could I do to get pass this garbage it stinks!
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female
reader, County  +, writes (9 February 2015):
He's keeping you in reserve he's told you. This guy could be a narcissist why did you break up? If he is he will probably have more than one back up these guys do, they love to have power and control their women. I was involved with one for far too long. Go no contact and I mean no contact. If you show any weakness he'll be back. This kind of guy can't believe you might have a life without him he probably thinks you might still be in love with him, waiting for him if this current relationship goes sour. Good luck stay strong.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 February 2015):
 Stop answering him. Block his email and change your phone number if necessary.
It's that simple.
The man has come right out and told you he wants you to hang about on stand by in case his current girlfriend doesn't pan out. Nice.
He can't control you if he can't reach you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2015):
 I agree with SVC - you don't OWE him contact. YOU don't NEED the contact.
The whole, being "friends" with an ex is NOT necessary. IT doesn't make life easier or made you mean or ride to cut the contact 100%. Unless you have shared KIDS there IS absolutely NO reason to keep in touch. Specially if he JUST wants to keep you as a spare, seriously?
Block, delete his number, his Facebook, his e-mail (send it to spam) and if he still find ways of getting in touch don't reply. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. You don't even have to TELL him that you do not want contact. YOU just REMOVE him.
There are plenty of free apps to block his number. USE them, but if you can't do that CHANGE your phone number and let people know to NOT give it to him as you are DONE with the guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2015): Just stop replying to him, stop contacting him and stop responding you don't need to explain anything as you are not in a relationship with him. Get on with your life and stop hanging on to what he is doing - albeit forced upon you by him. Prove you have respect for yourself. Why on earth does he think you are on standby for him. If you think what he is doing is wrong then you simply have to show it. If you like the attention and the idea of waiting in the wings for him then carry on with his game. You have your life to be getting on with surely?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 February 2015):
 What you do is cut all contact with him. You yourself can see clearly why he's an ex... why bother to have any contact at all with him?
Why do people think that they have to be friends or friendly with an ex partner? You don't. Choosing to be NO CONTACT with an ex does not make you unfriendly or rude. It's appropriate.
Before cell phones, and the internet, breaking up with an ex meant saying good bye and maybe occasionally running into them around town... now with cell phones and social media it's a bit harder to go no contact but in this case that's the best thing to do.
Feel free to tell him you are ending all contact with him before you do it. But do NOT discuss it with him. It's not open for conversation. It is a statement of fact.
then:
You block his email address
You block his cell phone access
You block him on face book twitter and all other social media.
then you move on with your life and don't give him a second thought.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2015): yep he is saving you as a security blanket if shit goes wrong .. just stop wasting you time texting him .
Do not be silly and say you have got a new man yet ( you dont sound the type ) but best to be safe .
And just focus on the future :)
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 February 2015):
 He is using you as a back up. Show him you respect yourself and will not tolerate his behavior. I agree with aunty Bimbam ..block his phone number block his emails and go into total no contact. My ex husband did this to me for years..every time he had a break up or marriage fall apart (5divorces!) he would contact me or beg my family to give him my number. I got sick of it and warned everyone to never give out info on me again. Good riddance to bad rubbish! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 February 2015):
 Show him what sort of woman you are, block his number, block him on social networking sites, block his email and if he comes knocking on your door, tell him to go away or you will call the police because he is a harasser/stalker, and then call them.
You are under no obligation to communicate with him in any way, shape or form, and rather than tell him that, show him that.
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A
male
reader, fullmetal  +, writes (6 February 2015):
He is just being selfish. He sees you just an option and not as his woman. It seems to me that he is just not that into you, otherwise he would be with you, not HER. Everybody deserves to be more than just a back up girl/boy.
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